Rushing to move baby into their own rooms or to sleep on their own...

[Safesleeping]

I've seen so many posts recently about putting babies in their own room and such a young age so the parent/s can sleep better. So many comment "my baby makes to much noise at night" "my baby needs to learn to sleep in their own". Its so sad, your baby needs and wants to be around you, there is the 6month rule for a reason.

Why do you really need to push your baby out at such young ages? Did you not think about these things before having a baby? I really hope nothing happens to these babies that are being put into their own rooms because mummy needs more sleep...

I agree, it's quite unique globally to do this. Mine have all slept in our bed as long as they wanted. That has ranged from 18 months to 5 years. My health visitor told me that current SIDS research shows it is still protective to have infants room in longer than 6 months, and there has been talk of changing the guidelines to 12 months, and she actually advised us to not move at 6 months. The thing I find strange is not those who do it because baby is being disturbed by the parents going to bed etc but how many posts I see of parents saying they are running out of time to work out where to put baby (sharing with siblings or moving house) because they are nearly 6 months. Like maybe they believe it's something they think they need to do developmentally and they don't realise that it's the minimum age and there are benefits to room sharing for longer.

I think you'll find it's cultural too. I come from a country where cosleeping is the norm until DC are a few years old. In Japan people tend to share sleeping spaces as well as other cultures.

While I personally can't get my head around people not wanting to have their DC sleep with then as a family, i realise that this is the way I've been raised and socialised and many other cultures do things differently.

I think each to their own as long as you try and generally follow guidelines which have been researched for babies safety. However i am with you OP in that it is a very alien concept to me not to all share a bed space :)

100 percent this. OP get over yourself. And while you’re at it, keep your judgmental opinions to yourself.

I put my DTs in their own room (together) at 8 weeks after they’d outgrown their next to me crib, and I didn’t have room in my bedroom for anything larger for them to sleep in. We had an angelcare monitor for each baby. They slept so much better, and it was the start of them sleeping through the night.

Would I encourage others to do the same? Absolutely not, it’s against guidelines. But in answer to your question of why I pushed my babies out at such a young age - they were kicking each other in the face, not sleeping and generally pissing each other off, and I was at the point where I was actually surprised I hadn’t died from sleep deprivation. I had thought about lack of sleep before I had a baby, but what I hadn’t planned on was two at once!

So no, I wouldn’t recommend people go against the guidelines. But I wouldn’t judge those that do, for multiple reasons. I make the best decisions I can with what I’ve got for my family, I assume that’s what everybody else does for theirs!

I agree with you but you have put your point across in a way that does come across quite judgemental and I can tell why you’ve got people’s backs up. Tone can be hard to convey over text to be fair. I think a lot of people genuinely don’t understand why the guidance is minimum 6 months, ideally a year. Example above of baby having a monitor in not realising it’s the literal proximity to the parents that’s protective, not that you can see/hear them. But there’s scope to raise awareness without it coming across judgey.

The West is a bit desperate to get babies into their own rooms and it’s not what’s done in most of the world or for most of history. Like other primates we have evolved to keep our babies close, but that doesn’t fit well with post-Industrial, Capitalist society. People need to go out to work so need their babies to have routines that fit into that, regardless of what might be natural. I’m about to have my first baby and plan to have him in with me until at least a year, probably longer. But I wouldn’t judge someone else for making a different choice. It is tricky when people don’t understand the scientific basis behind some of the guidance though

You are absolutely being judgemental. I am all for a baby staying in the room with its parents, I did it with my own children and way beyond the recommended guideline(not rule) of six months but there are ways to get your point across and your post isn’t it.

Some people don’t have space to have a cot in there room.
Some people suffer from negative mental health due to sleep impact and short or long term it is healthier for baby to be moved out.
Some babies are woken by parents when they would otherwise sleep better.

Also, this a forum where people give their personal experiences. If we only ever repeated the guidance (not a rule btw) then there would be no point in discussion forums.

My post has come across terribly. My OP was meant to start a discussion about people advocating against safe sleeping on this forum when I dont think it should be done.

@Dinosaur01

It’s not a rule it’s a guideline. I put my son in his room at 7 weeks and he’s a wonderful sleeper now. If you have a video monitor with sound it’s basically the same as having them next to you anyway.

It concerns me how wrong you are and how uneducated your post is.

OP your post is written in a very judgemental 'To be a good mother you must..'. My DD co-slept with me till she was 2 due to various health issues and I was a SP so probably a bit easier.

One of my friends put her DD in her own room at 6 weeks as she had to go back to work and as a family they couldn't afford her losing her job. People cope differently with lack of sleep, it really affects some people, some people can cat nap during the day, some people are light sleepers. If your a light sleeper (so baby snoring and grunting is keeping you awake) and you struggle with sleep deprivation then you probably aren't very safe to be looking after the baby during the day or driving your other DC to school. Most people come onto forums to get support and to get some reassurance that others have done what they have, usually at the last resort. A colleague of mine many years ago baby passed away next to her in those cribs that you attach to the bed- it reduces the risk, it doesn't eliminate it.

As a whole most parents are trying their best and weigh up risks based on their own circumstances and what's best for their family.

@Safesleeping

My post has come across terribly. My OP was meant to start a discussion about people advocating against safe sleeping on this forum when I dont think it should be done.

That's utter rubbish, there is nothing at all in your posts that invites discussion. Your opening post is literally dripping in judgement against people who may deviate from the guidance.

What I find ironic is the people who say that their babies slept so much better in their own room. The whole point of SIDS guidelines is so that they don't sleep too well...

I also think people are generally not aware that the highest risk time from a SIDS perspective is 3 - 4 months. It's relatively rare for it to occur in newborns.

My baby has all her naps in whatever room I’m in (to be fair she will only really nap on me so pretty hard to be in a separate room) and I won’t be moving her into her own room until at least 6 months, probably older.

But then I wasn’t able to breastfeed despite trying very hard, and we cosleep at times despite that having risks too. I’m sure I make other decisions others would question.

If someone asks for advice by all means point out the guidance. Otherwise get on with doing what you think right and let other parents do the same.

ariettesmall please don’t be concerned. There is no right or wrong in this situation. It is only wrong to judge someone else’s choice

I wouldn’t put the baby in a room alone. Probably because when I had DS I lived in a flat and I put him in my room but in his cot.

Some babies are woken by parents when they would otherwise sleep better.

Yeah, but that's part of the issue. Generally, if something helps a baby sleep more deeply it increases the risk of SIDS.

@Dinosaur01

ariettesmall please don’t be concerned. There is no right or wrong in this situation. It is only wrong to judge someone else’s choice

You seem to have misunderstand.

I am not judging your choice to put your baby in another room, that's a perfectly reasonable choice to make.

I am concerned about the fact you think a baby monitor replicates a parent being close to a baby. It doesn't. Scientifically proven.

ariettesmall ah you misunderstood. I meant it’s ‘basically’ the same in terms of how quickly you can hear and see the baby. It doesn’t replace them being next to you. My son was much more well rested once moved to his own room. But this won’t be the same for everybody

I completely agree OP.

The actual recommendation is a year and 6 months is the minimum.

I find posts where parents are forcing routines and sleeping at a young age on their own quite upsetting.

When I had children I knew I was going to be putting them before my own needs for a while and I just find it terribly selfish. It’s such a short time in the grand scheme of life.

Your post is ridiculous. Why scare people telling them that their babies will die in a separate room. People can read guidelines and make their own decisions

Whats sad is that you seem to feel the need to create an entire new username (I assume you've been on this forum before under a different name) just to judge strangers. Leave people alone. This kind of post is the last thing parents need, especially with the lack of support and increased isolation that lockdown created.

Aye sure. You absolutely sound like an adult and a mother. I'm sure you told your friend whose baby passed away about safe sleeping.

Also FYI sids is very rare so if you've had two friends whose babies have passed from it I'd consider not befriending any more people with children.

What a weird post.

I’m a bit worried too, about people thinking an angel care and video monitor is the same as being with the baby. Yes it’s great to alert you as the parent to anything untoward.
But the protective element of being in the same room, is that the baby can use the rhythms of the parents breathing to regulate their own. And the noises Made by others, prevent them from sleeping too deeply or too long. That’s why baby’s should wake up for feeds. And baby rice to ‘fill them up’ at bed time is bad, because they then risk sleeping too deeply and not waking up 😔 Babies are not supposed to sleep 8 hours. It’s a basic survival mode.

Everyone has to make their own choice for their own family. I did move DD2 into her own room at 10 months because I was nearly hallucinating with sleep deprivation and I was willing to try, despite the small risk. It did help, but I wouldn’t have risked it with a younger smaller baby. If I had had to go back to work earlier as the main bread winner I might have thought differently 🤷🏼‍♀️

People obviously should be free to make their own decisions. But these need to be based on researched fact and education. Not dangerous Misinformation information online or from other random people, including other parents and grannies etc.

An angel care and video monitor is NOT the same as being there for your baby.

@JKDcot I agree with you.

Unfortunately though the guidelines don’t always explain ‘why’ the need for things. So then people assume they are pointless and make amendments that can be unsafe.

For example a dummy is often cited as a protective factor. When in fact it’s only a protective factor for babies who usually have a dummy.
There is no evidence to suggest that never having a dummy is more risky. But because the guidelines don’t specify everyone thinks, oooh use a dummy. And then when the baby becomes reliant on sucking to regulate the breathing, It becomes a bigger risk if the dummy is forgotten or spat out 🤷🏼‍♀️