Midwife laughed at my baby’s name

[unknown884]

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards.

During that time I was looked after by numerous different midwives and whilst most of them were lovely, there was one who seemed to have a mean streak.

One night it was about 3 o’clock in the morning and I was very weak, so I can’t be sure - but I’m certain I overheard her telling the other midwives in a loud voice that she thought my choice of name for the baby was awful.

The name isn’t top 10 but it’s hardly a controversial or outlandish name either, so I’m not sure how it could have warranted such a bad reaction.

I don’t know why but the memory of this came back to me again tonight and it really upset me.

Do you think this is something that could have happened? Or could I have misheard? I just don’t understand why a midwife would be so unnecessarily cruel

I was in for 14 days. Are people seriously suggesting it's unusual to be in hospital for 7 days after complications?

Op some MWs are real bullies. The longer you're in hospital the higher your chance of coming across one that's in the wrong job. If she really said that she's unprofessional.

Equally it is possible that your mind played a trick on you, especially if you were taking strong meds and tired. Feeling vulnerable, hormonal and scared can do all sorts to our minds. I started hallucinating one night after being in too much pain to sleep for days and being on high doses of morphine. It was really frightening. I also genuinely misheard and misunderstood some situations because I was really ill. Only with hindsight do I realise that what I remember is quite unlikely...

You'll probably never know if this memory really happened. It doesn't really matter if it did or not. It's upset you and you're struggling with it. Whatever name you chose you don't want your baby hurt and laughed at. That's totally understandable. Be gentle with yourself. You've obviously had a rough time.

If you don't start feeling better and the flashbacks don't stop please get some help.

I was in for four days for a straightforward but needing a blood transfusion birth. It was hell, you have my sympathy, a week would have driven me potty with lack of sleep from the buzzers going constantly and the arsey partners of other patients.

It could have been the painkillers, they can make you think some wierd stuff.

I don't know if it would help, but most hospitals will offer a debriefing session to talk though the birth and what happened for traumatic births. It might have to be over the phone with covid but something to think about anyway.

When I had my first dc I was so tired after a long, drawn out, traumatic birth that I had a really vivid dream where I was holding my baby and rocking her. Then I woke up and my arms were in the position of cradling the baby and as I came round I could feel myself rocking her in my arms, and even feel the weight of her, but when I opened my eyes I looked down and my arms were empty. I immediately panicked and thought I'd dropped her. In my overtired confusion I burst into tears and started looking in the bed and on the floor under the bed for her. My dh sprang awake and asked me what on earth was the matter, and I told him I'd lost the baby out of my arms. And he looked at me like I was crazy and was like "erm...she asleep in her crib".

Anyway, the point of this ramble is that when you have a new baby and recovering from birth (and perhaps on medication) then your mind can play funny tricks on you and make you believe something is real even when it isn't. My dream was so vivid that even now I can remember the absolute panic when I realised she wasn't in my arms.

So maybe you did dream/imagine/misunderstand what was being said. Or alternatively, yes, the midwife is an unprofessional arsehole. But as long as you love your baby's name then who cares what she thinks.

Though to be fair, some people are just arses with a wierd chip on their shoulders about names. A woman running a baby group made a thing about my children's perfectly normal and not outlandish names.

I was politely cutting to her then didn't go back. Her own name was one of the more unusual I've heard and her grandson's who was also there was positively bonkers. Nutters.
If I'd just given birth and was feeling vulnerable it would have really upset me though

@unknown884

Were you on painkillers? They send people mad in hospitals. I bet you dreamed it.

Yes I was on strong painkillers. Perhaps that was it?

I’m doing okay thank you but still having flashbacks about the birth and the aftermath, which I’m finding hard.

Nope. Me neither.

Sorry, I don’t understand your comment @Al1Langdownthecleghole - are you calling me a liar?

When I was in hospital, sleep deprived and on strong painkillers, I thought there was a real gnome in the bay next to me, and that the patient on the other side of me died and had a group of people crowded round the bed. And that's just the start...

So, you could well have imagined this due to the meds you were on and the fact were very tired and in pain a lot. Being traumatised about the birth may have made you more prone to that.

I hope you're recovering now, OP. Birth injuries are horrible and often played down.

OP, bless you.

You absolutely misheard. 1000%

Those midwives will have heard every name from Geneseqoi to Leonora to Ivar Higginbottom. They will not be laughing at your baby's name.

Most likely they asked what your baby was called, that was what you overheard, you probably drifted off or zoned out a bit and came back a few sentences later and caught the tale end of their new topic of conversation.

Don't think on it, try and get some sleep and enjoy your beautiful new baby who I am sure has a beautiful name to match. Congratulations x

Hi unknown884. I'm really sad and sorry this has happened to you. The vast majority of us are kind, compassionate and truly want to be 'with woman'.

Please consider a de-briefing session with a senior midwife at your mat unit at 6 weeks postnatal if you are having flashbacks. Don't let it all bubble away under the surface.

Midwife x

It's possible. I went to my first baby group at the local family centre when my eldest was 6-8 weeks old. The worker there who was in charge of chatting to the mums asked was his name was, I told her and she said 'Oh, I don't like that name.' I was a little stunned and didn't really say anything but I'm still cross about it.

This has hurt your feelings because you are vulnerable at the moment. When you are feeling a bit stronger you will be able to put this behind you and just recognise that you were unlucky to run up against someone unpleasant. Concentrate on getting well and on enjoying your baby - this woman is not worth expending any energy over.

Some people don't realise how loud their voices are.
As long as you like the name why does it matter who likes it and who doesn't?

85 posts in, and no-one has mentioned Slithery yet?

I reckon it was a name meaningful to them e.g. my friend is having a hideous divorce from P, if a child called P walked by we might be reminded of and say something about P that might not go well in the overhearing. I think forget it as probably nothing and even if it was, quite frankly they can bugger off! Honestly don't lose sleep about this.

Are you absolutely sure you were awake when you heard that. Giving birth and being in hospital is stressful and knackering, even if I have a nap at home and I'm not completely asleep the things I "dream" can seem very real.

@itchyfinger Quite.

Please tell me you're named after the joke in Fall of Giants?!

@Oliversmumsarmy

I gave birth a couple of months ago to my first child. I had a difficult labour and was on the postnatal ward for about a week afterwards

I can’t get further than you spent a week on the post natal Ward.
Even friend who had the most horrendous birthing injuries spent 4 days in and that was considered a long time.

I spent 3 weeks in postnatal after having pre eclampsia, I was OK physically but emotionally a wreck as this happened out of the blue and I had no one that could be with me as my parents were on holiday and my other 2 DC were being looked after by their dad, my baby was induced 8 weeks early and weghed 3 pounds, they kept me in with her and allowed me to sleep in a staff room in a sofa bed, near the prem unit, then the week before my DD was discharged they allowed her to sleep in the bed with me to bond as I was so distraught about everything, I was told before being induced, that they couldnt promise a happy outcome, this was 1995 though so may be different now, the midwives and nurses were lovely , I think it was quite unusual. I have a vivid memory of sobbing in the hallway after she was born and a kindly nurse looking after me, listening and then she found me the room to be wIth my DD

Sorry off topic, but it does happen, or it did back then to me anyway

@loopylindazdaughter

Ffs start a thread like this but not reveal the name? How are we supposed to have an opinion?

So you want to have a good old judge alongside the midwife?

The ONLY reason anyone would want to know the name on this thread is to decide whether the midwife was right about the name or not... and have a similar negative reaction if they don’t like it.

The point of the thread is whether it was OK behaviour by the midwife and whether the name is Freya or Grater-Catkin isn’t relevant.

The OP is also feeling fragile about it so starting your answer ‘FFS’ is hardly in the spirit of support is it?

[quote itchyfinger]@Oliversmumsarmy I spent a week in postnatal. Not unheard of.[/quote]
me too

It sounds like you had a traumatic birth. I hope you’re recovering well. It does get better and you’ll eventually forget about comments like this from the midwife. But it does take a long time.

Is it Balonz by any chance?

I think it's entirely possible if it was 3am, you were weak and exhausted after what must have been an extreme trauma (to spend a week in hospital) that you imagined her saying it. Particularly if you'd felt she was a bit unkind anyway.

I had an odd experience where I was home night feeding my 2nd born and had a really overwhelming feeling that I was being watched through the window. The mind is a weird and wonderful thing

I had a straightforward birth with ds1 and spent 6 days on the antenatal ward. Not sure why people think thats unusual

Its possible you misheard/misunderstood. Lack of sleep and strong painkillers would do that.

Its also totally possible you didn't mishear. I had the midwife (not sure if it was the same one or a couple) say some hideous things to me. If I had felt stronger I would have put in a formal complaint.

I've also had acquaintances make judgmental comments about DS1s name. Apparently I was giving myself "airs I don't have"

You probably imagined it. Post delivery I accused DP of having sex with a mid wife as I had clearly heard them.
As you can not say with absolute confidence that she did laugh at your baby’s name best to put it down to the drugs and just forget about it.

I think you may have half dreamed the incident OP, or heard something but misunderstood. In which case not to worry.

Or you may have overheard an unprofessional comment about the name you chose, which would be tactlessly mean on the midwife's part but absolutely zero reflection on you, your baby or the name itself. Unfortunately some people are mean/careless. Again, not to worry.

No name is universally liked and people have all kinds of bizarre reasons for their preferences. I dislike many very very popular names, and did even before they became overused...but they are obviously loved by many!

I say not to worry because there is no reason to do so. I am not being dismissive though, I completely understand why when you are in a vulnerable and emotional position this would be upsetting. I hope you can get some help recovering from the whole experience of the complications .

You probably imagined it. Post delivery I accused DP of having sex with a mid wife as I had clearly heard them.

It's certainly possible it happened.
I hope you can put it to the back of your mind. Congrats on your little one.