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Original poster

Midwife laughed at my baby’s name

155 replies

unknown884 · 02/10/2020 21:47

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards.

During that time I was looked after by numerous different midwives and whilst most of them were lovely, there was one who seemed to have a mean streak.

One night it was about 3 o’clock in the morning and I was very weak, so I can’t be sure - but I’m certain I overheard her telling the other midwives in a loud voice that she thought my choice of name for the baby was awful.

The name isn’t top 10 but it’s hardly a controversial or outlandish name either, so I’m not sure how it could have warranted such a bad reaction.

I don’t know why but the memory of this came back to me again tonight and it really upset me.

Do you think this is something that could have happened? Or could I have misheard? I just don’t understand why a midwife would be so unnecessarily cruel Sad

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elliejjtiny · 03/10/2020 00:13

@Oliversmumsarmy I spent 8 days in hospital after my 5th baby was born, 2 in hdu and 6 in the postnatal ward.

OP I wouldn't be surprised if it was the painkillers making you confused. I was convinced I was in prison when I was in hospital on morphine.

Bumfuzzled · 03/10/2020 00:21

You are never going to know for sure so I’d go with the thought that you misheard things. Otherwise you will just feel worse without being able to make it right.

I went a bit doolally after giving birth to my son. I was 100% convinced the midwife looked like the big red Twirly Woo. It was weird, like my brain was misfiring. My DH was mortified when I stage whispered to him about it Grin

The poor woman in no way resembled a Twirly Woo, she was quite nice looking Confused

eaglejulesk · 03/10/2020 00:25

Well she wasn't cruel to your face, though it was thoughtless to be overheard. People always have, and do, and will talk about you behind your back. I'm afraid you have to accept and get over it.

This. I don't imagine she thought you would be listening to her at 3 a.m. It wasn't a nice thing to do, but you can't go through life expecting everyone to be pleasant, unfortunately life just isn't like that. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of your baby's name, please let it go. She wasn't being nasty about your baby, just her name.

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Gladysthesphinx · 03/10/2020 00:29

After my last baby I was on very strong painkillers and was convinced I was being held prisoner on the ward & tried to escape. I had a catheter and at one stage actually climbed out of bed & ran to the lift with it clanking behind me- no idea how I managed it. There were also some other tubes I somehow yanked out. After being returned to bed I spent some time planning a letter to my MP, complaining about being held prisoner. I went to sleep half way through a very involved sentence.
Given this experience I would say it is very possible, perhaps very probable, that this was a horrid hallucination. I suppose you’ll never know for sure, but what matters is that you have your lovely baby, are home & together, and will never see this woman again (even if she didn’t say this, you clearly didn’t feel comfortable with her). Just focus on the future - hope all goes well.

Inkpaperstars · 03/10/2020 00:37

PP do have a point actually that these midwives have heard them all when it comes to names and see all kinds of drama....it's hard to imagine them finding a name worth commenting on.

Once when very sleep deprived I was convinced of an entire incident in the middle of the night with my flatmate swearing loudly and making noise throwing things....I still remember this incident as if it happened.I was seething with resentment when I saw her the next afternoon until I discovered she had just got in having spent the whole night at her mum's.

thegcatsmother · 03/10/2020 01:01

'I can’t get further than you spent a week on the post natal Ward.'

It happens; we were on transitional care for 10 days as ds was prem and in SCBU. He didn't have a sucking reflex, and they wouldn't let him home until the NG tube was out and he could have a bottle. It felt like groundhog day.

goldensummerhouse · 03/10/2020 01:03

I can’t get further than you spent a week on the post natal Ward.
Even friend who had the most horrendous birthing injuries spent 4 days in and that was considered a long time.

You can't get further? Confused

I'll have to tell my best friend she completely imagined spending ten days in hospital after nearly dying giving birth this summer and having several transfusions. Us silly women make such a fuss over nothing, don't we?

goldensummerhouse · 03/10/2020 01:08

And yes, the midwife probably said that. Don't bother trying to persuade yourself you didn't hear it. You did, and she's a bitch.

Some midwifes are bitchy, same as some florists, some firefighters, and some vicars.

What you should do is not dwell on that memory when it comes up. Distract yourself with pleasant thoughts that make you smile, let it fade away.

Happymum12345 · 03/10/2020 01:14

Some people are just horrible. Try not to give that midwife a second thought, even though it’s hard. You were in an extremely vulnerable position with your precious newborn & hearing anything unkind is dreadful. She sounds like a bitter & nasty woman & it’s says so much about her, not you. Flowers

TheTempest · 03/10/2020 01:27

I’m sorry you are still struggling with the aftermath of your DC’s birth. I had a horrible time (was in for a month after birth, few days in ICU, 1 week in HDU and then the rest on a normal ward), and I ended up having a birth debrief, which really helped, and then extensive counselling for. 11 years on and I’m honestly ok now. You will be too, there is help available. Don’t be afraid to ask Flowers

RaisinGhost · 03/10/2020 04:05

Unfortunately I do believe this and I doubt you misheard. I work in a hospital and unfortunately some staff seem to think that unless they are directly addressing the patient, the patient can't hear them. They talk rudely about the patient right outside their room or in the corridor.

In particular they seem to think the nurses desk is a sound proof barrier that no noise can escape from, so they can say whatever they like while sitting at it.

And as for they've seen it all so they wouldn't be bothered, again no unfortunately. I've heard staff comment on patients names, clothes, hair,

Ultimately though, who cares what she thinks. No one likes every name.

Bunkumum · 03/10/2020 06:05

Perhaps you heard but didn’t catch the whole conversation. She could have been linking the name with not liking someone on TV/a boss with the same name and just having a joke with colleagues.

PartoftheProbl3m · 03/10/2020 06:10

What’s the bloody name

custardbear · 03/10/2020 06:46

When I'm really tired and semi sleeping I often hear things around me in a semi dream like state that are just dreams - so you could have dreamt it.
Saying that people can be insensitive and rude, perhaps she just said it because she doesn't like the name - don't worry about it

I can't stand the Ames Jennifer and Jessica, many others love these names, it means nothing really, just move on

lockeddownandcrazy · 03/10/2020 07:08

Your choice to name your baby. Her choice to think it cringey but she shouldnt have said it where you -or any patient - could have heard.

Original poster
unknown884 · 03/10/2020 07:14

Thanks for the kind comments - it has helped me feel better.

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scotsllb · 03/10/2020 07:23

I also stayed for a week after dd on the ward.
What a nasty unprofessional thing to do.
I've met some lovely midwives and some awful ones.
I appreciate they are just humans but that's not a good enough excuse and you are justified in feeling upset and angry over her comments.
It says everything about her and nothing about you.
You are in a vulnerable position and they are there to support you and it's unbelievably unprofessional and uncaring to behave like that.
Sometimes I think these types of midwives are either oblivious or just don't care about the harm they can cause by acting like this.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now and don't let this knock your confidence

FenellaMaxwell · 03/10/2020 07:30

I’m pretty sure you misheard - the fact you were on strong painkillers, weren’t feeling yourself and it was 3am combined with the general noise of the postnatal ward, the fact they weren’t even in the room and would all have been wearing masks and talking quietly if they were talking makes it extremely unlikely.

Silvercatowner · 03/10/2020 07:35

What’s the bloody name

You are, indeed, livig up to your username @PartoftheProbl3m.

Sexnotgender · 03/10/2020 07:53

I suspect the name is ridiculous and the midwife may have been right given the reticence to share the name!

Eckhart · 03/10/2020 07:56

@Sexnotgender

Unkind of you to say so. Good thing nobody gives a flying fandoogle what you suspect Grin

Sexnotgender · 03/10/2020 07:57

Cool @Eckhart, thank you for your valuable input.

Eckhart · 03/10/2020 08:01

Want the last word..?

RepeatSwan · 03/10/2020 08:04

@Sexnotgender

I suspect the name is ridiculous and the midwife may have been right given the reticence to share the name!
Conveniently providing evidence there are ill-mannered people everywhere, the only response is Hmm and move on!
Original poster
unknown884 · 03/10/2020 08:10

Do posters saying things like “share the bloody name FFS” really think that kind of comment is going to make me feel happy about sharing the name? Hmm

Cool @Eckhart, thank you for your valuable input.

Oh the irony!

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