Newborn not napping well in the day

[bleachblondemom]

My baby is 3 weeks old and for nearly a week he’s struggled to nap during the day. Sometimes he has 2-3 hours, but a lot of the time I can only get him down for about half an hour. He spends so much time awake it worries me as I’ve read they should only be awake for about an hour at a time at this age. His feeding is all over the place because he wants to eat when he wakes up then by the time he’s ready to sleep again he’s also hungry. He’s also noticing he’s hungry faster because he’s awake so gets into the habit of eating little and often. Advice online is confusing me because it says to keep day times bright and noisy, but that baby needs quiet and darkness to sleep. So how do I do both? For a start my house is not dark at all during the day so I can’t even take him to a darker room just to get him off to sleep. By the end of the day he is very grizzly and overtired because he hasn’t had much good quality sleep in the day/evening. But to be fair to him he does sleep some really good 4-5 hour stretches during the night. I feel like I can barely breathe when I put him down to nap during the day as I know he will wake up at any moment. Also feel like I’m having to force him to go to sleep rather than being able to spot his sleepy signs and just put him down and let him go happily to sleep. Any advice?

If it helps ladies ours went to sleep at 5:30 this morning. I was with her, awake, from 11 when my husband brought her in, until then.

My husband is now on the spare room and I got a 1:50 minutes sleep then he woke up and then I went back to sleep for another 1 hour at 8. Fed and I had another hour at 10:30.

That's me done. I must get up

Mines been asleep for three and a half hours! I wish I’d known he was going to sleep this long, I’d have slept myself!

my DS does exactly the same, he can be having a lovely sleep on me and as soon as I put him down he wakes up in like 10 minutes. I don’t understand how he can be asleep, then go into his crib asleep, and then suddenly be like oh no you don’t! Come back and hold me!

Again, 4th trimester. The crib - flat on back, not held, no soothing sounds or warmth - is nothing like being held in or out of the womb. Have you ever been to a hotel and been unable to sleep because the bed is very different to the one you’re used to? Times that by a thousand.

Yes we know tits but then are you seriously saying that none of us should sleep, at all, for the next two months?

Because believe me I hold ds loads. He is cuddled and loved, carried in the sling, rarely put down. But I have to sleep, eat, pee and express milk for him.

Hi @bleachblondemom just wanted to comment as you seem really stressed. It sounds like you are doing a great job and baby is starting to sleep a bit more but just to reassure you, there's no such thing as bad habits etc when they are this you so please don't stress about him getting "too used to" anything, like sleeping in sling etc. Really, for the first 10-12 weeks I would just do whatever it takes! Sling is great, as is buggy etc. When my little boy was that age I used to go back to bed and tuck him in next to me for the first nap of the day and we would both sleep for 1-2 hours. If I had put him in his crib it might have been 20 mins max. I was worried that he would then get into that habit of only sleeping with me but he didn't at all, he's nearly 6 months now and his routine started improving naturally over the past 3 months and he mostly does really well now! He also went to bed really late at that age, and like you I was very stressed but nothing I did changed it so I just started going with it and instead of trying to put him to bed after bath I would put him in his bouncer in the living room with the lights off and we would just watch tv and bounce him until he went to sleep. He gradually started falling asleep earlier and earlier and after a few weeks was going to sleep at 9 instead of half eleven! I would say don't worry about "good habits" at them moment and just do whatever gets both of you the most amount of sleep! X

@Ahorsecalledseptember

Yes we know tits but then are you seriously saying that none of us should sleep, at all, for the next two months?

Because believe me I hold ds loads. He is cuddled and loved, carried in the sling, rarely put down. But I have to sleep, eat, pee and express milk for him.

I’m not telling you anything.

I did all of that without DH 5.5/7 days a week. DD slept in the pram for naps (rocked to sleep if not out for a walk), bouncy chair (held her quite tightly and vibrated) or on the bed next to me. I napped while she did.

At night she slept on me for the first 4 months. I took every pillow in the house to build a sort of cocoon that held me in the middle of the bed at around a 45 degree angle. She slept between my boobs. Not ideal, but the only way i could get anywhere near enough sleep to get through each day. When I needed to express I would lay her on the bed next to me with some white noise (pumps back then were really noisy and not hands free).

After 4 months she slept next to me in the middle of the bed. Still napped anywhere and everywhere as I didn’t want her to only be able to do it in the cot/wherever.

I know how hard it is, but really you have to lower your expectations. I didn’t go out every day. If I spent an in day unshowered in PJs it didn’t matter. I had a freezer full of nutritious food I could throw in the microwave so wasn’t surviving solely on toast etc. You need to focus on the basics and do only what you absolutely need to do when they’re so tiny and needy.

How did you nap when she did, if she wouldn’t be put down? I’m not being contentious, it’s a genuine question. That wouldn’t be safe here, design of the bed. I already dropped ds this morning (thankfully just from my tummy onto the bed, not hurt but he cried his little heart out.

Ds is not content with lying next to me, he has to lie on me

It doesn’t matter about unwashed days in pyjamas but honestly for me that’s a quick passport to depression. I walk a lot with ds in the sling and I need that. I need to sometimes just to somewhere even if just the supermarket or something. It can be so isolating with a new baby lovely as they are.

We've just got back from the breastfeeding support group that's thankfully still allowed to run because it's organised by the hospital, and the feeding specialist there thinks DS might have a little bit of a tongue tie but isn't sure so she's going to make an appointment for it to be assessed.

Also got a prescription for domperidone so we'll see if that makes a difference to my milk supply!

I napped on the bed with her, on the sofa if she was in the bouncy chair or pram (unless I was in Starbucks with my NCT friends). Never managed to get a sling that worked on K cup boobs, sadly.

She was very laid back, and rarely cried so I can see how it would be harder with a more temperamental baby, but it’s more about letting go of “should” in the early days and just doing your best. (Am on my third PJ day on the bounce. Something about knowing I’m not having to go out soothes me.)

I have domperidone, not sure how much difference it makes but I take it anyway.

tits ah mine resists the pram and bouncy chair and - well anything that is not me!

I never took domperidone (would add in an extra pumping session or 2 per day if I was struggling). I found lots of oats, water and later on fenugreek tablets (from Holland and Barrett) really helped. There’s also a tea by Pukka that has fenugreek in it that I would drink.

My first was like this. Don't try to hard to fight against it - it will kill your mental health

I have IGT and breast hypoplasia. All the oats in the world aren't going to grow breast tissue. I don't have much hope for the domperidone, but I'd like to know that I tried what I could.

I’m not massively convinced oats make a difference but I do try!

We are out in the pram without crying - wow!

@knockeduplockeddown thank you for your advice :) I was very stressed but I am a lot better now. I’m trying really hard not to force DS to do something, I.e nap in his crib, just because that’s what I think he ‘should’ be doing. I’ve accepted what his sleeping habits are at the moment and am learning to work around them. So I take him for a long walk to get him to sleep in the pram, otherwise he sleeps in the sling, or I just get back into bed and let him sleep on my chest while I have a duvet day :) then evenings he likes to nap in mine or DH’s arms. It is what it is, and I’m coping a lot better. And I’ll try not to worry about getting into habits or anything like that, I’m sure it’ll all change several times as he grows up anyway.

@Ahorsecalledseptember aww I hope he’s enjoying his pram ride :) are you feeling ok today? Agree it is much better for your mental health to just go somewhere, even if it’s just for a walk around. But it would be nice to be able to do that alone as well as with DS in tow!

How is everyone doing today?

Amazing night last night - oh had him until 1:30 then he went in his crib (wow!) and slept until it was time for his feed at 230 (even bigger wow!) and then went back to sleep in his crib! [shocked]

Today has been a bit more difficult. He had a little sleep in the morning but only for half an hour or so and then went for a walk in the pram but he wouldn’t settle so carried him and he nodded off but had a poo, so he woke up when I changed him. Went for another walk using the sling this time and he nodded off but again woke up after an hour or so. He just got very cranky so I took him out in the pram and he’s still asleep - I hope he stays that way!

Good night until 1am again then unsettled after that. Three hour nap in the sling this morning but only had two twenty minute naps since then and he's been quite unhappy. We've both been crying!

Feeding in bed in the dark and I hope he'll go down in his Moses basket after this so I can sleep, I'm exhausted and have a horrible headache.

@Ahorsecalledseptember aw sounds like he’s starting to warm to his pram a bit. Glad you had a good night with him.

@addler I’ve had a similar day to you, DS had a lovely 2 and a half hour sleep in the sling this morning, but only a 40 minute nap on me in the afternoon. We took him to tesco this evening hoping the car would send him to sleep and he’d have at least an hour or something but he woke up as soon as we got to tesco. Planning to bath him about 9ish so trying to get him to at least have a little zzz now so he’s not in a horrible mood at bedtime, I think he’s just this second nodded off on DH!

Mine unfortunately did not settle. Had a drive to get him to calm down and he slept for an hour and a half (only proper nap of the day - at half six!) and then woke. I gave him a bath but he was hard to settle. I’m expressing milk now.

DS made up for the horrible afternoon by sleeping for nearly 6.5 hours! This time is when the night normally goes to pot so fingers crossed it's a different story tonight

OH had him until 130. He was asleep in his basket but woke for a feed and then fell asleep in my arms when passed to me. He’s snuggled next to me now as I express milk. I’m not holding much hope of any more sleep now!

I've downloaded the huckleberry app to track his sleep and recommend the 'sweet spot' for trying to get him to nap. He was so overtired yesterday afternoon it was awful. Then last night he slept brilliantly, woke up at 8 and was so content and then I put him in the sling at 9 and he fell straight to sleep without crying like he normally does.

It only starts from 2 months but we'll be there in a couple of weeks. Not sure if it'll stress me out trying to match it or if it'll be really helpful. Will report back!

Mines been fast asleep since half ten, I’ll have to wake him for his feed in a while! He didn’t sleep well yesterday though.