If you have finished having DC, did you have the number you imagined you would?

[TurquoiseKiss]

Apologies in advance if this is triggering.

I'm curious to know, if people pictured themselves with a certain number of children and whether that materialised. Just a random question really.

I became a mum this year, DS is 6 months. Days I'm exhausted I wonder how people manage more than one small child! Other times when my energy is higher I picture DH and I with 3 children. I don't know why 3. You would think my next vision would be us with another child but I keep seeing our family 'complete' with 3 kids. Time will tell I guess!

Due to infertility, we have one brilliant child. We had hoped for four.

I’m one of three, thought I’d like three, but after DC2 my marriage was not in a place to TTC again and I knew I didn’t want a relatively bigger age gap between youngest and middle than there was between eldest and middle. So the window of ideal opportunity passed. Also I became much much more aware of how big a gamble each pregnancy is after DC2’s birth. Weirdly I didn’t feel at all worried when pregnant with DC2 that something would happen to me or the new baby, but after DC2 was born i felt hyper aware that any new pregnancy had the chance of something happening that could make life difficult for my existing DC. It started to feel selfish to be broody - what if something happened to me, what if we had a child who would need intensive care taking our attention from our DC...

Now I’m well past being broody and I’m glad we’ve only got 2. They’re bloody expensive and whilst I’m sure we’d manage with 3, it would be more of a struggle and a compromise.

I’d have liked to be pregnant again, though. I was extremely lucky and had easy pregnancies, which I don’t take for granted at all, but it does mean you look back on it with rose-tinted glasses.

Wasnt sure what I wanted but had a strong leaning towards three. Now have two and we're done. We both work and are still dealing with very broken sleep. I couldn't imagine dealing with an extra little one!

Plus my two are both amazing and I can't imagine another one upsetting the apple cart!

Yes...2 was my max and 2 is what I have! I am very much done!!

I wanted 3, I have 2.

Age-wise I've got time in theory to have the third but so far that urge definitely isn't there. And it may seem odd but part of me also feels that I've been so blessed with the two I have, I'm a bit scared to push my luck.

I'd never rule it out but we feel pretty content and complete (and very tired!) that 2 is probably it for us.

I have one. I would have liked more, but it's unlikely. I sleepwalked into the first pregnancy and count myself very lucky that I got pregnant when I did. My body doesn't give much thought to getting pregnant, it seems. Not successfully, anyway. I've said before that I would love a transparent screen in my belly so I could actually see what the fuck was going on in there!

Planned 1 due to career, had no.2 and gave up said career; pregnancy no.3 wasn’t successful. 6 months after you’re first is still very raw, personally it took me until no.1 was about 3.5/4 to even consider having another and even then no.2 was born when no. 1 was 6. Don’t put yourself under pressure, like you say; only time will tell what is in store for your family x

I wanted 2, and got 2, with the age gap we'd hoped for. Very lucky. After dd2 was born I had a strong sense of completion, whereas after dd1 at the same point I felt like I couldn't wait to do it again!

I wanted 4, have 3. I knew after I had DS that I was done. DH would quite happily have another!

Yup. One and done.

Thanks @Montyman, I think having had a baby so recently has put me in the broody group. Realistically, unless we won the lottery, we wouldn't be able to even try for DC2 for another 2 years. By which time I'll be 36... But as you say you never know what's in store!

I imagined 3, but I think that's because I'm from a family of 3 siblings and so were many of my friends so I just thought it was the norm! I have two which we are sticking with, as its DH preference and my feelings for a 3rd are not strong enough to push him.

In my youth prior to any kids I imagined four. After my first I still envisioned four, I was broody for a sibling from when my first was about six months old. We got to two years and then had number two who didn't sleep and I honestly had a lightbulb / switch moment where from about six months I knew I was done. We were exhausted. I look back now many years later and know if we had more energy, help and money we might have had a third.
Trouble is in this day and age I feel you have to be so much more hands on, financially set and available than my parents ever were. Which is probably why four for them came easily.

I wanted 1 and have 1! Very happy with that

I agree @Wornout12108 it seems like having 3+ children in our parents/grandparents era was more... doable? Well I'm sure they were just as knackered as parents in 2020 are, but I hear you when you say "in this day and age I feel you have to be so much more hands on, financially set". I know so many people who have stopped at 2 children as 3 would = changing the car(s), moving/extending their home, childcare/holidays being more expensive. I guess in years gone by however there were less "material goods" involved? Both my parents have 4 siblings but lived in modest homes and it was the norm to share a bedroom up until they moved out, having a people carrier-style car was for the very rich, and childcare was done by SAHMs/"housewives".

We always hoped for 2. We have 2. Neither came easily as we had fertility issues so needed IVF for one and Clomid for the other. We also lost two pregnancies in between them at 6 and 10 weeks. I had one difficult and scary birth and hard recovery and one that was great. I also had one happy ulk term pregnancy and one full term pregnacy full of stress and anxiety (after the miscarriages).

I idealise a 3rd as mine are now both at school and I want to freeze time in a way as I adore them and love spending time with them. They're both the same gender, are 3.5 years apart and are great pals.

I also have two embryos remaining in storage so theoretically we could use those to try for a 3rd.
But like others have said, I can't shake the feeling that I would be pushing my luck and tempting fate in some bad way, and that a first trimester miscarriage might be the least worst possible bad outcome and I've found the two of those I have had very hard to deal with.

I adore my kids and love the idea of them having each other always and I also like the idea of more adult offspring but I don't feel brave enough to go through it all again now. And I'm 43. I feel sad about it and wish i had tried for a 3rd when I was 40. But we didn't and we are where we are. Having a 1st at 43 is one thing but trying for a 3rd with all the uncertainty that any pregnacy involves feels a step too far.

Would have liked 3, have 2 with a 6 year age gap and third never happened and I didn’t want another big age gap again & my age now not that I’m to old but definitely don’t have the same energy as I did with 1st.

I used to imagine I'd have 4 - 2 girls by 25 then two boys by 35 but bereavement and difficulty conceiving got in the way. We have two together (boys) and my husband has two boys 20 years older so the younger ones have fantastic role models. I sometimes miss having a daughter as well, but in all honesty life is really good so would any changes have made it better? Maybe but if I could go back I wouldn't gamble on what I've got. ♥️

I have 2 girls. I’d only have had a third if it was guaranteed a boy.

Also, something that I didn't even think about when I was planning 4 children and should have was the fact that the world is getting crowded. I think two is plenty.

Also, university fees.... a definite factor to consider! Older two were lucky to get grants but we still paid for their accommodation etc. Youngest two we'll have to pay full whack for.

Planned 2+. Had 1 then tried for a year to have another then gave up as didn't seem to be happening. Eaten up by guilt most days for not trying harder to give my kid a sibling. I can see how much he's missing out on.

And when they're little... I remember crossing the road with them, one in each hand and thinking it felt right. Fast forward to school nights - helping each with their homework and then reading them stories. It takes all evening as it is. Then the school run... there is a whole generation between my older SSs and our two youngest. But they all went/go to different secondary schools in different directions. Still waiting for 11+ results for the youngest but if he gets his choice he'll be at a fourth different school. So if they were all close in age it would have been a nightmare trying to negotiate 4 different schools. All things I didn't even think of when they were tiny.

When I was young I thought I would have 3 or 4 but I think this was mainly because I wanted to pick lots of names!

Due to finances and (mainly) not coping very well with the first few months we stopped at one. I like being able to spend lots on extra curriculars and focus just on her etc and I think we will be able to give her a reasonable deposit on a house when she's older which is a big deal. Happy with the decision.