Newborn not napping well in the day

[bleachblondemom]

My baby is 3 weeks old and for nearly a week he’s struggled to nap during the day. Sometimes he has 2-3 hours, but a lot of the time I can only get him down for about half an hour. He spends so much time awake it worries me as I’ve read they should only be awake for about an hour at a time at this age. His feeding is all over the place because he wants to eat when he wakes up then by the time he’s ready to sleep again he’s also hungry. He’s also noticing he’s hungry faster because he’s awake so gets into the habit of eating little and often. Advice online is confusing me because it says to keep day times bright and noisy, but that baby needs quiet and darkness to sleep. So how do I do both? For a start my house is not dark at all during the day so I can’t even take him to a darker room just to get him off to sleep. By the end of the day he is very grizzly and overtired because he hasn’t had much good quality sleep in the day/evening. But to be fair to him he does sleep some really good 4-5 hour stretches during the night. I feel like I can barely breathe when I put him down to nap during the day as I know he will wake up at any moment. Also feel like I’m having to force him to go to sleep rather than being able to spot his sleepy signs and just put him down and let him go happily to sleep. Any advice?

You could have a look at the wonder weeks app if you haven't already, I take it with a grain of salt and don't live my life by it but it can be useful for checking when the expected general developmental leaps happen, so if one leap is due around now it can help explain periods of fussiness/clinginess and changes in sleep and feeding. Babies tend to develop in jumps, it's not a linear growth just like their weight. Some days they wake up and don't seem to fit their clothes as well as the night before, or suddenly seem much more alert and awake!

I’ve got it, but I can’t make head nor tail of it. I think I’m supposed to enter information but I keep forgetting.

Yeah I have wonder weeks, it’s not as great as I thought it would be considering I had ti pay for it but it is helpful to see the leaps, and it also notes the most fussy parts of those leaps with different colours & symbols which is actually matching up to how DS is now, so it’s kinda comforting to see that it’s all normal.
I haven’t been entering any of my own data into it as I haven’t got time to be thinking about that every day, I just want information!

It’s made me all tearful thinking about how I downloaded it in the hospital snd was looking forward to him growing, and it’s just awful. I wish I knew where I was going wrong and someone could help us.

@willowsandroses it’s so hard right now, not having the kind of support we would have under normal circumstances. I really feel it. I worry that DS won’t be good at socialising because he hasn’t seen many faces apart from mine and his dads. I worry that he’s so bored and thinks he’s come into a world where you just stay in your house all day and don’t meet other people! Which I know is mad as he’s 6 weeks old and has no clue what’s what. Do you have a support bubble at all? Although saying that, I have a support bubble and it’s still hard because I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone when I’m feeling really low, except DH, because I’m ashamed of how bad I feel. So despite having my mom around, i still feel like I’m struggling alone.
It will get better though, and I have to keep telling myself that as well so I’m not just saying it as a vague statement to make you feel better.

I’m just so unhappy. I am exhausted but it isn’t lack of sleep exhaustion. I can cope with that. Dealing with ds is like trying to comfort and cuddle an angry octopus. He just fights against me, swings his head around and head butts constantly, struggles and squirms, jerks his arms and legs. The crying is awful, there’s a wail starting up here now. No idea what I’m doing feeding wise . I really just wish I had never had him. I can’t see it getting better either, it’s got worse and worse.

@willowsandroses you sound exactly like me two weeks ago. I hated myself, hated my life, and found absolutely no joy whatsoever in looking after my son. Fortunately I feel a lot better now but if it had carried on I’d have made myself a doctor appointment to talk about post natal depression. Is there anyone you can talk to honestly about this?

DS has done a big vomit after his last three feeds then and some smaller ones as soon as he's been laid down even if it's two hours after he ate. I've been holding him since 5am and up with him since 3:45 when the first vomit happened. He seemed really unsettled at the last feed as well, he was crying which he never does during feeding. I don't know why it's just suddenly got worse

@addler oh no, hope he’s ok. Have you considered going to the gp? Not sure what you’re meant to do if they’re being sick more than usual.

He didn't even have a tiny posset after the last feed and it was a bigger than normal one as he was still hungry when he finished 🤷🏻‍♀️ the lack of pattern doesn't make sense to me but I guess that's babies

Hmm just a one off then? Guess we all have off days!

DS slept so much better last night, but I did not. I was too anxious to sleep :( so I lost so many hours worth of sleep, I was so mad at myself.

@willowsandroses I feel you so much. Our girl was Also born on the 16th. It's been quite a struggle emotionally and physically and my husband and I have had the same conversation as the thoughts put in this message. It's heartbreaking isn't it?

That is also much the same as you describe them with really really struggled with sleep, particularly at night time when I've done an all nighter before getting her off to sleep as my husband's alarm went off at 6:45. 4,5,6 am in the morning has been The normal and she doesn't sleep by herself in the daytime independently and has to be held. Incidentally I've managed to perfect the art of propping her up with pillows and lying my head back on the sofa or the bed and getting a little shuteye myself knowing she's not going anywhere. Needs must. I'm currently breastfeeding although my husband gives her a bottle in the evening when he takes her from 8:30 to allow me to go to bed for a few hours sleep. For this time I fed her for hours she feeds and feet and feeds and then as soon as I handed to my husband she would cheerfully take a whole bottle of formula there and then. A lot of people have said that she cried so much because she's just hungry because I can't give her what she needs and that's upsetting. We've been referred to a tongue tie specialist to assess if she has posterior tongue tie. There I say I hope it's it is in something can be done to help us all. I've heard so many times from people that it gets better and it doesn't last forever, however when you're in the depths of sleep deprivation and juggling crying baby screaming because you dare go to the toilet, it's really hard to believe. Last week I felt like my husband and I were going to a break up because we've had to go into spare separate bedrooms. I cried daily and people told me it's only for a short while, but it's really hard to think that's the truth. Know what you're feeling is felt by others, get through this hour and then think about the next don't think about tomorrow. Sending you huge hugs xx

14 hours here without sleep. People telling you it’s a short while is no help when every day feels like a week.

I just wish I could go back and do the six weeks again and not get it so horribly wrong. I very nearly drove him to a and e this evening. But there is no point. I haven’t been able to eat or drink much all day. My lips are cracked and sore and I look like utter hell.

This takes me back. I had 2 no-napping babies. Nothing worked (I never tried sleep training though, as I didn’t want them to get upset). Neither had the regular daytime naps the books (and all my NCT friends) talked about!! The eldest woke up every 2-3 hours through the night for 15 months and the youngest finally started sleeping through at 2.5 years old (woke every 3-4 hours till then). Absolutely knackering at the time. Now they’re amazing sleepers. It doesn’t last forever OP. It just feels endless at the time. Hope you find a good routine. Your little one is still very tiny and no doubt would prefer to sleep on you, so baby wearing is something to explore