Soon to take in a 4 year old, any advice?

[lunarice]

I won't get into the situation but my nephew is coming to stay with my parents and I. I'm 18 and in full time online college, and my parents have full time jobs. He is 4 and I figure I will be the one taking care of him most of the time. Does anyone have any tips as to how to take care of a child? Should I be child proofing the house? I also am not sure if I should ask for a babysitting rate from my parents. They aren't taking any time off. Is there anything I should be looking out for in consideration to how developed a 4 year old should be?

I've been talking to some parents I know who say that you should pay attention to a 4 year old pretty much 100% of the time, which worries me because sometimes I am in meetings and preoccupied. He has been in day care previously but my parents are not looking to put him in one at this time. He is not in pre-school as of yet. Any help would really really be appreciated, as I am truly unfamiliar in this topic being that I am the youngest of my siblings and have only babysat nieces and nephews sparingly before this.

@Ilovemaisie Hmm, I'm not sure. One of my sisters said she would be able to come down to help. I don't really have a direct line to my niece's father.
@peapotter I'll keep a sort of log, no problem. To clarify he is coming down on Monday. My parents informed me of the situation on Wednesday.
@LadyFuschia Thank you for all of the advice, the situation is really similar to foster care in my opinion. I'll be careful and make sure he understands that acceptance is unconditional. My parents are making the drive, I'll tell them to bring things he will find familiar.

First of all, you sound wonderful OP and it’s fantastic how much concern you have for this little one. Thank goodness for you.

I think that your parents are being extremely naive and have no idea what they are letting themselves in for. I have twin 4 year olds who are both disabled so not like typical 4 year olds, but I am part of a Facebook group called Therapeutic Parenting and many of the people there are either adoptive or foster parents or are in a similar situation to your family.

When children are in this situation; it’s extremely traumatic for them - he is being taken away from the only life he knows and his only parent and moved to people he doesn’t know with no transition or gradual introduction. It’s also likely he’s already experienced trauma at some level if things have gotten to this stage. If his mum hasn’t been able to meet his needs (no judgement, clearly she is trying to do the right thing) then he may have past trauma, attachment issues and so on.

Often children with this history have behavioural issues, developmental issues etc. Many behave like much younger children, and especially when very distressed can almost regress back to being like a much younger child.

I don’t think any four year old can thrive in a house of adults where all of them are working full time and they are not in childcare, but even more so a child who is likely to need significant support particularly in the beginning. He doesn’t know any of you and he is likely to be confused and scared.

I think it’s imperative that both of your parents take time off initially so he can get to know you all. He needs reassurance and stability. If they are making the commitment to take him on they have to commit to doing what’s needed or things will get worse very quickly.

I would also consider that his development might be delayed when child proofing, buying toys etc.

Oh sorry I wasn't clear. I have four sisters, two of them are half sisters. The only one who has children is the one sending her son to us. He is indeed separated from his half sibling, she is 9 and lives about an hour away from where I am now with her father.

So this sister is the only sibling who has kids, she has a girl (9) and a boy (4)? That's your only niece and nephew?
You said in the OP that you have babysat nieces and nephews before.
But you've never met the 4 year old?

@Ilovemaisie

Even though he isn't a blood relative would the father of the 9 year old be able to help in anyway? I'm just throwing ideas out there.

This is a good idea. The two children are half siblings and it would be beneficial for then to maintain contact. Maybe the 9yr olds father would take the 4yr old even for just one half day per month to facilitate this? You could do the same with the 9yr old, which would mean two children to cope with yes, but also the 9yr old can keep the 4yr old occupied playing whilst they're with you.

@lunarice

Is your nephew with you now? I hope his first day has gone well

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