Not gender disappointment BUT

[Betty94]

Hi all,

I know it's a weird title but it's true, I'm not disappointed my baby is a boy and I love my son already but I'm starting to worry how I'm going to bond with him - I know boys aren't too different to girls but this is unknown territory I always pictured having a little girl and getting our nails and hair done together, watching Broadway shows etc ( I know fully well I could have had a daughter who didn't want to do those things anyway but I think it's an image we build up in our minds)

Please can you talk about how you bonded with your sons from babyhood to even adulthood and everything in between as I want to be a good mum - I just don't know what to do and what stuff boys like?

The only "boy" I hang out with is my husband

Thanks 😊

My boy is the most loving and bonding child you could imagine. I am constantly having to be his little friend during lockdown, and we have to play 'schools' every other day! He also likes to play with makeup but matches that equally with lego.

PS I was massively gender disappointed with him initially, but now I adore him. He's always up for a cuddle

what stuff do boys like?

Boys are one homogenous group

My boys are mid teens now and amazing. We are close, we find the same things funny, we have similar interests and learn the same way about geeky stuff. One is super cuddly even at nearly 15 and the other is the kindest, softest most patient man at nearly 17. I also have a daughter! She is nearly 11 and we aren’t alike at all! She is super energetic and outdoorsy, not like me at all.

I love them all to pieces and feel equally bonded to them. You’ll be fine. 💙

@ivftake1

what stuff do boys like?

Boys are one homogenous group

I knew I'd get comments like this, obviously boys/men/people are very different to one an another which is why I've asked on a thread with people from possibly all over the world for some ideas - I don't think boys fit into a box and whatever anyone says on this thread I don't expect my little boy to do (or not to do) he's an individual as are all people but this thread was more of a light hearted what do mums do to bond with their sons? (So at least I have an idea of what it's like to be around a little boy as mentioned it's not something I have experience with).

Don't worry. He will adore you and you him and you won't have any problem bonding with him. Just go with it, show an interest in the things he enjoys. You never know, you might discover a new love for trains or dinosaurs

I've raised three of the little monsters darlings to adulthood and it's been such fun.

They still seem to enjoy spending time with me, and I can tell you that a big bear hug from an adult son who towers over you is just the best thing ever

@goldenharvest

My boy is the most loving and bonding child you could imagine. I am constantly having to be his little friend during lockdown, and we have to play 'schools' every other day! He also likes to play with makeup but matches that equally with lego.

That's adorable 😊 glad he's always up for a cuddle, I have been told quite a few times "boys love their mummy's" but I'm sure that's the same for girls

You're experience of your child will be one thing, and my experience with my son will be another. Them both being boys has nothing to do with it.

There's nothing (except Covid) to stop you getting your son's hair done and going to see a Broadway show OP... Just see what he enjoys and run with it
Baby boys and girls aren't really very different, unless you are really unlucky that bond will develop as soon as you lay eyes on his cute little squished up face and gaze at his tiny fingers and fascinating shoulder blades...

I have a DD and a DS. My DS is the more cuddley of the two. He is only little but he loves cars, trains, tea parties, playdough and drawing. You are over thinking this. You will have a baby that you will get to know and see develop his interests and personality. It's not like you are suddenly having to bond with a 16yo boy.

My 7 month old boy has started coming in for hugs. Its cute. I love him 🥰

Children are just children. Boy or girl. I have never had my nails or hair done with any child or watched a broadway show.

I never got to hold my son alive. You can say that skews my judgement if you like. But you can’t title it “not gender disappointment but” and then go on to describe a case of disappointment over your baby’s probable sex based on nothing but facile stereotypes. I clicked thinking maybe I could relate, because I have something that’s not disappointment but.... a kind of deep loss and regret that I never got to raise my son. It’s not disappointment that all my subsequent children were born female. But that maybe it would have helped with my emptiness if one had been male. Maybe.

My son is simply devine. Love grows. Little boys love their mummy’s.

I remember feeling the same. You are in for a treat.

Sounds like you like having your hair and nails done and that is your hobby. Your children won't necessarily share your interests, whatever is between their legs.

I have one of each. My 9yo DS loves musicals and is currently obsessed with Hamilton and is desperate to see Les Mis live (postponed due to Covid). He also has long hair which he combs and plaits a lot, likes facials and general pampering (not my thing at all, DH does that stuff for him). My DD is 13 and shaves her head and likes archery, anime and writing. They're just individuals. We bonded over our mutual love for each other and shared experience. I don't love or feel bonded to my DH because we share hobbies either. We just like each other.

It'll be fine!

I was convinced that my first born was a boy. In fact I had always thought I would only have boys so when DD arrived I was a bit surprised. By the time I'd managed to conceive #2 I just wanted another 'exactly like her' so was very upset to discover I was having a boy (not because he was a boy I just worried I couldn't possibly love anyone as much as her). I was wrong again! My DS (age 9) is just gorgeous, cuddly and funny. We read in bed most evenings sipping herbal tea, whereas DD is the footballer, sporty independent one. I also have an older adopted daughter now and that has different dimensions again - we spend lots of time cooking together. All my relationships with my children are really special and different. Don't worry!

@ChanklyBore

Children are just children. Boy or girl. I have never had my nails or hair done with any child or watched a broadway show.

I never got to hold my son alive. You can say that skews my judgement if you like. But you can’t title it “not gender disappointment but” and then go on to describe a case of disappointment over your baby’s probable sex based on nothing but facile stereotypes. I clicked thinking maybe I could relate, because I have something that’s not disappointment but.... a kind of deep loss and regret that I never got to raise my son. It’s not disappointment that all my subsequent children were born female. But that maybe it would have helped with my emptiness if one had been male. Maybe.

I am truly sorry for your loss , I'm not disappointed my baby is a boy, I never cared for gender. The reason I've asked this question is because I want my son to love and bond with me, I love him so much already but I know I had the preposition thought of having a little girl and having princess tea parties and having our nails done but that's a reflection on me not him, I feel some women (not all) do imagine having a little girl and doing all the things they like to do (who knows he might love princesses and tea parties) but I've asked this question because I want to be a good mum to my son, I've never wished he was a girl and I wasn't disappointed when we found out. He hasn't been born yet and I'm sorry if you feel I'm sticking him in a box which I'm not, I just wanted to speak to other boy mums and their experience like someone said I might not have the same experience but it's nice hearing stories of mums and sons bonding (I'm sure I'd get similar stories if I asked about girls) I'm only asking so I can put my mind at ease and know I'll be a good mum.

I'm sorry if you found my post insensitive, I couldn't imagine going through what you have. I honestly didn't intend for it to upset anyone.

My son (26 months) is the most loving, affectionate, sensitive, snuggly mummy's boy. He makes me laugh every day and he is my best buddy. Your little boy will love you and love doing everyday things with you. Congratulations on your pregnancy ☺️

I have a boy. I briefly wondered when he was tiny how I'd relate to him as a teen, say. He's 12 now. We have so much to talk about. And he still likes hugs and all the silly affectionate things we do. I'm not a nails and hair type of person though. I suppose I would have liked going clothes shopping with a daughter as I enjoy that with my DM, but I don't really like it as much with my sister so I don't think it's a guaranteed outcome even if you're the same sex.

I completely forgot I ever had the thought until I saw your post. You'll probably forget too.

My DS(2) is my shadow. He's a little monkey at times and has a fiery, instant temper, but he's also the sweetest, most loving boy. When he comes over and puts his chubby arms around my neck, I just melt! And then inevitably choke when he starts squeezing me a bit too hard, or yanking my hair out in his desperation to hold it... It's love, though.

We haven't bonded over anything in particular yet (I have zero interest in cars, for example, but they're his favourite thing in the entire world and I sort of like them "with" him, if that makes sense - pointing out big trucks when I'm on my own, that sort of thing), but I'm looking forward to seeing what interests we do end up sharing. Possibly food, seeing as DH and DD are both extremely fussy eaters and neither me nor DS even look at what's being offered before accepting a bite

On the other hand, DD(6) is a Daddy's girl. We like a lot of the same things but she usually picks hanging out with him over me! I've normally got DS clinging to me anyway so it works out for the most part. And she preferred DH before DS came along so I know it's not because of him specifically!

You'll be fine, OP. I was a bit apprehensive as well when I found out I was having a boy but, honestly, it's no different to having a daughter, at least not in the early years. And after a little while you'll wonder what you were ever worried about, trust me.

I have b/g DTs. I was crushed when I found out I wasn’t having two girls as I didn’t want a boy.

I was 110% wrong. My boy is a beautiful soul, and I adore him. He loves his mama, makes me laugh every day, comes up give gives me massive slobbery kisses, he’s just a brilliant little chap. I have no tips about bonding with a boy, because the second he was born and I heard him cry I was his and he was mine and I burst into tears.

Day to day bonding I just play whatever I’m told to he’s into at the time, same as I do for my daughter. He’s more interested in housework than she is so that’s defo something I encourage

I’ve got some mum guilt going on, so just to add my daughter is amazing and I adore her too. She’s so head strong, fearless and inquisitive, and I hope she keeps this as she grows because she’ll be one kick ass strong woman who won’t take shit from anyone unlike her mother.

I was wrong to have a preference on my babies sex. Both are being raised the same but are completely different people with different interests, both fitting in gender stereotypes and both not. They amaze me every day with something new!

Both my sons have loved having their nails painted and having their hair done, they both love having a cool hairstyle while my daughters focus most on whatever is least annoying - keep their hair out of their face and they're happy (one has fallen in love with microbangs because then she doesn't need to wear headbands, the other just always has it just long enough to pull back into a ponytail) while my older son has a long fringe on one side that is half the time purposefully in his face and my youngest wants his hair shaved different every time...

Actually, the main issue with my 16 year son now is that we're too similar so I can see all the mistakes he's making and worry about him looking back in annoyance as I do whereas my 13-year-old daughter and I are different enough that I probably don't pick up on as much.

The problem isn’t with the sex of your unborn baby, it’s that you have bizarrely gendered notions about what male and female people like doing. Why not make some male friends? You mention a male partner. You managed to bond with him with getting your nails done together, right?

MuchTooTired that's such a lovely post. Really beautiful. (Sorry I just had to say something, it's so nice).

I have two boys, 4 and 1. They both love books and will literally stop whatever they are doing to come and sit in my lap while I read them a story. Building blocks, stacking cups, ride ons for little one, elder one loves Lego at the moment and super hero’s- I can also watch frozen with him and go out for a drink and cake :) both of mine are really affectionate and so much fun.

I’ve never seen a thread that is about disappointment or similar about a girl. What is it that is causing this?