Late October 2020 babies - Support Thread

[Mc3209]

Graduating from Pregnancy forum into Parenting one! I feel almost grown up.

And of course everyone is welcome to join!

@DressingGown87 @Jaffas22 @DogCatDex @EmmaA96 @Parks11 @LadyB90 @Strawberries4days @LST87 @sls668 @plentyofplants @Uppsydaisy
@sunbreak @FirstSurprise001 @WaveStreet @roarfeckingroar
@Mc3209 @KitKatKit @1990shopefulftm @Lolllyf @HelenMarie1001 @Freddie1987 @BS9790 @hmeadow24 @Ghostworld @roarfeckingroarr @Glooorb @mamavee @UpsyDaisy1234 @Samk93
@60sPony @Monkeyseesmonkeydoesnt @AdventureAhead @Elizag20 @justtb @Clalou83 @SJR86 @Flora20 @Watersintheclouds @Jaffas22 @justtb

I am sorry if I missed anyone!

@Sls668 it's like they just want to grow up too quickly, 4 months going on 14😂 had enough lying down like a pancake, just wants to see the world. I'll see if that would work. It's like she starts doing one thing, stops after half way and then goes on to another🙈

@1990shopefulftm hope your feeling better. Try not to beat yourself too much, it can take a while for the hormones to balance, and your metabolism can be very slow after pregnancy. I think 6months is what they say the realistic timescale is. I’m still carrying pregnancy weight, and feel completely different. I’m taking small steps (could probably try harder) my goal is 6 months, as I want to fit back into my clothes.

@Strawberries4days Paige does what I call baby crunches, trying to sit up. If she’s propped up she can sometimes get to sitting. They are growing so quick.

@Sls668 oh wow, as if time has gone that quick that there is a 2021 thread!

@GhostWorld hope the gripe water helped if you managed to get some.

Can anyone please give me some advice. Paige loved the car when she was born, sent her straight off to sleep. Last few weeks car journeys are hell, to the point I don’t do them unless I really have to. She will claw at her face until it bleeds (now have to strap mits on), she will cry until she’s being sick and chocking. I’m constantly having to pull over to the point where she will need getting out of her seat and walked up and down to calm down. On serval occasions people have come out their homes to check she is ok, or on Friday the GP came out the surgery when I had to collect milk. This is leaving me very anxious, ans isolated. I was enjoying my daily walks, and seeing my support bubble until this.

This has also coincided with naps. There short and sporadic. She will gradually get more overtired throughout the day. Again clawing her face, screaming until she is sick. I’ve no issue with short naps, but as soon as she wakes she is still tired, making awake time quite tedious. I’m trying contact naps, pram walks, cot, dark, white noise, and she just won’t give in. I tried huckleberry some days it will work, others it won’t. Again having a detrimental impact on my MH as I can’t get anything done at home, or enjoy the wake time with her (unless in the morning or after she’s managed to have more than 20mins sleep). I’m working from home because I have to, I can’t live off SMP alone and not eligable for UC. I just feel a bit low, and lost.

@DressingGown87 I'm giving myself until march and if no luck losing more weight I m going to ask my gp to check my hormone levels as my periods haven't started back either.

Is paige on a specific milk or medication, if so could that be something to adjust if she's in pain, does calpol or ibuprofen make her calmer at all?

@1990shopefulftm that’s sounds sensible. I think for the first 6 months they won’t even discuss it. Hope it balances out soon.

Thank you. She is on allergy milk and omeprazole. But I don’t think she’s in any pain, she will quite happily be playing. But put her in the car and she freaks. I’ve given her calpol on a few occasions to see if it helps, but no change, she still hates the car, and wakes still tired.

@DressingGown87 No harm in asking them to check the omeprazole dose in case. Would having her in the car seat indoors and rocking her in it occasionally make her feel better perhaps? DS likes being rocked in his car seat

@DressingGown87 could you try distracting her with something attached to the car seat...we’ve got a spirally thing that coils round the handle and has little things that dangle off it that sometimes helps?? Also does she use a dummy?? There’s nothing worse than driving when they’re crying in the back so feel your pain about being put off about going out!

My boy has taken two steps back when it comes to sleeping...night times have gone from one calm feed in the night to three crying episodes and this has had a knock on effect to our little day time routine we had got going on :(

@DressingGown87 no useful advice from me, but lots and lots of sympathy. It sounds so tough. This phase will pass, it's trying to retain sanity until it does.

@DressingGown87 that sounds horrendous, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wonder if it is the sleep regression? She is now able to take in a lot more information and so the car ride may be presenting her with a lot of new things and she is getting overwhelmed? And then unable to sleep because she is overtired or stuck in this loop where "I'm tired" but "omg everything is so interesting I don't want to fall asleep"?

Is it possible to get her to sleep in a quiet and familiar place, and then get her into the car seat? Do you play Paige white noise?

I am finding that Oscar doesn't fall asleep in the car seat (or buggy or in carrier) as easily as he was previously. In the car seat this week he was getting pretty grouchy, something that doesn't usually happen. I played him some white noise (rather loudly by the way, I use it to sort of "break the cycle" of his crying so he doesn't get himself in a bind) and that worked for is.

Talk to us here if you need a place to vent and help with mental health 🥰 being a new mum is really hard! I find I doubt myself a lot and doesn't really know what to do / not sure whether I'm doing the right thing / best thing for my Oscar

@DressingGown87 could your support bubble come to you? To relieve you during the day for a bit so you can work/catch up with yourself and go for a trot around the neighbourhood together? Just while Paige gets over this phase.

Also I can recommend a good book 'What mothers do, especially when it looks like nothing' by Naomi Stadlen. It's an easy read and very validating.

@dressinggown87 lots of sympathy here too although not much good advice, like others have said you could try the car seat in your house and also maybe try sitting in the back with her while the car is off (obviously) so that she gets used to the environment a bit more when it doesn't feel like she's on her own?

Thank you everyone. Feeling a bit better today, but we’ve not been anywhere, tomorrow might be another story.

Tried her in the car seat before indoors, she just started crying. But tried distracting her and rocking, will keep trying. We have a spiral thing which plays music. I have a mirror too in the car, so I can see her. At night I drive with a reading light on so it’s not dark, and have lots of white noise I play on Spotify (but will turn it up). I will try sitting in the back with her. The HV advise was to just keep driving, but I get so far with her crying and it just escalates to her being sick, choking, gasping for breath because she is so worked up. I can’t drive with her like that. It doesn’t help that since I split with my ex 2 years ago, I had really bad driving anxiety, don’t know why. Took me a long time to be able to drive confidently again, and this has just knocked me.

@Glooorb I’ve been wondering if it’s regression and this new found world. She is so much more alert, and the eyes follow you everywhere. I think it’s coinciding with struggling to nap, so probably linked to being overtired. Will try get her to sleep before I set off, but any day sleep is a blessing. I know you constantly question everything, and sometimes just feel lost and overwhelmed in what to do.

@Mc3209 I’ve asked her to come, but she is struggling with juggling WFH and homeschooling her own children. Will ask if she fancy’s tea one night just to give me some company. Thank you for the book recommendation.

@GBA123 It’s horrible when they surely change, and go through these little phases, it has little knock on effects to everything. Hope he is more settled soon, it’s hard when you don’t know what’s the matter.

@DressingGown87 glad to hear that today has been a bit better. A day at a time, right? I have days where I just feel really down and overwhelmed by everything (bearing in mind I have a support network! So I don't know how you do it,.,) but we will get through this!!

I have yet another blocked duct coming on. I'm about to lose my sh**. I've actually lost count of them. I'm tired of having them every 2 days.

@1990shopefulftm I've also plateaued with the weight loss but I'm not too fussed about that but the stretch marks are getting to me. I think because I never had many whilst pregnant but thet have appeared since. I've also not had a period and nearly 14 weeks pp. spoke to the gp and she said its unusual but can be normal..... helpful

@DressingGown87 we can also have meltdowns in the car but it's not anything new so I don't really have any advice unfortunately thankfully we dont need to go very far just now. the only thing that I find sometimes helps is making sure he doesn't have his dummy in going into the car because if that falls out that can trigger a meltdown

@krissy12 some of my stretch marks are starting to fade but my stomach is getting in the way if I try to run or when I m bending down so quite frustrated my weight loss has slowed down. It's annoying to be told it's unusual but not offer any solutions to explain it

@1990shopefulftm I do keep saying I'm going to start slimming world again but I've not done it yet. yeah I know its frustrating although I didnt get my period for 8 months after I stopped the pill but the gp said I could go back on the pill before I get a period but I'm not really happy to do this would rather wait

@krissy12 that's understandable incase the pill side effects are worse by not waiting.
I m not planning on getting any hormonal contraception as I don't do well on the only pill I m allowed to have. I m calorie counting and intermittent fasting now which hopefully will help my body's hormones whilst losing weight.

@1990shopefulftm tbh I dont want to go on anything either when I came off the pill last time it took us a year to conceive and I had the worst acne but the gp said the only alternative would be the coil with no hormones but they like you to keep that for a few years but we would like another baby before that although not immediately which is why I want something

@krissy12 coils are quite cheap for them anyway so it's silly they re refusing to let people have them out sooner if they want another child. Could you ask a nearby sexual health clinic incase they d be willing to do it for you?

Has anyone had a smear test done post birth?
DHs work have kindly let him take time out to take me to do DS vaccines as I can't drive and it's not on the bus route but don't want him to have to take more time to a smear test. So I m wondering if walking to the GP with DS in his pram and him being sat near me when I have it done is a silly idea, when he's not struggling with teething he will sit in his chair with a toy for a little bit at the moment.

@krissy12 coils, mirena or copper, don't have to be in for a certain amount of time (mirena takes about 1 week before you are covered for contraception) and both types can come out whenever you are ready to start trying again. Mirena lasts 5 years, copper coil around 10 years. They take only few minutes to come out (in fact I removed my previous mirena coil myself - BUT I know how to do it, I am not advocating doing this!!) So if you feel that coil is the right thing for you, then definitely look into it.

@1990shopefulftm I had my coil fitted few weeks ago (which is similar set up to a smear) and I brought my baby with me. I just parked the pram next to the examination couch while GP was fitting one in. No problems at all.

@Mc3209 that's brilliant.

thank you I will ask again she implied I wouldnt be able to get the coil unless I was planning to have it in for a few years

@Glooorb that’s frustrating about the blocked duct. Is the medication not working / helping? Yes one day at a time, I think we just muddle through.

@krissy12 thank you! It’s so tough to concentrate.

@1990shopefulftm I think the GP will be understanding. They want people to get their smears. Check to see if you can have it though, they canceled mine months ago, because I hadn’t had a period after Paige. I’ve tried to rebook since but they have no appointments which is annoying.

So we have been in the dreaded car!! Two 25minute journeys (there and back). Put her in drowsy, rocked abit, sat with her in the back of the car and played with her toy whilst playing white noise (loud), and then I set off. Journey there was fine, no tears. Return journey had 10 minutes of crying and 3 stops to comfort, but didn’t get out. Takes a long time to get out, but we got out!

As for fertility I don’t think I will bother. I only have one follicle in my right ovary, so think my chances are very slim. Plus when I’m going to ever date again is questionable.

@krissy12 hopefully it was just a misunderstanding and you will be able get it if you want it. Here is the link to NHS info on it: www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/iud-coil

@DressingGown87 congratulations on being able to get out of the house with less drama than before 🥰

@DressingGown87 My gp said they could do it this month but I haven't had a period still so whether they ll want to hold off I m not sure.