How To Explain To A 7 year old About His Dad Going To Prison

[Matt20]

My son is 7. He Lives with his mother (my ex) but I see him regular even with Covid and he means so much to me.

Anyway I am back in court for sentencing after Christmas and am almost certain to get a prison sentence. I have kept all this from him ad my ex but have to decide if I tell him what is going on and what I tell him.

I have thought about telling him that I am going away to work but am sure he would figure it out or that my ex would tell him so I think its better for me to tell him and try and explain it to him.

I don't really know how to explain it to him and don't want him to think bad of me or not want to see me or anything like that. I don't even know if it would be possible but I don't even know if I would want him to visit me.

I was in trouble before when I was younger but haven't really talked to him about that. My own Dad was in prison when I was younger but I didn't see him and didn't want to due to how he had treated my Mum. Thngs are different with me but definitely don't want that to happen.

Hoping to get advice on what to do and especially if anybody else has had to deal with something like this..

Hope you’re coping ok

I know this is an old thread but just thought I'd post to say that I got released at end of last week . I am tagged and on curfew but definitely better than still being in prison.

Thanks for all the advice last year, I did write and draw a mini book for him trying to explain things to him. Things aren't really any better with my ex. I didn't see him at all when I was in prison and only got to speak to hima few times but did send him a letter every week and got a few back which was a bonus.

I am back living with my Mum - I am like a kid myself now - but has to be taht way while I am tagged. Never thought I would enjoy being in my old bed so much. She is trying to keep me calm and take things slowly but I want things to happen now. Am getting help with trying to get a new job after Christmas but that's hard when you are just out of prison.

Because of the tag and curfew I know, even if my ex agrees , that I won't be able to see him for anoher while and that is hard. For now we agreed that I can call him once a week until she hsees how things are going so I will do that at least for now, I was able to get him some things for Christmas and get them sent on to him so that's a bomus I suppose.

So pleased to hear you're out, and hopefully you can see your boy soon.

Best of luck for the future 🙂. Make use of your Probation Officer and make good communications your number one priority.

Good luck.

I remember your thread Matt20, wishing you well.

There are lots of things your probation officer can help with, please be open with them, you'll have some time on licence, maybe licence and pss if you got less than twelve months which from the timeline it seems you didn't get a huge sentence. If you have difficulties with anger or managing emotions they can refer you for interventions, you might be suitable for RESOLVE or a shorter structured intervention in the same area. Ask about ETE and a referral to the Shaw trust, they are great at helping people get qualifications and back into work, but sure what experience or interests you have but PTS training needs to a guaranteed interview, they also work with employers who are positive admit employing people with convictions.

The best thing you can do for your son is work on yourself, build your protective factors and support network, gain skills and stability. You need to become a consistent and reliable person in his life, that will take time, but I've seen many in your shoes achieve it. Good luck

Best of luck for the future.

Lovely news that you are out of prison; here's wishing you all the best for the future.

My guess is that your son will have really appreciated letters from his dad during the months apart; hope you're able to see him soon.

She is trying to keep me calm and take things slowly but I want things to happen now.

I work with people in your position every day. This is one if the biggest mistakes I see. People who want everything to get sorted immediately quickly loose their motivation. Slow and steady wins the race. Make a list, tick off one thing at a time (job centre, GP, bank etc) keep yourself busy, look for courses and opportunities. Don't push your ex too hard but do show her that you will be consistent and reliable. Remember to show your mum that you appreciate her help and listen to people with life experience. Best of luck.

Keep at it Matt. Everything you do to make sure your son keeps his nose clean when he's older will be worth it. For the record I didn't see your original posts till your update but you sound like you really want to be a great dad. Good luck

God this thread has had me in tears. Good luck OP. Really wishing you and your son the best possible future.

Amazing to hear OP

Thanks for the messages. was weird for me reading the thread again after a year and seeing what I was being like then.

My Mim is definitely a legend - she has always been supportive of me even with me going to prison andf all of this and especially after what happened with my Dad. I think that is part of the reason that I want to be as good ofa Dad I can be for my son and just hope when he's older he won't do anything like did to end up going the same way. I know taht would kill me and I would think I was to blame.

I got 27 months so did over 11 months inside and have 2 months on tag and then be on license from the end of February until April 2023 - seems like forever. I kept my nose clean inside and did what I had to do and not get into any bother as I was doing everything I could to get out a bit early on tag. Didn't know if i would get it though.

My Probation Officer is alright - we had a good talk and she seems sound. I have to meet her again after Christmas. Yeah O do want thinsgs to get back to normal fast and think I might be able to get a job through my friend's Dad. I know people have saud about all this schemes therea re for ex prisoners but I really want to do this on my own and I think I can. I'll do what I have to do if it helps mr but just can't wait to be finished with all that.

But it is great tro be out for Christmas

🙂🙂 you can do it!

I remember your original posts. I’m glad you’re at your Mum’s. I’m rooting for you, you’ve got this!

Thanks for updating, I didn't see your original thread but have just been reading it now.
I agree that slow and steady wins the race, you have too much to lose not to. I also work with some ex offenders and it is really difficult to keep motivated when things often take so long.

Hope you and your son have a much better 2022.

It’s strange to feel happiness and proud of a perfect stranger on the internet but we’ll done Matt for keeping your head down and doing your time.

There’s plenty of jobs now popping back up, especially if you’re strong and don’t mind working in physical jobs. There’s been loads of people out of work the last couple of years due to covid, so it won’t be completely strange on your CV to have a blank.

Going forward you’re going to have to really prove yourself to your Ex to see your son. This will be the greatest challenge of keeping calm, not getting angry at her and beating along to her drum.

But have a wonderful Xmas, give your mum a massive hug and hopefully this time next year you’ll be spending the holidays with your son.

Thanks for updating. I’m glad you’re out and wish you all the best.

Maybe keep writing your son simple letters to help fill in the gaps between calls? I remember my sister was terrible to talk to on the phone at that age but she treasured getting mail, even if she didn’t respond so much. And writing to him is great for modelling literacy. It’s good for you too, writing requires good focus.

You sound like a great dad and a sensible person who has owned his mistakes. I really wish you a happy and successful future.

I remember your thread. As a previous poster said, calm and steady now.

Have a look at this, it is a journal that Dad’s write in to capture their story, it might give you something to focus on
Dear Dad, from you to me : Memory Journal capturing your father's own amazing stories (Sketch design) (Journals of a Lifetime): 13 www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1907048456/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_XRFRQJZNZ248TJNHYA0C?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Hello, I am a bit late to the thread but it sounds like you have made good progress. I am glad your Mum has been a tower of strength.

Mostly I am pleased that you did not lie to your son.

However much you would have thought 'it's for the best that I tell him im working away' that lie would have been something that would have stayed with him. Better to tell him the uncomfortable truth. That's part of the reality of facing up to the crime and the repercussions it would have on a child. Always be truthful with him so he knows himself that he can trust you. All of us only get one mum and one dad in this life.

You do sound a caring father to your son. Please get some anger management or therapy to help prevent anything like this happening again for everyone's sake. It will be worth it for your own mental health, your son, your mum's and ex's. You may even have some unresolved issues around your own father going to prison. Better to get it unpacked, draw a line under it and move forward.

I wish you and your son (I hope he is doing well) a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and successful New Year in 2022.

tolerable do you need a nap? 🤔

All the posters saying the OP is a good dad and sensible and etc. What? How? Good and sensible would be NOT causing GBH and getting sent down for a stretch!

The child will hear it from other kids at school so he must be told and no, nothing about yummy mushrooms FFS!

Some of the responses on her are incredible. What about not breaking the law and being a good father that way or is it me?

Hi Matt
I’ve just picked up your thread. Your mum sounds like a gem. Everyone is so right on this thread. I get why your son’s mum reacted the way she did, her being the one, who has kept it all together. I understand that will have really hurt. Your son is still very little and you’re going to have to slowly build her trust in you. You’ll do this with consistency and proving you’re rebuilding your life.

You can do this and you know it’s going to take time. If you can continue to be as sound, steady and consistent as you portray yourself on this thread, you will ensure a better future for you and your son. Take any counselling or therapy you can get to ensure you stay away from trouble and to control your anger.

I think continuing to send letters to him is a brilliant idea and recordings reading him a story if you managed to do this whilst in prison. Children feel safest when there is a routine and on what is familiar.