My baby is so difficult during the day

[swallowinthesky]

I would really appreciate some advice. My beautiful baby is seven weeks old and he sleeps pretty well at night. He wakes up to be fed, then have a cuddle so he’s upright, then back in his crib. Every now and then he won’t want to go back in his crib but is content in your arms and I don’t mind this.

But during the day it’s another matter. He is often twitchy and agitated. He won’t just let you cuddle him but fights it, head butting, kicking down with his feet, flinging himself around in my arms. I can’t put him down as he cries.

He will settle in the sling but with the caveat that you’re walking outside which obviously isn’t practical for hours upon end.

Car journeys don’t work, neither does the pram. As I say I wouldn’t mind holding him if he was calm but trying to hold bad soothe him when he’s like that is a nightmare. As a result he gets overtired and increasingly fretful and tearful. It’s really upsetting to see.

Are there any suggestions for him sleeping a bit more in the day? I do worry about him a lot, yesterday he was awake for six hours and only napped for about twenty minutes before that.

Do you have a daily routine? Babies do like a familiar structure, ie wake, feed, wash and dress, feed, walk, sleep, feed, play, bath, feed, bed etc.

As unpopular as it is on here, The Contented Little Baby book helped me greatly when DCs were little. I used it fairly basically, as in I didn’t stick to the timings to the letter, and I retained some flexibility towards it.

It’s impossible velveteen as he just won’t sleep a lot of the time and honestly I’ve tried so hard, lights off and curtains drawn, rocking, hairdryer/Hoover on, white noise ... I wouldn’t stand a chance with Gina Ford as she seems to assume babies will sleep at a particular time. Mine won’t sleep at all

Might he have colic ?

I don’t think so. It’s impossible to tell but a lot of the time you can console his crying, whether through feeding or singing or rocking ... but he won’t sleep.

So yesterday for instance he was fretting in the morning. I popped a dummy in and walked around the house singing softly to him. He nodded off and I popped him in his rocker. Of course then theHV came and wanted to weigh him and that was at 11 am and that was it for sleep the rest of the day.

DS was similar in that he slept well at night from 6 weeks but he needed constant entertainment during the day which was exhausting. He used to get bored even at a few weeks old. So we used to get out as much as possible. There's no way we could have stayed home with ms chilling on the sofa while feeding him.

I agree with velveteen and it's hugely unpopular on here - but a routine does work. If he's already sleeping at night then that's brilliant. Just try to have a loose routine in the day. For example go out for walk 9-10, go out again every afternoon say 3-4. Try to get him to nap 12ish?

But it isn’t possible - what if he is asleep at 9? (I know it doesn’t have to be 9 but you know what I mean!) I did try this as per the baby whisperer but it just upset me and made me feel really hopeless. I still do, I suppose, but it was honestly impossible.

I don’t think he wants to be entertained per se, if anything he is overtired when he’s like this. It just makes doing ordinary baby things with him like walks in the pram difficult.

Not really much advice but sending hugs & lots of sympathy! My little one was like this & at the time it felt never ending but honestly things will get easier- he would only settle being carried around for months & would only sleep on me, but eventually he got used to more of a routine & had some short naps in his Next 2 me- but at the time I wasn't able to put him down either (and he was relatively fine at night like yours too!)- he's now a very active 16 month old!

Just thinking about what PPs have said re colic & just because of the kicking & head throwing back etc. I would maybe get him checked out for silent reflux or something? Just in case xx

Apparently my mum took my sister to Doctors, decades ago, to complain that she whinged all day and the Doctor said “Does she sleep at night?” My mum said that she does and the Doctor barked at her “You can’t have the best of both Worlds, they either sleep all night or whinge all day, rarely both” 😂

Harsh, but I’ve found it to be pretty accurate as me and my friends have had babies.

The problem is C3 he doesn’t even settle then! I just can’t seem to do a thing to settle him when he’s like that - it’s so, so draining.

It’s really hard to know whether it’s reflux or not. He has a very good appetite, to the point where I worry a bit that he might be having too much but not sure and he does sometimes bring it back up, sometimes an hour or more after he’s fed, and the kicking and squirming and thumping my shoulder with his little fists do suggest a baby in discomfort to me. However the Gaviscon hasn’t made a difference and he’s gaining weight well. Also, wouldn’t he be worse at night, on his back?

No money not at seven weeks, even if he slept through completely which he doesn’t that’s still way under the amount of sleep he needs.

The only advice is it will all be a distant memory (kind of) one day. In ten years time someone will ask you how you got through it and you’ll have to make up half the story because the memory is so hazy!

Yes, I know and that’s what is so upsetting.

I want to be able to enjoy my baby. I know there will be difficult times but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to take my baby out in the pram, read to him, sing to him, hold him. I don’t want to be thinking it will be fine when he’s ten, I want to enjoy him now and I want him to be happy now, too.

I’m inclined to agree with the dr. You can’t have it both ways. At least you’re not sleep deprived and desperate. Maybe he wants to go back to a dark room to sleep? Have you tried all naps in bed? He will grow out of it I’m sure as soon he will be able to reach to bash at things and take more notice of the world. Hang on in there!!

at least you’re not sleep deprived and desperate

I said the baby slept I don’t.

Yes, I have tried dark rooms etc.

I’m not being difficult here but at his age he should be sleeping 14-17 hours. So even if we shave say four hours off that and that is a lot, so ten hours, he sleeps 9-1, then 1:30-3, then 3:30-6. That’s still only nine. It’s nowhere near enough.

And he is tired. He’s not a happy baby when he’s like that. When he’s well rested you can do anything with him.

It's so hard to know isn't it Because you can only go off what you can see & when you're so drained & fed up it can be really hard to see the wood through the trees- I would definitely at least maybe have a tel appt with the GP to see what they think? There might be something no ones thought of... good luck

I empathise with you, mine (now 5 months) was similar at that age and then someone suggested comfort milk and Infacol drops before his bottle, I don’t know how popular that will be but it worked for mine. I should mention that I did consult my GP before starting this and he agreed it was worth a try. LO now has 2 regular naps, one in the am roughly 2 hours after he wakes for 30 mins and another longer nap in the afternoon. He sleeps through the night from 8 til 8. Of course all children are different and you have to take the approach that works for you. I tried lots of different advice that didn’t work for us that made me feel like I was failing. Just know you’re doing a great job and tough times don’t last. Sending support hugs.

At seven weeks he literally doesn't know he's born yet. I second everyone saying you need a routine - for you as much for him. You are his mum, you are in charge - work out a routine that suits you and he will learn to fit in with that. It won't happen overnight - you and he need a bit of consistency. I remember my DH observing when DD was born that he didn't realise it would be so repetitive - it can feel a bit like that at first, but once he has a routine life starts to get a bit easier. Looking after a baby is repetitive, but in the grand scheme of things this phase lasts a vanishingly short time - it just feels like forever while you are in it (and at least he's sleeping well at night for the moment)

Thank you, it’s really difficult. I must be going wrong but I’m clueless as to where and how!

But how lillian?

I don’t mean that rudely, I’m genuinely flummoxed with it, because of my routine says he is fed at 12 and he’s howling in hunger at 1030, surely I don’t ignore that? Likewise, his routine says he naps at 1 and I try frantically to get him to sleep and it isn’t happening, what do I do?

I know you do and I honestly have sympathy with you. I had the non sleeper, God it was dire, so dire, but wonderful!?😂
I think the point of the story was that we all wanted the perfect baby but they rarely come!
If I could go back in time I still wouldn’t be able to fix it but I’d have a quick word with myself over my expectations of what it was “supposed “ to be like.
Bloody hell, it’s hard, so hard.
We understand, we sympathise and we know you’re probably fantasising about being able to put the baby back in your tummy for a while or even having a small accident that will land you in a hospital bed for a cpl of days to be released healthy and refreshed two days later (or was that just me)
The only other advice I’d have given myself was to pause all normal life immediately. Washing, using the phone, cleaning, cooking, everything!! Palm it all off on other people or just leave it. It was the madness of trying to do everything I used to, whilst dealing with a new born I think. Them mums that take to bed, never get changed out of PJ’s and do pretty much nothing for a few months seem to do way better.

Again, I do know what you mean there but I have to admit the ‘bad’ days are really impacting me negatively in terms of basic things. I do need to wash, to keep my c section scar clean if nothing else, wear clean clothes, eat, drink, plus on really bad days he only will settle with long walks anyway,

I know he won’t be the perfect baby, he’ll I’m certainly not the perfect mum and I fully expect crying and sleepless nights and not wanting to be put down, but it’s the hours upon hours of dodging a swinging head, rubbing a back as little froggy legs relentlessly kick me, then I get so exhausted I put him down for a minute and a whimper starts ... and the cycle repeats.

My daughter was the same from about two weeks old, then it just sort of stopped at eight weeks. She was still a bit of a cranky baby until twelve weeks old and always needed some kind of rocking or bouncing to calm her down. It seems like forever when you are experiencing it but it's not for long! The sling was the only thing that would calm my daughter down. I would put on music and dance with her in the sling and certain rhythms would put her to sleep in it! Then I would sit there with her on me and watch tv, rocking her back to sleep when she started waking

When he first wakes up in the morning is he content? When would he next sleep after that?

This is it, I honestly don’t think he is cranky. He’s so loving and happy when he’s rested.

I can’t sit with baby in the sling, he won’t even tolerate it when we are in the house, I guess because he gets too hot.

He’s great in the morning, usually lasts until roughly 10 o clock (as a very rough guide.) This is my window where he’ll usually go in his bouncy chair and let me shower. I say usually, yesterday he had a poo while I was in the shower and I had to come out dripping wet but that’s just babies, I don’t mind stuff like that at all.