DS constant crying during the evenings - struggling to cope

[daisy86]

My DS is 12 weeks old. He’s been sleeping well at night, going into his cot at around 10.30pm and usually sleeping through until 5-6am. He also tends to have a morning nap of around 2-3 hours and is awake all afternoon.

However, during the evenings I’m really struggling. He will usually have his last feed at about 6pm but is so grumpy from then onwards. Tonight he’s been crying on and off for the last hour and won’t stop - it’s starting to really grate.

I try to put him down in his cot between 7-8pm but it just doesn’t work - he gets really fretful, cries and won’t sleep. If he does drop off he will wake 30 minutes later and won’t go back to sleep. I don’t have blackout blinds but he does sleep without them during the day, so I don’t think that’s the issue.

I know I’m lucky that he’s sleeping well at night but I have him all day and just need my evenings back. I thought it was meant to get easier at 12 weeks but if anything he’s getting harder to put down during the evenings!

I’m not willing to use a dummy and won’t be changing my mind on that. But if anyone has any other ideas I would love to hear them.

Although you say he doesn't have symptoms of silent reflux, I'd say crying all evening is probably a symptom of silent reflux.

So even though he now seems comfortable after all his feeds, he could still have silent reflux?

Another question - do you all have blackout blinds? I’m wondering whether it’s time to invest in some.

My baby did have silent reflux and it was very obvious. If your baby is comfortable during and after feeding without being medicated, then I’d say it’s not silent reflux.

We needed a darkened room from about this time or she was too stimulated by her surroundings to sleep.

DH thinks we shouldn’t let him sleep so long in the morning, but it’s the only time he does sleep during the day - so I’m reluctant to wake him!

We have gro-company stick on black out blinds in DS's room, although it's more fof the early wakings here.

I wouldn't worry too much about nap length, especially if he is having one good nap in the morning. If you can get 30-40 mins that should help a lot. More is obviously great but mine only really did one sleep cycle most of the time. It's a manageable amount of time to walk for if you need to.

They say sleep creates sleep. I wouldn't try to get him to sleep less in the mornings in order to sleep more later. I would do the opposite and aim for more overall sleep.

It's the witching hours. Very common and nothing to worry about.

It passes with age and he should soon be out of this phase

I’m not willing to use a dummy and won’t be changing my mind on that

Why? A dummy is recommended for reflux, if it turns out to be that.

That aside, second the overtiredness thing. I have blackout curtains and use white noise for my son as I live next to quite a busy road. The white noise drowns out the road noise.

White noise machine can be a lifesaver

During the daytime I normally wait until I spot him yawning, then immediately put him in his cot and sit with him, making repeated shhh sounds until he falls asleep. This usually works during the day, but if he’s struggling I will rock him to sleep in my arms.

I’d get an afternoon nap into him any way you can, no later than around 2 hours after he wakes from the last one. For me, with my refluxy non-napper, that meant a long walk in the pram every afternoon, and a catnap on me at teatime!

Waking after 30 mins is classic over tiredness. Definitely needs an afternoon nap. I’d say that if he was awake by 5pm, you’d still be good for a 7.30pm bedtime. I remember awake windows being no more than 2/2.5 hours around this age. Do whatever you need to do to get the naps straight, then worry about settling in a cot later. If you need to walk or drive him around to prevent overtired was until you resolve the sleep debt, then do it.

Thanks for the advice. I’m going to really focus on getting an afternoon nap and will let you know how I get on!

If you can get 30-40 mins that should help a lot.

That sounds doable, thanks.

Good luck! Remember the saying ‘sleep begets sleep’. It’s so hard for him to sleep if he’s already overtired.

I have no idea. My eldest was like this until around 5 months. No advice other than to nap when he does so you can stay up an hour once he’s asleep, and to learn to tune him out to an extent so you can comfort him without getting burnt out (it does sound like he’s overtired rather than in pain etc)

You're not crap at this, they don't come with a manual. If you were crap at this you wouldn't be on here asking for advice.

Re the shushing to sleep - Ewan the sheep has a brilliant shhhh shhhh white noise. It's exactly the same as I used to use for DS and found the setting by accident - saved me a lot of shushing!

You're already on the right path by having linked sleep cycles, just persevere getting that afternoon nap in sand you'll be well away. To be fair at that age my DS may have been on 3 naps...

He should be sleeping 3-4 hours during the day in 3-4 naps (theory). And 10-12 hours at night.

I would try to have him nap 9am, then again 1pm, then again 4pm, then see if he goes to bed a bit nicer.

It is a gradual process with naps. Also having said this, I never woke mine up. If he slept for 4 hours (a few times he did) I let him. Then adjusted the next nap accordingly.

I also put him to bed regardless if he "looked" tired. After a certain amount of him being up, I fed him, changed him and nap it was. This did not always work, but eventually we managed to get into a system.

A word of caution about pram/walking him in hands/carrier - all good until it becomes a bad sleep association and he becomes impossible to settle by himself in the cit. It can become an issue very quickly. Best check with smarter people than me about how best to do naps/sleeping (I did it wrong as well and my back went quite quickly about 4months in).

My DS is also 12 weeks old. We get up at 7am and his naps are roughly an hour in the morning, 2 hours over lunchtime and then a short nap around 4pm. The afternoon nap often needs to be facilitated with a trip in the pram. I think this is quite common as babies really fight it come the afternoon.

I then do bath and bed 6-7pm. If my boy goes too much past 2 hours awake time he becomes very difficult. Do EVERYTHING you can to get that afternoon nap and I think things should improve.

A word of caution about pram/walking him in hands/carrier - all good until it becomes a bad sleep association and he becomes impossible to settle by himself in the cit.

Yes, I’ve been trying to avoid all those things for that reason - and he’s been very good at settling himself in the mornings and late at night. This morning he seemed very awake, but I put him in the cot, went to make a coffee, came back and he’d gone to sleep in his own. It’s just the afternoons and evenings that are tough!

Focus on clearing the sleep debt first, then worry about settling in a cot. This should only take a week or so. Once you’ve got baby in a nap rhythm, then focus on the cot. However if he’s overtired, you’re already fighting a losing battle. If you get him well rested, then you’re both in a better position to focus on cot settling.

There’s no harm in doing a mix. If he’s happy to sleep in a cot earlier in the day for naps, brilliant. Later in the day naps are harder so if you need to “help” at those times, that’s fine too. As long as baby isn’t relying on being walked/driven/rocked at every single sleep, you’ll be fine.

Firstly your not crap, it's all a guessing game and changes just when you think you have it sussed!!

Could be colic - can last until 5-6 months if your very unlucky. We were and between the hours of 7pm to 11pm exactly it would be non stop inconsolable crying (turns out he had a milk allergy but also feeds were awful with reflux because of the allergy so the pattern was obvious).

One nap definately not enough but I wouldnt cut down morning nap, don't wait for the yawn just have him awake for a couple of hours then try putting him down and see what he does. If all else fails go for a walk - if he falls asleep in the pram for that last short nap then hey ho, he won't need it forever and it just gets you over this bit, no 'bad habits' long term.

Could potentially be reflux still, try without bed head raised and you'll soon find out.

White noise - miracles happen with this! Try an app though where you can try different sounds as different babies seem to zone out to a certain frequencies!! Needs to be part of a sleep routine though so it becomes a sleep que but also really works to drown out the noise that he is now probably tuning into as he's more aware and inquisitive.

I also found the 'double bum tap' really worked to soothe and relax LO, mimicking the heartbeat...bu..bum....he's nearly three and this still works now!!

Fingers crossed for you but it definately does end and get my h better xxx

My DD had silent reflux and would scream every evening for two hours, it was terribly distressing and ranitidine was a life saver.

When you say you are putting him in his cot, is it in the same room as you? I'll admit my children are much older, but my understanding is that for safe sleep, your baby should be with you. My memory of evenings with babies is cuddling with them and walking up and down with them (at least one of us crying!), eating one-handed and carrying a Moses basket from kitchen to sitting room.