If you have finished having DC, did you have the number you imagined you would?

[TurquoiseKiss]

Apologies in advance if this is triggering.

I'm curious to know, if people pictured themselves with a certain number of children and whether that materialised. Just a random question really.

I became a mum this year, DS is 6 months. Days I'm exhausted I wonder how people manage more than one small child! Other times when my energy is higher I picture DH and I with 3 children. I don't know why 3. You would think my next vision would be us with another child but I keep seeing our family 'complete' with 3 kids. Time will tell I guess!

No, I always pictured myself with 3, but DH was adamant about stopping at 2, so we did. I'm ok with it now. More than 2 looks like hard work.

whatwherewhywhenhow it was you that said you feel a bit disappointed that you feel you couldn't cope with more. I hear you! My two are very full on and I love their energy but it's exhausting! DP and I also like to support them to do as much as they would like in terms of extra curricular activities etc and we also love spending time with them, together and one on one. We are both quite thoughtful people and natural worriers
and over thinkers. We both feel quite scarred still by our journey to get the two kids we have so far. We have no family support locally which is also a factor in things feeling harder I think. Quite a few families who have 3 or more kids that I know of have helpful grandparents and other extended family close by and this makes a big difference I think.

Having less kids than you originally wanted seems to run in my family, mainly because we have a record for miscarriage and issues conceiving (me, my mum and my sister). DP and I originally said we would like 2 kids, very possibly 3 but see how we get on. My sister wanted at least 4 ideally. She got 2. My mum also wanted as many as she could, 4 or more, and also got 2.
It's funny and sad in some ways how things work out.

I think personality comes into play too, both in terms of the parents and the kids. Quiet parents who have extrovert kids may stop at a smaller number than they first imagined they would. Parents who have a tendency to worry may find it harder to get past the risks of each pregnacy, regardless of whether they experience fertility issues or pregnacy losses. I think people often like to try to recreate their own sibling experience assuming it was a happy one too. The parents of the much larger than usual broods that I know of come from large families themselves. I also know some who disliked being part of a huge family, or disliked being an only child, and so want to create their own family differently.

No I always imagined myself mother Hubbard. Had to stop at 3 when I went through early menopause at 37

GreebolsMySpiritAnimal it's hard when couples have different views on when to stop. I'm glad you are ok with it now.

I planned only one once she started school we planned a 2nd. I knew I was done with two during my second pregnancy once he was born there was no doubt my womb was off limit it was tough with two.

@Amidone

GreebolsMySpiritAnimal it's hard when couples have different views on when to stop. I'm glad you are ok with it now.

Thank you. It was hard - I had this picture in my head of what my family would be like. But I was blessed with two gorgeous, healthy, wonderful kids, and that's something to be very grateful for.

Plus, they spend their time knocking seven bells out of each other. I'm not sure what a third would bring to that. Referring, possibly?

I always thought we would have 3, just like dh and I were. Our one last baby was twins so 4dc for us. I sometimes really honestly want for some more but no, we're done, 4 premature forceps births is plenty.

I always imagined myself having two children. My second pregnancy was twins! So I have 3 and I love it, keeps me on my toes!

I have three but often thought I'd like four. Three is enough for us but it was an intense few years as we had three under 4 and in hindsight it was incredibly busy. Still felt a bit broody until our youngest was 1 but then became happy that we were complete. Animals now make the family bigger!

I wish I could have another but when dc were young it wasn't an option and it was only when I met dp I really yearned

Tbh neither I, nor DH, imagined having any children.

We have 2 and DH has had the snip so we're done!

Wanted 4, had 3.
Started too late and birth was awful. Never doing that again.

When I was a dc I wanted 5/6 kids. Probably because I didn’t realise how much work kids are!! Lol. I had two. Waited a few years and had a third. Think about a 4th, but feel old (late 30s).

I’m an only child and I always wanted 3 children. Now pregnant with DC3.
Thinking I now want a 4th but I don’t know anyone who has 4, nor feel it would be realistic for me to work full time with 4?!
Probably will stop at 3

Always thought we wanted two but once our second was here the idea of a third popped into our heads and didn’t go away so we had three. DH had always been keenish on the idea but I never thought I would want that.

We have 1 DC. I would have liked another but I've recently had a hysterectomy for health reasons, so no more babies for us. It is hard to come to terms with.

Wanted and have 2 here. Thought about a third for a little while, still wonder, but too old now so happy with what we have.

Assumed I would have 2 as it’s ‘the done thing’. Had 1 and the broodiness has never returned, so we are sticking at 1.

@ParkheadParadise

I had dd1 very young. I never imagined myself having anymore. I had dd2 @ 38. She was a surprise arrival, a total shock. Dd1 was 23. Sadly dd1 died 2 months before dd2 was born. Dd2 will be an only child, just like dd1 was.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

When DH and I hit together and got married we assumed we'd have 2. However multiple miscarriages, a tough pregnancy needing lots of scans/daily injections and then a prem baby meant we were more than happy to stop at 1. Then DC2 came along as a surprise (another tough pregnancy and lots of time in hospital from 30weeks onwards) and we are definitely done!

I can't imagine life without DC2 and he really has completed our family but I couldnt go through pregnancy

Posted too soon!

Couldn't go through pregnancy again and life gets easier as DC2 gets a bit older so I have no desire to go backwards again. DH had the snip 'early' according to some (31) but when we hear of others having DC3 or 4 and only feeling relief it's not us, we know we've made the right decision.

No, I thought I would have two or three and ended up with one. No complaints or regrets though, things often work out the way they are supposed to and we have been happy.

I have 3. I wanted a lot more but it wasn't meant to be. Between SN, difficult pregnancies, MN issues, financial limitations, etc. I'm delighted with the 3 we have.

Wanted 3 when I was younger, 1 of 3 myself.

Then took 2 years trying to get DS who was born with a genetic condition we didn’t know we carried. We can have NHS funding for up to 3 cycles of IVF with preimplantation genetic diagnosis to aim for 1 healthy child. We’ve applied and sometimes I’m so broody and keen and other times I think maybe we should stick!

I have 2, and would have loved at least 4, but that's very unlikely now given my relationship is about to come to an end, and I've just turned 40.