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Awful day with DS

153 replies

daisy86 · 27/10/2020 16:45

DS is just over 6 months old. I’ve put him down for three naps today and he’s been a nightmare to settle every time, crying, tossing and turning for around 20 minutes before finally falling asleep. He’s then slept for just 40 minutes per nap, so I’ve had barely any respite to relax or get anything done. It feels like so much effort and stress to settle him down for just 40 minutes of sleep!

I take him up for naps every 2.5 hours and I can see that he’s showing tiredness signals like rubbing his eyes. But as soon as I put him in his cot he will start crying and like I say, only sleep for one sleep cycle when he does finally settle. I wish I knew where the blissful two hour naps of old have gone.

Also, he woke from his last nap at 2pm today, so has just gone down for his last sleep of the day. I’m concerned that it’s too close to his bedtime (usually 7pm) but I could hardly keep him up for five hours (i.e. from 2-7pm) at his age.

I’m also weaning him following the Joe Wicks Wean in 15 method, which suggests introducing babies to bitter veg initially (such as broccoli and kale) before moving onto sweeter things like carrot and sweet potato. We’re still in the “bitter” phase and he has hated everything I’ve tried - he hasn’t even swallowed anything yet.

All the photos I’ve seen on Instagram show babies happily smearing food all over their faces and seemingly loving it, but DS just grimaces and refuses to eat anything. Where am I going wrong?

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mynameiscalypso · 29/10/2020 12:28

Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with pouches per se, I just think they look/smell/taste horrible and I know I wouldn't want to eat them especially the ones that are supposed to be a roast dinner or fish pie or something. I mainly stuck to the ones that were just veggies or fruits and used them in cooking (eg as a pasta sauce or stirred through some porridge or dumped into some pancake mix) as I very rarely could be bothered to make my own purées!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 29/10/2020 12:45

Such a good idea as the single veggie pouches as pasta sauce! I do make my own weaning meals, but thats a good idea!

Aria999 · 29/10/2020 12:48

If you want to do your own purées I really like this book, it has good ideas for what herbs and spices go nicely with the simple purées and a range of more interesting things for older babies. I've only done one thing from it so far but DD seemed a lot more receptive when I added the cumin and coriander.

www.amazon.com/Super-Easy-Baby-Food-Cookbook/dp/1939754771

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Rubyroost · 29/10/2020 15:24

@daisy86 I understand your point on pouches. I resorted to them after both of mine rejected most of my food. My almost 8 month old started put keen and eager, ate all the bitter veg, and ate quite textured lumpy stuff. Then just clamped shut when I cooked up recipes for him. Hell eat one thing for certain and that's my tomato and Veggie sauce with pasta. He will also eat toast with dippy egg and toast with peanut butter, anything with Avocado he will eat. I decided to get some pouches as I still wanted him to eat savoury without clamping shut for my food (we have no problem with fruit). He will eat the pouches because of the texture. I then have introduced my own food, I give him some of the pouch and then some of my food etc. I'd rather him eat something, than not at all. My other kid was even worse with texture and savoury. He refused everything but Avocado and sweet smooth pouched. Wouldn't even eat my sweet puree I whizzed up for him. Fast forward to now and he's just like any other fussy toddler. Last night he had salmon, sweetcorn, sweet potato and Carrots (no bitter veg 😂- but he will a bit with roast dinner). The pouch phase didn't last forever, they were completely gone by 12 months with my first born. I hope to get the baby off them sooner as he is showing promising signs of accepting more etc. What I'm trying to say is don't write them off just because your are trying to do the right thing. You will learn what is right for your baby with a bit of experimentation and what works for you. He may take really well to recipes made up like bolognese, casseroles etc, but if he doesn't then you can try other things.

rattlemehearties · 29/10/2020 15:42

Why doesn't your baby know what you eat? Don't you eat meals at the table together?

MustardMitt · 29/10/2020 15:50

@daisy86 at 6 months you don’t need recipes. Just give different things to try - carrots, sweet potato, broccoli, pears - stuff like that. If you’re eating altogether, don’t salt your stuff so if he looks like he wants a bit you can share (or just have a smaller portion unsalted). The only thing he’s ever had up till now is milk, just go slow and offer pretty much anything you like that is soft and easily gummed to death or squashed into carpets.

Mine had a mix of purées and finger food - porridge and baby rice are fine, they’re just very bland compared to say, puréed carrots and sweet potato. It really doesn’t matter what you would or wouldn’t want to eat for your lunch - you are not a weaning baby!

daisy86 · 29/10/2020 15:57

It really doesn’t matter what you would or wouldn’t want to eat for your lunch - you are not a weaning baby!

Exactly @MustardMitt - thank you!

Why doesn't your baby know what you eat? Don't you eat meals at the table together?

Nope! I’ve only been weaning for a very short while, and DS’s one meal a day hasn’t yet coincided with the quick soup or sandwich DH and I tend to grab for lunch.

OP posts:
Aria999 · 29/10/2020 17:21

They should still be getting their main calories and nutrients from milk until 12 months, so don’t worry

Except if they are EBF they need a source of iron

Rubyroost · 29/10/2020 18:18

@Aria999 they all need iron. The iron in formula is poorly absorbed. Iron in b milk is a lot less but better absorbed

daisy86 · 29/10/2020 18:28

How can I make sure DS is getting enough iron? It’s all so daunting.

OP posts:
Rubyroost · 29/10/2020 19:42

I agree @daisy86 I don't have to think of that one as my little one was being investigated as part of something else and found to be anaemic. We are on quite strong iron supplements. However, I am positive my toddler had nowhere near the amount of iron he needed up until about 1.5 years. He's perfectly healthy now tho, or seems to be.

mynameiscalypso · 29/10/2020 21:06

I follow one infant nutrition specialist on Instagram who recommends that you serve one iron rich component with each meal - this could be meat (obviously) but also lentils, pulses like chickpeas, eggs, green veggies, chia seeds. I don't manage it every meal (and DS certainly doesn't eat it every meal!) but I figure I'm doing all that I can even if it's simple as sprinkling chia seeds over his porridge in the morning!

Rubyroost · 29/10/2020 21:54

Yes and fortified cereal such as reddy brek rather than baby porridge. Serve with something like pureed mango. Non haem (non meat) are less well absorbed so serve with something high in vit c..

OhToBeASeahorse · 29/10/2020 22:29

Hey OP

You sound like i was with my first baby. I couldn't get naps 'right', i was utterly overwhelmed with internet 'advice'- I wasnt in a good place.

I actually got a very nice sleep consultant. Honestly the best £250 we have ever spent. No crying it out involved, no cruelty, it was entirely positive and I had someone to hold my hand and tell me what to do.

Within a month the baby that never napped anywhere apart from a moving car was doing 2 hours in his cot at a consistent time. I got my evenings back and he slept through the night.

Honestly it was life changing. She saved my marriage.

Theres been lots of great advice here about 'just go with it' but I hated it - I needed a routine and so did my baby.

Worth a thought Smile

Rubyroost · 29/10/2020 22:54

@OhToBeASeahorse why don't you share the techniques that led to success instead and then no one is out of pocket. Come on, we would all like to know!

Mwnci123 · 29/10/2020 23:32

I know this is a bit hackneyed, but looking back at the baby years I really do regret trying so hard with plans for stuff like food and sleep. I would 100% ditch the bitter veg thing- it sounds pretty miserable all round.
I never ever got naps sorted, despite really trying with various routines and techniques. I was so frustrated about it, and I distinctly remember when my first was 6 months having this convo with my health visitor.
Some of those days alone with a baby are maddening- I can't imagine doing it during a pandemic- and everything can feel like it hinges on how naps go. I often ended up marching about for ages trying to get my screaming baby to sleep, feeling that it was imperative I press on through the crying because if she didn't sleep then she would be a nightmare later/ sleep too close to bed time. In retrospect I wish I had given up more easily and just let them get totally exhausted and pass out at an unscheduled time. Of course it's different when you're in it and totally exhausted.
Anyway, whether you crack the naps or not, it will get easier x

1738hey · 29/10/2020 23:49

@Mwnci123

I know this is a bit hackneyed, but looking back at the baby years I really do regret trying so hard with plans for stuff like food and sleep. I would 100% ditch the bitter veg thing- it sounds pretty miserable all round. I never ever got naps sorted, despite really trying with various routines and techniques. I was so frustrated about it, and I distinctly remember when my first was 6 months having this convo with my health visitor. Some of those days alone with a baby are maddening- I can't imagine doing it during a pandemic- and everything can feel like it hinges on how naps go. I often ended up marching about for ages trying to get my screaming baby to sleep, feeling that it was imperative I press on through the crying because if she didn't sleep then she would be a nightmare later/ sleep too close to bed time. In retrospect I wish I had given up more easily and just let them get totally exhausted and pass out at an unscheduled time. Of course it's different when you're in it and totally exhausted. Anyway, whether you crack the naps or not, it will get easier x
This!! You will feel so relieved when you take the pressure off yourself
1738hey · 29/10/2020 23:51

[quote Rubyroost]@OhToBeASeahorse why don't you share the techniques that led to success instead and then no one is out of pocket. Come on, we would all like to know![/quote]
Yes please !!

Graphista · 30/10/2020 01:17

Ok, if you don't want to or can't manage to cook a healthy meal every day then you could do it a bit more often than you're currently doing, every 3 days at least? And when you do set aside some fish, veg etc to mash and freeze for baby to have on the days you're having less suitable meals for baby.

But to be perfectly honest children learn by example far more effectively than by instruction.

If you want your child to eat healthily and have a healthy attitude and behaviours around meals and food you really need to seriously consider altering your current habits.

It would be healthier for you and dh too.

Your baby may not know or care what you're eating now but that won't be true for long. They will soon reach a stage where they see what you're eating and that what you're offering them is completely different and this can be confusing and lead to fussiness.

How are you going to say to a fussy toddler "eat your veg" if they can see that you don't?

This is a pattern for life you are setting plus you want to make things as easy as possible for your future self by having a child who will eat as wide a variety of foods and textures as possible.

Nothing wrong with a little of the more bitter vegetables but with sweeter or blander foods.

OhToBeASeahorse · 30/10/2020 01:33

I cant give a 22 page doc over the internet - it breaks my contract with her for starters.

But for DS graduak retreat and making sure he didnt have too many naps was key - I cant remember how often I was trying to get him to sleep but it was too much. It was embarrassing how quickly it went from hellish to so much better.

MsChatterbox · 30/10/2020 01:47

He might be going through a growth spurt and needing more sleeping... Therefore his wake time might be shorter. Maybe try taking him up sooner?

With the weaning I never stuck to the bitter rule. I wanted my sons first experiences to be super yummy so he was always excited about putting food in his mouth. He loves vegetables (brocolli is his favourite) at 3 years old! So will be doing the same with my daughter and starting with banana.

daisy86 · 30/10/2020 06:50

That’s a good point @Graphista thank you. I will try to make a healthy (cooked from scratch) lunch every day for the three of us so DS can have some too. You’re right, if I want him to have healthy eating habits then I need to lead by example.

DS had a three hour (!) nap yesterday morning - possibly catching up on sleep after his short naps from previous days. So that massively helped!

OP posts:
floorplanner · 30/10/2020 07:28

You've had great advice OP about ditching Instagram advice! Joe Wicks seems like a lovely lad and a great dad but make no mistake, he'll be hitting speedbumps just like the rest of us.

Broccoli mashed with sweet potato is just lovely for babies. With a bit of cheese even nicer. Then you can give him soft boiled broccoli florets as finger food, to play with.

A bit of mash that you spoon feed, along with a bit of soft finger food. That works very well. The baby gets fed, so enough goes in nutrition wise and to help with sleep, but the baby also learns how to hold and get braver with food on their own.

6 months is a really annoying age tbh, sleep wise and food wise. I've had 3 and I always hated the start of weaning, because it IS a lot of work. Some say it isn't but if you're cooking from scratch it kind of is, just mentally remembering to have something suitable ready.

Freeze all your leftovers, like roast a big sweet potato and freeze what you're not using, etc. If you are unsure, Annabel Karmel is a decent guide and has recipes that taste nice and freeze well. She is also pro making things tasty while making sure the bitter veg gets included.

Around 9 months, things will settle right down.

Graphista · 30/10/2020 21:00

You don't have to do every day, as I said you could maybe do every few days.

Plus if you're over ambitious (I'm very much guilty of this myself!) and set yourself goals that are too big of a change for you and gonna knacker you then you're more likely to give up, cos you'll get fed up!

Achievable goals are much better to aim for and build upon.

Eg Try 2-3 times a week at the moment for a few weeks, then every other day, then weekdays and have a break at weekend etc

I'm very sceptical of anyone who claims to ALWAYS feed their child vegan organic home cooked from scratch meals every meal time! Grin

Be realistic, find "shortcuts" that work for you like batch cooking, using healthier convenience foods etc

I'm vegetarian all my adult life and raised dd as a single mum while at times working/studying/running around like a blue arsed fly!

MOST of the time it was healthy, freshly cooked meals or ones that had been freshly cooked then frozen and used as leftovers but SOMETIMES I used jars, ready made items, jars/tins/packets there's nothing wrong in that as long as you are careful and understand nutritional info etc

The main thing you have to watch is salt as that can be dangerous to a little one in excess.

My dd is approx same age as the "child of our time" tv show kids and I STILL remember the weaning episode where there was one family where both parents had learning disabilities. They were lovely people but they weren't getting the support they really needed and iirc they'd also been raised in care themselves

While filming the CREW (I think one was a recent parent themselves) noticed they made a meal with a lot of salt added in various forms - what I mean is not just a little seasoning but they were using a packet sauce, plus stock cubes etc - when the crew spoke up was when they portioned off a little to blend/mash to give to their young baby.

NOBODY had told them about the dangers of salt, all the hcps and support workers had just assumed they KNEW and had simply said to them "just feed baby what you eat just blend or mash it" without actually asking them what they ate, how they cooked etc.

There's been a few cases in the news over the years of babies hospitalised or dying from salt toxicity. Scary.

But the main thing aside from health side I think is aiming to make your life as easy in possibly in the future. It's hard enough raising kids without having to deal with fussy ones.

My own dd has certain foods she can't eat which at this stage I thought was fussiness. Turns out she had a disability she was born with but which wasn't dx until she was about to start high school and certain foods are an irritant to her or upset her stomach but she couldn't say this when she was little

When we got the dx and started reading lots so so many things about her "preferences" around food, meal times, amounts etc made sense even her metabolism (very high! Despite her liking oily/fatty foods - turns out she was subconsciously "self medicating" with her food choices)

I was raised on "meat and 2 veg" but seasonally and always a variety.

I stupidly never really thought about or appreciated the thought, time and effort mum put into feeding us.

I'm a Scot and parents are from VERY poor backgrounds and there was never loads of money to go around but she always fed us well.

When I did home ec at high school and learned about why eating seasonally, eating a variety, why we eat all the food groups etc was important I talked to mum as I then NOTICED eg it was a different veg every night even if potatoes 3 nights in a row. I NOTICED the "menu" changed in autumn from the "spring/summer menu" (it was a bit "if it's sausages it must be Tuesday") , that she worried if we didn't finish it.

As a Scots family living outside Scotland mostly we were also seen as a bit "weird" as she made a lot from scratch when the era (70's/80's) was very much embracing convenience foods. She regarded them with much suspicion and she was mostly right!

She always has a big pan of home made soup on the go even now when it's just her and dad.

It's one of my strongest childhood memories coming in from school and smelling the soup heating up. Because she gave us it as a healthy, filling but cheap after school "snack" - mug of soup, roll or slice of bread and butter (always real butter!) to "do us" until dinner time.

Dad is very ill and she is his carer and soup is one thing he can always eat even if his appetite is virtually non existent and he can barely swallow, so she makes it packed with nutrition.

It's a habit she has passed on to all 3 dc, we tend not to keep the pan on the go on the hob but most weeks we make a batch of soup to freeze. We have different preferences, mine are obviously just veg and I like it thick but blended, sister likes minestrone type or with rice in etc, bro likes a good "stand your spoon in it" broth with lentils and pearl barley, he's a police officer and has found its perfect for when he's come off a long shift and he can't be arsed cooking but needs filling up.

Find recipes (not just for soup Grin) you find quick and easy and make them your staples, one pot wonders are my favourites as I hate making more washing up than is necessary Wink that's another benefit of batch cooking! Make enough casserole in a large oven dish for 3-4 meals and you've only used one "pot" to wash up for several meals!

I'm disabled now and struggle with peeling and chopping you can get pretty much any veg ready peeled/cut now! Eg if I'm making a carrot soup I'll buy a big bag of carrot batons rather than struggling standing peeling and chopping carrots (plus I'd probably cut myself!),

Stir fry veg, squash, sweet potato, onions, celery, even normal potato you can buy ready peeled and prepped.

Frozen veg is good too and can be better nutritionally than fresh in some cases.

I swear by frozen diced onion! So much easier than faffing with fresh onions and my eyes go nuts more than most with the crying thing! Plus as it's just me a bag can last me ages even though I use it as a base for most recipes.

Sorry I've gone on a bit there. Hope some of it is of use and makes things a bit easier for you and baby

LemonDrizzles · 31/10/2020 06:04

A full baby is easier to put down to nap. I couldn't see if you mention that you breastfeed or not. I still breastfeed mine to napping (probably wrong but hey ho) and she is 10 months.

RE: weaning. I've heard great things about Joe Wicks book. I did a mix of Annabel Karmel. With my first, I tried him on sweet potato for a few days and it wasn't working so I shelved it for 3 weeks. (He was 6 months too!) If something isn't working, no issue in just giving yourself a little break.

With #1 I did prepare a lot of food for him. With #2, I am using more pouches (just because of the time factor.) I can't tell you the long term results of #2 eating habits. But in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with pouches. Ella's kitchen do single food pouches and then mixed food pouches, then meal pouches. But there are also other brands. A friend swears by Babease. Piccolo do some great teeting squares I discovered this week. Another friend introduced me to veggie sticks (absolute favourite!) and another friend "re" introduced me to some carrot puffy sticks (also another fave - but soooo messy!).

It's great you are coming here for a chat about these things but do try to take it easy on yourself. It may look like everyone has an instruction manual and good advice, but you may also find that something completely different works for you.

And about instagram. We just do not see enough tears and sadness in photos. Almost all the memories we wish to capture seem to be of pristine happy perfect moments, which is just so not true to life. Yes, life can have these great moments, but there are also hard moments. It reminds me of that movie Inside out. Life is such a mix.

Best of luck!

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