Is it okay for my DH to sleep in bed with my dd?

[bigbirdbetty]

My Dd has always been quite an anxious child, she is now 11. She used to come and try and get in bed with us every night because she hated being on her own and we had to comfort her and get her back to hers. Anyway we made an agreement that she could stay in with me once a week on a Saturday night but that she should try to stay in her room otherwise. Her Dad would just kip in her bed.
This has worked really well and she looks forward to her sleep over and stays in her bed the rest of the week. Occasionally I go away for the weekend and up until recently she would stay in with her Dad instead of me. I haven't been away for ages because of COVID but I'm just thinking that when I do is it getting inappropriate for her to stay in a bed with him.
Please understand I'm not thinking my DH would do anything, I'm just wondering if it's weird or wrong. She still wants to and I don't know how I would explain that she can't. Just interested in what people think please.

Yes, she’s far too old

I'd say it's fine

I agree she’s too old

I don’t think it’s inappropriate; she’ll stop when it starts feeling uncomfortable

Maybe try her with a weighted blanket, I've heard they can be good for anxious people.

I think it's fine.

Aslong as she’s happy, there’s nothing wrong with it.

Why can a child seek comfort from her mother but not her father?

He's her dad, of course it is fine if they are both comfortable with it!

I think it's fine, to be honest she will grow out of it soon. so until she feels uncomfortable with it I'd let her.

It's fine. My son slept in with me whenever he wanted up until 11. He stopped asking after he turned 12. She'll soon let you know when she's no longer comfortable with it.

Its fine, he's her dad! He can comfort her too.

I can understand why you're uncomfortable as she's approaching puberty and no longer a little girl but I would allow it because you trust her dad, she's anxious and this helps her and - most important of all - the suggestion is coming from her. She'll let you know when she no longer feels comfortable with it.

I think it’s fine but it’s not really a long term solution is it. An 11 year old shouldn’t have this level of anxiety around sleeping alone. Have you done anything else to look at the issue?

Okay thank you for the replies so far. Some people say she is too old, is that to be sleeping with either of us? Or her Dad?
I am reassured by those saying it shouldn't matter as he is her dad and yes it is very much her who wants to not us!

Absolutely fine. This situation is often used as an example on child protection training. It’s fine as long as DD freely chooses it and her own bed available as an alternative.

Regular she has had some counselling for 6 months a couple of years ago. I realise we can't do this forever but keep thinking she will want to stop at some point

Of course it is okay, if DD wants to, he is her dad

I think she'll decide once she's uncomfortable with it and that lol probably solve the problem

Absolutely fine. I don't understand why anybody would have a problem with a child sleeping next to a parent at any age for comfort.

I don't think it's any weirder than her sleeping with her mother, but I'd be questioning how she's ok the rest of the week in her own bed. If she can do it 6 nights a week without anxiety she can probably do it 7!

I assumed you were asking because he was her stepfather. If she is the one asking to sleep in with him then let her until she stops asking.
Has she tried Audible for going to sleep to?
I find it really good myself when I'm having trouble sleeping.

She has sleep meditation and lavender oils.
Me and DH both have history of sexual abuse. DH from his Dad so we are desperately trying not to mess up here.

My daughter spent every Friday night in bed with her dad until she was in year 6. We spoke to her and explained it wasn't really appropriate any more and she was gutted but accepting. Our younger daughter is 10 and we'll say the same to her next year. It is a shame because it was our little family tradition and they'd wake early and have their breakfast together and I'd enjoy a mini lie in! All good things come to an end, I'm afraid. 😟

Of course it's fine, mum or dad, is irrelevant as long as she's comfortable. I'm not sure why anyone would think that sharing a bed with a father for comfort would be a bad thing (that's not directed at you, OP, I understand why you asked)
Long term, you do need to find a better solution.

Oh that's interesting POP. So you think it is inappropriate?