Newborn not napping well in the day

[bleachblondemom]

My baby is 3 weeks old and for nearly a week he’s struggled to nap during the day. Sometimes he has 2-3 hours, but a lot of the time I can only get him down for about half an hour. He spends so much time awake it worries me as I’ve read they should only be awake for about an hour at a time at this age. His feeding is all over the place because he wants to eat when he wakes up then by the time he’s ready to sleep again he’s also hungry. He’s also noticing he’s hungry faster because he’s awake so gets into the habit of eating little and often. Advice online is confusing me because it says to keep day times bright and noisy, but that baby needs quiet and darkness to sleep. So how do I do both? For a start my house is not dark at all during the day so I can’t even take him to a darker room just to get him off to sleep. By the end of the day he is very grizzly and overtired because he hasn’t had much good quality sleep in the day/evening. But to be fair to him he does sleep some really good 4-5 hour stretches during the night. I feel like I can barely breathe when I put him down to nap during the day as I know he will wake up at any moment. Also feel like I’m having to force him to go to sleep rather than being able to spot his sleepy signs and just put him down and let him go happily to sleep. Any advice?

@addler very true, there will be good days and bad days. I realised earlier that as difficult as it is because I’m a control freak who loves to plan, I have to just take it day by day. So last night was a good night, and that’s that, it will have no effect on whether tonight is a good night. Today has been a good day so far, that’s another win, no matter whether tomorrow is good or bad.

I feel like I’ve finally connected with DS over the last couple of days. I’ve enjoyed looking after him. Before now it felt like someone has just given me a random baby to look after. But I finally felt today like he was mine. I thought about how he won’t be a baby forever, he’ll be a toddler, a child, a teenager, a man. And I’ll get to be there for all of that. I realised he’s a real person with his whole life ahead of him. I can’t wait to see it ❤️

@bleachblondemom that is so lovely to read, it really is. I'm so pleased for you and I hope that even if things get hard again you'll be able to remember how you feel in this moment and hold on to that coming back to you.

I also hope that when other mothers are going through the same thing and search for threads from people who have been there they're able to see how well and positive you're feeling now compared to how horribly low everything was just a few short days ago, and know it could be the same for them.

My hips are killing me from all the swaying I've done with DS in the sling today. His nap at the moment is really unsettled again. DP picked up some anti reflux formula today so going to try that as well.

@addler thank you :) I hope so too. And yeah next time I’m feeling down I need to think about how I felt during the good days. Hopefully it will help.
Does your baby go to sleep when he’s pushed in the pram? Today I just put DS in the pram and he went to sleep before I’d even got it out the kitchen haha. If that’s where he wants to nap during the day its fine by me!

He does normally but today his tummy seems to be giving him too much trouble lying down

Aww I think my DS had a tummy ache the other night, he cried loads and wouldn’t lie on his back or on his tummy on my chest. He brought a load of wind up in the end but it was hard to do when he couldn’t get comfy in any position. I’ve bought some infacol incase it happens again.

He's had a bath and a massage and is in his swaddle bag and sleeping on the boob so hopefully goes down okay soon 🤞

Hope so :)

Ah, thank you everyone, day 3 of no sleep was getting to me. It isn’t really the lack of sleep for me, but it’s unbearable seeing your baby so distressed, it really upset me.

Things have been better. I’ve found some white noise he likes, and he’s had some good naps today. He has also had some good yells, but apart from once there were clear reasons, so I don’t mind much.

You’ve all been a great support, I was honestly feeling like an awful mother! I also have a job interview next week (it doesn’t start until summer) for a post I REALLY want but getting my head to a place where I could prepare for it was hard. Today, he’s napped, so I can.

He has just had his bath, and he’s snuggled up on my lap now with his dummy. I really do dote on every fuzzy little hair on his funny bald head, I hold him, love him, rock him, but sometimes I can’t reach him, but oh sensibly enough pointed out that babies and kids do sometimes just whinge and cry for no real reason.

Im so pleased you seem to be having better days too.

Hello, I hope you don't mind. Our daughter was also born 16th December and nights are horrific. The thought of getting to sleep at 11pm would fill me with excitement. The earliest we've got her down Is 3, the latest 5:50 (in the morning) it's been a feed a thon, snooze, move and wake every night. Cluster feeding (I'm breast feeding and one bottle in the evening) from anytime between 4-7pm through. It's pure hell. The bottle only bits me enough time and as long as it takes her to finish it, usually to shower. The nights I try to out her down to safely sleep, she wakes. Last night my husband brought her up at 11:30 she woke and fed and snoozed and then I tried to out her down at 2:45am after she slept on me but she woke again. Changed and re-fed and got her down at 3:30 for her to wake at 4:45. Fed and got her down again at 6:30 and she was up at 8:45. My husband goes back to work Monday and whilst the days are bearable, the nights are dark, long and horrific. He'll need to move into the spare room and I'm frightened to death about how I'll cope during the night. I get so frustrated and angry at the situation and often have to hand her to him whilst I take a break having a wee. This is a dark time but equally I love her to bits and don't want to rush that element

@Mycrazylife85 that sounds so exhausting, sorry you’re having a tough time. What tricks do you try to get her to sleep, any white noise or swaddling? Does she get plenty of sleep during the day so she’s not overtired at night?
I feel your frustration, especially when it seems like they just want things from you for hours on end and you’re stuck in a cycle of feeding, burping, dropping to sleep for a short while then they wake up and you have to start all over again!

@bleachblondemom

Aww I think my DS had a tummy ache the other night, he cried loads and wouldn’t lie on his back or on his tummy on my chest. He brought a load of wind up in the end but it was hard to do when he couldn’t get comfy in any position. I’ve bought some infacol incase it happens again.

Thing is with infacol, its effect builds up over time, if it works (apparently debateable, but did for us), it needs to be given over time.

@bleachblondemom she hates being swaddled as likes her arms up but she does wake herself up. We keep trying to swaddle her. white noise, pink noise, brown noise... I'm sure it's only is that likes it.

She sometimes naps well in the day. Today not. She's only having ten minutes here and there and wants me to hold her. I don't mind this but means I can't 'sleep when the baby sleeps'. I just get through the day, pray to survive the night without dying of tiredness and think that's one less day or night to cope with. I do get crabby and frustrated and also cry about how much I love her also. But nights and such extreme tiredness is pure torture.

I've even took her to the cranial osteopath.

Today as she's so tired she falls asleep feeding so is doing such tiny feeds and such small sleeps.

We've tried using Colief and gripe water to help what appears to be her painful tummy. She doesn't wind well and does bring up a lot when we get wind, then wants to feed again. I am just taking solace in that no one has died of this so far..

Although at times I feel I'll be the first

We are still struggling with tiredness and sleep, it’s not as bad but still pretty bad if that makes sense!

@Mycrazylife85 sleeping when baby sleeps is so much easier said than done. My DS is the same and only wants to sleep on me in the day, some of the time I get lucky and he will sleep in his pram after a walk, or he’ll really shock me and have an hour or so in his crib, so then I can nap. But you never know each day how it’s going to go so you can never think well it’s ok I’ll get to have a nap later. Because you might not :/
Same as you, DS hates being swaddled so once I put him down in his crib to sleep I have to stay awake for a bit making sure he doesn’t wake himself up with flailing limbs.

@Mycrazylife85 have you tried one of these? DS is the same with his arms up but also wakes himself up with them. He sleeps really well in this (for a newborn!)
www.amazon.co.uk/Love-dream-Swaddle-White-3-6kgs/dp/B005MAURNS/ref=mpsa13?dchild=1&keywords=love+to+dream+swaddle&qid=1610811163&sprefix=love+&sr=8-3

@Ahorsecalledseptember glad things are a little better! Hopefully that continues.

DS actually had a good night until 4:30, I've been up since then but he slept for three hours on me this morning and then another hour. Have swapped with DP now.

Unfortunately the anti reflux formula is too thick to fit through the SNS tubes as we found out with a very upset DS in the night. So back to normal formula for now, if it gets worse it'll have to be anti reflux formula and bottles so goodbye to the SNS which is really upsetting. We shall see.

I’ve got one of those love to dream swaddled, it arrived today. Ds was still flailing inside it

We’ve had a long journey today and ds has had a long sleep. Still about 40 minutes away from home and hoping he doesn’t wake up!

[quote Mycrazylife85]@bleachblondemom she hates being swaddled as likes her arms up but she does wake herself up. We keep trying to swaddle her. white noise, pink noise, brown noise... I'm sure it's only is that likes it.

She sometimes naps well in the day. Today not. She's only having ten minutes here and there and wants me to hold her. I don't mind this but means I can't 'sleep when the baby sleeps'. I just get through the day, pray to survive the night without dying of tiredness and think that's one less day or night to cope with. I do get crabby and frustrated and also cry about how much I love her also. But nights and such extreme tiredness is pure torture.

I've even took her to the cranial osteopath.

Today as she's so tired she falls asleep feeding so is doing such tiny feeds and such small sleeps.

We've tried using Colief and gripe water to help what appears to be her painful tummy. She doesn't wind well and does bring up a lot when we get wind, then wants to feed again. I am just taking solace in that no one has died of this so far..

Although at times I feel I'll be the first
[/quote]
Will she nap next to you on your bed?

@Ahorsecalledseptember DS likes to eat the little 'wings!' When I get him up sometimes I'm not sure if he's been sick or just slobbered on them, they're that wet.

A cute story for you all amongst our tiredness and worry- we live in a converted church flat and have a high ceiling with dark wooden beams. As it's really contrasted against the white ceiling DS is obsessed with them. Every day he just gazes up at them lovingly, and has taken to turning his head to keep them in sight if I carry him through the room. I can't even rock him to sleep in the living room anymore because he just stares at his beams the whole time. I even thought he was giving me his first big open mouthed smile today but then I followed his eyeline and nope, staring at his beams

@Mycrazylife85 Have you tried baby massage? It's a few years since I went to baby massage classes with my Daughter but there were some things you could do that would help a sore tummy - thinking it was rubbing the belly in a half circle fashion from left to right and also doing cycling legs. Might be worth a google. Also, I know they are not recommended for overnight but a purflo next or sleepyhead for daytime naps, might help with that cocooned feeling they get from being cuddled in?

I had a half an hour napper from five weeks to 20 months, when she stopped napping altogether. Always loved night time though and slept like a log between feeds.

Only way she’d do it right up until she stopped napping was being rocked in a coveted buggy with white noise playing. At 20 months she was able to climb out herself and say ‘not tired Mummy’ so that was it!

@addler that is so funny and cute

Oh my god he’s slept for over three hours! I am so happy!

addler that’s sweet, I was wondering about buying ds some black and white sensory toys or is he too young?

Mine has a snuggle pod, he is calmer in it. I know safety is important but I wouldn’t want to sleep on a hard surface.

@Ahorsecalledseptember yay that’s great for both of you :)

Thinking of getting a sleepyhead or something similar to see if DS will nap in it during the day, but I don’t want to spend like £130 and it not make any difference...

@Ahorsecalledseptember also this is a perfect age to start sensory play, I have quite a few sensory toys for DS and he loves all the contrasting colours, plus anything shiny. Even things like feathers or bits of random materials are good for making your own sensory bag, you can then show him all the different colours and textures.