Is it a big lie that the newborn stage is hardest??

[SofaSurfette]

I'm sure people only say this to make new mums feel better. I have also heard that "it doesn't get easier, just different". But at 6 months I'm sure it's about 3x more work! Admittedly, I was expecting the first few weeks of motherhood to be a lot harder -
I naively wondered what all the fuss was about. Yeah the sleep deprivation was a challenge, but I seemed to have so much time. I wondered what people were on about when they spoke of cold tea and not getting 5 minutes for a shower. Not anymore.

How do people even go out in the first couple of months of weaning? When there are still all the usual milk feeds in addition to very messy mealtimes? That's about 8 feedings in 12 hours! I feel like my whole day is spent feeding and cleaning up. And everything takes several times longer than it used to because fussiness is increasing and nap times are reducing -if happening at all- ... Honestly the sleepless nights were a doddle compared to this. What am I doing so wrong?! More importantly, when does it actually get easier

I found it all hard which really surprised me. 😂 You think you’ve just nailed one stage and then another one comes right along and slaps you on the arse.
Just be kind to yourself through the whole parenting process and remember it is the best but hardest job anyone can ever have. Everyone’s experience is different too and people generally gloss over things and tell you that the newborn stage is the easiest but actually they’ve just forgotten the cracked nipples, no sleep etc.
The one thing that gets you through is you get more and more out of them and you can forgive all the stresses because they are so god damn CUTE!

I have a two year old and found the newborn bit the hardest by far so far. I also found that everything got loads easier and more enjoyable when he started moving, and better still when he started walking. Now he talks and that was, again, a giant leap forward. I'm pregnant again and dreading a bit having to go through that boring, unrewarding little baby bit but think it'll be worth it to get another fun, interesting toddler! But I know that I'm in the minority feeling like this - the general consensus both on MN and in real life among people I know is that the baby bit is the easy bit. We're all different! Someone did say to me that you're either a baby person or a toddler person, that not many people are both, and that does seem to be true from what I've seen.

I have two boys and found the newborn stage tough. 0 to 5 years were the hardest for me. After that they were a joy, including the teenage years.

Newborn stage is easy. Mine slept all the time for months. Once they are on the move it's wayyyyy harder I always tell my pregnant friends to soak up for first 4 months as that is when it's a dream. Once they are on the move it's a whole new ball game. Mine is 14 months and it gets harder every day.

Someone said something like this to me when I had a newborn and I went home and cried because I thought I must be a shit mother with no natural maternal instinct and that if this was the good bit then I would never be happy again. She also said that the worst bit was 1-2. I managed, by a huge effort of will, never to throw in her face that I thought 1-2 was pure joy and that it was my time to be smug about what a dream it all was... I haven't quite managed the same effort of will with you, so I'll happily and smugly tell you that I thought 14 months was an incredibly easy age!

20viona to be honest that would be enough to send someone with a reflux or collicey 5 week old baby who couldn't be put down without screaming in pain, over the edge into post natal depression if they actually took you seriously. Establishing breastfeeding can also be physically painful and mentally frustrating and challenging and lots of mothers feel quite desperate about it, especially if nobody's noticed their baby has a tongue tie.

it's pretty self absorbed and clueless to tell pregnant women something as if it's a universal truth when it's a very subjective individual experience, and an expectation which could lead to feeling inadequate and fairly desperate if they actually rate your advice and have a very different experience of the first weeks.

I’m reading this with my 4 week old newborn and in my hormonal state some of the replies made me want to cry. I had a horrendous birth, we both nearly died, and a difficult breast feeding journey which we are only now just settling into, as well as extremely sleep deprived. The idea that some people find this stage ‘easy’ or that it gets worse is incomprehensible. The only thing that’s keeping me going now as that it will get easier by 3 months

vinoelle - as I said upthread I struggled with the newborn stage and have found that things have just got better and better ever since so far - he's 2.5 so we've got a long way to go and we may not yet have had our worst stage but I can conclusively say that newborn was not the best stage because there have already been so many better ones since. Please just ignore anyone who says the newborn days are the best bit, they obviously had very different babies and it doesn't mean anything for you and your baby (also, feel a bit sad for them? What a shame to only like the bit right at the beginning that lasts a few weeks! I once read that the Radford mum said the best bit of having a child is the first day home with them, which I honestly think is incredibly depressing)

@20viona you can see for yourself by the reading the replies from others how damaging a statement like that can be

I found newborn stage with my first really hard but by number 4 it was a breeze. It feels harder with teenagers because you can often not solve their problems the way you can when they are little.

I think what surprises me the most about parenting is that just when you think you’ve got it sorted, the next child or stage comes along and gives you a whole different set of challenges!

And you've acknowledged that everyones experience is different, but thats yours. So why are you telling your friends to 'soak up the first 4 months as its a dream' as if its fact?

Im not getting worked up over nothing. Telling someone the newborn phase is a dream when they're struggling is very damaging. You need to be aware of this.

Newborns are often physically demanding. And sleep deprivation sucks.

But I found 17+ to be the single worst bit so far. They think they know it all and you’ve got to just let them get on with doing stupid stuff. Or just refusing to do things. The whole transition to adulthood was hideous with DS1.

I loved the newborn stage in terms of with my baby, but my partner was shit in the newborn stage. He's still a bit shit now and has silly preconceptions that toddlers shouldn't make mess and gets annoyed that toddlers do toddler things.

But no, the baby stage was easy. The bit where they can move independently but can't talk independently is the hard bit.

@Hardbackwriter and I wouldn't be offended or upset by any means because every persons experience is individual!
Also my daughter had reflux and was sick constantly for around 7 months so don't think I had a complete 'easy ride' but in MY EXPERIENCE I loved the first 4 months.

Newborn stage is definitely the easiest imo...

@Letsallscreamatthesistene no you need to get a grip of what is actually damaging. A sentence between best friends who I KNOW are having a lovely time enjoying their new baby who are formula feeding and enjoying their experience is in no way damaging. I'm not walking up to strangers who are struggling breastfeeding and telling them to enjoy those first four months. What a waste of my afternoon.

Also enjoying all the many many other posters saying newborn period was lovely

If they are having a lovely time why tell them it'll all end soon (especially when you don't know that because, as you say, we're all different)? Whether they're having a good or an awful time 'just you wait!' is a shitty and mean-spirited thing to say.

Yes I found the newborn stage easiest both times!
It’s very subjective though.
My experience was they just slept constantly, they are obviously not mobile yet and are just tiny, light and very portable.

@20viona

Also enjoying all the many many other posters saying newborn period was lovely

You must have seen the post from the new mother who said comments like yours made her want to cry and yet this is your response?

A big fat lie, yes, they are the easiest.
I found teen years the most demanding with all 3, no exceptions. Mine were all well behaved too, I mean no huge shockers.

I'm going to leave this boring conversation by repeating that it's an Individual experience. A subjective one. That's it. I don't know why people ask these questions and then the MN
Bandwagon jump on and chastise anyone that has a remotely differing opinion.
Peace ✌🏼

Different stages all come with their own challenges. I don't think it's really possible to rank them.

It depends on the baby. My newborn DS wouldn't be put down for more than 2 minutes and didn't even nap out of my arms until he was about 9 months.

It was hell, especially when my DH went away for a week and I had literally no respite.

He's easier as a toddler because at least he sleeps now!

But the people here saying how damaging it is to say that in their experience the newborn bit was the easiest is the exact same as people telling me the newborn stage is so hard , so much easier when they can move and talk.
It was way, way harder for me when they all hit toddlerhood , incredibly cute but way harder . I also felt really down when plp assumed the difficult phase was long behind me when I was struggling with a non sleeping , highly mobile two year old. I got less sleep with 2 of my toddlers than I did with my newborns ! I was more exhausted and looked like total crap when mine were around 2, I was positively glowing in the newborn bit. That’s my experience though so if someone asked my opinion I would tell them that it got very difficult for me at around 18 months.
I think you are far more likely to hear how hard it is about newborns than how hard it is with toddlers. I see it said constantly here when plp give advice “it gets so much easier when they get older” and while I wouldn’t ever scare someone I definitely would have appreciated some people saying it doesn’t always get easier , enjoy it while they can run off constantly etc....
I genuinely had no idea that toddlers could wake constantly also for example...

Depends so much on the individual baby, but also depends on you and all your circumstances.
Yes, for me, the newborn stage was a real challenge to 'be got through'.

I've loved the teenage years though.