Newborn not napping well in the day

[bleachblondemom]

My baby is 3 weeks old and for nearly a week he’s struggled to nap during the day. Sometimes he has 2-3 hours, but a lot of the time I can only get him down for about half an hour. He spends so much time awake it worries me as I’ve read they should only be awake for about an hour at a time at this age. His feeding is all over the place because he wants to eat when he wakes up then by the time he’s ready to sleep again he’s also hungry. He’s also noticing he’s hungry faster because he’s awake so gets into the habit of eating little and often. Advice online is confusing me because it says to keep day times bright and noisy, but that baby needs quiet and darkness to sleep. So how do I do both? For a start my house is not dark at all during the day so I can’t even take him to a darker room just to get him off to sleep. By the end of the day he is very grizzly and overtired because he hasn’t had much good quality sleep in the day/evening. But to be fair to him he does sleep some really good 4-5 hour stretches during the night. I feel like I can barely breathe when I put him down to nap during the day as I know he will wake up at any moment. Also feel like I’m having to force him to go to sleep rather than being able to spot his sleepy signs and just put him down and let him go happily to sleep. Any advice?

I actually cried today because I saw an ad with a newborn baby on it and I felt like DS was hardly that small for much longer than a week or so, and although I love love love his smiles and interaction now I feel like I didn't really get to have a lot of time with the small squishy sleepy newborn stage. He came out 9lb and alert and holding his head up. Think he was cooked too long.

Can I still blame hormones for my ridiculousness?

Oh no I understand that. I have been so pumped full of hormones. I feel a bit sorry for OH as normally I’m very calm and fairly positive but something firm has melted inside me since having this baby. I can’t bear him crying, it really, really upsets me. OH is more likely to take the line of sometimes kids just cry and whinge for no real reason and he’s right (OH is great and ds is never left to cry by the way, he’s held and soothed and comforted and loved!) but it makes me tearful and upset too. It’s definitely easier to keep your sense of perspective when another adult is around, though!

Ds slept so badly today but there just are bad days like this, I think. He’s sleeping now but on me! I’ll have to put him down in a bit so I can express some milk!

Awfully I'm going to admit that tonight after getting her down at 3:30 for a grand length of an hour and twenty five, feeding another 30 minutes and then rocking her to sleep for her only to sleep for 25 minutes and wake up where I'm feeding her now, I'm angry with her, fed up of her (and her inefficient feeding that takes hours) and would love someone to take her away from me. I begrudge feeding her and holding her any longer I wish she'd sleep or at least settle without me holding her so I could rest. I really am done. I've completely lost my patience with it all, I love her in that I don't want harm to come to her but don't love her enough at this moment that I would care if someone took her away from me for a few hours

Of course I then look at her and she smiles. I apologise for thinking that way and for being angry and swearing and then hold her and apologise. I can't help but feel I've been robbed off the joy people talk about that they have with having their babies. This is our one and only baby and I'm devastated to feel so little joy in it all. In fact virtually all of it is without joy. We are miserable in this house with her, and I had prayed so much to be a mama and for her to arrive, which makes it even worse. I wish I'd known how not cut out for this we are and we would never had had a baby 😞

But then again she's very beautiful also and loves her mama cuddles so hopefully she's not wise to how I feel, but I suspect she'll feel my mood when I'm low and loosing it in the night

@willowsandroses I am exactly the same, sometimes DH has to come and take over as he can see I’m getting upset.

Well DS has a great week of sleeping at night last week and something has changed since Friday and he’s gone completely backwards. He takes a while to settle in his crib but he manages, but then about an hour later he starts moving around, making noises and disturbing himself. I am up for hours throughout the night trying to soothe him, he goes back to a settled state for about 40 mins and then starts doing it again. I don’t know why this is happening, his nighttime sleep was going so well and now it’s terrible :( it’s means he is grouchy the next day because he hasn’t had any decent sleep and neither have I!

@Mycrazylife85 I have felt exactly the same as you and I thought it would never get better but I promise you it does. I felt like I hated looking after my baby, that I was rubbish at it anyway and he would be better off without me as he probably hated me too. Sleep deprivation does horrible things to your mind :( I thought exactly the same thing, that there was no joy in looking after him and everything was a struggle. I was so scared that all he would know every day was this miserable person with him, crying and getting angry/upset. That is not the case, your baby girl loves you no matter what.

Oh mycrazy I honestly seriously think we have ALL felt like that. It’s so draining isn’t it? Yesterday wasn’t too bad as OH was there to help but when it’s just me and ds and he won’t settle it drives me mad. Won’t be put down but when you try to cuddle him he head butts and squirms and resists ... it’s utterly exhausting. I can take holding him but not when he’s like that!

However I do think it will get easier and like yours mine has so many lovely funny sweet moments (not JUST when he’s asleep!) He loves baths and kicks and smiles and he gives his dad very disapproving looks when he’s being teased! He’s a snuggly bundle of love and I adore him but I would also adore for some doting grandparents to take him in his pram for a couple of hours so I could have a long hot bath or sleep ... that’s completely normal.

There are baby stages just like there are children stages and I think it probably will get easier after 12 weeks and then again after six months. I think ds will like being able to sit up and see what’s going on a bit more, he’s quite a nosy baby

I was the same bleach exhaustion and hormones and I think more importantly worry and anxiety. I’m not anxious normally but with ds I am. I’m slowly relaxing, there are things I can do that work sometimes, although today might be a challenge and we are snowed in! He’s sleeping on me at the moment as I watch some television so not too bad yet.

Has anybody had their postnatal check yet? Ds is six weeks on Wednesday. I could do with thinking about contraception (not that this has been an issue yet!) but do want to TTC maybe this time next year so nothing that could impede that.

@willowsandroses just been for our 6 week check, all good :) nothing was asked about me though, but I don’t really have an answer at the moment regarding contraception. All I know is I don’t want to go back on the pill because it made my depression worse.

I tried for an hour to get him to nap in his cot this morning, no luck :( guess we will continue with sling, pram or me for a little while longer. So frustrating because I can see he’s tired, his eyes are closing and he’s starting to fall asleep in the cot and then he’s just suddenly wide awake. I do everything I can to make him happy and comfortable but it’s not good enough :( I don’t know what else to do. How am I ever meant to let anyone else look after him, even just for a day, when I’m the only one who knows the tricks to get him to sleep? We went to my moms for the afternoon yesterday and someone had to be holding him at all times, even while we ate our lunch, he just won’t go in a cot at all during the day :/

Same here! On Saturday we saw a relative in our bubble as he lives alone. Relative and OH went to get a sandwich while I held ds then I went to get one while OH held him!

I would look at it differently, I think it you know how to get him to sleep you’re amazing and I’m not just saying that. The only foolproof thing with ds is putting him in the sling and walking around. White noise sometimes works and although he doesn’t like being swaddled he has that love to dream thing. But nothing is guaranteed!

We are finally able to register ds on March 5th!

I've seen that people are having trouble registering, the variation across counties is ridiculous! I went online when DS was a week old and chose a slot for two days later. It's madness

I made the appointment to register DS when he was 2 weeks old, the appointment was for when he was 5 weeks. Couldn’t get it any sooner.

@willowsandroses my mom has offered to have DS as a birthday present to me, which is a month away, so I can have a night off. I would love this but there is no way I could give DS to her if he’s like he is now :( it would be too difficult for her to get him to have any sleep at all, and I wouldn’t be able to relax knowing that she was having to deal with him like this.

Oh god I would - I mean worse case scenario and he doesn’t sleep at all, one night is manageable.

Mines being absolutely awful tonight, OH is taking him for a drive. He’s been head butting me, kicking me, screaming and crying for hours now and I have no clue what’s wrong. Exhausted I suspect. It makes me feel like such a rubbish mum.

@willowsandroses you are NOT rubbish at all, look at how hard you are trying to make sure he’s ok. You’re probably right, he’s overtired and it’s making him cranky but that’s not your fault at all. We had a crap night too, he won’t stay still at all and has these wriggling fits like every hour so I have to wake up and soothe him. I’m so tired :( and so is DS so he’s having a miserable morning. Gonna feed him again now and let him sleep on my chest, I’ll just stay in bed. I think he’d even cry at the sling.

Thank you, that means a lot. I just feel so helpless when he’s clearly distressed. He didn’t poo yesterday which is unusual.

I hope your ds is asleep now. Mines just been fed and is content but wow betide me if I put him down!

@willowsandroses that could be playing a part too, maybe he’s got a bit of tummy ache. Sometimes my DS is a bit more relaxed after a poo! DH is off work today so he’s taken DS out in the car as he has to run some errands anyway, when he gets back we are going to leave him in the car seat at least while we eat our lunch. I’ve read that 2 hours max is how long they can be in the car seat so I won’t go over that time. Then maybe I can get him into the sling while he’s still asleep.

I just wish I could ring a health visitor or GP. He’s had double the amount of food he should have had in this space of time. He’s just never ever ever full. Ever. I gave him 120 mls at 1130. Then went to the supermarket at 1230. Screamed all the way there and in there until I left. Then screamed all the way back. I ended up giving him a bottle as I couldn’t face cuddling him and being head butted and my hair yanked again. He downed it. What the fuck? Yet everyone says he’s a healthy baby. You could replace me with W robot that just gave him a bottle every 30
Minutes and he’d not notice or care.

@willowsandroses how many weeks did you say your son was? Mine is 6 weeks tomorrow and some days it seems like all he does is eat. It’s usually the days when he doesn’t nap well, because he’s awake more he realises he’s hungry quicker. Then we get stuck in a cycle of cluster feeding and winding for a couple of hours before he’s full enough that I can try to get him down to sleep again. Eating a lot more can also be a sign of a growth spurt or developmental leap.

He’s exactly the same as yours - 16th December. I can accept he might need a bit more some days but the amount he packs away isn’t normal. I have to give up on the breast milk as there’s no way I can keep up with him. Our in the rain and snow again with him in a sling. I really hate this.

@willowsandroses oh yeah I do remember you saying now. Hmmm I’m thinking maybe he’s using it for comfort because he’s tired. But if that’s how much he is eating and he’s not making himself sick or anything then that’s just how much he needs! There have been times where I’ve said to my DS you cannot possibly still be hungry... but I make another bottle and off he goes. He’s not eating to the point where he’s making himself sick so he’s obviously not too full, just very hungry at times. Are we meant to have a HV come at 6 weeks? DS had an appointment at the hospital yesterday for a check up, weigh etc but my HV hasn’t rang to say she’s coming. I feel like the HV is better for talking to about things like this- sleeping, eating, your own mental health. So I didn’t bring anything up to the paediatrician yesterday. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable ringing a HV that I’ve met once and talking to them about it on the phone, I’d rather they came to the house.
Oh god it’s raining here too so I knew there was no chance I’d be going out for a walk-to-sleep, luckily DH was off work to take him out in the car. For his next nap later it’ll have to be in the sling, or lying on me.

I’ve only met mine once! There’s a GP postnatal check at eight weeks but I cancelled it today as he hates the car and they just weigh him.

@willowsandroses they do all baby’s checks at the postnatal check, check eyes, hips, spine, all sorts. They also talk about feeding, sleeping and your own mental health. I wouldn’t advise skipping it!

@willowsandroses our post natal check is combined with his 8 week vaccinations to limit the amount of appointments during Covid, we've got it next week.

DS is ahead a week of you and has between 150-200mls each feed and sometimes it's every two hours if he seems hungry. And he's getting some breast milk at the same time so who knows how much he's taking from me, although it won't be a lot.

Maybe DS is growing through a growth spurt?

Apparantly there is a growth spurt at 6 weeks and also a sleep regression 😩 at least that explains what’s happening with my DS

I’m not doing vaccinations yet, he screamed for three hours today because I put a hat on him, imagine after a blg needle!