Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Midwife laughed at my baby’s name

155 replies

unknown884 · 02/10/2020 21:47

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards.

During that time I was looked after by numerous different midwives and whilst most of them were lovely, there was one who seemed to have a mean streak.

One night it was about 3 o’clock in the morning and I was very weak, so I can’t be sure - but I’m certain I overheard her telling the other midwives in a loud voice that she thought my choice of name for the baby was awful.

The name isn’t top 10 but it’s hardly a controversial or outlandish name either, so I’m not sure how it could have warranted such a bad reaction.

I don’t know why but the memory of this came back to me again tonight and it really upset me.

Do you think this is something that could have happened? Or could I have misheard? I just don’t understand why a midwife would be so unnecessarily cruel

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

loulou0987 · 02/10/2020 22:20

@Oliversmumsarmy I was an inpatient for 2 weeks after I had my DS. Why can’t you get past this?!?!?!

ChalkDinosaur · 02/10/2020 22:20

People asking about the name - OP doesn't want your opinions on her baby's name, she wants opinions/reassurance about her midwife's behaviour. It literally doesn't matter what you think of the name.

Vagaries · 02/10/2020 22:21

Perfectly possible, OP, but it’s absolutely nothing to do with you or your baby’s name. Some midwives are loud-voiced and insensitive, and have terrible taste in names. That doesn’t mean anything at all is wrong with your name. Names are subjective. I know my son’s unusual name is not to everyone’s taste. (It mostly comes up on here as ‘name I wish I’d been brave enough to use.)

On the other hand, I absolutely loathe some names which are universally beloved, like George. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with the name, or that the parents of little Georges should be weeping into their martinis. It also doesn’t mean it’s ok for me to let rip with my opinion in the postnatal ward.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

coldgraybrix · 02/10/2020 22:22

@Oliversmumsarmy

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards

I can’t get further than you spent a week on the post natal Ward.
Even friend who had the most horrendous birthing injuries spent 4 days in and that was considered a long time.

I spent 8 days on the post natal ward. Not because I needed to be there all that time, but because my dc was in the neonatal unit for several days, and was then moved to what was called transitional care. Don't know if they still call it that though.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/10/2020 22:23

If it's not an unusual name is seems on the unlikely side that the midwife would make a point of criticising it to her colleagues but it's not impossible. Midwives are only human and they cover all sorts of personality types. And sometimes workplaces develop unhealthy and unprofessional cultures where casual disdain for clients is used as a coping mechanism for the stresses of the workplace.

I think you're onto a bit of a lost cause wanting to know why this particular woman would act in this way. There are lots of reasons people make remarks that, when overheard by the subject, are hurtful. They may (as I said above) be trying to deflect from stressful working conditions. They may be trying to make colleagues laugh with sarcasm. They may have known someone particularly unpleasant with that name and be venting feelings about that experience by focusing on the name. There are all sorts of things that may have prompted it. Whatever the reason, it will have nothing really to do with you or your child. The name you chose was the focus of her complaint, but it won't be the reason for it.

MirandaGoshawk · 02/10/2020 22:23

I also think that if you were on painkillers you could've imagined it. I was shocked at how my mother was hallucinating when she was in hospital with a broken leg - she thought that she was in a wood-panelled room, for example. Please put it behind you and look to the future with your gorgeous baby.

user1481840227 · 02/10/2020 22:23

I came across some very bitchy midwives when I was in hospital.

However I once worked in a shop and I was discussing something with my coworer beside me and then the next lady I served was very upset as she thought she heard me saying something about her being an awful customer. I didn't at all and hadn't been talking about an awful customer so it was very strange. She said she worked in retail herself and knew what awful customers were like so she would never be that way. She kind of blurted it out and left very quickly so I went after her to clear it up and she seemed to believe me then and cheered up but she definitely misheard what was being said and thought it was about her so it can happen.

Deux · 02/10/2020 22:25

I think it’s possible you heard something that was not necessarily directed at you and in your fatigued and vulnerable state created a different narrative in your head. And that probably reflects your fear together with picking up that the midwife was a bit snippy.

I spent a horrible week in hospital feeling very poorly, vulnerable and helpless and it does crazy things to your head when you’re trying to care for your newborn as well.

You might be a bit traumatised still and ruminating on what happened. It might be an idea to have a debrief to work through things.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/10/2020 22:28

@Oliversmumsarmy I was in hospital for 10 days after ds1 was born. They wouldn't discharge him.until he regained his birth weight (5lbs) and had established breast feeding.

OP, if your baby's name is a fairly usual one then I would guess that either you misread or that it's some sort of in- joke which doesn't reflect on your name choice, a bit like Karen but only for that situation i you see what I mean.

Just put it behind you and enjoy your baby

Smellbellina · 02/10/2020 22:29

When I was ill both pre and post partum I heard things that weren’t real and actually really upset my midwife, which turned out pretty shit.
My mum has been delirious recently and carried on all sorts of conversations that a) weren’t happening and b) made no sense.
But fundamentally, either you misheard due to illness or she’s a bitch you don’t know from Adam and really don’t need to worry about.

Dinocan · 02/10/2020 22:29

Well I must be very unlucky as I was in for a week after both my births. I don’t think it’s that unusual. Not to sound patronising op but I do think (having been there myself) that 1st week when you’re on strong drugs and sleep deprived it can make you feel a bit doolally. So unless you are 100% sure you heard talking about you I’d save yourself the worry and assume you could have misheard. It’s kind of hard to know without knowing the name but I agree that midwives will have heard all sorts and it would have to be something pretty extreme for it to be noteworthy.

SunshineCake · 02/10/2020 22:29

@Sexnotgender

It might have happened, midwives are human.

What’s the name?

Not all humans are bitches and being human doesn't give you a pass to be a bitch.

One midwife told me not to be stupid and due to her attitude my next baby and I nearly died .

GameofChess · 02/10/2020 22:30

@shimmyshimmycocoapop

What a pointless post. You think you heard something at 3am while admitting you weren't at your best physically or mentally, yet won't say the name as it's not outlandish? 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s not pointless OP. You can post about what the fuck you like.

SunshineCake · 02/10/2020 22:31

@loopylindazdaughter

Ffs start a thread like this but not reveal the name? How are we supposed to have an opinion?

The name is irrelevant. Stick to the OPs thoughts and feelings.

Candyflosscookie · 02/10/2020 22:31

@Oliversmumsarmy I was in for 6 days, no birth injuries, they were just helping me with feeding. And it wasn't that unusual. Maybe we just had better care than you did. Don't know why you have to be so unbelieving.

GameofChess · 02/10/2020 22:32

The whole POINT of Mumsnet is to be able to discuss your worries anonymously. And ideally, if you are fair, be supported.
And I wouldn’t exclude people who aren’t lucky enough to have children from that.

Someone1987 · 02/10/2020 22:33

@coldgraybrix yeah it is still called that, well it was 10 months ago when I had my son.

Smellbellina · 02/10/2020 22:33

The name is irrelevant. Stick to the OPs thoughts and feelings.

^^this!
If you’re just after salacious gossip Daily Mail is that away >>

DancyNancy · 02/10/2020 22:36

All of my midwives were lovely bar one. My one day old baby was having trouble latching on and was resisting guidance. I called a midwife to help (as my other gorgeous midwives had said to do) and the one that came said 'she's being a bit of a spoilt brat ' while she pushed her to my breast.

From then on I was selective and waited to catch the nice ones.

I still think how shit that was to say to a first time mom (or any mom)

TheNestedIf · 02/10/2020 22:36

Clutching at straws, could it be that your baby's first name is fine but goes horribly wrong when combined with your surname and you, not being impartial, haven't noticed?

You know the sort of thing. Your surname is Dover and you've innocently named your baby Benjamin.

PurplePattern · 02/10/2020 22:38

I spent 10 days on post natal ward.

YANBU to feel upset if that is what you really heard, she should not have said anything about your baby's name or gossiped. And it's awful having to stay on the ward so long, when all you want to do is go home.
But equally there's a chance that you misheard, especially as you say the name is not that uncommon.
All the best for you and your baby.

Cantbreathe2020 · 02/10/2020 22:39

If it's not an unusual name then why are you refusing to reveal it?

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 02/10/2020 22:40

@oliversmumsarmy, I spent 10 days in hospital after giving birth oto one of mine ... not everything always goes the way you hope... luckily the baby was absolutely fine.

Coughpatrol · 02/10/2020 22:42

I spent a long time in postnatal and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened OP. I had some awful comments. Midwife’s are normal people, some lovely, some awful.

DancyNancy · 02/10/2020 22:42

On your actual topic though.

Maybe you mis heard

And even if you didn't. Midwives probably see all the names and just have a thing about names. Don't take it personally. Like I'm sure there were loads of names you disregarded because you didn't like them, without being offensive to those who have the name! (You know, like, I wanted my son to be Aaron but my husband wouldn't because he knew a guy called Aaron that he didn't like)

I joked with the midwives that I was giving my twins extremely similarly spelt and rhyming names . They were super polite until I revealed the truth and then they just laughed

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7