Midwife laughed at my baby’s name

[unknown884]

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards.

During that time I was looked after by numerous different midwives and whilst most of them were lovely, there was one who seemed to have a mean streak.

One night it was about 3 o’clock in the morning and I was very weak, so I can’t be sure - but I’m certain I overheard her telling the other midwives in a loud voice that she thought my choice of name for the baby was awful.

The name isn’t top 10 but it’s hardly a controversial or outlandish name either, so I’m not sure how it could have warranted such a bad reaction.

I don’t know why but the memory of this came back to me again tonight and it really upset me.

Do you think this is something that could have happened? Or could I have misheard? I just don’t understand why a midwife would be so unnecessarily cruel

I told the physio that my son’s name was Parsley (the name of my cat) because I was slightly out of it after his birth. Her eyebrow raised slightly, but that was it!

Like others, I suspect you either dreamt or imagined the conversation. After a recent operation, I was on strong pain relief and was hearing voices to the extent that they kept me awake. I had to have my medication changed!

I hope you and baby are well and settled now.

I suspect the name is ridiculous and the midwife may have been right given the reticence to share the name!

The name could be Pixie-frou-frou-polly-wolly-doodle and its still unprofessional to mock your patient at work, stupid and unkind to do it in their hearing.

OP: its possibly the drugs and the stress of the events, its also possible the midwife was unprofessional. You will never know so I'd try put it behind you and enjoy your baby instead.

You might not have imagined it, healthcare professionals DO make comments about baby names. They should obviously be professional and keep it to themselves though.

I spent the first few hours of dd1s life fretting because I asked the anaesthetist when her baby was due - she wasn’t pregnant but was Muslim and wearing a baggy gown. Mortifying. She was so nice about it I am usually so careful in what I say 2 nights of Labour then emergency section nixed my social skills

@C8H10N4O2

Really hoping for OP's sake that you haven't made an accurate guess, there....

I think this thread has neatly demonstrated the issue. The vast majority of people are basically nice and think it's up to you what you name your child and that HCPs should remain professional and mindful of the impact of their behaviour on vulnerable women in their care. Then you've got a handful of extremely rude, agressively pushy and obnoxious posters who are still demanding that it's their right to be told your baby's name so that they can decide if it was OK for a midwife to laugh about it within earshot of patients on the ward

Unfortunately it seems that your midwife was part of the rude and obnoxious group. Try not to give it any thought. As you can see from the thread, these types of people rarely possess the ability to reflect on their words and empathise with others. Try and forget about it and enjoy your baby

Thanks @IWantT0BreakFree.

When I had my DC, it was normal to stay in hospital up to 7 days after the birth. I was offered a choice of 3, 5 or 7 days, for a difficult birth it would have bee longer.

I think the fact that you were on strong meds is relevant here. A few years ago I was prescribed tramadol. One tablet knocked me out for a week - I had horrendous nightmares and imagined all sorts - so I can absolutely believe you imagined this.
I think most mw, just like teachers, have come across so many different names in their work, that they become almost immune (though I did lol at Parsley @Imissmoominmama ).
I hope you are able to get whatever help you need to move on from this and to enjoy being a new mum without this incident, real or otherwise, spoiling these precious weeks for you.

What’s the name??

@Oliversmumsarmy

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards

I can’t get further than you spent a week on the post natal Ward.
Even friend who had the most horrendous birthing injuries spent 4 days in and that was considered a long time.

What an odd comment. I spent 9 days on the post natal ward following DD birth.

Sorry you’ve got this on your mind, OP.

The midwife who visited me at home afterwards giggled and made a remark about baby DS having “such unusually short legs”. As soon as she left I burst into tears and started frantically googling normal and healthy leg lengths for newborns. When you’ve just given birth you feel so vulnerable and emotional, not to mention if there are additional health issues relating to the birth that you’re dealing with.

It’s hard to know whether your midwife definitely said that or not...it sounds possible given that she had already come across as mean.

I’m sure your baby’s name is lovely. I guess no name is everyone’s cup of tea but as you say yourself it’s not at all a radical sort of name so chances are the man would have said something mean about any name and I’m sure you’re not the only one it would have happened to.

You’ve had your first baby at a difficult time OP. I hope you’ve got lots of support around you and that you’re making a good recovery from the birth. Be kind to yourself x

@Oliversmumsarmy

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards

I can’t get further than you spent a week on the post natal Ward.
Even friend who had the most horrendous birthing injuries spent 4 days in and that was considered a long time.

I did. I was 6 nights.

Sorry you are upset so soon after giving birth.

When I have a fever or I am very, very tired I can have auditory hallucinations

It is like someone is talking , it's very real , it doesn't sound "ghostly" or faint, it's exactly like I can hear normally. I've had full "conversations" with 'someone in the next room"

Thus might be an explanation ??

You felt uncared for by this particular mw and this was in your thoughts in your exhausted and hormone filed brain.

Try, if you can, to move past the experience and enjoy these lovley (and shattering!) Early days/ weeks.

OP, given that you are not going to know one way or the other, you need to put it behind you.

As others have suggested, please think about having a birth debrief. I'm sure it will really help

I agree that you most likely dreamt it. It's a very strange time after giving birth, with the sleep deprivation and hormones. Throw in strong painkillers too and it's easy to dream/imagine something but for it to feel very real. If a midwife was to comment on a baby's name (& I'm sure they do) surely they'd have the sense to do it quietly. Also I work with children and I agree with other that have said when you come across so many names it takes something really crazy to warrant a comment! I'm unfazed by almost all names unless it's something really bizarre and unfortunate!

I was in six days so there.

Maybe she said it = she is an unprofessional cow bag.

Maybe she didn't = you misheard (like you can think a pile of clothing is a ghost, what you believe at that moment is very bloody real)

I bet you baby is beautiful and I bet the name is too. Anyone who thinks otherwise is frankly wrong. Forgot the arseholes. Revenge is enjoying your beautiful baby.

I don’t think my comment was odd.

Even friend who had the most horrendous birth injuries that took her several subsequent operations to put right was told as long as her bladder and bowel were working and she could stand/walk unaided then you were discharged.

If you needed subsequent medical intervention then you had to go to a doctor and they could admit you to an ordinary ward for treatment.

There just wasn’t the bed space to keep people in for more than a couple of days.

Normal births didn’t even get a bed for more than a few hours. It was in the hospital notes. 6hours for a normal delivery and 48 hours for a CS
When I gave birth to dd via CS there were people in labour in the coffee room as there weren’t enough beds.
Ds also via CS I was discharged the next day.

@unknown884

Were you on painkillers? They send people mad in hospitals. I bet you dreamed it.

Yes I was on strong painkillers. Perhaps that was it?

I’m doing okay thank you but still having flashbacks about the birth and the aftermath, which I’m finding hard.

Nope. Me neither.

Sorry, I don’t understand your comment @Al1Langdownthecleghole - are you calling me a liar?

You'll never know but after I had pethedine I saw actual lions waking round the ward. Why not chalk it up to the drugs.

I don't think the fact that it's a 'usual' name is relevant. There are lot so 'usual' names I really don't like but that does not mean I would say so within earshot of people who'd chosen them. I think it was unprofessional and it would be appropriate to raise a complaint so they can help the midwife to act more professionally in the future. Women on labour ward need to feel safe. This does not make people feel safe.

@Erictheavocado- it was tramadol that sent me loopy too. The folk in my head just wouldn’t give it a rest- I was knackered!

When I had my dd the lady in the bed next to me had called her son Diamond. I never heard anybody make a negative comment on the name and everyone kept a professional tone when saying for example "now how is little Diamond doing this morning".
And that's the way it should be. Because the midwives were focused on checking all his needs were met and that the mother was healthy.
She should have kept her opinion to herself.

@Oliversmumsarmy I was on the post natal ward for a week, I had all sorts going on but they treated me there. I imagine every trust is different.

Op sorry you have been upset. If she did say it it’s of course very unprofessional but try and put it behind you. What does some random midwives opinion matter. Remember why you chose the name and loved it.

Are you suggesting that I'm not telling the truth @Oliversmumsarmy? Just because you and your friend weren't in hospital for that length of time doesn't mean every other mother in Britain has exactly the same experience as you

I think it was unprofessional and it would be appropriate to raise a complaint

I was thinking of raising a complaint but since I can't be 100% sure that I heard it, I'm not sure I'd be taken seriously. I also thought I overheard this particular midwife saying to another how wrong it was that I was taking up a bed on the ward for so long. Trust me, I'd have been out of there like a shot if I could have been, but I was really unwell and the doctors wouldn't discharge me!

I also thought I overheard this particular midwife saying to another how wrong it was that I was taking up a bed on the ward for so long.
I've worked in hospitals and I'm sure no health professional would say this. They would be aware of why you were there and the medical necessity of being so.

@C8H10N4O2 Well at least she'll have laughing eyes and curly hair!