Breast is best - no it’s not actually.

[bubblesforlife]

I’m a new mom, my baby was born last weekend.
I followed feeding guidelines, listened to professional advice, and decided to breast feed my baby.

A few days in, my baby has developed jaundice and low sodium. This is due to dehydration and no fluids.

I gave my Baby colostrum, by breast and syringe regularly.

I asked my visiting midwife if I should supplement feeding with formula until my milk came in, she said no I am doing the best by my baby. Not unless there is a clinical need.

Now we’re readmitted for 2 nights minimum and placed on as strict baby formula feeding plan.

2 other ladies in the ward also have dehydrated babies for the same reason as me. How does this happen all the time yet no one talks about it?

Breast is best? No. Starve your baby until your milk comes in, and then hope for the best that you’re on for the lucky ones it works for.

My milk came in on day 3, a normal timeline.!

The messaging is wrong to mothers. This is so very common according to hospital.

Breast is best..... eventually.... but feed your baby what it needs, if that’s a supplement of formula, so what.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I’m just so upset. No one told me I was starving my little newborn. I did my best, I tried so hard and sat there filling syringes of colostrum.

Something has to change here. The pressure placed on new mothers throughout pregnancy to breast feed is wrong.

I hope my baby recovers soon so we can go home and be a family.

Yep, happened to me too. Readmitted on day 3 as he’d lost so much weight. All midwives said I was doing it right. Switched to formula when we were took back into hospital and didn’t look back.

He’s 5 now. I can see that it didn’t matter then and it doesn’t matter now. It consumes you at the time though and you feel like a failure.

DS2 is 18 months now and I refused to consider it/discuss it this time. Was so much better for my mental health and he gained weight well.

It is ridiculous to argue with fact and that is that breast is best. Also, worth mentioning here that breastfeeding also has health benefits for mum including lowering the risks of some cancers.
There's nothing wrong with choosing not to breastfeed if that's an informed choice, but it cannot be argued that formula is the same/better than breast milk.

If breastfeeding was fantastic for everyone they wouldn’t need a slogan would they?

My milk never “came in”. It arrived slowly, way too slowly for my baby’s needs. My milk ducts were underdeveloped, my breasts hadn’t grown during pregnancy at all but I still was harangued by hospital midwives including one who told me that formula was disgusting and no caring mother would give it to her baby.

Once I went home I hired a private lactation consultant and she actually investigated my circumstances rather than just seeing me as a pair of boobs. She gave me a realistic plan which was to breastfeed as much as I could and top up with formula.

She also told me some heartrending stories about arriving at initial appointments to find babies so dehydrated they needed an ambulance to hospital.

I comp fed both my kids and they were happy, healthy babies who slept well and have grown into amazing teens. I can promise you nobody knows now how they were fed as babies. It’s really hard and emotional right now and some people are so desperate to be right and perfect they will be absolute bitches to you and pat themselves on the back for doing it. But it will all be ok in the end. Good luck.

I’m curious as to why a syringe was being used to feed colostrum.

Breastfeeding lowers your lifelong risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Every extra month that you breastfeed also reduces your risk of a number of cancers, including those of the breast, ovaries and uterus.”

Who needs a slogan? No well regarded breast feeding organisation has used breast is best for years. 'Breast is the biological norm but formula can be a safe alternative' hardly rolls off the tongue but at least it would be the truth and meaningful.

I was told the same as you OP.

Baby was screaming, readmitted with jaundice, didn’t put on weight and the midwife said to keep feeding with the bleeding, raw, ravaged nipples -because I had no milk and baby had been on the boob for hours at her instruction- and said I would “never forgive myself if I gave in to formula, it’s the worse thing you could do”. Point blank refused to help me get formula.

Got some premixed milk smuggled in and never looked back.
Once baby was calm and my tits were no longer on fire, I had the confidence to refuse her care after telling her where to go. I was 20 and recovering from an awful pregnancy and and even worse birth.
Lovingly referred to as “the bitch midwife” after all that.

Breast is best - obviously as it’s natural.

However formula is a close second alternative and no one should feel guilty if they choose to use that instead as they are doing what they think is best.

I think what does need to be spoken about more is how difficult breast feeding is and not everyone picks it up immediately or is able to breast feed. So then people feel like failures for not doing it right.

I thought jaundice was natural and not harmful?
I think it lasts longer in breast fed babies but I didn’t think it was anything to worry about still?

A similar thing happened to me and to many others I know. I am still frustrated and upset many months later because, while there is a lot of pressure to breastfeed, I feel that women are often discharged after giving birth without having been given the tools that they need either to stick with breastfeeding and to make it work for them, or if it does not to be given other options. It is a failing of the system to have people readmitted with feeding issues because of poor information and support. Of course it is not everyone's experience, thankfully, but it still happens to too many mothers. And to be made to feel guilty on top because you have not managed to breastfeed is not right.

I don't think this is really about whether breast milk is actually better than formula and to say so misses (in my view) OP's point. If we could get both on tap we would all go for breast milk, sure. But the reality of breastfeeding is much more complex and this is not acknowledged or managed as it should be.

@Towelrailfail

You're not wrong OP.

After I had my first baby by emergency c section, I had to have a midwife come and squeeze my breasts and milk me like I was a cow to try and feed my son. At midnight, after being awake for about three days and having had major abdominal surgery (did I mention that already?!) and throwing up after a reaction to the morphine I was given, I asked for formula. The midwife tried to talk me out of it. She asked what my husband would think, I wouldn't be able to come back from this, breast is best blah blah blah. I told her if she touched my breast again I would have her done for sexual assault and to get me some formula.

My milk didn't come in after either baby (both csections) until day five. Not a farts chance in hell I was going through all that for five days.

This is similar to my story. CS. Tried so hard to breastfeed I had breastfeeding champions trying to squeeze a drop out of me for my DD. In the end I was told her blood sugar level was so low they gave me formula.

Milk never came in for me both times.

I fed both my hungry sons on both until my milk came in, and continued with a bottle of formula at 10pm every night, so his dad could take over and I could get some sleep.

Worked very well for all of us... the midwives/ Hv seemed quite relaxed about my method.
And absolutely no problems getting them to take a bottle when I stopped bf at around 6 months old

I didn’t breast feed I can’t stand the thought of it but I know people who have and day 3 is normal for milk. I don’t think Breast feeding is easy at all

You are not wrong op.

When I gave birth a 5 years ago midwives were not allowed to suggest formula. My baby dropped centiles and was clearly desperate. I struggled on to be told my latch was fine and (amongst other things) I wasn’t drinking enough milk/ eating enough oats.

I still struggled on. He was increasingly agitated. Finally, when my baby was actually losing weight at 6 months we saw a paediatrician about something else. She said of course I could give formula. He gained weight and was happier/slept better immediately.

Up until that point I had been made to feel so guilty for even suggesting mixed feeding.

Fwiw my second child took to the breast straight away and I had trouble stopping at 2.

I was told on Nct classes that only 5% can’t breastfeed, as though that’s no-one. That’s 1 in 20 women being made to feel like bad mothers.

Breast may be best but only if they accept that sometimes it doesn’t work, and actually fed is best.

With my first child I had a very traumatic birth. I really really struggled to feed . I had agonisingly painful cracked nipples and my baby cried constantly when I got home. I was absolutely worn out and constantly asking the health visitor what to do. I got very little help with feeding and the nurses in the hospital were mostly disinterested and unsupportive .
When he was six weeks old I started giving him formula. I was heartbroken but I couldn’t cope anymore. He slept through the night from that point on , out on weight and stopped crying. It left me feeling a dismal failure . Breastfeeding isn’t always as easy as we are led to believe. Looking backI wasn’t eating enough. No one had told me it’s important to eat well because it affects the milk supply.

@Esspee a syringe is used to collect colostrum because often a baby doesn’t latch straight away, so you hand express using a syringe and then feed the colostrum to the baby. Meanwhile you keep putting baby to breast and trying to get a latch. Once this happens once or twice normally the hospital will send you home and feeding continues successfully. It looks like op was sent home before b feeding was established and she shouldn’t have been.

I think the message has been lost by many people on this thread. Not all, and for those of you with kind words thank you.

When baby was sleeping I would try and express more colostrum to top up feeds. It was something the hospital told me I could do and gave me a kit. I was trying to give as much as I could to my baby.

For me, I want my baby happy and healthy. Breast alone has not achieved that for me, I wish when I had asked about supplementing with newborn formula when on day 2 my baby was showing signs of jaundice they gave me more sound advice. Perhaps that would have prevented my little baby and I going into hospital for 2 nights. It’s very upsetting to know that the one thing everyone told me I was doing right by my baby, is the main reason I’m here now. But I also realise I am unlucky.

I intend to breast feed, perhaps combi feed going forward. I’ll see what works best for baby and I. If my baby is not thriving on breast milk alone, I will not hesitate to try other options. I now know it’s ok to do that. I won’t feel guilty.

I am not here to offend, upset or have my post deleted for telling the truth about what happened to me. I’m living it right now, my eyes are bulging from crying and the guilt is real.

My take away from today, a baby that is nourished, regardless of how, is a better baby, than a sick baby in hospital.

Maybe that’s then message that should be sent to new mothers.

To those of you that shared your stories, thank you. It is good to talk, share and feel how you feel.

@bubblesforlife check out kellymom online she has some brilliant advice and also Google pace feeding.
We found the mimbie bottles to be fantastic at still making my ds work for the milk so didn't have any issues switching between boob and bottle.

Stress can effect your milk supply so lots of skin on skin. There is a careful balance to be made in the early days about being on boob to stimulate supply and combi feeding its why its kept quiet really its very difficult to establish enough of a supply if too much formula is given. Remember growth spurts at 1,2,4 and 6 weeks - likely to be fussy and want boob constantly/cluster feed. Allow this as much as possible as it will help your supply.

Make sure that he's checked for a tongue tie by a specialist as well.
Baby massage is fantastic for having some loving time and can help oxytocin levels (can be done from birth loads of online stuff)
Remember as well that a bottle automatically hits the swallow reflex so your baby will keep drinking from a bottle (hence pace feeding) always tap babies top lip to see if they actually want some and stop for breaks and burping.

If you can express then this is better to give to baby as you need less than formula and less likely to stretch their stomach. A hakaa if you don't have one is a great a cheap way to do this you just pop on the other boob when feeding (especially first morning feed which tends to be fatter). Please remember as well if pumping that it isn't a sign of how much milk you produce just how much your body is willing to release it for some women that can be not at all/very low amounts.

Always reach out and never quit on a bad day BF is tough first 6-8 weeks but once established its a lot easier.

Fed is best. There is increasing evidence that breast milk isn’t head and shoulders above formula like we once thought. (Colustrum on the other hand is very important and should absolutely be given)

1. Formula is only popular in countries where it’s the “norm” to drink water from your kitchen tap. That’s why we’re limited on how many countries are advocates for formula and why we hear “breast is best” from all corners of the globe

1. “Breast is best” is shouted from the rooftops of countries which have long periods or matenrity leave

1. Such a small number of women breast feed (in the UK I mean) especially exclusively until 6 months. Those that do unbelievably tend to be smarter, healthier, have higher IQs and are more mentally stable (don’t shoot the messenger, this is what I’ve read in so many places). If a child is healthy and has a strong IQ , it’s unlikely because they were breastfed and more because their parent(s) are healthy with a strong IQ

I'm a you're going through this @bubblesforlife it's so scary having a poorly newborn. It took 5 days for my milk to come in with my twins, and zero collestrum.
Mother's need facts so they can make decisions not pressure to do as they're told

I'm with you OP. Fed is best.
Congratulations on your baby.

Agree totally op. Similar thing happened to me. Too much breastfeeding dogma imo. Fed is best.

Breastfeeding itself is not the issue.

The lack of support around feeding is the issue. I have been having problems with my DS since he was born (we had jaundice too which related in a hospital stay and nearly 4 months later we’ve still got problems) and the lack of support is utterly shocking. I am still breastfeeding because I want to and I love it, but I’ve been repeatedly let down by the hospital, midwives, HV and evening private support.

Breastfeeding is a learnt skill for both mum and baby. If the medical teams push it they need to be prepared to actually offer the support rather than ditching mothers and expecting them to just get on with it.