Midwife laughed at my baby’s name

[unknown884]

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards.

During that time I was looked after by numerous different midwives and whilst most of them were lovely, there was one who seemed to have a mean streak.

One night it was about 3 o’clock in the morning and I was very weak, so I can’t be sure - but I’m certain I overheard her telling the other midwives in a loud voice that she thought my choice of name for the baby was awful.

The name isn’t top 10 but it’s hardly a controversial or outlandish name either, so I’m not sure how it could have warranted such a bad reaction.

I don’t know why but the memory of this came back to me again tonight and it really upset me.

Do you think this is something that could have happened? Or could I have misheard? I just don’t understand why a midwife would be so unnecessarily cruel

@Oliversmumsarmy I spent 9 days on post natal ward, strange that you think that's so unusual given your experience of one friend

@Oliversmumsarmy

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards

I can’t get further than you spent a week on the post natal Ward.
Even friend who had the most horrendous birthing injuries spent 4 days in and that was considered a long time.

Nope. Me neither.

And you'd need to call a child something like Donald ziggy rhubarb moon dust the third to make an impression on a midwife who really has seen it all before.

@unknown884

Thanks for the replies. I’m not going to reveal the name on here, but like I say, it’s nothing that’s particularly uncommon or unusual - so I’m not sure why it would have caused that reaction. But hearing her be so nasty made me feel even worse at a really vulnerable moment in my life Like I say, I question whether it even happened as I can’t believe someone would be so mean. But I’m sure that’s what I heard.

Some of them, just like in any other situation, are actual twats.

Honestly. It's just life.

I had one who at my lowest point, told me it was my fault my DS was born at 28 weeks because I was a selfish wee cow who put my own needs before my unborn child's.
I had no clue what she was on about but was so low anyway I had a nervous breakdown not long after. It transpired months later that this horrid, wretched woman had decided my age (26) and the fact I was unmarried (was living with DP, had been for years and still am) meant that I was a single mum who drank copious amounts of booze and smoked through my pregnancy, which was utter bollocks. But no, she told everyone professional and otherwise I was a disgrace to motherhood because she, who hadn't met me during my pregnancy and had seen me twice in SCBU for about 5 minutes had decided I was. She also told people my DD (who she also never met at the time she said it) had delayed speech as I forced a dummy on her and made her drink from a bottle by herself in front of the TV. She was actually exclusively BF and never had a dummy, she also wouldn't shut up as soon as she could babble.

Some of these people are sent to try us, if she is no longer part of your aftercare, forget the old bat. She will come unstuck one day.

If it’s not an outrageous name I think you probably misheard.

Thanks - I hope so.

Congratulations on your new baby OP. You had a difficult birth, had a long stay in what a lot of women experience as sheer hell, in the middle of a pandemic. You’ve had it tough and the last thing you need is to feel people around you at your most vulnerable were criticising you or your beautiful newborn.

Try to put her and her shittiness out of your mind and focus on your baby

@Oliversmumsarmy I was there 8 days

unknown884 she was awful but the nice people she works with will know that. Theywill have trouble addressing her nastiness because they have to work with her all the time. There will always be people who are bad at their jobs .. I don’t think you should waste one iota if mental energy complaining or thinking about her any more.

It’s hard to conceive of someone essentially laughing at your tiny newborn but people are vile.

@unknown884

If the name isn't that bad I think it's possible you misheard what she said......

That is a possibility as I was very weak both mentally and physically. But surely I can’t have imagined this out of thin air?

If you were actually asleep and dreamt it you certainly could have done!

Were you on painkillers? They send people mad in hospitals. I bet you dreamed it.

I was in for 10 days with my first baby, problems with stitches and he was in special care, it does happen.

Very rude and unprofessional, did you complain?

When I say complaining, I mean officially, to the hospital.
They won’t do anything and it will keep it fresh in your mind.

It's possible that you didn't hear it all OP, sounds like you'd been through the wringer and especially if you were on strong painkillers, it may have made you more woozy.

I'm not saying it couldn't happen, midwives are people too, some lovely, some not so much.

But given you've said the name is fairly normal, i'd put it out of your mind and just enjoy your baby. And so what if she didn't like the name? We don't all need to like the same things and if she doesn't like something, that's her problem, not yours.

How are you feeling otherwise OP, could you have a bit of baby blues?

Some healthcare staff are nasty and have prejudices as they are people and some people are nasty and have prejudices.

You are safe and away from her, so put her out of your mind.

What a pointless post. You think you heard something at 3am while admitting you weren't at your best physically or mentally, yet won't say the name as it's not outlandish? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ffs start a thread like this but not reveal the name? How are we supposed to have an opinion?

She'll have heard some total corkers, if yours is as average as you say then doubt it'll even register.

@unknown884 during labour and shortly after my DC was born I was convinced that my midwife (who was lovely) was going to try and take DC from me. I was sure I overheard her talking to another member of staff about how I was an unfit mother. After a blood transfusion and some sleep I started to feel better and came to realise that I was paranoid, emotional and incredibly tired. I am sure the name is lovely and nothing was said. Be kind to yourself.

Don't worry OP, there is a special place in hell that is reserved for midwives.

One of the midwives misheard my daughter's name as an old male cartoon character. She asked twice, and then went to the nurses station. It would have been a ridiculous name for a boy never mind a girl.
Anyway, one of the other midwives came up about a minute later and asked me the name, heard me correctly and started to laugh and told me why.
So yes maybe they were laughing at the name, maybe not. And maybe they were laughing at the wrong name. Some people are mean but sometimes people are just laughing.

If mum or baby were on IV antibiotics it can be a week or if there are problems, longest I've known was 13 days

The laughing may not have been thinking the name was awful but sometimes you get names which you think are going to be unique - then have two the same day and it does make you laugh a little

Or it may have been the mentioned you then moved onto something else - being shown a photo on a phone or in a magazine and the awful could have been with regard to that

Or she could be a twat

I see I'm the second person on the thread to think that perhaps you fell asleep without realising, and had an unpleasant dream... That could also explain why it's bothering you so much - our brains can come up with the things that personally upset us most.

But even if it wasn't a dream; you can't please everyone, and I'm sure that, in naming your baby, your intention was not to please her.

For those saying she may have imagined it, just think about that.
If she was imagining it and hearing discussions that didn't happen, thats a completely seperate issue.
And I was on hospital 8 days, moved wards 4 times, so it does happen.
I hope motherhood is going ok and you are looking after yourself

Were you on painkillers? They send people mad in hospitals. I bet you dreamed it.

Yes I was on strong painkillers. Perhaps that was it?

I’m doing okay thank you but still having flashbacks about the birth and the aftermath, which I’m finding hard.

Nope. Me neither.

Sorry, I don’t understand your comment @Al1Langdownthecleghole - are you calling me a liar?

OP it was wrong of her and very unprofessional.

I’ll admit though there are a few names that I have been so shocked by that had I been told in person rather than by text/Facebook I might have laughed and said “seriously, what have you REALLY called the baby?” as I just would have assumed it was a joke and they were testing my gullibility. There are two where I honestly thank my lucky stars that it was revealed on social media not in person and I could see it was for real and not a joke - as those names are very out there and everyone was shocked.

Can you at least say what kind of “group” the name might fall into?

Well Used
Ava
Freya
Liliana
Gracie
Isla

Frilly
Tallulah
Eloisa
Mariella
Francesca
Valentina
Arabella

Classic/Sensible
Mary
Alexandra
Beatrice
Elizabeth
Helen
Caroline
Clare

Names that used to be popular but aren’t trendy again yet

Stephanie
Louise
Natalie
Sarah
Danielle
Lynsey

“Old Lady” Names
Maud
Ethel
Margaret
Jean
Agatha
Doris

Hipster
Marigold
Wren
Nova
Harlow
Birdie
Artemis

Or could she be being culturally insensitive (ie Irish/Welsh/Arabic etc) name?

If it makes you feel any better, I remember that my friend got some absolutely shocking and insensitive reactions when she called her little one “Phoebe”...not a shocking or controversial name at all!