Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

I couldn't give a toss what anyone else thinks, especially if the furthest they have to walk their child on busy weekday mornings is from the car to the building.

Yes, I’ve also noticed that most of the people who can’t understand why any child over than 18 months would be in a buggy aren’t using walking as a form of transport. “Mine were walking everywhere by the time they turned 2!” Right and by ‘everywhere’ you mean from the car park to the trolleys at Tesco, it’s not really the same.

Scooter worked better for me than a buggy from 4-ish but I wouldn’t care if someone else had theirs in a buggy.

While all children are different, I would think that a child who can barely walk any distance had some kind of SN which prevented that.

If you are genuinely pushing her everywhere in a buggy for a quiet life you are doing her no favours what so ever.

This child will be at school soon, where they will go on school trips, walks out into the countryside potentially, if she can’t walk then she’s going to struggle.

You need to work on getting her out of the buggy and walking more, without the shopping to begin with, but keeping her in a buggy is not good for her. At what point are you planning on ditching the buggy altogether, because there will have to come a point where you do.

If she genuinely can’t walk then you need to seek some medical advice.

This child will be at school soon, where they will go on school trips, walks out into the countryside potentially, if she can’t walk then she’s going to struggle.

Fairly sure she’ll be in a class with lots of children who get driven to the shops. They’ll be okay.

My boy is nearly 4. For longer distances I use the buggy. He has hypermobility and physically cant walk for. I say who cares

Yes, I’ve also noticed that most of the people who can’t understand why any child over than 18 months would be in a buggy aren’t using walking as a form of transport. “Mine were walking everywhere by the time they turned 2!” Right and by ‘everywhere’ you mean from the car park to the trolleys at Tesco, it’s not really the same. I don’t have a car and I walk everywhere. Moreover I didn’t use a buggy either because I am VI and a guide dog in one hand and a buggy in the other wasn’t practical. Some people choose to drag a buggy but I wasn’t comfortable with that, so I had a sling until he outgrew that and then a back carrier. From the time he was able to walk and wanted to I allowed, it, bit by bit until he walked everywhere or had a bike or a scooter. he was out of the carrier by the time he was two.

This isn’t a toddler we’re talking about here, it’s a school aged child.

It’s one thing to not want to walk but ride a bike or a scooter instead. But OP said that she can’t even manage that, so either the OP is doing this for a quiet life, in which case the child really does need encouraging to propel herself more be that on a scooter or by walking, or there’s something amiss and the OP should seek some medical opinion.

My boy is nearly 4. For longer distances I use the buggy. He has hypermobility and physically cant walk for. I say who cares but your DS has a medical reason why he struggles to walk distances.

The OP says her DD can’t walk or cycle or scoot any distance at all which if there is a medical reason is understandable. But if there isn’t then she should be encouraged to do so more because the buggy isn’t going to be sustainable for much longer.

he was out of the carrier by the time he was two.

So was mine, when we were walking short distances. 4 miles out and back to the shops, it was carrier or buggy or scooter for a lot longer.

The OP has not at any point said the child can’t walk, she’s said the child can’t walk all the way to leisure centre/shops from her out of town housing estate.

And tbh, while I’m a big fan of scooters for getting them long distances at that age, they can be a bit of a nightmare if the route is narrow pavements with busy roads or a lot of driveways and road crossings. I have done a lot of walks holding on to the scooter myself which somewhat defeats the purpose.

I can carry the child. Or I can carry the shopping. But I can't carry both, especially for miles (he weighs about 16+kg). So I take the buggy. Most of time he walks, but he jumps in at the shop so he's not milling around in the aisles spreading germs and touching things. Then we sling the shopping in the buggy and he walks home holding the buggy. If he's not holding hands nicely, he goes in the buggy and I carry the shopping. Works for us. Don't see why anyone else would care.

@Halloweenrainbow

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

Where is the shaming coming from? Are people making comments.

I think 4.5 is quite big for a buggy but I’d never say anything to other people or even think much of it, you know your own circumstances. If people are judgy twats that’s their lookout not yours. Certainly don’t let random wankers you don’t know put you off going out!!

For all the op knows her DD could have an issue such as dyspraxia that is impacting her ability to cycle/scooter and making walking more tiring.

Why be so judgmental?? The child won't be in a buggy at 8!

When public transport or a car isn't an option what is the big deal about using a pushchair??

I was very bemused at the child that was pushed from the car to the playground in reception class - child would then run around fine. Turned out child was autistic which I think likely made her very resistant to walking that short distance and Mum was very much a pushover because she "wanted her children to like her" but in hindsight I think the almighty battle wouldn't have been worth it!

How far is the walk?.

Some kids get used to being driven everywhere. My sister is bad for this, I remember making my 7year old niece walk down the beach, it’s only about a mile and a half. Niece wanted to go in the car and whinged So much my sister was actually going to drive down there. I made every one walk. She whinged for the first 5 or 10 minutes until she realised I was taking no shit, and then happily walked The rest!

I'd use the buggy. When DC1 was four, they were still very happy to jump into a double buggy with their younger sibling. I remember being a little embarrassed but DC1 loved being in a buggy. The same child is now very sporty and active.

DC2 didn't like the buggy or walking! I bought a small balance bike (smaller than DC2 needed) and it was loved! Sitting down and scooting solved everything. When DC2 was four years old, she jumped on one of her friend's pedal bikes and cycled immediately. I'd highly recommend a balance bike and the smaller the better so your child can sit comfortably on it!

Get a scooter. Kids moan sometimes about walking. She is old enough to be able to walk. I have 3 dc. The older two are 7 and 8. We don’t own a car and walk everywhere. They also play in the park and walk/run around when playing 2-3 hours. But sometimes when they walk they complain of being tired etc. But they continue bc of course I’m not carrying them at this age! Anyway, that being said they can walk. Let her walk. If she knows you will carry her, then of course she will try that. It’s true, many kids don’t walk enough and that is why they are overweight (along w bad eating habits).

Sadly buggy shaming is a long standing 'tradition'. Back in c1990 my partners mother would get dirty looks even though she was using a specialised buggy because they had juvenile arthritis. My partner has vivid memories of rolling around in screaming agony in the back of their car it was so bad. People are shitty and judgemental.

The thing is if there is no public transport now and you aren't likely to drive for the foreseeable future how long is this going to go on for?
Most buggies have a weight limit and honestly it stands out when someone has squished their 5 year old into a buggy they clearly don't fit in?

I'm Not judging but I do think you need to have a medium to long term solution in place - you can't expect to put her in a buggy at age 6 onwards and not get funny looks?

I'd be looking at the scooter options or the bikes others have posted

OP is clearly not going to tell us how far the walk is!

@Halloweenrainbow

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

Im really confused by this? Do you mean your DD gets her feet caught in the buggy? If thats the case shes too big for it then. No one is shaming you, its just too small for her to be safe

Surely online shopping would solve all your issues?
Seems a really faffy way to think about things when you can just press a few buttons ,shopping delivered .
Some Supermarkets have online slots that are £1.

anyway OP:

I’d be looking at a scooter if that’s practical and seeing if she can work up to managing longer distances on it.

I’d also not worry that much about using the buggy in the meantime

But mainly, given that you live on an estate that’s a fair walk into town, I would REALLY suggest you don’t isolate yourselves just because of what you think some strangers might think about the buggy. That’s not going to be good for either of you.

There's a big difference between taking a young child on a nice walk in a safe environment where you can let them run free and navigating busy, polluted, unpleasant roads with rush hour traffic and cars going too fast.

We went for whole day walks and picnics in spring and summer since there was very little else to do. DS (then around 2-2.5) would walk for miles, up and down hills. One time we calculated he'd probably done at least 8 miles in one day on hilly ground, which isn't bad for little legs. He'd be lying on the ground, too tired to go any further, but would still make a fuss about being put in the carrier on DH's back because he wanted to be out and about (no way I was carrying the little lump!). We still enjoy going for weekend walks now although the rain and cold drive us in after a couple of hours.

I don't think using a buggy in some situations when it's convenient matters, so long as children get plenty of exercise overall. Sometimes, we just need to get places and get things done quickly.

Scooter with a pull lead works for us (it works so you can carry the scooter like a bag when it’s not being used). We walk maybe a mile twice a day and sometimes she walks it and sometimes I pull her. Frankly I can’t be arsed with the whinging at the end of the day when we just need to get home.

You’ll get judgement whatever you do, I suspect dd is dyspraxic, so don’t let her scoot independently on pavements because her balance/sense of direction isn’t up to it and have had comments she should be doing it herself. But then I’m judging right back when I see kids who’ve clearly not been taught to be considerate of other pedestrians or an awareness of driveways

You just need to do what works for you, you don’t have to justify it to anyone, you’re the one who has to make the journey. Might be worth contacting your council about the lack of public transport provision though. It doesn’t sound great for anyone with mobility issues and a nightmare for shopping.

Who gives a monkeys what anyone else thinks! If buggy works best for you and DD use it- you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone.

@SewingBeeAddict it's the tricycle that's the problem not the buggy.
No less of a faff to pop her in a buggy.
@ivfbeenbusy letting the child sit in a buggy now doesn't mean she'll never walk anywhere, ever.
She's little and she gets tired. Her mum's clearly finding it all a bit of a handful. I don't blame her.

@Halloweenrainbow I just read your most recent update. It sounds frankly quite dangerous to do anything but use the buggy. Sorry it's so difficult