Is it a big lie that the newborn stage is hardest??

[SofaSurfette]

I'm sure people only say this to make new mums feel better. I have also heard that "it doesn't get easier, just different". But at 6 months I'm sure it's about 3x more work! Admittedly, I was expecting the first few weeks of motherhood to be a lot harder -
I naively wondered what all the fuss was about. Yeah the sleep deprivation was a challenge, but I seemed to have so much time. I wondered what people were on about when they spoke of cold tea and not getting 5 minutes for a shower. Not anymore.

How do people even go out in the first couple of months of weaning? When there are still all the usual milk feeds in addition to very messy mealtimes? That's about 8 feedings in 12 hours! I feel like my whole day is spent feeding and cleaning up. And everything takes several times longer than it used to because fussiness is increasing and nap times are reducing -if happening at all- ... Honestly the sleepless nights were a doddle compared to this. What am I doing so wrong?! More importantly, when does it actually get easier

If they are healthy, sleeping a few hours at a time and gaining weight as they should it’s really easy. Toddlers are much more wilful and difficult

I'm with you OP, the easiest month of my dcs life was when he was born, then gets slightly harder every month from then.

I found age 2-4 to be the worst- the tantrums.
I have a feeling the teenage years will also be bad

Newborn stage is easy. Mine slept all the time for months. Once they are on the move it's wayyyyy harder I always tell my pregnant friends to soak up for first 4 months as that is when it's a dream. Once they are on the move it's a whole new ball game. Mine is 14 months and it gets harder every day.

@20viona please stop saying this to your friends. Its along the same lines as saying 'enjoy the cuddles'.

If someone isnt enjoying the newborn bit and is actually really struggling stuff like that is so damaging because those types of phrases make you think you're not doing it right.

IS struggling with the newborn bit, thats meant to read.

I absolutely loved the newborn stage with all three of mine and I had very bad sleepers and one with reflux!
I couldn’t get over how much more difficult it got once they started to move. Even with a very refluxy baby I could still have a bath , drink hot coffee , read, watch tv etc.
Obviously with the first it’s a million times easier as no other kids to take care of , no school runs etc.
I watched loads of Netflix , we ate out, traveling was a breeze until they started walking......
I always say to plp , if they ask traveling is a million times easier pre 1 year. Also unfortunately one of mine was an awful sleeper and it just got worse and worse but was extra exhausting as not only were they sleeping worse than a newborn they also were unstoppable once up , I couldn’t take my eyes off then for five seconds, incredibly short concentration spans too at that age. For my last I remember being really sad when the bouncy chair and sling became redundant. My dcs are all very physical and although they loved the sling when babies, they hated being carried after a year.
I get it that some babies are really difficult, I had one who cried a lot etc but I still cringe a bit when I hear “ oh the first 6 months are hard , it gets so much easier”, it’s all anyone told me and gave me a really false expectation as I found it a million times more difficult between 1 months and 4 tbh....

Entirely depends on the baby. Newborn was the hardest stage for me for various reasons, but it sounds as though you've had no problems and an easy baby so yes probably it was an easy stage for you.
You can't compare, really.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene, while I’d never say that to people as everyone’s experiences are different, I also hate the constant “ oh the sleep thing is temporary, it gets so much easier”. I felt like a failure when I found it so much harder after a year.

During weaning, I fed one of the meals a day to a baby wearing only a nappy, to keep the washing down. Straight in to a bath after. Feed them outside, or near a dog, as much as possible too .

Mine were like yours, perfect newborns, but then it went slowly down hill. I am still waiting for it to get easier, they are 6 and 8, I don't think it does.

That said, my worst bit was when they learned to walk. I have wooden floors; I could hear what they were up to when crawling, they went 'thump, thump, thump' when my back was turned - then suddenly there were no warning sounds of where they were heading! DS was 13 months when I concieved the next though, so it can't be too bad!

Baby hood is a piece of cake. I found toddler years much harder. They are mobile but have no sense of danger so you have to watch them like a hawk. They have developed a mind of their own. You are trying to toilet train them, which itself may only take a week or two but you have to scope out all toilet locations and bring spare clothes just in case. They want to be with you all the time and can now follow you and open doors etc. They ask a million questions. You probably also have another baby to deal with too.
I think the golden years are between 5 and 9. A bit more self sufficient, they still think you are the best thing on the planet, and they are at school half the day and they haven't started adolescence.
My kids are teens now and the outside stressors of exams, girl/boyfriends, peer pressure, alcohol and partying... a whole different kind of worry.

I love the newborn stage! Easily my favourite time! Snuggly babies you can take anywhere..

At 2.5 and 4.5 it's getting slightly easier again but my god these past 2 years have killed me!

Dreading having 2 teenage boys though!

@Letsallscreamatthesistene I completely agree- I hate the newborn stage when they are inconsolable little aliens and my mental health takes a nosedive so people saying to just enjoy the cuddles really stress me out.

It depends doesn’t it. For me watching my newborn helpless in neonatal was pretty heartbreaking. My husband cried buckets, and it’s the only time in his adult life he’s ever cried. Then for me having to cope with a tear, and all the hormonal upheaval of just giving birth. It was hell.

I concede if you have a straight forward birth and a healthy baby it’s probably really easy. I certainly felt that way about the 3rd child. By then though I had two toddlers and they were a challenge.

Teenage years are tricky, they are a bit like toddlers in near adult bodies, and you have to let some stuff slide and give them more independence, even though they are still children. I think you can make those years easier though if you can manage to parent properly through childhood. What I mean by that is that you have clear boundaries at home and don’t let you child become a little dictator who gets away with everything and has no respect for their parents. It suddenly becomes much harder to live with a teenager who has always been the centre of their universe.

The newborn stage is a bit of a grind - endless repeat of feed, nappy change, sleep, wake up plus a never ending pile of washing. I did get to sit, drink tea and watch box sets though.

I found weaning hard because of the timing - DD was late to drop bottles so 5 milk feeds plus three meals in winter meant it was hard to get out in the daylight some days!

That said she's now 2.5 and it's hard - the tantrums, the willfulness, how fast she can run, playing the same games over and over again, having to actually parent! And then like an idiot you think "oh wouldn't it be nice to have another"

I personally found newborn to 1 really hard DD always had bad reflux and cried all the time. Shes now 3 and shes amazing kind, loving and just a joy to be around I'd never want to be back to the newborn phase!

My nephew however has been a dream baby from newborn and hes now 9 months and still a lovely baby. Every child is different I guess.

Just wait until you have a 14/ 15 year old,
Yup. Teenagers are the worst!!!! Particularly between 13-16
I found this the best stage!
I would do the teen years again if I could.
I hated the last 3 weeks of pregnancy and the first months after birth.
Teens are great.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene saying soak up the newborn stage means different things to Different people. It could mean enjoy the one on one time where you can stay in your pjs all day, it could mean taking hundreds of photos to look back on as they get bigger.

That's like saying I basically can't say anything to anyone without risk of offending or upsetting them.

My dd has silent reflux and a milk allergy so the newborn stage was pure hell. In fact it was pure hell unit 10months when her silent reflux was better managed. She screamed for what seemed like all day and night and couldn't be laid down, ever. Lived in my arms or in a carrier.

She's starting reception next week and the toddler/pre-school phase has been comparatively a doddle, despite her being strong willed!

Every child and parent is different so there's just no exact answer.

6 is easy. They get themselves up and watch TV at weekends. Obviously the 5 year old pissed in his bed and the 2 year old has a dirty nappy.

I found 18 months to 4 years hard but my eldest was a particularly wilful toddler and had 2 under 2. Once the eldest DD was 4 I could actually reason with (bribe!) her and life became simpler, but all the stages are hard in different ways. DD1 is nearly 11 now and very hormonal, so very tall and over the summer I kept seeing families with 5 year olds and I literally had pangs to go back to that time (I never ever thought I would say that) As it just has gone too fast

I think you can see a pattern emerging - it depends on the newborn and basically whether or not they have reflux and/or colic. Living with a baby who cries constantly is very hard.

I had a screamer with severe silent reflux and she did nothing but cry for the first 8 weeks, had to be held up high and in constant motion, and wouldn't lie down anywhere. I couldn't rest and recover from the car crash of a delivery and I developed pretty debilitating PND.

Everything gets easier for me because the baby is happier. As soon as she was medicated, then weaned and sitting up, I could actually enjoy being with her instead of simply surviving minute by minute. Now she's 14 months and so much fun, even though you can't take your eyes if her for a minute.

@BillywilliamV @GreyShadow
Was just coming on to say the same thing!!! 🤣

I've never heard anyone say the newborn phase is the hardest. Don't people always say its the easiest?

Easy baby. I bloody loved the first 6 months.

When DD started getting tricky I went back to work early.