My baby is so difficult during the day

[swallowinthesky]

I would really appreciate some advice. My beautiful baby is seven weeks old and he sleeps pretty well at night. He wakes up to be fed, then have a cuddle so he’s upright, then back in his crib. Every now and then he won’t want to go back in his crib but is content in your arms and I don’t mind this.

But during the day it’s another matter. He is often twitchy and agitated. He won’t just let you cuddle him but fights it, head butting, kicking down with his feet, flinging himself around in my arms. I can’t put him down as he cries.

He will settle in the sling but with the caveat that you’re walking outside which obviously isn’t practical for hours upon end.

Car journeys don’t work, neither does the pram. As I say I wouldn’t mind holding him if he was calm but trying to hold bad soothe him when he’s like that is a nightmare. As a result he gets overtired and increasingly fretful and tearful. It’s really upsetting to see.

Are there any suggestions for him sleeping a bit more in the day? I do worry about him a lot, yesterday he was awake for six hours and only napped for about twenty minutes before that.

Thank you. I’ve got him back to sleep thank goodness

Thanks for the kindness. Just keep feeling as if I am getting it all wrong.

@swallowinthesky

Thank you. I’ve got him back to sleep thank goodness

Thanks for the kindness. Just keep feeling as if I am getting it all wrong.

you're not. you are doing EVERYTHING right. Babies are just an utter mystery.

I think we all do, and I've been looking after babies for the last decade as my job, but give me my own and I feel like a complete novice!

But you're doing your best, and you're still trying, even when it's so hard, so you're doing the best job possible.

My DD was like this until about 12 weeks, she was just extremely overtired like others have said. One day she went a full day without a nap and I was losing my mind. She was sleeping really well at night though.

So, I got really strict at 12 weeks and put her down to sleep after 90 mins awake. (I think it might be even less awake time recommended at your baby’s age but I’m not sure). I would try everything I could to get her asleep - usually a combination of a very dark silent room, white noise, feeding, rocking, shushing, walking around the room etc. If that failed, I just put her on the bed and patted her until she eventually fell asleep.

It took an hour sometimes but within a few days she was settling really easily (relative to before anyway). She suddenly turned into the happiest baby!

That was the only routine I did - a maximum awake time between naps. If it was coming up to nap time and she would be due a feed while asleep, I would just give her a couple of ounces to tide her over.

She’s 5 months now and can manage 2 hours awake. Her naps are getting longer now too and I’m starting to see some sort of a more concrete routine emerging. She also self settles - all I do is put her down in the cot and she sucks her fingers until she falls asleep. It’s great because her brother needed to be rocked to sleep until he was 8 months!

Also, you might get a pleasant surprise with the jabs. My baby certainly isn’t placid but she did really well with her jabs and we didn’t see any side effects afterwards. Saying that, she does have the next set next week and I’m dreading them all over again!

Well, I e been trying to get him to sleep for half an hour and he seems to be getting more agitated, sp not sure what to do.

take a break, go somewhere else with him for 10min, show him the baby in the mirror, sing a song, read a book, whatever you fancy, and then come back and give it another go.

Maybe set yourself rules for these situations, so you don't feel quite so adrift? Like, I'll try for 20min and if it isn't working I'll give up and try again in a bit.

For me, the worst part of this bit of motherhood was feeling like I had no idea what I was doing. So if i sat down with myself and agreed a set plan of action for how I'd handle something, I felt so much less overwhelmed and lost than if i was just coming up with things on the fly. I had a plan, don't'cha know! I wasn't just making it up as i went along, oh no! There was method in my madness, and I was in control.

Do you settle him on his tummy ever? I know they mustn't sleep on their tummy, but mine settled better that way. So I'd rest them along my arm on their tummy while we walked/rocked. The pressure seemed to comfort them. Then when they are pretty much off, transfer to a crib or mat to sleep. Or just sit and hold him for some peace!

He hates tummy time

I don’t know, other babies seem to just sleep!

@swallowinthesky

He hates tummy time

I don’t know, other babies seem to just sleep!

some do, but trust me, you are absolutely not alone in having one that doesn't!

It is a nightmare, but regardless of the sleeplessness of your little bundle of joy/despair, you are doing an excellent job. Even when he's overtired and restless and grumpy, you're right there, giving him love and reassurance and cuddles and attention, he's not left to manage his distress by himself, he's got the bone-deep certainty that his mummy is there and that she'll look after him.

Thank you. Sounds selfish but I desperately need some down time, I’ve put him down for all of 45 minutes today and that was to express milk! When I hear of routines it makes me despair as he just won’t. And it means I won’t be able to have another baby too.

ohh bless you, he will! He's SO little! 7 weeks! Not even 2 months! He's still learning how to exist in the world. Is his dad around? Hand him over for an hour, at the very least, and don't do anything but rest. No cooking or cleaning or laundry or pumping, just sit and do nothing.

RE another baby, my advice would be don't even think about whether or not you want another one til he's at least six months, give yourself a break! He is going to change so much even in the next fortnight. By the time he's 7 months he'll be unrecognisable. Don't write anything off just yet.

I can’t - he just cries and I can’t rest through that 😂 I’m 40 can’t wait forever if I want another but I’m not. Very good at it so maybe best not

@swallowinthesky

I can’t - he just cries and I can’t rest through that 😂 I’m 40 can’t wait forever if I want another but I’m not. Very good at it so maybe best not

make DP take him out. I'm serious, make him do it. Even if he cries the whole time. You have to get some peace and quiet.

How are his poos? Could he be constipated? My baby was like this- I dunno if it was constipation but someone recently said something for their baby and got them a suction relief.

Otherwise I know you say you can't have a routine but you could still transfer him whilst sleeping into his pram and do the walks at the same time every day and at least your day would have some rhythm and you wouldn't feel such a martyr to his emotions.
Because I never insisted on my baby being in bed in a certain place in a certain way for naps she will now sleep literally anywhere. If he likes being stimulated it might be nice for him to wake up somewhere different each day. I would just say try and get out as much as you can with him- if he is anything like my DD he probably just wants to see the world. It will warm up soon and you can take packed lunches and sit on a bench when he does drop off. In a few weeks you can even put him in a swing. In the night garden always is a winner too. Just suggestions and hope you feel better soon. Xx

Ok - am wading back in here. So, when we say “routine” we mean your routine and not one dictated by a book. A PP nailed it when they said rhythm as opposed to clock watching.

Tomorrow, be led by your baby and let him do what he wants. Make a note of the times and order or events, ie sleep all morning, play all afternoon. See if you can repeat it (vaguely) the next day. That way you can establish a daily rhythm which you are both happy with. I remember a friend of my DH coming over with their year old baby. The mum spent the whole time trying to get the baby to sleep as she didn’t want him sleeping in the car on the way home otherwise he would be awake until late into the evening. It was quite painful to watch as the baby was far too interested in what was going on around him to go to sleep and the mum was getting more and more agitated. I would have (and in days gone by I did) left him to his own devices, accepted that the routine was going to be out of kilter for a day or so and then gradually gone back to the original timescale.

It sounds as if you’re getting yourself wound up as well a bit which your baby will pick up on. Try to keep calm and relax and go with the flow a bit. A relaxed mum is a relaxed baby.

In what position are you feeding him? Try to keep baby as upright as possible - imagine you are drinking a glass of water in a reclining position - it ain’t going to work!

Finally, you might have an especially bright and mature baby who hates being a baby. My son was like this. He was a horrible baby but his body gradually caught up with his mind and he turned out to be an amazing little boy 🍎 👁, a lovely teenager and is an all round fantastic person ☺️😊

Yes, a stealth boast, but by god he was a difficult baby.

One of my children was like this, a proper high maintenance baby. He just hated being a baby I think. He got gradually better as he got older. My DD was the polar opposite, the most laid back baby on earth. Even at 7 & 5 he’s a bit more ‘difficult’ compared to his sister. I think if there’s no medical reason it’s just their personality. It does get easier though. My son became SO much happier once he could move around by himself. Before he could roll over he would scream with frustration. I’m sorry there’s nothing I can say or suggest to help other than keep your baby busy, remember always that it’s not you or your fault when they cry (I used to get upset) and it will get better.

Might he need an earlier first nap? Mine was never awake long in the morning before needing to go to sleep again - I just used to get back into bed and catch up on sleep at this age! The day didn't really start until after his first nap.

And even when he was older and could go a bit longer, I had to make sure I was out the door before he needed to nap or he was in a massive grump all day.

If you see any sleep sign - just the tiniest eye rub or staring gaze - try to get him to sleep. If he's yawning he's overtired. And I'd try Huckleberry too, it's really good.

So, when we say “routine” we mean your routine and not one dictated by a book. Yes this - exactly. If only babies came with an instruction manual! Totally second Velveteen telling you to observe his rhythm. Have the confidence to do your own thing - set your own routine with him. At seven weeks he will not do much beyond wake, feed, have a kick on a changing mat - you might sing or find a tune he likes, take him out for a walk, put him in a a baby seat for a change of position or perspective, maybe a bit of baby massage, bu the reading stories, doing any sort of activity is still some way off. And whatever you do he will sometimes cry or grizzle. My top tip would be that you try and get yourself ready first thing and always have your bag packed with anything you might need for an outing so that you can just pop him in the sling or in the pram when the mood takes you and get out for a walk and some air without having to delay the moment by having to get ready from scratch if that makes sense.

Why are you expressing?

OP I think he needs an earlier first nap as others have said. I think this might all be o overtiredness. Try to get him down again 1.5 hours after he wakes. Baby Whisperer has a chart of how long every age group should be awake before the first nap and it is really not long at his age.
We had the same experience as you and our DS needed to go down much earlier in the morning .
Thinking of you and good luck xxx

I honestly don’t know what his routine is. Unpredictable! He napped well this morning but not since, he’s now fighting sleeping still. Poor little thing is exhausted.

I’m expressing because we never could establish breastfeeding. It was a shame. It would be so much easier!

What time does he wake?

I do think it sounds like he is overtired

LillianGish great top tip