My baby is so difficult during the day

[swallowinthesky]

I would really appreciate some advice. My beautiful baby is seven weeks old and he sleeps pretty well at night. He wakes up to be fed, then have a cuddle so he’s upright, then back in his crib. Every now and then he won’t want to go back in his crib but is content in your arms and I don’t mind this.

But during the day it’s another matter. He is often twitchy and agitated. He won’t just let you cuddle him but fights it, head butting, kicking down with his feet, flinging himself around in my arms. I can’t put him down as he cries.

He will settle in the sling but with the caveat that you’re walking outside which obviously isn’t practical for hours upon end.

Car journeys don’t work, neither does the pram. As I say I wouldn’t mind holding him if he was calm but trying to hold bad soothe him when he’s like that is a nightmare. As a result he gets overtired and increasingly fretful and tearful. It’s really upsetting to see.

Are there any suggestions for him sleeping a bit more in the day? I do worry about him a lot, yesterday he was awake for six hours and only napped for about twenty minutes before that.

He's very little for a routine. You should be feeding on demand and his naps could be any length of time so try not to stress about a routine! BUT you can start your day off at the same time each day, and he should be ready for his first nap within an hour at that age. You say he sleeps in the sling. That's excellent. You need to replicate that, but indoors and in a way you can put him down. So, try a swaddle suit and rocking him in your arms (dark room white noise etc). If that doesn't work, hold him to your chest like he would be in the sling. Wrap a blanket or large swaddle sheet firmly over him and tuck under your armpits to secure it, and hands under his bottom - replicating the sling. Walk round your house until he drops off. You can even gently cover his head (allowing lots of room for breathing!) with the swaddle sheet a bit making it dark and his head secure like in a sling. When he's asleep you can lay him down and the sheet will be under him so you can just tuck the edges into the mattress to make it safe. That's what I would try anyway! Fourth trimester it's very normal for him to only feel happy on you.

Unfortunately he’s not happy on me he fights it.

Make a log of what happens every day for the next week and see if there is a basic pattern And you’re not going to like this, but sometimes babies just need to cry it out.

Cry it out is always a very emotive expression on MN, but at an age when that is pretty much the only noise they can make I think you do learn to recognise their different types of crying. My son always liked a little grizzle before he went to sleep - not full out bawling, red in the face distress, just a bit of noise while he settled. Funnily enough I was out for a walk with an anxious new mother whose baby was making a similar noise in her pram while the mum anxiously tried to hush her. I told her about my son, so she left her baby to settle as we strolled briskly alone and sure enough she dropped off very quickly. I must say I found it much easier to do this with my son - second child - because I physically had to leave him to it more while dealing with his two-year-old sister. Much harder to do it with the first one. Certainly not advocating leaving a tiny baby to scream for hours, but some crying will quickly peter out if you can just bear not to fuss and let them settle. to anyone with new born - it feels like you only really crack it by the time they’ve moved onto the next stage.

He’s yawning away in front of me now and won’t sleep. I guess he just doesn’t. I do worry about his development though.

Can you put him to bed earlier in the evening? It doesn't sound like he's getting enough sleep.

I agree with the poster who mentioned pre-empting things. I think that's why a routine works because they get fed/put down for nap before they need to cry for it.

Mine didn't settle if they were being held/handled. They liked being put down in a cot in the quiet. I think guidance now states baby stays with you the whole time. But I would imagine that makes it harder to put them down to nap in a quiet room.

I know and I honestly have tried so hard. I seriously don’t know what to do. I’ve tried reading his cues and putting him down for a sleep. Sometimes it doesn’t work at all, other times (like just now) he nods off for a moment then his eyes ping open.

I’m at an absolute loss.

There are lots on here who say go with the flow and just follow what baby wants. Then there are a handful who swear by a routine.

My DS used to try to sleep all day and I gradually (rightly or wrongly) got him to follow a routine. I used to do same things same time every day & would wake him up for example if he tried to nap at say 3pm. He used to stay awake then until quite late. By 6 weeks he was in routine but it took a lot of effort.

Neither of mine cried much really as everything was pre-empted. So they were never properly hungry or tired as there was a set time for feeds/naps.

DS did grizzle from boredom and he hated having to entertain himself.

It's up to you how you parent obviously and if you're a chilled out person who doesn't mind being up at night, not necessarily sticking to timings then it's fine to do that. Personally I wanted to be able to plan things for definite times, sleep at set times, so it suited me. It's not everyone's cup of tea. Some babies need more structure too.

So sorry to hear things are so tricky at the moment, I have an 8 week old too.
Does your baby like baths or showers ? We found it can calm our baby down and relax him a lot to make it easier to sleep.
I think routines are so hard at this stage but we’ve tried to keep a couple of ‘constants’ in our days. Anything that you can keep the same, for us it’s where I feed him. On the sofa for example, he knows that’s where he’s fed in the day and at night time it’s in his room on our nursing chair.
Does baby like white noise? Our baby relaxes with sssssh sound and Ewan the sheep making white noise for him, we do this every time he sleeps to keep it constant.
Just a couple of ideas. You’ve probably tried it all but thought I’d mention just in case.
The last thing I did was take away all the expectations I had in my head. At the beginning I use to long for him to sleep so I could have a shower and when it didn’t happen I’d feel so deflated like I’d done something wrong.
Now I think more along the lines of, if he sleeps I will have a shower. If not it will wait until later.
The last thing I found was when baby was kicking and punching it was because he wanted space to kick and get used to his legs so we laid him on his play may. Sometimes he cries but If I wait a couple of minutes he realises it’s nice and enjoys it. I found that I went to him too quickly at first, any sign of unhappiness I use to pick him up but most of the time now he settles himself when he sees that it’s a nice place to be free.
Hang in there. Your doing great!

I would Second having him checked for silent reflux. And also taking breaks for yourself when you can. Go for a short walk and DH can have him. When DH is home have him do the Naples and other things. You take some ear plugs and go for a nap. If you can’t nap then try a relaxation exercise.
It will get better.

DS1 wasn't a sleeper. Some babies just don't sleep as much as the books suggest. I had a mid wife visit and rock, sooth, pat, etc him for 4 hours (she was waiting for lab results) before handing him back saying he was starting to show signs of being hungry again. At nursery he had one nap not the 3-4 that most babies had. But he only woke once during the night most nights from 3-12 months so I took that as a result.

I had one of those OP. Satan's velcro baby from hell. He cried all day every day for the first four months of his life and the only thing that kept me sane was that he slept through at night.

He had reflux. Once that was medicated and we weaned at 4 months, he was a happy, contented wee soul. He still only ever cat napped for 30 minutes at a time until he was a year old.

How's weight gain? Any reflux? Rashes or dry skin?

Have a look into CMPA. I ignored signs for ages and it wasn't 100 per cent obvious apart from having a miserable baby because I breastfed. When we introduced solids she had severe reactions to dairy and eggs.

I had one exactly like this. Routine was the ONLY thing that worked. We ended up at the doctors countless times and tried so many things to help. Nothing did. We were lucky, he slept okay at night and was sleeping from a 10:30 dream feed until 5/5:30 by 9 weeks and that does help but the days are blooody hard and long.

I know a routine seems impossible now but it is doable. Work out what works for you and then baby comes along with that. I'd do a walk around 8:30/9am for some exercise and baby would eventually get used to sleeping then. At the beginning I might have to stretch his awake time in the morning a bit by playing and then he was tired enough for a 9am nap. He didn't like the carrycot pram bit at all, but happy in the sling so we walked with that. I couldn't transfer him at all without waking so I walked the entire time. We then did a long nap 12/12:30-3pm and at that age another in the afternoon too. It takes time to get baby's rhythm attuned to these times but it clicks eventually.

I genuinely don’t know how to implement this routine people mention. Put baby down for a sleep at 12, baby is still crying 3 hours later and wants a feed? Put baby down for one hour nap and he wakes ten minutes into it? This is what my life is!

He has meds for reflux now. I hope they will make a difference. Had a horrendous three days with him.

I get it @swallowinthesky my baby was exactly the same, I drove myself mad with googling and trying to put a routine in place yadda yadda I tried every trick in the book including all mentioned here and he STILL WOULDNT SLEEP so I 100% believe you when you say your baby doesn't, it was 10 weeks of utter hell I thought I was dying no joke. Turns out baby has horrific silent reflux and cow's milk protein allergy. He's now heavily medicated and on neocate and HE SLEEPS! I was skeptical about huckleberry but I wouldn't be without it now, 5 mins of rocking on his sweet spot and he's gone. I am ferocious about protecting nap times at all costs becuase I am honestly scarred for life by what we went through x

Thank you. He’s a little bit young for huckleberry but I have tried reading his sleep cues and yet it doesn’t work ... he either won’t or he nods off for ten minutes then his eyes ping open!

I’m really hoping the meds for reflux work. I honestly am not choosing this, I’d do anything if it worked but it does seem hopeless at times. Then other times you do something you’ve tried ten times already that morning and he sleeps! Babies are unpredictable, I know, and I think the ones that you can get into a routine are ones that will sleep with some coaxing. Hopefully the meds will improve things.

I wonder if he might benefit from something like cranial osteopathy. He seems to be in some discomfort. You could take him to be assessed & then if the therapist thinks he needs treatment, book a proper appointment. I know quite a few babies who gave had dramatic results from this.

He has that eternal, this is what I mean - no stone has been left uncovered!

Have had not have had!

Do you think it’s helping at all?

Honestly, no but I’m a desperate woman! The osteopath is very gentle and soothing with him though which is nice.

It’s important to realise that the self soothing, sleepy babies don’t have “better care”. It’s not a situation that needs “fixing”, some are just fussy and some are just easy peasy. I would guess you are exhausted and need to feed yourself up and rest. Order in some lovely no fuss food, and lots of drinks and put your feet up for a couple of days. I’d express feed and then breast feed to sleep, but just do what you like doing.

He isn’t breast fed 5 just expressed milk with formula

@swallowinthesky amen to that mama, I did not enjoy one moment of his early months. lts he on omeprozole? Game changer for us, but you have to stick with it, it gets worse before it gets better