Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

I used to get this. Eyes raised that my (prem and summer born) reception class DTs were pushed home in a buggy. Sheer snobbery. It's fine to let them pile into a Chelsea tractor but God forbid they cross a park in a buggy.

Ignore tossers. Do what works for you and your family. She won't be in the buggy by the time she's in junior school.

Try not to worry about what other people think, and do what's best for you and your family.

I used a buggy with my eldest until she was about 5 for similar reasons especially when you need to get heavy shopping.

You also might want to consider a bike with a trailer? Or a child saddle on the front of your bike? I now have a Brompton (because we don't have bike storage) with a Pere Milian child saddle that fits on to the front and my 3.5 year old sits on it in front between my arms. The Brompton front bags are huge enough for groceries and I could if I wanted also have a rear rack (but don't need it). There's also trailers like the Burley Bee etc, Crozer, which will attach to most bikes. You can get them more reasonably priced second hand and also sell them on again after you don't need them.

I should say that we adore the bike! It has revolutionised my commute. But I wouldn't feel any shame in using a buggy for an older child if that was more convenient. It's more important to be able to stay connected and do your shopping than anything else.

This makes me cross, why do they plan developments and then not think about how people will get around!

Indeed...

but look how abused people get when they object to said new developments. It's obvious how badly planned and what problems it creates later, but no one cares.

My kids were terrible walkers - would either run off or dawdle and complain. Now they are older I understand their difficulties better - one has an ASD diagnosis now. Little ones get bored walking to shops, it's not the same as playing in the park and you can't always make it a nature trail or fun experience.

If she has trouble on a bike you might find a balance bike works well - might somebody buy you one for Christmas? They are very light and easy to scoot compared to the laborious pedalling of cheap tricycles. That was my solution to the school run in the 3/4 year old period. Also it's easier for them to transfer to a pedal bike later. I appreciate it's about safety too if you have to walk beside roads.

Good luck

By using your feet and a buggy, you're saving the environment these judgemental oiks share. We should be appreciative of those who are on foot with kids in a buggy - whatever their age. Nobody knows how far they have to walk, or what hidden disabilities their kids may have. All bystanders can know is that they're not jumping in a car, when something is walking distance for an adult. And that should be praiseworthy.

My ds was a lazy so and so and still using a buggy at 4. He is nearly 18 and has represented England at athletics. I wouldn't worry OP, just do what works for you.

That micro scooter for £60 looks amazing.

Do what you have to do, OP.

The bollerwagon looks like an excellent solution.

@happylittlechick

How far are we talking? My two year old walks his sister two miles to school and back each day. I would expect a school aged child to be able to walk a fair distance unless they have additional needs. Especially if you are in no rush. Try and encourage her to walk a little further each time.

Your 2 year old walks 8 miles a day?

How far is it? 4.5 is fat too old to be in a buggy tbh and I think you need to look at other options like a scooter.

Carry a 4.5 year old in a backpack?!

I don't get why everyone is so keen to ditch a buggy and make life harder for themselves just for the image! Great if you can get the kid to walk, but when you need to be somewhere and need to get shopping back, do whatever you've got to do.

Shopping trolleys with boards, hiking backpacks, dragging a scooter, dragging a whinging toddler: you're all acting like idiot martyrs and they sound like a fast route to a dodgy back!

For what it's worth, my mum used to let me ride in the buggy down the hill in reception and make me walk up the other side when we had to walk two miles to school with a sibling because I was exhausted after a day at school. I've grown up capable of climbing mountains just fine.

My dgd doesn’t like long walks and occasionally wants to be picked up, I just try skipping and being silly singing songs etc and that does the job. We look for flowers and things on the way and this distracts her.

How far is it? There's a huge difference between how far a 4 year old can walk and how far they are willing to walk.

Carry a 4.5 year old in a backpack?!

We carried DS in a backpack through airports and places where a buggy wasn't convenient until the end of this summer. At 2.5 and fifteen kg at his last weigh-in, he was an absolute weight and I mostly left it to DH. I'm not sure even DH would want to carry him now for long periods.

My little boy is 6,autistic and often re fuses to walk. I don't drive either so have to use it alot. I have never been buggy shamed but if I was I would really make the person shaming me wish they hadn't. Your child, your choice. Do whatever you want and if anyone says anything print out copies of your post and hand them to the shamer! You're doing great and your best like we all are. Lots of love x

@Halloweenrainbow
As a mum to half dozen kids looking back the only thing I regret is not choosing what would make my life easier every single time.
Several periods of my life I had no car with small children and lived out of town and it was awful, and without the pushchair there would be no way to carry the shopping while minding the child(ren) anyway.
Imagine no one could see you, would you happily use the buggy then? Use the buggy. The judging voices are probably mostly in your head, and if there aren't, you could just feel sorry for those sad people whose life is so empty they have time to register other people's kids age and come to their own conclusions about circumstances/development stages and pass judgement.
One of my kids' primary schools was just under 2miles away, and my American friend who lived near me, used a buggy for most of reception year for her daughter, it allowed her to get to school much quicker.
It's true that someone driving the same distance basically just uses a big metal buggy for themselves or their kids and there's never any judgement attached.

How will your child learn they just have to get on with the walking 4 and1/2 is to old for a buggy my just 5 year old will walk miles been out of a buggy since 3 picking them up carrying them does not help them or you. an no way would I give up a space on bus for child in buggy of that age. Of course different if child has some learning difficulties but a healthy child should be able to walk a fair distance at that age.

My children still went in the buggy at nearly five , all grown up , all toilet trained , all in work , all able to walk . you can always get her to hop out half way home and load the shopping on the buggy .

@WitchQueenofDarkness that's all very well when you're taking grandchild out for a bit of fun. Entirely different when the pavements are dodgy, tractors and lorries are thundering past, and you've got bags of shopping. And a rucksack.
Abso-bloody-lutely @stodgystollen and @perfectstorm

I read the thread title and thought it was going to be a Daily Mail headline 😂😂

Very dramatic.

[quote Whenwillow]@WitchQueenofDarkness that's all very well when you're taking grandchild out for a bit of fun. Entirely different when the pavements are dodgy, tractors and lorries are thundering past, and you've got bags of shopping. And a rucksack.
Abso-bloody-lutely @stodgystollen and @perfectstorm[/quote]
The OP mentioned none of that.

I'm really impressed that your kids were all in work aged 5 jessycake

I wonder if you could attach a buggy board to one of those push along shopping trolleys?