Late October 2020 babies - Support Thread

[Mc3209]

Graduating from Pregnancy forum into Parenting one! I feel almost grown up.

And of course everyone is welcome to join!

@DressingGown87 @Jaffas22 @DogCatDex @EmmaA96 @Parks11 @LadyB90 @Strawberries4days @LST87 @sls668 @plentyofplants @Uppsydaisy
@sunbreak @FirstSurprise001 @WaveStreet @roarfeckingroar
@Mc3209 @KitKatKit @1990shopefulftm @Lolllyf @HelenMarie1001 @Freddie1987 @BS9790 @hmeadow24 @Ghostworld @roarfeckingroarr @Glooorb @mamavee @UpsyDaisy1234 @Samk93
@60sPony @Monkeyseesmonkeydoesnt @AdventureAhead @Elizag20 @justtb @Clalou83 @SJR86 @Flora20 @Watersintheclouds @Jaffas22 @justtb

I am sorry if I missed anyone!

@FirstSurprise001 no possibility you could fit a cot in your bedroom? We moved DS cot into our bedroom last night and he appreciated having the space to kick a bit before falling asleep. We re using Calpol and Ashton's teething gel and then ibuprofen if he's really suffering

Anybody else feeling a bit disappointed with friends that have fallen off the face of the earth since you’ve had your baby. My two best friends have been totally shit if I’m honest and it’s really annoyed me. They barely ask about how we are, on the odd time they do check in it just seems like they’re ringing to talk about their own lives. I know it’s lockdown but it’s not hard to send a txt! My friend was supposed to be coming for a walk with me this morning as she doesn’t work on a Monday and text yesterday to say she couldn’t come as she fancied a lie in!!!! It was just the weekend and she doesn’t have any responsibilities to wake up for! Sorry for the rant, it’s just annoyed me and I feel quite disappointed if I’m honest

@Sls668 that's awful, do you feel like you could tell them how you feel?

Anyone elses baby show no interest in doing a baby "press up" during tummy time, DS can sit up supported for quite a while so I m wondering if he's disadvantaged because he weighs so much so his arms aren't strong enough yet.

@1990shopefulftm part of me is thinking to speak to them about it but, at the same time, I don’t know if I’m being selfish.
My friend that I was supposed to see today miscarried early last year, her baby was due a couple of months before mine. They’re still trying and she txts me every month upset that her period has come. I really do appreciate how hard it must be for her so try not to bring the baby up too much but I find it upsetting that I have to ‘play down’ my new mum experience. The other friend does struggle at times with her mental health and I think she finds lockdown hard.
I do have other friends who have stepped up and text/call all the time or meet us for a walk so it’s not that I’m lonely, I just thought they’d be different

@Sls668 I don't think it's being selfish at all, I m the first parent of my friends, we ve all had different challenges during lockdown but we have a group chat that we talk to each other about anything every few days, they have been a great source of support. One of them should have been trying this year but due to health condition that popped up is waiting for a year and I still talk to her and send photos of DS but I know if she or any of them found it hard that she would tell me.

@1990shopefulftm thank you, I feel like I make a huge effort to support her through her TTC journey but don’t seem to get any support back in return. I couldn’t decide if I was being selfish given the circumstances but you’ve made my feel like my feelings are valid!

Regarding tummy time, my baby hated it but is better on a roll thing (she still only lasts about 3 minutes but better than before!). The almost sitting is exciting!

@Sls668 I ve ordered a foil blanket incase that makes him happier on his tummy but all he wants to do really is sit down instead.

@FirstSurprise001 aww hope your ok, it’s so tough running on no sleep. Try rest when you can. Paige loves sleeping with her bum against the bottom of her NTM and legs in the air. How it’s comfortable I don’t know.

@Sls668 I’m not surprised your annoyed when you’ve made plans, especially in these times when daily walks are the only thing we can do. Speaking from someone who has been on both sides. When I had my MC and SB, I struggled at first to speak or mix with people who had a “family” “a baby”. But they all supported me through (like your doing with your friend), and I realised pretty quick I needed these people around me, I couldn’t not be happy for them, I couldn’t expect them not to be happy. In the end it hurt more, when they didn’t share news or things with me about their DC because I cared for them. The support should be both sided, as your both going through experiences and challenges of life, although they are for different reasons. As you say it’s not hard to send a text. I too have found distance has grown between me and some of my friends. I use to be the drinking buddy, going out, weekend away, holiday friend, now they realise my life isn’t going to be like that anymore. Even though we was close in all aspects of our life, they just don’t speak as much, no how you doing text.

My huge RANT. I’m freezing and trapped. They’ve been replacing the mains gas pipe for 3 weeks now, so supply has been on and off. Now it’s off continuously (prob for a few days) as they’ve hit a problem, and it’s going to be -4 tonight and snowing. The whole front of my house is dug up and street. I’ve no access with my car, and now I have to climb over the flowerbed to go on a walk, which I can’t do with the pram. So I can’t even escape! Paige can’t sleep through the constant jack hammering. I can’t bath her, and fan heaters are annoying me!

@1990shopefulftm just keep trying little and often with tummy time. Paige still hasn’t really grasped it, she will do short spells with a pillow, but just usually makes her sick. She loves sitting up too.

@Sls668 I have 2 best friends, one is having fertility issues so I am playing down the whole new parent thing in a similar way you do. In fact we haven't spoken that much at all since I had my son. The other friend friend has been good, but we haven't seen each other in person for months.

@DressingGown87 are they not compensating you so you can buy a heater to help a bit, that's ridiculous to be without heating that long.
He dribbles a lot over his pillow now so I think that makes him more irritated.

@DressingGown87 @Mc3209 thanks guys, I feel much better after getting that off my chest! We have always been big drinking and partying buddies so maybe we’ll drift apart for a while and they’ll join me in the next stage of their lives later on. I’m not chasing them to talk/meet up though!

@1990shopefulftm we LOVE our foil blanket!

@DressingGown87 I dont think they are allowed to leave you with no heating with a baby. i had a problem with my boiler and had no heating or hot water and I have British gas homecare but they initially said we couldn't get an appointment for 6 days because of covid and their strike but when I explained we had a baby they sent someone out within a few hours they said they needed to because babies are classed as extremely vulnerable

@DressingGown87 I should have added I know theres a problem with the pipe but they should be providing you with additional electrical heating

@DressingGown87 that's terrible, sending you warmest hugs! I hope they finish repairs quickly, and not in few days. Few days in winter without heating is loooong time.

@1990shopefulftm no compensation as it’s essential works to an old mains pipe.

@krissy12 I’ve told them repeatedly that I have a 16week old baby, and having no heating or hot water is impacting her. They’ve provided me with a small electric fan heater, but I’m constantly having to move it around the house. Will ask for some more tomorrow. My mum has brought me a little electric radiator for my bedroom overnight.

I spoke to them again before they finished. They’ve got another 2/3weeks before they’ve finished. But are going to try replace the pipe up to my property and through to the house as one of the priorities. He did say 80% of the street fall into the “vulnerable” group as most are elderly. I explained that whilst I sympathize with them and the neighbours, my daughter hates blankets, coats and being wrapped up as it restrains her, and she doesn’t understand. In bed with some extra layers 🥶

@Mc3209 thank you. I think there is a few more weeks to come.

@Sls668 glad your feeling positive now. As you said they may (hopefully for your friend) join you in this stage of life at some stage.

@DressingGown87 ((((Hugs)))) what a predicament. That's awful.

Ladies, has your relationship with your mother changed since you became a mum yourself?
I have quite a strained relationship with mine, my mother is a difficult person. I was partially hoping that 'joining the club' will make me see her point of view more, but in fact it has done the opposite. A bit sad things are the way they are, but I guess I will just have to accept the reality.

Can I get some opinions on this scenario please, baby fell asleep just before 5 and has woken up 10 mins later, his awake time is usually around 1.5 hours if everything goes smoothly and I usually take him to bed from 7.30-8, so I kind of need his nap to finish at 6. Do I:

1. Keep him awake now and try to get him to sleep at 6 for half an hour or something and take him to bed between 7.30/8
2. take him to bed around 7 which means he might be quite grumpy by then and also means that I have to go to bed at 7 ha

I think 1 would be difficult but not impossible but might mean he falls asleep later than usual and therefore pushes all the feeds in the night back, not too much of a problem but I usually do a feed before I go to sleep at 11 and then get a good 2 hour stretch before the next one.

I'm finding it really difficult to get the naps at the right time for a bedtime routine!

@mc3209 I'm sorry it hasn't changed in a positive way for you, me and my mum are okay at the moment but we're moving in with them for a month or so so I can't say how that will affect it!

@ghostworld I would do option 1. Quite often Paige has a nap after 6. But still goes down between 8-9 (even if she wakes at 7). I think is he’s only had 10minutes will probably still be tired.

I’m struggling with naps too. She will go down after a fight, but will wake after 25-35mins each time, at the end of the sleep cycle. Tried resettling but she just doesn’t have it, but is still tired. So lots of short naps! So any advice welcome.

@Mc3209 sorry to hear things are strained with your mum. Do you have much contact with her? My relationship with mine hasn’t changed, she has always been great at practical support, but not emotional. For example she will go get me a loaf of bread, take the bins out. But never stays for a chat or a brew, nor will she Be support me with childcare, but would offer to help me financially with nursery costs.

@GhostWorld forgot to add. In my experience if Paige I’d overtired and grumpy at bedtime, she’s harder to put down for the night too. Which seems backward 😂

We’ve gone back to the 30 minute naps again too and is really hard to get off. We have have had 2 nights this week where she’s been awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night just smiling and laughing - I think we’ve definitely entered the 4 month sleep regression! She’s had her second set of jabs today too so who knows how tonight will go!

@GhostWorld I have no advice were just winging it he has fell asleep just now. we normally do bath at half 7 then bottle then bed for half 8 but I know if I wake him up just now itll be a massive meltdown

DS has only had a 10 minute nap in the past 5.5 hours and he's been sick on me which barely ever happens, he's getting better with his coordination he grabbed the muslin cloth I was using to clean his face

@Sls668 if you find any useful tips for nap extensions please let me know 😂 willing to try anything. Hope the jabs went ok

Sounds like everyone’s having the same sleep problems! @DressingGown87 I can extend naps if I feed as soon as she wakes up but I’m not sure if that’s because she’s breastfed, might not work with the bottle! She’s not too happy tonight but not sure if that’s leap 4, the jabs or from being up all night long!