If you have finished having DC, did you have the number you imagined you would?

[TurquoiseKiss]

Apologies in advance if this is triggering.

I'm curious to know, if people pictured themselves with a certain number of children and whether that materialised. Just a random question really.

I became a mum this year, DS is 6 months. Days I'm exhausted I wonder how people manage more than one small child! Other times when my energy is higher I picture DH and I with 3 children. I don't know why 3. You would think my next vision would be us with another child but I keep seeing our family 'complete' with 3 kids. Time will tell I guess!

[AIMD]

@maureenfrombarnsley

I wanted 3, I have 2.

Age-wise I've got time in theory to have the third but so far that urge definitely isn't there. And it may seem odd but part of me also feels that I've been so blessed with the two I have, I'm a bit scared to push my luck.

I'd never rule it out but we feel pretty content and complete (and very tired!) that 2 is probably it for us.

I have this fear about a third too.

I had two relatively easy pregnancy’s and births. I always get the feeling I’ll have something horrendous if I have a third.

[dottiedaisee]

@Wishfulthinkk

I’ve got two lovely little ones, 2 & 4. Always imagined a big family, lots of children. Sadly their father passed away when my youngest was one. I’m mid 30’s and not dating/not ready/never have anywhere to meet anyone anyway(!) so unfortunately I suspect two will be it for me. However I am hugely broody but remind myself how lucky I am to have two.

Oh bless you . I really hope your children give you so much joy and comfort 💕You never know what is around the corner 😉

[Lofari]

Wanted 3. Got 3. Horrendous pregnancies with all 3, so definitely felt done after that.
My youngest has learning disabilities and physical disabilities too so no way could I do it again

[FolkSongSweet]

Always wanted 3. Have just had DC2 and not so sure - feel so lucky to have had 2 healthy babies and worried that a third might be pushing it. Will see how I feel in about a year’s time, and whether DH seems persuadable. We are 33 so have some time.

[Userzzz]

Wanted 3. I have 2 and feel overwhelmed with them most of the time. DH and I just knew we were done at 2.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

Never thought I'd have any, then had one and decided I wanted more - alas it was not to be.

[whatwherewhywhenhow]

Wanted 4, had 2. It was way harder than I thought (newborn and baby stage was tough and now the running around after very sporty primary aged kids and career impact) and I feel very done. Very happy with how it’s ended up but I do feel a teeny tiny bit disappointed that I couldn’t cope with more!

[Bubbletrouble43]

@RainingDogs please don't feel guilty. There are a lot of positives to being an only child. My eldest was 18 when her twin siblings came along so she pretty much grew up as an only. She says she loved it. I was able to focus on her and we had a lot of one to one time. My twins are almost 4 and I'm constantly feeling guilty that I never get to spend one on one time with them and feel divided constantly. I'm sure your son is fine.

[RainingDogs]

Thanks @Bubbletrouble43 that's good to know. I think Mum guilt hits most of us no matter how many we have!

[Mumbum2011]

I'm one of 6 and always imagined I'd have a big family. I had ivf to conceive with dd when I was 28, then I got an amazing career/ training opportunity which lasted 3 years. When we looked to try again the outcome of results was not good so we called it a day. Now though I'm really pleased with how things have worked out. I look at friends with two or more and don't feel any envy, only relief. Dd has lots of cousins close in age and lots of friends. My life is much calmer, flexible and as we're financially fortunate we're able to enjoy nice things/ experiences.

[MrsM36]

I always thought I'd have 2 as that is what I was used to... me & my sister. We have 2 daughters (in 2005 & 2008) but I after our 2nd was born I knew pretty early on that I wanted another child... however hubby was adamant that 2 was enough for him, so I put it to the back of my mind and ended up returning to my childhood passion of horses. Fast forward to today, we have a 15 year old, 12 year old & our very happy but unexpected surprise who has just turned 2. I am definitely done now... 3 beautiful daughters & 2 horses are more than enough for me! Xxx

[choirmumoftwo]

We were in our 30's when we married and didn't want any DC at all but then my clock ticked and we now have DS 21 and DD18. If we'd been younger, we'd have liked another 2 when our eldest were both at school but we're very happy with what we have. They're great young adults.

[PandemicImpact]

Wanted 0
Have 2
Both 18+ life is good.

[firesong]

I don't think I had a plan of how many to have...

I used to say I wanted three, before I had any. When I had my first I decided I'd be happy with just her. Ended up having another 6 years later (planned). I don't want more children, as lovely as they are

[DinoGreen]

I planned 2, I have 1. My second pregnancy ended in TFMR and my third miscarriage. We decided the second wasn’t meant to be.

[HalfBloodPrince]

Didn't want any but now I have a gorgeous 10 month old 😁

Definitely done though!

[CosyQueen]

I have one DS aged 3, I’ve always wanted three children but I don’t think we honestly could afford to have three.
I definitely would like one more though and would feel upset if we didn’t/couldn’t have one more- we plan to start trying in a year or so.

[MotherFeeder]

Thought I'd have two but only had the gift one.

[pinkdragons]

Really wanted 3. Always thought I would have 3.

But after two, I couldn't have another and be able to divide my self between 3 as needed. There's a lot of parenting to do! School work, clubs, socialising etc. And I want to be able to ensure they go in to adulthood as financially secure as possible. I couldn't manage 3 sets of Uni fees, 3 house deposits. And I do feel like it's my job to provide that.

[Redwinestillfine]

I wanted 3 or 4 but started too late, was exhausted in second pregnancy and decided that was it!

[Linnet]

I always wanted 4, we have 2 dd’s. My first delivery was quite traumatic and it took a good few years before I even considered having another one. By the time I’d decided to have another one and dd2 arrived there was 7 years between them. Once she arrived, after a difficult pregnancy, I felt that our family was complete and dh wasn’t keen on any more anyway.

Now they are early 20’s and mid teens and In the next few years they will both be away from home and I find myself wishing that we’d had another one or two.

[Hellhath]

From being young I always wanted two, a boy and a girl. Had DS1 and DD1. Had them young so started my career when they went to school. Done.
Six months later I was pregnant with an IUD in situ ! Lovely DS2.
I got sterilised and carried on with life. Done.
Then when he was 5 and I was divorced I met my current DH and knew straight away I wanted a baby with him. My sterilisation was reversed in a difficult surgery, I was told it was unlikely I'd conceive. 11 months later DD2 arrived. Definitely done.
DD3 arrived 2 years later.
DH had a vasectomy when I was 5 months pregnant to make sure we were definitely done.

[BecomeStronger]

No, I thought I would get the first 2 to school them have 2 more but I never bothered

[Amidone]

It's really interesting reading your replies, especially as someone who has agonised over whether to try for a 3rd. I am almost certain we won't and I need to make that decision soon (after far too long considering it) so that I can mentally move on. I'm interested that it's not just me who feels trying for a 3rd would be pushing my luck somehow. Probably not entirely rational and also quite a common feeling I'm sure so interesting in how so many get past it and others can't.

I'm sorry for those of you who have had losses.

Linnet how you feel now, wishing you had one or two more, is one of my fears with stopping at two. But I console myself that I will have more to give of myself to my two now if we stop at two. The long game with 3 or more really appeals but I don't know that I would manage them so happily now.

Someone upthread said they wished they felt they could cope with more than two. It's how I feel too and I feel a bit annoyed with myself for not wanting to be braver. But I'm trying to be honest with myself too. We're all different. I know me and DP would cope with whatever happened if we tried for a 3rd, whether a good outcome or a difficult one, but I would like to do more than just cope iyswim and stopping at two makes me feel we can enjoy parenting more.

[Mrsbclinton]

Thought 3 or 4. After no 3 I knew I was finished. Feel very lucky to have three kids & wouldnt change a thing.