I’m on my knees with 4 week old - please help!

[Ahorsecalledseptember]

Sorry to moan but I’m a desperate woman.

My 4 week old baby has barely slept in the last 48 hours. He briefly slept on a car journey yesterday morning and then when we got there woke up and has more or less stayed awake since. I put him in his sling and walked around for hours and he does sleep then but it’s cold, wet, muddy and generally unpleasant for me. So we did that 3-5. As soon as I got back and sat down he woke up. And stayed awake until about midnight where he finally slept for about 4 hours. Then woke up and is still awake.

My back is incredibly painful as he wants to be on my shoulder but he keeps sort of ‘pushing’ himself up with his feet. I’ve given him another feed as OH said he didn’t finish the 2 am one but this generally doesn’t bode well for the day as now he hasn’t finished this one either.

I know it’s normal for new babies but I’m really feeling unwell and absolutely sick with tiredness here.

With my second he was a terrible one for getting to sleep. What used to work was holding him close then kind of deep voices side to side. Once he was asleep I would then let him sleep on me or DH - he rarely went in his Moses basket as he wouldn't stay down long. As others have said skin to skin was good for this too as well as limited co-sleeping.

Could DH take some time off so you both are just focused on baby for now?

Bounces not voices

I feel your pain. Been there, with both DD and DS.

DS (7 months) will still have days when he refuses to nap, and gets over tired, and then doesn't sleep well at night. We're currently trying putting him down earlier for naps, to make sure we can catch them.

I agree with many of the other suggestions.

1. Wave sounds, or woodland (birds, trees rustling, stream flowing) sounds, rather than white noise.

1. If baby is content to lie down, even if not asleep, leave them be. DS loves to just watch his mobile, and it is at least a rest.

1. Bath, skin to skin and sod the day if you need to.

1. BABY MASSAGE! (Sorry to shout). Have found it brilliant for calming DS down into that sleepy space. We've been so lucky in that our HV has been allowed to still visit for one to one classes, even during lockdown. I think it makes DS feel secure.

Do look into the potential for colic and allergies. DS had days screaming, before I realised it was linked to me eating soya (veggie, so eat a lot).

Good luck.

My baby didn’t nap properly until he was 4 months. He would scream if put down and would literally stay away all day until night time. I think sometimes we are so desperate for an answer or something to be wrong that we can easily fix, that we forget that he is actually a tiny baby and sometimes this is normal behaviour. It doesn’t make it easy, and sleep deprivation is the worst. But it won’t be forever. I worried that my baby wasn’t going to be healthy because he wasn’t sleeping enough but then I just decided to go with it and ride it out and eventually he got into a lovely nap routine.
Of course you have to exclude other reasons such as reflux/dairy allergy etc but in all honesty he is just being a baby. Big hugs though, it’s very tough x

My baby was very unsettled and had to be up high in constant motion for the first 8 weeks. Here is what helped me:

• Yoga/fitness ball: bouncing on it gives the baby impression of motion without you having to actually walk around constantly. You can even watch TV while you do it.
• Love to Dream swaddle suit: my baby hated being swaddled but needed her arms to be contained. This suit allows them to have their hands by their head - game changer for sleep for us.
• Acceptance and survival mode: this will change (quickly but it doesn't feel like it at the time) so do whatever you can to survive. Things that work now may not work tomorrow; things that don't work now, try again next week!
• Dummy: it takes time to get them accept it (see above!) but it is worth it. My 18 mo has just dropped hers with no issues at all.

There is nothing (probably) wrong with your baby. It is most likely all perfectly normal 4th trimester stuff, but I do know how it feels at the time. You will get through soon, I promise.

Just to add my DD who was a hard baby also sleept on her tummy I placed her on her tummy and would lightly place my hand on her back and white noise on.

Still awake, I’ve had a bath with him and now giving him another bottle. I’m fast losing the will to live. I can cope with difficult days but this is day 3 of no sleep.

@Ahorsecalledseptember

Still awake, I’ve had a bath with him and now giving him another bottle. I’m fast losing the will to live. I can cope with difficult days but this is day 3 of no sleep.

Can your DH take a day of leave? In the early days, DH used to watch me sleep with DS on top of me as that's the only way we'd both get any sleep and obviously he would watch to make sure baby didn't roll off or anything. If your DH is WFH, can he watch while working?

OP, if he likes the sling can your Dh wear him while he works? That’s what my dh did with our baby last year.

When he is awake what is he doing? Can he be put down a bit? I honestly had to put mine in car seat in front of shower so I could shower and I felt much better for it.

My eldest was like this. It did pass relatively quickly (she was much better by about ten weeks) but I know that when you’re in it every hour is a lifetime so saying “only six more weeks of this!” Is like saying “it’ll be fine in 25 years!”

Things that worked for her:

• Colief, sometimes.
• A baby swing (normally on the most violent setting)
• A swaddle pod (she seemed to really like being zipped up in it really tight)
• white noise

-vibrations. We would put her in her swaddle pod with one of our phones under the bassinet on constant vibrate

Good luck @Ahorsecalledseptember .... this too shall pass!

Oh I had one of these babies, you have my sympathies.
What saved us was a Mamas and Papas Swing Chair. Battery operated so you can take anywhere they need to sleep, put her in, it swings. Only thing other than the car that made my non sleeper sleep.
And shifts. My husband did 6pm (enough time to get in from work and shower) to 12pm and I did the remainder of the night. I could cope because I'd had 6hrs sleep.
It does get better. She's nearly 4 now and loves her bed, can't get her out of it 😂. She's also super intelligent and funny so the lack of sleep hasn't seemed to harm her development.

I do appreciate people are trying to help but this is a (lack of!) baby sleep problem, not a DH problem. I can PROMISE if DH took a day of leave an ‘easy’ day would ensue making me look an even more incompetent fool than I feel!

I think DH does really appreciate the tune I take with ds and keeping the house quiet and calm. I think I have reached the point of resigned despair. I am having my hair yanked, being kicked and head butted and it feels never ending, I am sure it will change when ds is 10 maybe. Sigh.

@Ahorsecalledseptember

I do appreciate people are trying to help but this is a (lack of!) baby sleep problem, not a DH problem. I can PROMISE if DH took a day of leave an ‘easy’ day would ensue making me look an even more incompetent fool than I feel!

I think DH does really appreciate the tune I take with ds and keeping the house quiet and calm. I think I have reached the point of resigned despair. I am having my hair yanked, being kicked and head butted and it feels never ending, I am sure it will change when ds is 10 maybe. Sigh.

You're not an incompetent fool at all! Newborns are sent to torture us. I fully believe that they are only so cute because otherwise nobody in their right mind would have one. It will pass, I promise. In the meantime, caffeine and sugar are your friend. Can you deliveroo yourself some doughnuts? That's what I used to do on really shitty days. Won't help the baby sleep but will make the day a tiny bit more bearable for you.

Doughnuts sound good!

He’s on my chest but so unsettled, I don’t know what to do. He’s had 90ml of expressed breast milk and 60 ml of formula since 6, he’s had a bath with me, clean nappy, vest in organic cotton, he’s got skin to skin with mummy ... he won’t sleep, I am really concerned something is wrong.

If he vomits after formula and especially if he has anything that looks like eczema... I would suspect CMPI. has he recently started having (more) formula ? You could get a tub of hydrolysed formula from a chemist to see if that helps, and if exclusive BF isnt an option.

No if anything he is having slightly less formula. But he isn’t crying - just restless and fidgety and unsettled.

I know it’s not an ideal solution but if he sleeps in the sling, can you try a big walk to get him off. At least that way if he sleeps for an hour or two, he may be less tired resulting in him fighting subsequent naps more? Or even an hour walk in the sling this morning then an hour this afternoon?
My LO is 9 weeks now and I remember her going through the same phase at a similar time. She just got so overtired she was so difficult to feed so she was an overtired overhungry mess. You have my sympathy, it’s such a hard time! I also one day threw Ewan the ‘dream sheep’ across the room to OH and said something like ‘and get that fucking sheep away from me!’ He’s been hidden in a cupboard ever since, I had such high hopes for that sheep and his promises of sleep. Lying bastard!

I do sls, that’s all I’ve done recently, but I can’t do that in the middle of the night. It’s raining now and I will take him once oh finishes his meeting and can have him for twenty minutes to let me shower and dress. Even the two minutes it takes to put the sling on will be a nightmare.

@Ahorsecalledseptember

No if anything he is having slightly less formula. But he isn’t crying - just restless and fidgety and unsettled.

My niece was like this on Christmas Day apparently (she was 5 weeks old). It was like she'd suddenly just discovered that she was awake and in the world and just was so restless - she didn't sleep properly for a few days because she was just so wide awake and unsettled. I'd definitely passed. Is there the first developmental leap around this time? Hang on in there. Do you have an activity mat or things he'll look at on the floor for a while? DS would spend hours staring at a light fitting.

Swaddling? It stops the flailing and Moro reflex waking them up. That and a dummy. Godsend. Make sure he’s well winded.

for you OP. My dad used to say “it’s just a stage”- you will get through it. Try to carve out a chunk of time when you can sleep too.

Ah - the hv suggested that but he hates it. I really wish he’d let it happen as he needs it to be honest!

One of mine would only fall asleep whilst suckling/boob in mouth and would not have a dummy. So if she did fall asleep on the boob, she would invariably wake up when I tried to put her down.
She also hated being swaddled and if she wasn’t feeding/suckling would only doze off if I walked her around. Exhausting.
Things that helped were:
Dm suggested a Dinky feeder with gripe water in it so sometimes I managed to swap this for my boob when she was sleepy and then transfer her to the crib.
Her crib was an old wooden swinging side to side crib, right next to our bed. I tied my dressing gown belt around a spindle and could pull on it to swing the crib if she was a little unsettled and that sometimes worked to get her back off to sleep.
I borrowed a glider rocking chair from a friend and this often fooled her enough to think I was walking her around so she dropped off. I would then put my feet up and slept when she did.
Sleep deprivation is so so hard, but you are doing a great job and it will get better. Your DH sounds lovely too.

Youtube white noise or hairdryer noise for babies, along with swaddling baby too. You have my utmost sympathy. Good luck x

@Ahorsecalledseptember

I do appreciate people are trying to help but this is a (lack of!) baby sleep problem, not a DH problem. I can PROMISE if DH took a day of leave an ‘easy’ day would ensue making me look an even more incompetent fool than I feel!

I think DH does really appreciate the tune I take with ds and keeping the house quiet and calm. I think I have reached the point of resigned despair. I am having my hair yanked, being kicked and head butted and it feels never ending, I am sure it will change when ds is 10 maybe. Sigh.

Ok, you don't need to keep the house calm. Don't focus on that. Babies cry and make noise. The house can be messy and you can all survive on micro meals or take out for a while. Its fine. It doesn't mean you are failing!