I just do not get this competitive parenting malarky

[Yorkshirepudding]

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It's quite hard though if you have a baby who does stuff early. However much you try to play it down you can guarantee you are putting someone's nose out of joint.

DD1 crawled early, walked early and talked early. My "friend" couldn't help crowing when her DD (slower to do everything) was out of nappies at 2.5 and mine was still in them at over 3.

DS2 crawled backwards at 4 months and pulled himself up to stand at 5 months- it was awful!

Luckily DD2 seems to be quite average

So when does discussion become competition?As Evenhope says, if you child did something early or is very good at something, it doesn't matter if you just state the bare facts, somebody is going to take it the wrong way sometimes and assume you are bragging. But surely that becomes their problem, if they always want to be one better than you and your DC and can't simply accept their children for what they are.

I like discussing the achievements and failings of my children and other people's but I am not doing it see if I can give my children the advantage as such, it isn't a race for my children to beat other children at. It is just a case of me being interested in the way that children develop. Isn't that what Mumsnet is all about - sharing experiences? For example, if somebody can share with me a way of helping me teach my DC their times tables, I could take that as them bragging about their children being good at their tables or I could simply take it on board as useful advice.

I suppose it is often a question of perception. But then in other cases like, Morning Glory's cake example, where somebody is literally lying to look good then you have to ask what is the point? Why does it matter so much?

Proud Mummy boasts are one thing, competition is another, IMO.

I think it wouldn't occur to me to look, unless my LO was struggling and/or I'd heard other Mums comparing their kids' reading levels...then, my answer would probably be b) because I'd be anxious. Its all about anxiety, isn't it?

I don't feel at all competitive, generally, except when I'm in competitive company - then, tbh, I find its almost catching: v annoying

The thing about ubercompetitive parents is, I find, that they are just so uncool, making everyone aware of their dc's latest triumph or ongoing genius.

I mean, a truly starry child will stand out regardless of what their parents do/say, given a minimal baseline of ordinary support.

You may be right about the cakes but be careful. One snotty mummy claimed that I ouldn't have possibly made my dd's cake, but luckily I had the pics to prove it. Maybe its about making their kids party special not about being competitive

My parents never came to my parents evening when I was at school or read my school report, they just signed it without looking. I did really well at school and was always trying to get their approval for it, but they didn't care or see it as valuable. They valued other things. Unfortunately the things they valued were things I wasn't good at... My DS is only 16 mths but maybe when he's at school I get labelled as a 'pushy mum' because I'll be so keen for him to know that I value his achievements. I hope I never come out with something like the "props" BS though! Mind you, I'm quite awkward socially, so I can imagine saying something like that, then walking down the street kicking myself all the way home...

Mmmm... I wonder if sometimes people are too keen to "see" competitive parent when sometimes it's something else completely.... just being chatty when you ask other parents how their child did at SATs, or making sure I don't waste money on music lessons, wanting a child to progress at swimming for their own safety, etc.

Standing at the side of footie and screaming to tell your 7yo what to do until you're hoarse, that's probably excessive, admittedly.

I agree with evenhope and Niecie - sometimes people think you are pushy when your child is just good at something. I have a friend who was always comparing my dd with her own as they were the same age. My dd just happened to talk really well at a very young age and this mum would make snidy comments to me as if i was constantly pushing her (prob did a bit- first child and all that). Luckily things calmed down when the girls got older, but then we had ds's at the same time, mine walked at 8 months and it all began again! you can end up playing down your dc's achievements so that you don't appear pushy but then I guess that's not the same as being competitive

I am supportive
You are competitive
She is a momzilla