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Original poster

I just do not get this competitive parenting malarky

34 replies

Yorkshirepudding · 05/11/2007 13:45

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Boco · 05/11/2007 13:46

I don't get this competitive parenting malarkey even more than you don't get it!

DesiderSparkler · 05/11/2007 13:48

I don't get it either, and I doubt that the competitive parents will come on and argue their case, so we'll be none the wiser.

I want my son to be healthy and happy, of course. But what he does for a living is entirely up to him, as are his exam results, etc.

southeastastra · 05/11/2007 13:48

no I don't get it any more than either of you two

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Ditzymumofone · 05/11/2007 13:50

In total agreement, but friends have said, with very raised eyebrows: 'so you really don't care how well DS does?' well of course I care, but his personal happieness comes first

seeker · 05/11/2007 13:52

M have a brother with a dd the same age and at the same school as mine. It's huge fun watching him tying himself in knots trying to find out what my dd got for a particular peice of work or test. If he just asked I'd tell him!
He has come out with some classic remarks though. My favourite,when they were about 6. Me " My dd loves dressing up - does yours?" Him "Oh, no, my dd's imagination doesn't need props"

Original poster
Yorkshirepudding · 05/11/2007 13:54

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Yorkshirepudding · 05/11/2007 13:56

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RubySlippers · 05/11/2007 13:58

at my DD's imagination doesn't need props

i am not competative by nature either, so i wonder if that has a bearing on it

my parents were not pushy - they wanted us to try our hardest - that was what was important.

binkleandflip · 05/11/2007 13:59

I dont think there are many people who would come on here now and say they disagree and are really proud to be pushy and competitive...however....I think we all have that in us, even just a tiny bit...just some are less secretive about it than others

OrmIrian · 05/11/2007 14:00

If I'm honest I think I could be competitive if I had any material to work with ...

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Yorkshirepudding · 05/11/2007 14:02

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ElenyaTuesday · 05/11/2007 14:02

LOL, OrmIrian!!! Join the club!

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Yorkshirepudding · 05/11/2007 14:09

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seeker · 05/11/2007 14:15

OK - this is the clincher.

You LO has a friend home for tea after school. They are safely out in the garden playing. The friend's book bag is on the kitchen table. Do you:

a. Have a look to see what reading level he's on

b. Think about doing a. but resist.

c. a. would never have occurred to you and you are genuinely shocked at the thought

d. a. would never have occurred to you, but now it has......?

hellish · 05/11/2007 14:17

a
I have to admit, that's exactly what I would do.

ChasingSquirrels · 05/11/2007 14:18

e. wouldn't occur to me to look, but am not shocked by it.

ChasingSquirrels · 05/11/2007 14:19

not shocked by the thought i mean, just not interested enough to care.

newgirl · 05/11/2007 14:22

i dont think im competitive because i KNOW my kids are the most intelligent, best looking, most popular!!

only joking

surely the really competitive parents dont have any friends left?!

nimnom · 05/11/2007 14:23

I am very competitive myself as is dh and ds1 and ds2 is shaping up that way too. However, when it comes to ds1 at school the only thing I'm interested is that he's trying his hardest. I don't care what reading level the rest of the class are on as long as he is progressing as he should be.

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Yorkshirepudding · 05/11/2007 14:24

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OrmIrian · 05/11/2007 14:24

b I think. I would resist with every atom of my being. Mind you IME if a child is doing really well you'll normally hear about from mum anyway And if they are struggling you'll probably hear about how cr*p the school is. So it's probably safe to assume that if you don't know he/she is muddling around in the middle somewhere.

hellish · 05/11/2007 14:28

feel bad now, nobody else would look!
BTW I wouldn't admit to looking in RL (so have still got friends).

sugarplumfairy · 05/11/2007 14:28

Did look once in book bag and the mother had written pages and pages in the reading record book which made me feel quite inadequate, she is very competitive and child is quite annoying, so I'm obviously nothing like them I was just being nosy. Have never done it again though.

Niecie · 05/11/2007 14:37

I would have a look. I know that my DS1 is trying hard at school but it is good if he is doing better than average. He has mild SN and some of the stuff at school is difficult for him. It is good for his self-esteem if he is a better reader than most of the class as he quite often says he is no good at anything and I like to be able to say that it isn't true.

That said I wouldn't then go to the other child's mother and strike up a conversation about reading just so I could let her know that my DS was better than hers. That is where the competition comes in. Competition is not the same as wanting my DS to do well at something for his sake.

morningglory · 05/11/2007 14:42

I'm willfully suppressing the urges to competitive parent because my mother was one, and it made my life miserable. I truly don't care how well my child does, as long as he tries.

However, I'm surrounded by competitive parents. It's not necessarily limited to bragging about what their kids are doing...in fact, most people don't really do this. I find the competition to be more subversive...example, birthday parties: some of the cakes which some mums claim to have made themselves are of such professional quality, that I sometimes have sniggering doubts that they really made them themselves.