I’m on my knees with 4 week old - please help!

[Ahorsecalledseptember]

Sorry to moan but I’m a desperate woman.

My 4 week old baby has barely slept in the last 48 hours. He briefly slept on a car journey yesterday morning and then when we got there woke up and has more or less stayed awake since. I put him in his sling and walked around for hours and he does sleep then but it’s cold, wet, muddy and generally unpleasant for me. So we did that 3-5. As soon as I got back and sat down he woke up. And stayed awake until about midnight where he finally slept for about 4 hours. Then woke up and is still awake.

My back is incredibly painful as he wants to be on my shoulder but he keeps sort of ‘pushing’ himself up with his feet. I’ve given him another feed as OH said he didn’t finish the 2 am one but this generally doesn’t bode well for the day as now he hasn’t finished this one either.

I know it’s normal for new babies but I’m really feeling unwell and absolutely sick with tiredness here.

Oh also ok the sling front. If I have mine in a structure carrier I wake them if I sit down, but in a wrap where you can tuck their feet in then they were a lot more tolerant of me sitting!

Tongue ties can reattach. And can cause problems with suck/swallow even on bottles..

Of course a baby cant be naughty! But of course they are designed to survive come what may.I think the advice given by@Skyla2005 is worth considering.

Can I ask op why you don’t want to put him down and have 10 minutes to yourself whilst he perhaps try’s to get himself comfortable enough to fall asleep?

you sound quite frazzled and I’m wondering if there’s more going on with you?

What happens if you just put him down in his cot after feeding and winding?

I don’t think there is more going on: just that he cries and becomes distressed which is obviously upsetting for me too.

When he’s well rested he’s a gorgeous happy snuggly baby but he’s really struggled to sleep in these past couple of days.

Hi Op - I know it's so frustrating when nothing seems to work. Also what works for one baby of course may not work for another. With my first I used to spend a lot of money - normally to get things delivered next day - and the reviews swore blind that they were miracle products etc but nothing worked for DD1!

My second DD is 4 months now - we have used My Hummy for white noise. The batteries were very low yesterday so sent DH to the shop but they had sold out of AAA!!! So I had the first night without it for a while and DD was quite restless - enough for me to know it makes a difference. I know you said your DS didn't like Ewan, so apologies for suggesting something that didn't work for you but I just wanted to say that louder and constant worked better for us than quiet, which maybe you haven't tried.

Bjorn is good bouncer - we have one. Also have the 4mom moving bouncer thing and she loves that. When she was smaller I put her in it fully awake and ran the hoover round the front room (selling house at the moment!) and she fell asleep to the hoover! Sometimes now I just put it on and sit down with a cup of tea!

I ranted on facebook a lot with my first - I sort of wish I hadn't as it really showed a wider audience (of people I knew as well!!!) how much I didn't cope. Plus the timehop memories thing is quite painful at times! Some people say my comments helped them to be honest too but I'm not sure about that. Just carry on talking - venting does help. I used to google when things would get better - and I'd look forward to those times - then when things didn't get immediately better at those points I was so angry. I felt like everyone was lying to me! It's bloody tough.

If he's not crying when he's in the basket and just flailing his arms - leave him. That doesn't mean he's seriously stressed, they are learning to move their limbs at this age. He's over tired. They do this for some reason - it is horrendous but it does end! A vibrating bouncy chair is a god send. I would also look at trying the dummy again too. If he doesn't like swaddling, try a sleeping bag. I found using one and leaving dc
To fall asleep themselves in the Moses basket worked really well. If they cried I would pick them up, but when they just grunted and flapped about left them to it. A lot of the time they are just stroppy rather than upset! Hope you have better days coming x

I agree put him down a bit. Its fine to do so.

I’ll try it, I’ll pick him up if he cries - he probably will cry!

Some great advice here. It is distressing when baby cries but a few minutes won't cause harm.
Somebody mentioned the word stroppy, braver than me!

I would hold my DD and stroke down her nose. Easier said then done but he may pick up on your stress so if it gets too much put him in his Moses and step away for a minute or two. It’s hard when DP is working. Has he had any sleep today??

Yes but very unsettled and restless sleep. I am concerned, to be honest. Keep thinking he will suddenly zonk out but it has not happened yet.

100% recommend baby bjorn bouncer and love to dream swaddles. Both worked a treat for my LO still does 5 months later. He hated being swaddled after about 4weeks but the love to dream swaddles are amazing and give them a lot of free movement but are warm and comfy.

My DD could stay awake for 10-12 hours straight: never napped for longer than 20 minutes. It was hell. We did shifts as others say and when DH got up at 7 after me doing a night shift (when she woke every hour for a feed) he would take her and woke with her on his chest for a few hours (he worked from back then even though this was years ago.

7-10 am were the happiest hours of my life.

So when your DH logs off for the day, he has an hour to shower and feed himself (and you), quick tidy round, then he's in charge until 1am and you go straight to bed. Get six or seven hours in.

DS1 was a dreadful napper. Gave this up completely at 12 months. I was so ground down by it all at four months he went to nursery pt and I went back to work.

Some good ideas here already, we found a Rockit very helpful plus as others have said white noise etc. If they are overtired though as you say you and they need to get a sleep in so they are calm and you can reset the routine. Maybe try raising the end of the cot? If they like the sling it might be because it’s putting them upright and they have silent reflux. Have you tried a sleepyhead or similar? Maybe DH could get a decent stretch in walking (round the house if necessary) in the sling for a couple of hours while you catch up on sleep - will get his steps in - could tackle at the weekend and wrap up and get in the fresh air for it?

If sleep so restless definitely look into silent reflux and CMPA

How was your night?
I know you have said the only problem is sleep but with newborns their sleep is sensitive to everything else. They can't say mummy I can't sleep my tummy hurts or I've got trapped wind and it's uncomfortable. It can take a bit of trial and error to work out what is going on especially when you are so deprived of sleep as well.

Do you think it would be a good idea to reach out to your GP or HV?

Mine refused to be still from about 5 weeks to when she could sit up by herself. Even when not tired/hungry/uncomfortable she HATED just being held by someone who wasn’t constantly on the move. It was knackering. At two, she now rarely ever sits still and hasn’t napped since 20 months old! Nursery say she’s just unusually alert and curious.

I survived by lots and lots of buggy walking until she wasn’t overtired any more, then persevered until I could get her to sleep in a rocked buggy in the kitchen.

I think you might need to just walk loads and loads until he’s not overtired any more (ebook and headphones?), then pick your method for getting him to sleep and work on that.

My first had CMPA and silent reflux. It was awful at four weeks and got to the point if milk refusal and hospitalisation. Go see a Dr all of the usual things like silent noise, swaddling etc won't work if there us an underlying issue that needs medication and you will just drive yourself mad trying them all. Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon

Oh I remember this stage: it was miserable and all my mum friends were talking about how snuggly newborns are and how they don’t stay tiny for long.

I’m a bit of a wooden toys and unbleached cotton type but when ds1 got like this I cracked and bought a fisher price lights and sounds vibrating bouncy chair, stuck DS in the chair in front of the telly and had a large hot chocolate. We got through : it gets so much better when they can bring their own wind up.

Really feel for you- had the same thing with DS where I was logging his sleep and panicking that he was a newborn baby having 8 hours sleep over 24 instead of the required 20! (I stopped logging which helped my sanity and at 2 he now sleeps a respectable 11-12 hours per 24)

Mine was also a fan of the outdoor sling nap and I discovered that being in the snowsuit helped him sleep- he hated being swaddled but the rigidity worked for him- there is a Merlin magic sleepsuit with same principle. Once I realised this I started to be able to rock him to sleep in the pram indoors in his snowsuit (heating off) and eventually phased out the snowsuit.

You could also try putting him on his tummy for naps if you will be there to keep an eye on him.

I had two reflux babies. Wind, wind and wind some more for at least 15 minutes after each feed. If he's still awake 40 minutes or more after a feed try lying him on his back and gently doing bicycle kicks with his legs. You'll be surprised how much wind you can get out. Baby massage after a bath can get rid of lots of wind and help with constipation. Have a look on YouTube. When he's falling asleep in the sling pat his back quite vigorously so he gets used to falling asleep to the patting. Every time he falls asleep keep patting. Eventually he will associate it with sleep and you'll be able to keep him on you but without the walking and just pat him to settle him. A reclining glider saves us too. Lots of vigorous rocking back and forth but at least not having to stand up! It will get better!