I’m on my knees with 4 week old - please help!

[Ahorsecalledseptember]

Sorry to moan but I’m a desperate woman.

My 4 week old baby has barely slept in the last 48 hours. He briefly slept on a car journey yesterday morning and then when we got there woke up and has more or less stayed awake since. I put him in his sling and walked around for hours and he does sleep then but it’s cold, wet, muddy and generally unpleasant for me. So we did that 3-5. As soon as I got back and sat down he woke up. And stayed awake until about midnight where he finally slept for about 4 hours. Then woke up and is still awake.

My back is incredibly painful as he wants to be on my shoulder but he keeps sort of ‘pushing’ himself up with his feet. I’ve given him another feed as OH said he didn’t finish the 2 am one but this generally doesn’t bode well for the day as now he hasn’t finished this one either.

I know it’s normal for new babies but I’m really feeling unwell and absolutely sick with tiredness here.

If you will feel better when dressed and washed then do it. Put him in carseat in bathroom for 10mins with you. Its OK if he cries x

Feed him burp him and tuck him up in his basket. Prop one end up so his not flat and putsome Lulaby music on quietly Leave him to it for a while go and have a cup of tea He may just drop off If he is crying pop back in and talk to him softly and leave a little bit longer He may be overstimulated with all the things you are trying. Sometimes they just need some time to settle where it’s nice and quiet. Hope you get some rest today. Try not to worry this is all completely normal babies do cry a lot sometimes for no reason don’t be afraid to put him down for a while and see if he drops off himself !! Take care

I really really really do recommend using a birthing ball to bounce on. It's the only way ds2 would ever sleep. I must have bounced him on that thing until he was over a year.

And strangely, If I made phone calls and had mini breakdowns to my mam he would sleep quicker, this is a child that wakes if a flea farts two towns over. But a loud conversation of me telling DM what a jerk he was.... apparently a lullaby...

@Ahorsecalledseptember

I need to express milk as well so that’s another difficulty. Baby is now asleep and hope to god he stays that way ... looking at bouncy chairs, any recommendations? He does have a rocker but it’s a little flat for him I think.

I had a rocker that also vibrated really gently. It soothes my baby, both by the vibration and the very quiet noise it made. I think it was a Fisher Price one. Not expensive. You could use with or without vibration.

I think 4wks is a developmental stepping stone (perhaps this explains the arm flailing?) I’d suggest being as boring as possible. Sit with baby in an armchair and read or have the TV on quietly. As you relax, baby will too - and hopefully go to sleep. Humming or singing quietly helps too. I think they can feel vibrations from your chest/tummy as well as hear your voice.

If it is a colicky problem, I’d try warm baths for baby and very gentle massage.

I sympathise, having had a poor sleeper myself. The trick is to lower your expectations - of what you can do and of how much sleep you’ll get - and get through each day knowing this stage will pass.

Thanks. He’s curled up on my chest and sort of dozing but it’s very unsettled. If I move even slightly it wakes him.

When I had my first I focused on what my baby was doing 24/7 I was a shell. I was scared to move and wake him etc. With subsequent babies you have to get up and do stuff and baby has to cry etc and I actually found it so much better not focus on baby constantly. He might be restless but if he doesn't scream then leave him be if you need a break.

Op I feel for you, dd went through a phase like this, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't be put down, very unsettled and grizzly. It was hell. Not much made a difference, apart from really thoroughly winding her after every feed, and just walking up and down with her until she settled. I also have a rocking chair i would sit in and rock with her, which helped as she was still moving and it was easier on me and dh than walking around all the time. I spent a lot of time in that chair those first few weeks. She also had a dummy, which helped a bit. But really we just had to ride it out.

It will get better, but if you are worried, do call your gp or hv. They won't mind.

They are sleepy for the first few weeks before waking up, that's true.

I would still look into the possibility of CMPI. You're basically describing both of my children when they were that age, and they both had it, which I do understand might make me project every time I see a situation that looks vaguely similar, but.....

Any amount of milk-based non-hydrolysed formula is likely to be a problem for a child with CMPI although obviously more is likely to be worse. Hydrolysed is costly but could be worth a couple of weeks' trial - either that or trying to get back to full BF. What's the reason for supplementary feeding? Has your baby been checked properly for tongue tie by a lactation consultant?

I’m expressing for him and I just don’t produce enough to feed him just breast milk. I wish I did. (He can’t latch.)

Week 4 was definitely one of our hardest. They are still so little but you are pretty strung out from lack of sleep. Thankfully for us it happen in the only 3 weeks since march where we could have visitors and my partners parents visited for 4 days and my partner took the week off. They took her for an hour or so in the morning so I could get some more sleep.
It was at this time she stopped being able to be put down for naps. If I manage to put her down once a week for a nap I am doing well!! She only naps if she is breast fed to sleep, sometimes in the sling and since 4 months in the pram. She was reflux and often it's a fight to get her to eat and sleep she has reflux that doesn't help. My partner works shifts at the moment and has to leave the house early so I do nearly all the nights alone. Some Saturday nights my partner does a night on his own so I can catch up on sleep
I read that babies want to be held all the time because they used to need us for protection and they want you to be stood so that you are prepared to run from predators

I don’t mind holding him if he’d sleep but he doesn’t. Just constant kicking and head butting.

And he’s still awake. I’m ready to leave him on the steps of the local church.

Could it be silent reflux if he's so unsettled but not vomiting? My daughters kicked in around 5 weeks old, she did cry but she'd also squirm and fidget a lot, didn't sleep too well as she was so uncomfortable. We got prescribed Gaviscon and it helped from the first feed with it in.

I feel so sorry for you OP. It's amazing that anyone ever has more than one baby isn't it!

It will pass. I promise!

It's lucky they are so adorable otherwise I suspect there wouldn't be much space left on the steps of the church.
Hang in there.

👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻

I think I might ask the GP about reflux but I don’t know ... I do think he might just be shattered. It’s strange it’s only ever formula that comes back up though.

@Ahorsecalledseptember

I don’t mind holding him if he’d sleep but he doesn’t. Just constant kicking and head butting.

I’ve got twins that are about the same age. One head it’s when he wants to comfort suck to sleep. Can you latch him on and let him suckle for the comfort and stick a box set on? It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t get enough from you for a proper feed, but it might let him get enough sleep to get over the over tiredness? It’s the only way I can soothe one twin if he’s reached overtired, then once I’ve got a decent nap out of him and he’s more relaxed other things work again. (If his poor latch has made you sore though I can see that you might got want to do this)

He can’t latch, I wish we could! You deserve a medal with twins

He’s asleep in the sling but I haven’t put it on very well!

I think it might really help to see a lactation consultant. There will be a reason why he struggles to latch, whether that's connected to supply, tongue tie, or something else. I know this seems to be mainly a sleep issue (and it may really just be a sleep issue!) but there could be something else going on. There are ways to increase milk supply, and BF is a lot easier than dealing with the horror that is a formula-fed CMPI baby.

GPs' knowledge about tongue tie, CMPI, breastfeeding, and reflux is..... variable, to put it politely. In my experience, and the experience of others with similar issues. Obviously, they are the people to see for primary health concerns but other professionals can also help, alongside.

Yes have done - had tongue tie snipped privately at day 5, had midwives out ... we just can’t do it. That’s why I express for him.

If he's not actually crying all the time then I would leave him in his moses basket more so he can hopefully learn to self settle.
It doesn't matter if he's a bit restless but you need a break yourself.

It sounds to me like you are trying so very hard to be a lovely Mum,under absolutely horrendous conditions.

Thanks randomer, it isn’t that horrendous normally but when he is On One as my own Mum would have said and it’s snowing outside ...

He’s asleep in the sling but I didn’t out it on very well so am feeling slightly strangled but so much less stressed now he’s snoozing

I'm glad he is now sleeping! I hope you can both get some well needed rest
My daughters reflux started around 3-4 weeks it wasn't until 8 weeks that we realised that was the issue as that was when she started with regular reflux and it had been mostly silent.
Have you spoken to your health visitor?

You could try the Windi if it's trapped wind - basically a straw you put up their bum. Sounds gross but it's amazing!
Also marginally better than walking, bouncing on an exercise ball with them in the sling. At least you get to sit down.
What happens if you just leave him? (.baby not DH!) two of mine would not have been up for that at all but one of my babies would fuss until I left them alone to sleep!