Why are people so arsey about vegetarian kids?

[bohemianbint]

DS is 14 months and vegetarian, because I am - we don't have meat in the house and I don't touch it so there's no way I'd be feeding him meat even if I wanted to. (Which I don't.) The way I see it, it's not a problem, I know about what foods to give him to make sure he's not missing out and he's a very healthy lad who will eat anything.

So yesterday, my brother said me "forcing" vegetarianism on him is the same as me "forcing" religion on him and compared it to christening a child and making a fundamental decision for him.

The way I see it is he can do whatever when he's older (but I'll never be cooking it for him!) but if he chooses to be a vegetarian he can't "un-eat" the meat. If he wants to eat meat, then fine. Why should I "force" meat eating on him? I had it forced on me and it really screwed me up.

Anyone else had to deal with this sort of attitude and how do you deal with it? I found "shut up" worked reasonably well yesterday (I get so tired of justifying myself!) but not really that eloquent, is it...

what will you do if your child reaches for a sausage or ham sandwich at a party when he's older?

I got v annoyed by one of dd's friends when they were 5

"They take a lamb you know and they kill it, they murder it, they slit its throat and it bleeds and they cook it, a little lamb" (this out of nowhere in a conversation about toys while we are driving in the car

vegetarianism in kids fine

brutal propaganda no

if you say 'we don't eat meat here but you can decide to eat it when you are older if you like' fine

if you say 'meat is cruel and horrid and I won't touch it' then not fine

I've brought my kids up vegetarian (so far) and never really had to justify it to anyone much. I always make a point of it being 'up to them once they are old enough to talk', before anyone can say anything
DD1 is now 8, and still a vegetarian, and although I've told her she can start eating meat, or give it a try if she wants to, she likes being a vegetarian

Your brother's argument is a bit crap though; you could turn it around and say the exact same of people who bring up their kids to eat meat

I don't get grief from people for ds being vegetarian - suspect that is because I am Indian and people assume it is for religious reasons even though, for me, it is for cultural reasons as I am not religious. On the other hand dh is white British and I get grief from people who assume that I 'forced' him to be a vegetarian.

I think people get grief for their choice to be vegetarian is a mix of the fact that some the non-vegetarians struggle with the fact that others make different life choices than they themselves would make and insecurity about the choices they have made.

I am starting to wince when DD1 asks whats for dinner and I say "chicken" and then we read a book with chickens in it I am waiting for her to put 2 and 2 together.

It's funny as DD1 is a complete carnivore, always eats the meat and fish first. DD2 is like me a potato/pasta/veg addict.

What gets me (rant alert) is the other day DP was carving a roast chicken and was like "whats this" and I was like oh just loads of blood vessels and he was "oh SK don't say that" he doesn't want to acknowledge that he is eating a dead animal. I have no problem with eating meat but acknowledge it used to be alive and is an animal FFS, my SIL is like this as well. Can't cope with anyone talking about animals being slaughtered etc but will happily munch on chicken. Enjoy your meat but be concerned of the welfare of the animal that provided it.

Take it off him, to be honest. Until he's at an age where he can make the decision conciously, rather than by accident.

I think a person's reasons for being a vegetarian will also influence what they do with their children. People who are vegetarian for ethical reasons are going to really struggle to give meat to their children.

Tbh BB my reservations come from my dss who came to live with me when he was 14. He was a vegatarian who didn't eat vegetables, cheese, milk or pulses. I was pretty horrified tbh as he had been veggie since he was about 4 and he subsisted on processed potato products and fried eggs with the occasional margherita pizza.
Now I know his dad, my dp is as culpable as his mum but bloody hell, how irresponsible is it to allow your dc to eat what he likes as opposed to what he needs. Particularly when he doesn't eat meat??
And he has a curvature in his spine that may or may not be as a result of a calcium deficiency

I was a chef and have studied nutrition and he now is studying to be a chef, make a fab curry and will eat EVERY vegetable going

We eat meat in our house but very infrequently and only best quality and considerately reared. We mainly eat vegetarian.

Carmenere, that's pretty shocking. But I bet there's loads of kids who exist on crap diets, smiley faces, turkey twizzlers and nothing else. A lot of people really don't know how to eat properly themselves, let alone how to feed a child.

Can't say I've found people particularly arsey about this
When the subject has come up with people who have a problem with vegetarianism, I tend to focus on the practical aspects of it, eg. we try and have family meals wherever possible and all eat the same food, rather than cooking different meals which I think tends to make children more fussy (and is of course a complete pain).
I find focussing on the practical rather than the ethical aspects tends to diffuse any potential arguments.

I've brought my two up on a veggie diet. DD decided to start eating meat when out with mates at age 16/17 and now is a complete carnivore at 21. DS slipped into eating fish when aged about 12, but has now reverted back to vegetarianism and gets stricter and stricter with himself as the months go by. He is 16.

Neither of them have had many health issues and both were normal weights at the right milestones.

I'd stick with the non eloquent shut up if I were you. My DDs are vegetarian (13 and 10). It's never been much of an issue for us. They know they can eat meat when they are out if they choose, but they don't.

Twig, being vegetarian doesn't mean cutting out a food group. I assume you are referring to protein. We eat a lots of lentils and beans. We also eat dairy products - so no lack of protein here.

I think some people have an issue with other parents "forcing" values etc on their children. But, as nospeak said earlier, you could say we "force" lots of things on our children - what they eat, the way they speak, what they wear etc

When they are old enough, they make their own decisions but, until then, we have to make them for them and if that means being veggie then so be it.

It's the same with baptising your children -you do what you think is right and best for your children and then, they can make their opwn decisions about things later

Well I am vegetarian and my kids were brought up as veggie. Dh is not but we agreed that rather than 'force' the dc's to eat meat before they were old enough to understand the issues we would let them make a choice as to whetehr or not to eat it when they were old enough (we estimated about age 5). DD now does eat a lot of meat but ds still eats mainly veggie food.

It just depends on your viewpoint what beliefs you are 'forcing' on your child!

"I think some people have an issue with other parents "forcing" values etc on their children" - Tommy, with respect, what do you mean by this? I realise you are not advocating this opinion, but show me a person who tries to bring their children up free from values and I'll show you a fool.

It's a damn good job that we do provide a framework of values for our children - what kind of anarchy would result if we did not? Quite frankly, it's refreshing when people get on the fence and have some definite values.

With regard to this particular situation, I'm stunned that in the 'information age' where most intelligent people understand that a vegetarian diet is in no way nutritionally deficient this debate is still relevant.

get off the fence

I brought my kids up vegetarian. At 21, 20, 18 and 16 they have no health problems and are all much taller than me That is the "proof" that it is OK- once they've grown up.

I got a lot of grief from family and others when they were small. Whatever you say they will keep on..

As for forcing it on them, we make all manner of decisions for our children they have no say in- whether to vaccinate or not, which school to go to, what they wear, where they live. What about all those kids brought up on a diet of sugar and processed meat?

I get really peeved with dss if he tries to influence dd about vegetarianism though(by being ghoulish ect). I have explained to him that it is my choice that dd eats good quality meat occasionally and that he has to keep his opinions to himself. which is kind of what I mean about your brother BB. It isn't really his business.

But funnily enough we were watching St Bruce Parry on Tribe recently and some tribe was killing some game for their tea and dd suddenly piped up "MUM they are EATING amnals" in total shock. so I calmy explained that aminals were where meat came from and that as long as they had good lives that it was ok to eat them and she seemed fine with that.
If she wants to be a vegetarian when she is older that is fine by me.

I would be surprised of the children of my (many) vegetarian friends were being brought up to be anything other than vegetarian, and would never offer them meat, nor be arsey about it!

It isn't a big deal, and I don't know why people are so 'off' about vegetarians. I'm not veggie - but it seems a completely logical and defensible practical and moral pov!

i have a friend who was fed a rotten diet when he was growing up and it's left him with real issues about 'proper' food now, he thinks he's being force-fed vitamins if he takes a salad. not in a bad way, he's a clever guy, it's just the mindset he got from his folks.
however, very interestingly he has insisted that his son be brought up veggie (not a problem, his gf is a veggie) precisely in order that his own mother will not be able to feed his child the shite he got when he was a kid.
so we're all forcing our children to do things for our own reasons...

DP was brought up a veggie by his parents. They weren't always veggie but now haven't eaten meat in years. DP's grandparents didn't approve of him being brought up that way but he's hardly malnourished!!

I'm not a veggie and neither is DS so i will quite often either cook two different meals or one meat meal and one veggie equivalent. I do like DP's veggie stuff too, it's all really lovely!

Now i'm pg and we have discussed how we will bring the LO up. She wont be brought up a veggie - she'll eat what we're all eating - but obviously it's up to her taste buds what she likes and doesn't like!

It's been really interesting reading all the replies on this thread, thanks everyone!

bohemianbint shame - you had hard time repinions on veggie son. of course it is not a problem , why should it be. commendable and health consciouss.

i got told off because my wee one has never had sweets/chocolate/crisps/sugary drinks the reason being they discover it all own own without it being introduced so for as long as they are a blank slate why not promote good habits

anyway i was raised on bad scottish diet eg
too much salt
crisps
irn bru
tunnocks
scotch pies
....never asked for any of that - cultural bad habit

I'm a food fanatic. Food is not just sustinence; through it one can discover different cultures and histories. I love reading cookbooks because by reading how and why a particular culture cooks and eats what it does, one gets a wonderful sensual immersion into that culture, and a bit of an understanding of it.

I don't think that parents that force their children to be vegetarian (because that is what you are doing) are to be condemned...it is within their rights. However, I think that it is sad to limit such a wonderful way to experience another culture. Yes, many cultures have some vegetarian dishes (Italy,Indi, and the Middle East just being several obvious ones), but how about really smelling and tasting the terroir of the different regions of, say France, through its cheeses and specialities like andouille, oysters, bouillabaise, Jambon de Bayonne, poulet de Bresse, tartiflette, etc.

I do see the analogy to picking a religion (another thing I want my children to choose for themselves). Usually people are vegetarian for religious or ethical reasons. Hopefully, decisions they have come to through rational debate. You can choose to indoctrinate your children, or let them have all options open to them.

SORRY! Meant NOT to be condemned

Tell your brother that you will raise your child as you see fit. tELL HIM when he has his own kids he can raise them to his own ideals and that you won't be commenting on his parenting as you know its none of your business..