Not gender disappointment BUT

[Betty94]

Hi all,

I know it's a weird title but it's true, I'm not disappointed my baby is a boy and I love my son already but I'm starting to worry how I'm going to bond with him - I know boys aren't too different to girls but this is unknown territory I always pictured having a little girl and getting our nails and hair done together, watching Broadway shows etc ( I know fully well I could have had a daughter who didn't want to do those things anyway but I think it's an image we build up in our minds)

Please can you talk about how you bonded with your sons from babyhood to even adulthood and everything in between as I want to be a good mum - I just don't know what to do and what stuff boys like?

The only "boy" I hang out with is my husband

Thanks 😊

Hi @Betty94. I have a one year old boy who is wonderful (like all the other boys in this thread haha).

I was worried about bonding with him too - not because he's a boy (I have four brothers and three nephews!) but because PPD runs in the family and I was sure it would affect me. It didn't in the end but he was in the NICU so I was terrified we wouldn't bond once we got home. Anyway here are some of the bonding activities that helped me:

• Baby massage - my hospital offered an in-person course, I'm sure you could find online info and videos. I started when he was a couple of weeks and did it once a day or more for the first 9 months or so. We both enjoyed it a lot.

• Pregnancy/baby diary - only write in it once or twice a week but it's so helpful and makes me feel closer to him even though he's not involved

• Reading books - I loved reading and I've been reading to him since Day 1! He loved all kind of black and white books when he was a baby (well... he looked at them and seemed happy), and it was helpful for me to have an activity while I was spending time with him

• Baby sensory classes - Fun for both of us and a good way to meet other mums. No idea if anything will be open near you.

• Breastfeeding - Might not be for you but it was a huge positive for me

• Special outfits - We had SO MANY hand me downs I really didn't need to buy anything but I bought two or three "special" outfits

• Playlist - I want him to like my favourite music so have been playing him a playlist since the third trimester! No idea if it will work but he loves dancing around. I've had to change it up a lot because I got sick of some of the songs!

Hope this helps. For the record I think your worries are reasonable, but you will be completely fine and in a year you will be surprised this even crossed your mind!

Your boy will probably be interested in the things you are op. If you spend your time shopping and getting your nails done, he will probably enjoy those things. On the other hand (in my experience) boys don’t turn into football crazy beings unless they have parents who push that...

My son loves reading, puzzles, craft, nature, museums, days out, looking after little children, baking, drawing, eating out!

He is quiet, sensitive, loving, nurturing. I think this is mostly his personality, but also because we have always talked to him, answered his questions and taken time to enjoy doing these activities together.

We go shopping together and have a coffee together, we hang out in museums, he brushes my hair.

I really just think you need to think of this baby as your child to love and nurture. He isn’t going to come out in a football kit!

I am lucky to have two sons, they are 19 and nearly 18 now, they are just amazing, so loving & protective to me. They will do anything to help. I don’t feel I have missed out on anything by having sons. I have friends that have very close relationships with their daughters & that's equally as lovely. But when it’s your child, boy or girl you will bond and love your child regardless. Good luck OP, wishing you all the very best.

My son calls me his seeetheart, his best Friend; wants sleepovers in my bedroom, holds my hand, cuddles me, tells me he loves me, even asks to marry me

Gender is socially constructed anyway. Your baby’s sex is a boy.

Honestly don't overthink it OP, i have one of each. My DS is massively affectionate, loved watching frozen but equally loved the cars films and liked to play with some toys that society would claim are 'girly' he would always ask me to paint his nails and want to sleep in bed with me, hated getting dirty so messy play was a no go etc.
My DD is only 1 but she is the complete opposite, she's a bull in a china shop, doesnt play nicely with toys and would rather destroy them, LOVES getting dirty so playing in mud and puddle jumping are her favourite things to do. She isn't affectionate unless its on her terms.
Sex has nothing to do with their personality and you will bond over whichever toys/games/interests your little boy happens to be into.

You’ll get so many snotty comments from the gender neutral brigade.

I was worried when I found out I was having a boy as I’m used to my girl nieces, I had always pictured myself with a daughter aswell with all the stereotypical dolls and pink room. I was worried about the bond too as Me and my sister are a lot closer to my mum than my brothers are and I guess I wanted that bond too as they get older. I haven’t got that far yet but lots of men are “mummy’s boys” 😂

Now I’ve had my son- who is now nearly 2 -he is just amazing and I don’t care at all about what sex he is. He does love the typical cars tractors and trains but if he was a girl he might of been into the same and hated dolls & pink ! He is really snuggley and we have a great bond , he will be my one and only so there is still part of me would love to have a daughter also but I am more than happy and lucky enough to be able to have just him 💕 you will wonder why you worried once they are here as he will just be amazing and everyone needs there mum💕