Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DS inappropriate behaviour on play date.

106 replies

Whattodowithaminute · 17/10/2020 18:21

Need opinions on how to manage this, brief summary; DS (9) went on a play date, was taken to a shop and persuaded play date host to buy him a £40 gift. I didn’t really realise what had happened until we got home. I’ve spoke to him about whether he thinks that’s ok, or why he thought it was and what he will do to repay the cost. He’s raging at me now, I’m assuming a combination of disappointment, embarrassment and remorse. Have I done the right thing?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SBTLove · 17/10/2020 19:20

he’s raging I bet he is, his rude manipulative behaviour has been called out.
Cmon OP I doubt this is a first for his cheeky entitled behaviour.

Etinox · 17/10/2020 19:20

Please, please don’t be cross with him. It’s not his fault. Assuming the adult doesn’t have LD she could/ should have said no. Or maybe she can afford it and enjoyed treating him.

Topseyt · 17/10/2020 19:22

He probably did behave like a spoilt brat, but the adult in charge should have said a firm no to him and ignored all of his protests. If he then continued to pose a real problem she should have called you to come and collect him.

Don't let him keep it. That gives him the message that he can do what the hell he likes. Take it back to the shop if you can, then take the refunded money round to your friend. Have DS with you and make him apologise for his shitty behaviour.

If you can't return it then take it to her house and give it to her, complete with both the £40 that she is out of pocket for, and with DS alongside to apologise.

I must say though, why the hell did she drag 9 year old boys who were on a play date to the shops? Very odd thing to do, and I personally couldn't imagine anything worse!! Was buying them a gift some sort of bribe which DS pushed too far? Make clear to him that in that sort of situation he should have chosen something that cost far less, like no more than a fiver, or perhaps just an ice-cream to eat on the way home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9 year olds Families General parenting

SBTLove · 17/10/2020 19:22

@Etinox
Don’t be so wet! this is how you end up with an entitled brat. He refused to accept the alternative cheaper item and is now raging at being pulled up. He is responsible for his behaviour as much as the dozy pal that bought it.

Laureline · 17/10/2020 19:25

I think you did the right thing, but did he understand how expensive the plant was?

CalmDown7 · 17/10/2020 19:28

I’d give her the money for it x

Ohalrightthen · 17/10/2020 19:29

@Etinox

Please, please don’t be cross with him. It’s not his fault. Assuming the adult doesn’t have LD she could/ should have said no. Or maybe she can afford it and enjoyed treating him.

It's not his fault for insisting someone buy him an expensive gift and refusing to take no for an answer? WTF? If he'd asked for A Plant, once, politely, and she'd bought him an expensive one, then it wouldn't be his fault. Still pretty fucking cheeky, but standard for a 9yr old. But that's not what happened here, at all. The adult is responsible for not saying no, but OP's son behaved very badly.

lostfrequencies · 17/10/2020 19:32

Hang on a min... you didn't realise what had happened til you got home... didn't you think it was a bit bizarre that your 9 year old rocked up with a big plant!?

Etinox · 17/10/2020 19:32

@SBTLove why is it wet to not blame a child for an adult’s poor boundaries?! One of my 3 dc wouldn’t have understand the situation at that age. He’s NT but very black and white in his thinking and unless the adult had said, ‘no that is too expensive’ wouldn’t have ‘got’ it. It’s horrible to make children anxious about money.

LaurieFairyCake · 17/10/2020 19:32

Huh? He's 9 !!!

He knows that £40 is money but he doesn't know like an adult does that it's loads of money

If I'd bought him the plant (and is absolutely something I would do if I could afford it and you were a close friend) I'd be pretty upset at you having a massive go at him - it's her choice

We can't treat 9 year olds as if they understand

I would just say it's more than you ask for and give a bit of context ie. £40 buys this much etc

Scweltish · 17/10/2020 19:34

@Etinox

Please, please don’t be cross with him. It’s not his fault. Assuming the adult doesn’t have LD she could/ should have said no. Or maybe she can afford it and enjoyed treating him.

Are you serious? None of my children at 9 years old would have had the audacity to ask a friends mum to buy them a £40 present!! The op doesn’t even say whether the mum offered to buy him a gift in the first place. And after he’s demanded the ridiculously expensive present, she’s tried to steer him towards something cheaper, and he wasn’t having it. And now the op’s pulled him up on it, he’s got angry at her. I’d be fuckin livid if I’d raised an entitled little brat like that. It’s just as ridiculous that the friends bought him it, but she was trying to do something nice.

Original poster

Whattodowithaminute · 17/10/2020 19:36

He’s angry because he’s been called out on it, also because he no longer has something he wanted.
It’s not unusual for him to push boundaries; he normally gets a firm no from me. I think he does have some understanding about how much it cost-he at least has acknowledged that in the same situation I would have said no. I think she didn’t have clear enough boundaries but equally (having been on the receiving end of this before!) he wouldn’t have known when to stop with asking.
I’m hoping that this will help him understand a bit more generally about what is ok versus what isn’t.

OP posts:

Ohalrightthen · 17/10/2020 19:37

[quote Etinox]@SBTLove why is it wet to not blame a child for an adult’s poor boundaries?! One of my 3 dc wouldn’t have understand the situation at that age. He’s NT but very black and white in his thinking and unless the adult had said, ‘no that is too expensive’ wouldn’t have ‘got’ it. It’s horrible to make children anxious about money.[/quote]
Then unfortunately it sounds like your son could be just as rude as OP's in this sort of situation. Maybe something to work on.

Also, telling a child that something is too expensive doesn't "make them anxious about money", it teaches them about value and prioities. "That's too expensive" is different to "we can't afford it" and neither is a bad thing to say to a child when it's the truth. Sheltering kids from the realities of the cost of living does no one any favours.

Scweltish · 17/10/2020 19:39

I can’t believe some of the comments on here about 9 years olds. We’re not poor by any means, but is it really just my children who has any clue about money?? I really don’t think 9 is too young to understand how cheeky it is to ask for something for that price.

CodenameVillanelle · 17/10/2020 19:39

Yes the adult was a fool for buying it but I completely agree that his behaviour was awful. Demanding that someone buys you something is always unacceptable. It's greedy and entitled and you're right that it needs to be nipped in the bud.

SionnachRua · 17/10/2020 19:41

Don't let him keep it, it will teach him that pushing and whining gets him his way, especially with people who aren't his parents and may be too embarrassed to say no. That's a bad message to send.

I would give her the money for it and the plant as well if you can't return it.

SionnachRua · 17/10/2020 19:44

Also my class of 9 year olds would have a fairly reasonable understanding of the concept of money. I would expect the majority of them to know that 40euro is quite an expensive present.

If you needed to make it concrete for him, working out how many weeks it'd take him to save 40quid pocket money (if he were buying the plant himself) should do the trick.

decoraters · 17/10/2020 19:45

Oh god he is only 9. Stop blaming a kid for wanting something. Blame the adult for buying it. What kind of adult agrees to this kind of shit?

leolion1 · 17/10/2020 19:46

Honestly I think you're being harsh. It's a plant, bless him. Maybe the lady who bought it for him was happy to do so? 9 year olds don't have much concept of money. Let him keep the gift, offer to reimburse the lady (I doubt she will allow you to) and maybe in future give him some spending money and make it clear he can't have anything which costs more than that.

HotPenguin · 17/10/2020 19:49

I'm not sure your son is to blame her. I don't think a nine year old really understands the value of money, or the social rules about accepting presents. Did he ask outright for the gift? That is rude and he should know not to, but still I blame the adult for giving in. Or did the adult say "why don't you choose a cactus?" And then he chose a massive one and she was too embarrassed to say no something cheaper?

Redcups64 · 17/10/2020 19:54

I can’t see what your son has done wrong. He asked for a plant, the adult said no, he insisted, then she changed her mind and bought it for him, what’s the problem? If she didint want to she wouldn’t of done it. She is obviously happy to do it for him, maybe she is a plant lover herself?

I don’t get why he is in trouble? Does he get told off when other adults give him gifts too?

SBTLove · 17/10/2020 20:00

Now we know where all the entitled brats come from.
He’s 9 and as old enough to know £40 is expensive. especially when he refused a cheaper plant and insisted (demanded) the £40 one.
Now has the cheek to be raging with his mum.
Pps saying poor wee lamb, get a grip, he’s rude and manipulative, OP is right to be mortified and states he has form for this behaviour.

yankeetid2020 · 17/10/2020 20:02

I couldn't imagine my nearly 9 year old asking (insisting) her friends parent to buy her something- it's really rude and they must've been quite persuasive. The adult should've felt confident enough to say a firm no so they are partly to blame. In this situation I would offer to pay for the plant and then my dc would either repay through extra chores or no new toys/ treats for a month.

Coffeeandbeans · 17/10/2020 20:05

You have to pay her the £40 back. She doesn’t want a plant. It’s also rude to play on her generosity by asking her if she wants the £. Just put the £40 in an envelope and put it through her letterbox.

Redcups64 · 17/10/2020 20:07

How would a 9 year old know how much plants cost? I didn’t until I bought my first home and went to the garden centre. £40 is a lot of money but does a 9 year old know plants can be £40? Did she say to him it’s £40?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread