DS inappropriate behaviour on play date.

[Whattodowithaminute]

Need opinions on how to manage this, brief summary; DS (9) went on a play date, was taken to a shop and persuaded play date host to buy him a £40 gift. I didn’t really realise what had happened until we got home. I’ve spoke to him about whether he thinks that’s ok, or why he thought it was and what he will do to repay the cost. He’s raging at me now, I’m assuming a combination of disappointment, embarrassment and remorse. Have I done the right thing?!

Good grief. YANBU. The adult frankly should have known better than to acquiesce but still!

A friend's mum? Why was he even going shopping on a play date?! Very , very strange

Eh? HTF did he ‘persuade’ an adult who he is (presumably) not related to, to buy him anything?

Did you reimburse the adult, or at least offer to?

I think the adult is largely to blame. I took a friends daughter into town ( a few years ago ) and she was pointing out things saying I could buy them for her . My reply was those items are the things her mummy or daddy would buy her for occasions such as birthday or christmas, end of conversation !

I have no idea how anyone can be persuaded into buying a £40 item for a kid in a play date. I’d give her the £40 though and remove whatever it was from your son. What does “persuade” look like? Begging, tantrum, whining? I’d be mortified!

I think adult is most to blame here!!!

This is really hard.

How did he persuade fhem?

I have a 9 year old and I can't imagine being persuaded to buy a £40 gift but I wouldn't let the adult carry that bill either so I would end up paying them back. And being pissed off about it.

Was it a family member or just a friends mum/dad? My 7 year old niece gets me everytime we go out but we're family so I'm not assed but it's a bit weird for a friends mum/dad to spend that much. What was the item? How did he persuade them? Can I borrow him to negotiate buying a new car?

Can it be taken back? How do you know it was him who did the persuading?

How on earth did a 9 year old manage that?

What?! This is bizarre? I’d speak to the adult and find out what happened, and if possible give the item back to be returned

Adult to blame. Your son deserves kudos for persuasive skills. But don't tell him that

I'm assuming this was a relative? How the hell did he wrangle that?!

How mortifying for all around. What the hell was the other parent thinking? Please say you've reimbursed them/it can go back?!

Oh goodness, I'd be mortified. I had a play date like this once where a 7 year old boy had a lying on the floor tantrum because he wanted a £4 bag of sweets, which isn't what I was offering! Needless to say he never came again!

Anyway, how did the persuading occur? I think you're going to have to pay the adult back and I wouldn't be allowing DS to keep 'the thing' either, I'd be furious! (I have a 9 year old DS)

Thank you it’s helpful to have perspective on this. I can’t imagine I would ever have done the same so I think there is some responsibility with the adult. Equally though he knows I wouldn’t have bought him it so he should have had some boundaries on what is ok to ask for.
He has really big interest in plants, I think he had engaged the mum in discussions about her plants, he was with them for the day, they went to a garden centre. He found a big plant, she tried to encourage him to get a cheaper one, he wouldn’t take the redirection. She’s very generous in nature generally. When I collected him I thought he had been given one from her garden that she no longer wanted. In the car it became apparent that wasn’t what had happened... I’ve written and apologised to her already, he is still very upset, I’ve suggested he write a letter and repay the costs and then we move on?!!

I’d give the item back or send them the £40, but this person is a bit gullible or did your DS have a tantrum and it was bought to shut him up?

The adult should have said no! Obviously you must pay them back though. I'd remove the item from your DS and save it for a birthday or Christmas present.

I’m going to try and return it... don’t know whether they will take it? Not a relative, a close friend.

Cross post. Obviously you can't take the gift away and save it if it's a plant!

It's slightly less bad if it's family, but still far from ideal!

wouldn't take the redirection is that polite speak for having a tantrum? or cheeky brat?

Part of the blame is with the adult. I would actually be quite angry at them for doing that and not just saying no.

Have you spoken to them about it?

And yes, you've done the right thing in giving your son a telling off and making him pay for it etc.

The other adult needs to learn to say no. How bizarre.

Also what on earth were they doing going shopping on a playdate? Even in normal times going shopping with 9 year old boys on a playdate would be a bit odd. During a worsening global pandemic however, taking someone elses child into shops is a very strange thing to be doing.

Ah cross post! A plant?! I thought you were going to say an Xbox game or similar. Oh OP!