DS constant crying during the evenings - struggling to cope

[daisy86]

My DS is 12 weeks old. He’s been sleeping well at night, going into his cot at around 10.30pm and usually sleeping through until 5-6am. He also tends to have a morning nap of around 2-3 hours and is awake all afternoon.

However, during the evenings I’m really struggling. He will usually have his last feed at about 6pm but is so grumpy from then onwards. Tonight he’s been crying on and off for the last hour and won’t stop - it’s starting to really grate.

I try to put him down in his cot between 7-8pm but it just doesn’t work - he gets really fretful, cries and won’t sleep. If he does drop off he will wake 30 minutes later and won’t go back to sleep. I don’t have blackout blinds but he does sleep without them during the day, so I don’t think that’s the issue.

I know I’m lucky that he’s sleeping well at night but I have him all day and just need my evenings back. I thought it was meant to get easier at 12 weeks but if anything he’s getting harder to put down during the evenings!

I’m not willing to use a dummy and won’t be changing my mind on that. But if anyone has any other ideas I would love to hear them.

Sounds like reflux
Raise one end of the cot - head above stomach
Make sure you wind throughly

Have you tried another feed. Maybe about 8 then putting him down. Six seems early for the last feed. I'd also try using huckleberry app and follow it for naps.

It's so, so hard, isn't it. I remember feeling like I would never get my evenings back again. My DS was a colicky nightmare until 3 and a bit months, then it got better really fast. In the meantime, is it worth getting some decent noise cancelling headphones so you can stay with him and comfort him without the added stress?

Reflux and/or colic. From memory, colic can go on until 14 or 16 weeks - just random crying until very late. They seem to be linked. I also worked out that DS' colic was definitely linked to over stimulation. So if he'd had a nap in the afternoon it was less likely to happen. If he's not napping after the morning nap, I think it could be similar. Could you try getting a short nap in mid afternoon? Even just 45 minutes? Or bring the 6 pm feed earlier and try get him down for about 6? You might then find he needs to wake for a feed in the night, but if it's a quick one it wouldn't be too bad?

I’d think he might be overtired. I’d try and squeeze in another nap. He’s pretty little to be going all afternoon awake. Wake him up early from the morning one if you need.

Oh, and agree with later feeds, definitely. Won't be still be firmly in the cluster feeding phase?

He sounds overtired, that's a long time for him to be awake in the afternoon/evening.

He did have a bit of silent reflux I think, as he used to cry straight after feeds, arch his back and generally seemed uncomfortable. But he hasn’t shown these symptoms for about three weeks and seems relatively content after his feeds now, so I assumed he’d grown out of it. I always burp him and his cot is raised at one end.

Interesting about the Huckleberry app. I’ve kept telling myself I’ll give it a go but never seem to be organised enough to time the feeds and naps!

Definitely needs an afternoon nap - at 12 weeks that’s a loooong time to be awake. I felt like I was constantly putting mine down for a nap at that age

www.google.co.uk/search?q=wake+times+by+age&safe=off&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=insv&sxsrf=ALeKk00HumvCO1gEGnLskj86SH_TfI5SdA:1595357411955&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiV99C-gd_qAhUJQEEAHd-UBNMQ_AUoAXoECA4QAQ&biw=375&bih=635&dpr=3#imgrc=qXSTpp5doQwEgM

He doesn’t sound like he’s getting nearly enough sleep - at 12 weeks they should still be getting 14 hours shouldn’t they? D haven’t known many babies that age who can get by on one nap - most are on 2 or 3 (or more).

I had one baby who was a horrific napper and one who was brilliant. There may be underlying issues such as reflux if you can’t get him to nap. My eldest was refluxy and would only nap on me until about 5 months.

I think it could be overtiredness too. I have tried to get him down for a second nap during the afternoon but he just refuses to sleep! Would reducing his morning nap time to make him more tired in the afternoon and evening work?

What a horrible link, sorry! This is what I meant to link to.

I would probably cap a nap at 2 hours, then put him down again after 2 hours max

Yes sounds overtired to me. Would be nap if in a car or buggy?

I’m not willing to use a dummy and won’t be changing my mind on that. But if anyone has any other ideas I would love to hear them.

If he does turn out to have silent reflux I hope you would reconsider this decision. A dummy can provide significant pain relief for a baby with reflux.

I think it could be overtiredness too. I have tried to get him down for a second nap during the afternoon but he just refuses to sleep! Would reducing his morning nap time to make him more tired in the afternoon and evening work?

It might. What sort of techniques are you trying for a nap? Does pram/car/on a person work?

I used to push mine out in the pram in the summer evenings, not exactly getting my evening back but at least no howling.

I’m shocked by that table - DS is usually awake for a lot longer than 1-1.5 hours. I wonder if noise from outside is stopping him sleeping? Our street is relatively quiet (by London standards) but we still get cars parking and doors slamming, people chatting loudly in the street etc.

Is he awake from lunchtime-ish until 10.30pm? That's an incredibly long time of so. At that age I think they are meant to have awake time of around 2 hours I would work on an afternoon nap: buggy, sling, car, whatever is needed. If you can get 30 mins nap, it will give him more energy for the rest of the day.

At that age my son needed to sleep about every 1.5 hours. Yours must be extremely over tired if he’s up all afternoon, so will find it hard to wind down for bed. I had to try REALLY hard to get him to nap, lots of pram walks or rocking and shushing etc... got there in the end. It’s tough!

@JassyRadlett During the daytime I normally wait until I spot him yawning, then immediately put him in his cot and sit with him, making repeated shhh sounds until he falls asleep. This usually works during the day, but if he’s struggling I will rock him to sleep in my arms.

For evenings, I’ve tried walking him in the pram but he wakes as soon as I stop. A sling is the one thing that does sometimes work (but not always).

Yeh I’m sceptical about that table- my newborn was awake for hours and hours - so much so that I spoke to the HV who said sometimes that’s just them. I expected a hell of a lot more sleep in the day.

Although you say he doesn't have symptoms of silent reflux, I'd say crying all evening is probably a symptom of silent reflux.

12 weeks is also far too early for getting them away to bed by 7/8pm. It was nearer 10pm bedtime at this age for my two and they were nearer 5 months when they went up to bed at 7pm.

I know you're against the dummy, but it really was a life saver for me with my eldest. Failing that you could try my alternative of the same Rihanna song on repeat for 90 minutes. They were the only two things that stopped him crying.

For the elusive afternoon nap - how long should I be aiming for, given the sleep he’s already getting? Is an hour enough or does he need longer?

God I’m so crap at this.

At that age mine was awake for no longer than 1.5 hours before needing another nap. She would have been a howling mess if she went all afternoon with no sleep. Try anything in your power to get another nap in: sling/buggy/rocking.

Before I had a baby, I assumed they just fell asleep when they were tired. How wrong I was!