Breast is best - no it’s not actually.

[bubblesforlife]

I’m a new mom, my baby was born last weekend.
I followed feeding guidelines, listened to professional advice, and decided to breast feed my baby.

A few days in, my baby has developed jaundice and low sodium. This is due to dehydration and no fluids.

I gave my Baby colostrum, by breast and syringe regularly.

I asked my visiting midwife if I should supplement feeding with formula until my milk came in, she said no I am doing the best by my baby. Not unless there is a clinical need.

Now we’re readmitted for 2 nights minimum and placed on as strict baby formula feeding plan.

2 other ladies in the ward also have dehydrated babies for the same reason as me. How does this happen all the time yet no one talks about it?

Breast is best? No. Starve your baby until your milk comes in, and then hope for the best that you’re on for the lucky ones it works for.

My milk came in on day 3, a normal timeline.!

The messaging is wrong to mothers. This is so very common according to hospital.

Breast is best..... eventually.... but feed your baby what it needs, if that’s a supplement of formula, so what.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I’m just so upset. No one told me I was starving my little newborn. I did my best, I tried so hard and sat there filling syringes of colostrum.

Something has to change here. The pressure placed on new mothers throughout pregnancy to breast feed is wrong.

I hope my baby recovers soon so we can go home and be a family.

Fed is best. Whichever way that goes. The division is irrelevant because no one can dictate what is best for another Mum or their baby, nor should anyone try to.

OP the best advice I got was from our health visitor, who simply reassured us that a fed baby is a happy baby.

I had quite a similar experience to you but fortunately didn't have to go into hospital, my milk came in on day 4 but by day 3 my instinct kicked in, I could see my baby was distressed and dehydrated - the colostrum wasn't enough for her - so I gave her formula and she was like a different baby from that moment - a fed and happy one - 3.5 months later I have no regrets. If I was to have another I would perhaps try to breastfeed again, but go into it a lot more prepared!

Congratulations!

Breast is best seems to be perceived as a criticism when breastfeeding isn't possible and I understand why. It is a true statement with no added value except for that which we give it. I had two emcs because I physically couldn't deliver my babies. Is vagibal birth best? Yes. Could I do it? No. It wasn't that it wasn't the best method of delivery, it was that circumstances conspired against us. Thank God for caesareans and equally, hoorah that we have formula.

Does it help to see it as breast is normal as opposed to best? It's the biologically normal and optimum way to feed a baby which confers benefits at a general population level. The alternative either introduces a risk or neglects to confer a benefit but it is adequate at least, lifesaving at best. A vaginal birth would have been the norm had I managed it and what bodies are designed to do and my babies would have benefitted from the pressure on their lungs to clear out gunk, the bacteria in the birth canal, the gentler introduction to the world and so on. But they couldn't have that advantage so they had a different journey, a necessary one in fact.

All mothers need to be supported to know when things are going well and spotting dehydration or signs of feeding not being adequate should be understood and also guarded against by the midwives and HVs signing off a new mother. This isn't about breastfeeding at all, it's about supporting new mothers.

There is simply not enough information out there to know when something is going wrong this was happening way before the pandemic back in the day you were kept in after your baby was born for several days until feeding was established when I had my last one the breastfeeding mom (who had a csection) was sent home the next day I had decided to formula feed and they refused to let me go until he was drinking 80ml per feed thats a massive amount for a new born baby I faked it in the end because I knew it was too much his stomach was tiny! Meanwhile a breastfeeding mum ends up back in upset her baby isn't feeding they told her its natural wtf is wrong put the baby on your breast and ALTERNATE easiest thing you can do! not like formula feeding (side eye at me) after three children I have come to the conclusion midwives are not breastfeeding experts and that is what is needed

the difference in attitude and support between my first and my last has not been an improvement in maternity services its gone downhill badly with my first we were fed decent cheap but healthy meals given one to one advice about feeding breast and bottle support with our choice no matter what a lady who came onto the ward and discussed post natal exercises (do these or never hold your pee was her motto) I didn't even get a leaflet with my third no one did

I had a very similar experience to you.
However I eventually reached a very different conclusion.
I didn't blame my breasts, my apparent lack of milk, the messaging about breastmilk health. I didn't blame the time it took for my milk to come in, or my colostrum. I didn't decide I'd been lied to about breastfeeding being healthy. I didn't conclude it had been inevitable that we would end up struggling the way we did. It wasn't on me. And this isn't on you either.

I did realise that those who should have best advised me how often I might have needed to feed, didn't. That those who should have told me I might need to wake my sleeping baby to ensure a feed happened, didn't tell me to do that. That although I had learned how to correctly latch my baby, I hadn't learned that for things to fall into place the frequency of feeds might need to be way, way more frequent than I had ever known. Noone told me. They gave me a chart, and told me to note feeds, and nappies. And I did. They said not to let X hours pass between feeds, and I didnt. But I didn't know that "don't let four hours pass" didn't mean "as long as it's every four hours it is not a worry at all". I thought my baby would ask if she needed a feed. I was 100% responsive to her. But I didn't know she might not have been able to signal if she was too sleepy, or jaundiced. Some very basic knowledge was missing, and those who should have known, didn't know and so they didn't tell me. So I didn't know.

I thought I was following my baby's lead, and all the advice I had been given. And I was. The correct advice about how to make this work well was missing. That wasn't my fault.

The moment I knew her blood sugars were low and she was jaundiced, I understood better. The moment I saw her repeat blood test after a tearful feed in the hospital and saw how those bloods returned to normal, I realised I was still capable of fixing things.

You didn't fail.
Your breasts didn't fail.
Those who should have given you the best advice about how to make it work, failed. You were failed.

If you decide to continue with formula, I wish you well. If you decide to persevere with breastfeeding, the same. Congratulations on your baby.

But please, separate out what happened
to you from what might have happened had you only received the correct support, advice and help from those whose job it is to KNOW about breastfeeding. It isn't enough to send new mothers off without them having all the support they need to make this a success.
You were let down.

I produced loads of colostrum and my milk came in quickly. I had over supply and my baby still had jaundice needing hospitalisation. It’s not to do with dehydration which is a separate issue, their systems are immature and some babies are susceptible.

It is a panic OP, especially in the early days when your baby is sick too and you feel pressure from all areas (looking back it was pressure I put on myself not anyone else but I’d have blamed anyone and everyone else back then)

In the end you need to do what suits you and your baby. If formula suits you better then formula feed. If you’re determined to breast feed then keep at it, if you want to mix it up do that.

Making statements that breast isn’t best is a bit shit as it clearly is but there are perfectly acceptable and suitable alternatives too.

@DoodleLovin

Fed is best. I had to supplement with formula because of an underweight baby. I know mums who have exclusively formula fed. You can’t pick out which adult was breastfed or formula fed!

This!!!!!

@WunWun

Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for most people.

Wow. Did you really just kick a new Mum when she’s down? Have a word with yourself @WunWun.

OP I’m sorry you are having such a tough time.

When I was in hospital with DC1 the midwife actually recommended a small bottle of formula on the second night. I’d had a big baby and they were showing early signs of dehydration. All it took was two small bottles over a couple of days until my milk came in. It could have ended very differently for us and I was only still in hospital by that stage because I’d had an EMCS.

I hope your baby makes a quick recovery and you get home soon. This doesn’t need to be the end of breastfeeding for you but it’s absolutely fine if it is.

The issue here isn't the classic "is breast better than formula", it is around the guidance OP received from midwives in the days following her birth. Had she been told 'yes give a little top up, it'll be fine' she might have avoided being re-admitted. Some midwives advise to do it and others don't. What you're told in those first few days can lead to such different outcomes for you & your child.

@headnorth that's great you had a baby that latched ok. Many don't and you are then told to syringe while you fix your latch. Your comment is not only insensitive to OP but also stupid on many levels.

Of course as long as your baby is fed that’s the most important thing but we do have very low rates for breastfeeding in the U.K.- of course it should be encouraged.
We supplemented my LO with formula within the first day because of jaundice but now she’s just breastfed, sounds like you had shit advice. If a baby is losing weight significantly then your midwife should be addressing the problems- sorry for what you went through OP.

I have friends for whom breast feeding has not worked and they were sad and felt bad about it.

Humans do not have a reliable milk supply.

I actually think we are evolved to reproduce in synchrony.

@bubblesforlife, in a prehistoric tribe, I think you would most likely have had a baby at a similar time to a couple of other women in the tribe. If you hadn’t been able to feed on day 3, or 4 say, one if the others would have filled the gap. And you would have done the same thing at some point for another romans baby.

The modern equivalent is using formula for a short time, as you need to. Then make a decision, in your own time, when you want to, whether to go back to breast or not.

Either decision is fine. Whatever is best for you.
Congratulations on your new baby x

I never understand all this angst over how children are fed in the first 6-12 months of their lives. It’s such a short part of their lives. How they are fed from weaning onwards will have a far far greater significance regarding their long term health.

@Ldnmum7 the OP seemed to imply her experience was widespread to the point of being practically universal. I was just pointing out that on a global scale most babies feed - the human race would have died out years ago if they didn't.

Fed is best is meaningless tripe.

[quote HeadNorth]@Ldnmum7 the OP seemed to imply her experience was widespread to the point of being practically universal. I was just pointing out that on a global scale most babies feed - the human race would have died out years ago if they didn't.[/quote]
Most babies feed, yes, but not necessarily from their mothers

People are so dogmatic about it though, as if formula was poison or giving a hungry newborn a top up would make you a failure at breastfeeding when in fact it could prevent dangerous weight loss - as long as you are bf as much milk as you have, your supply will catch up.

@Barracker

I had a very similar experience to you. However I eventually reached a very different conclusion. I didn't blame my breasts, my apparent lack of milk, the messaging about breastmilk health. I didn't blame the time it took for my milk to come in, or my colostrum. I didn't decide I'd been lied to about breastfeeding being healthy. I didn't conclude it had been inevitable that we would end up struggling the way we did. It wasn't on me. And this isn't on you either.

I did realise that those who should have best advised me how often I might have needed to feed, didn't. That those who should have told me I might need to wake my sleeping baby to ensure a feed happened, didn't tell me to do that. That although I had learned how to correctly latch my baby, I hadn't learned that for things to fall into place the frequency of feeds might need to be way, way more frequent than I had ever known. Noone told me. They gave me a chart, and told me to note feeds, and nappies. And I did. They said not to let X hours pass between feeds, and I didnt. But I didn't know that "don't let four hours pass" didn't mean "as long as it's every four hours it is not a worry at all". I thought my baby would ask if she needed a feed. I was 100% responsive to her. But I didn't know she might not have been able to signal if she was too sleepy, or jaundiced. Some very basic knowledge was missing, and those who should have known, didn't know and so they didn't tell me. So I didn't know.

I thought I was following my baby's lead, and all the advice I had been given. And I was. The correct advice about how to make this work well was missing. That wasn't my fault.

The moment I knew her blood sugars were low and she was jaundiced, I understood better. The moment I saw her repeat blood test after a tearful feed in the hospital and saw how those bloods returned to normal, I realised I was still capable of fixing things.

You didn't fail.
Your breasts didn't fail.
Those who should have given you the best advice about how to make it work, failed. You were failed.

If you decide to continue with formula, I wish you well. If you decide to persevere with breastfeeding, the same. Congratulations on your baby.

But please, separate out what happened
to you from what might have happened had you only received the correct support, advice and help from those whose job it is to KNOW about breastfeeding. It isn't enough to send new mothers off without them having all the support they need to make this a success.
You were let down.

What a powerful post! Thank you for writing this. I couldn't agree more x

@EvilEdna1

Fed is best is meaningless tripe.

It is.

And it minimises the feelings a lot of women have about not being able to feed their baby the way they wanted to. So it’s very unhelpful to everyone who formula feeds whether through choice or necessity.

@EvilEdna1 in your infinite wisdom what should I have done with my children then? Let them starve? Find a wet nurse circa 1890?

Is a fed baby better than a dead baby in your eyes?

Unless of course you had an entirely different point. Please do elaborate. 🙄

I been through this twice and it’s really awful being back in with your baby. I got so upset the second time that they kept the baby on children’s ward and readmitted me to post natal for a bit.

I think the jaundice is a slightly separate issue as that does get worse after birth even if they are feeding well. My second had jaundice but not enough to need treatment
My first was readmitted and really didn’t need to be and put on a feeding plan. He was artificially heavy when he was born due to being very late, a cs birth and me being on a drip for hours during labour. I did go on to bf him until he was 2.9 years. Unfortunately the early formula feeds triggered CMPA.
Baby two milk came in early, had gallons of it but it went straight through her. Everyone told me lots of pooing was normal until a doctor actually saw it. And the constant vomiting was a bit of an issue too. They couldn’t decide what was causing it as my baby was wasting away in front of me. She didn’t really cry and was very very white. In the end I suggested it might be CMPA and asked for some prescription formula which they produced very quickly as they had run out of ideas. The shitting slowed down the weight loss stopped and we were allowed home for a few days. We then went through it all again a few weeks later but the hv wouldn’t come out and weigh baby immediately so the weight loss by the time we were admitted again was quite great. This time it was soya. Baby is fine now only has bf because she refuses the prescription formula and is built like a small sumo wrestler.

If you want to bf there’s no reason you can’t and once the baby is gaining weight you just drop the tops ups on by one. If you want to formula feed you can. Or mix feeding which is what I wanted to do, baby wasn’t on board with that idea.

I hope you can go home soon

So sorry OP! You are very right!
My health visitor was advising me to keep pumping on day 10 (I was formula feeding as twins) but desperately wanted to be good mum.
My milk never came.
The moment I gave up pumping I felt so relieved.
One morning (I think after 2 weeks of crying and stress) I just gave up.
Why is on midwifes agenda to pressure and stress new mothers?

[quote ReggieKrait]@EvilEdna1 in your infinite wisdom what should I have done with my children then? Let them starve? Find a wet nurse circa 1890?

Is a fed baby better than a dead baby in your eyes?

Unless of course you had an entirely different point. Please do elaborate. 🙄[/quote]
I think you should have fed your baby in a safe and available.way whether that formula or breast obviously. Which is the bare minimum and the reason fed is best is meaningless tripe since the alternative is starving a baby which no one advocates.

Aww love I'm sorry. This exact same thing happened to us. When we were admitted I remember the consultant giving me a bollocking and telling me we should not have left it so long to get help. We struggled at home for 10 fucking days despite me begging my midwife to go to formula. She insisted DD was probably getting what she needed so not to worry.
The support was useless.

Like a pp said, fed is best.

And some posters here have had an empathy bypass.

Sending you hugs OP. Your gorgeous baby will get better and you'll crack on with whatever method suits you. You're both going to be ok

Sorry OP - we were admitted at a week in.

Fed is best x
Please don't feel guilty and from now on please do what you feel is right for your baby.