I’m on my knees with 4 week old - please help!

[Ahorsecalledseptember]

Sorry to moan but I’m a desperate woman.

My 4 week old baby has barely slept in the last 48 hours. He briefly slept on a car journey yesterday morning and then when we got there woke up and has more or less stayed awake since. I put him in his sling and walked around for hours and he does sleep then but it’s cold, wet, muddy and generally unpleasant for me. So we did that 3-5. As soon as I got back and sat down he woke up. And stayed awake until about midnight where he finally slept for about 4 hours. Then woke up and is still awake.

My back is incredibly painful as he wants to be on my shoulder but he keeps sort of ‘pushing’ himself up with his feet. I’ve given him another feed as OH said he didn’t finish the 2 am one but this generally doesn’t bode well for the day as now he hasn’t finished this one either.

I know it’s normal for new babies but I’m really feeling unwell and absolutely sick with tiredness here.

It's normal. You need to get more support from your partner or others.

OH is doing what he can but he is working ... it’s not as simple as getting more support. And yes I appreciate it’s normal for newborns to be unsettled but he has slept by my calculations for less than six hours in a twenty four hour period, that’s nowhere near enough for such a young baby

Could he have trapped wind? Could you try some like like infacol before each feed- please check it can be used for a 4 week old as mine was a bit older when we started.

He has Colief - it did help a bit as he was dreadful for a period before. Now he isn’t crying (much!) and does burp/trump as long as he’s held upright for a while after his milk, but he just won’t sleep.

We used to do shifts, so I would sleep 7-1am then partner 1-7am. It’s not ideal and you have to abandon all hope of having an evening or life as you knew it but for the first few months it is just about survival and with a good block of sleep you will be tired but not sleep deprived. Baby does however need to take a bottle for this either expressed or formula, I have no idea how EBF mums manage if they have a non sleeping baby and are determined not to give a bottle. It will get easier!

Do you have a bouncy chair? It saved my sanity in the early (and not so early) days.

That does sound extreme. Of course you are on your knees. What’s his mood like? Does he seem out of sorts?

@SandysMam

We used to do shifts, so I would sleep 7-1am then partner 1-7am. It’s not ideal and you have to abandon all hope of having an evening or life as you knew it but for the first few months it is just about survival and with a good block of sleep you will be tired but not sleep deprived. Baby does however need to take a bottle for this either expressed or formula, I have no idea how EBF mums manage if they have a non sleeping baby and are determined not to give a bottle. It will get easier!

Good advice. You sound exhausted, OP. If you can get a decent stretch of sleep, this will all seem so much more doable.

It’s hard to say - he’s obviously so tired that the world ends because of tiny things but he seems content enough!

We have done shifts of sorts but during the day it’s on me as OH is working and it’s unfair for him to have him all night too.

Sometimes he’s just gorgeous and sleeps so well but it used to be that a bad day sleep wise was followed by a lovely day. But this is day 3 of no sleep.

It’s really lovely people are concerned for me and I am shattered but to be honest I’m more worried about baby - he will make himself ill at this rate.

How are you feeding? Bottle or breast? And how often are you feeding? Does he have a dummy?

He does have a dummy but it hasn’t been very successful - he keeps losing it then obviously his little world crumbles around him!

He is bottle fed, eight feeds a day, four of expressed breast milk and four of formula.

Have you Baby swing ! My daughter used to be very similar And I only got any day release by swaddling her and putting her in the swing .
I will also add she grew out of it and is now quite the opposite .

Could it be the bottle? Is it an anti colic bottle? I’d second a chair. My friend had great success with a rocking one. What does he sleep in?

White noise! Works so well.

My OH used to do a 7pm-1am shift. This meant he had enough sleep when working so I could go to bed early and get a decent stretch.

It could just be a growth spurt. If he carries on like this look into allergies. My first barely slept for months and she ended up having severe allergies to egg and dairy and was reacting through my milk

I’m so sorry - I know how difficult it can be. A few possible tricks that worked for us when my little one was that age:

• have you tried a swaddling sleeping bag?
• white noise ...loud! It’s very noisy in the womb so baby won’t be used to the quiet
• if you’re not swaddling, try holding the baby’s hands down when they are trying to fall asleep. Our baby would hit herself awake when trying to run her eyes
• you mentioned the baby spitting out the dummy and getting cross. When you put the dummy in, try stroking their cheek to activate the sucking reflex. This might help get a stronger latch
• after a feed (and being help upright for wind) get your partner to settle the baby down for a sleep. You still smell of milk.
• have you tried the tiger in the tree position? It can help with wind. My little one resisted at first but after a couple of attempts loved it and would very happily fall asleep like that

Every baby is different but still ... Hope one of those might help! x

At the moment he sleeps in nothing! But he has a Moses basket, a next to me crib and a rocker, plus the sling.

He isn’t a big fan of his white noise sheep the poor creature got kicked and yelled at quite extensively!

Yes OH does the 9-1 ‘shift but as well as me being on my knees so is baby. And it is stressful, it feels as though we can’t go anywhere or do anything - obviously there isn’t much TO do in lockdown but it would be nice just to go somewhere for a change of location.

I’m wondering about dairy ... he has reflux after his formula feeds but not after the breastfeeds (I eat next to no dairy.)

He hates swaddling, I really wish it worked!

Will Google the tiger in the tree ... thanks.

I'm seeing a lot of comments regarding colic etc but to me it sounds like overtiredness? Newborn babies sleep on you. You need to find a comfy position where you're all happy. Skin to skin is normally the best, on your chest? White noise needs to be constant, not the sheep. There's a 10 hour video on YouTube. Try an anti colic bottle - mam are the best (we've tried more or less all bottles)

Also swaddling, have you tried the miracle swaddle?

He sounds over tired?

Maybe he didn't like the sling? Does walking him in the pram make a difference? If he slept in the car can you drive him round the block a couple of times to get him off to sleep? Do you have a routine to settle him for naps/bed times? Low level lighting - bit of baby massage and quiet time?

It's so difficult, you have my sympathies. Things you could try:

Bath and then Lay him on his belly and give him a massage, bicycle leg motions sometimes help with colicky babies

Try a different formula - I've always found Hipp to be the best. It's quite gentle.

Try a different bottle.

Also the GP may be worth contacting as they can prescribe better colick drops

He is DEFINITELY overtired! (So am I!) But I’m not sure how to get him to sleep. I sat in a dark room with him for an hour earlier just holding him and gently singing/talking (night night baby) and he wasn’t crying but he was still wide awake.

He likes the sling and he will sleep in it but only if you’re walking - which is a slight problem at 3am! Not keen on the pram. He won’t sleep in the car either. I’m lost to be honest.

That sounds extreme even for a 4 week old and you have my huge sympathy - it’s utterly brutal physically and mentally being that exhausted. My only tip which I’m not sure has been mentioned above is to get a baby sleep nest as they can be quite transformative for tricky sleepers (I’ve had two!). We used the Purflo breathable nest for my latest baby and I’d recommend highly.