DS constant crying during the evenings - struggling to cope

[daisy86]

My DS is 12 weeks old. He’s been sleeping well at night, going into his cot at around 10.30pm and usually sleeping through until 5-6am. He also tends to have a morning nap of around 2-3 hours and is awake all afternoon.

However, during the evenings I’m really struggling. He will usually have his last feed at about 6pm but is so grumpy from then onwards. Tonight he’s been crying on and off for the last hour and won’t stop - it’s starting to really grate.

I try to put him down in his cot between 7-8pm but it just doesn’t work - he gets really fretful, cries and won’t sleep. If he does drop off he will wake 30 minutes later and won’t go back to sleep. I don’t have blackout blinds but he does sleep without them during the day, so I don’t think that’s the issue.

I know I’m lucky that he’s sleeping well at night but I have him all day and just need my evenings back. I thought it was meant to get easier at 12 weeks but if anything he’s getting harder to put down during the evenings!

I’m not willing to use a dummy and won’t be changing my mind on that. But if anyone has any other ideas I would love to hear them.

Have you tried putting him to bed earlier?

Ours sleeps better if he's in bed at 6.

Every baby is different and it depends on their weight gain, growth and development.

If everything is on track then no, you shouldn't need to wake him, but if he's already awake and crying, try offering a small amount of milk.

It's better to offer small amounts more often so to not overfill their tummies and give them time to digest, than a big feed at night before bed and then a feed later on.

He will grow out of this feeding pattern, and it will change month by month.

By night weaning I mean inadvertantly not responding to feeding cues.

Baby's nurse for comfort as well as food, but you can't tell which is which really. If your baby is bottle fed, there's no reason why you can't respond to your baby's cues. That's what the UNICEF baby friendly initiatives piece about responsive bottle feeding demonstrates.

9pm: feed
9.30pm-5am: sleep (7 hours 30 minutes)
5.15am: feed
6am-9.15am: sleep (3 hours 15 minutes)
10.15am: feed
11.15am-11.45am: sleep (30 minutes)
2pm-2.30pm: sleep (30 minutes)
2.45pm: feed
4.15-4.45pm: sleep (30 minutes)
6pm: feed
8pm-6.15am: sleep (10 hours 30 minutes)
6.30am: feed

So he had a mammoth sleep last night. Ideally I would have woken him at around 11pm for another feed, but couldn’t bear to because he was in such a deep sleep. We will see how it goes today.

He’s formula fed by the way, in case that’s relevant here.

So he slept from 8PM?

Theres no doubt about him just being awake for too long. It sounds like he had a good sleep, earlier, last night. Agree with others - you might find it easier to get him.to nap if you try after 2 hours.

@BlingLoving Yes, he slept from 8pm all the way through to 6.15am this morning. He was just having another morning nap when the rubbish truck came round and woke him up. Very annoying.

Do others try to get their baby back to sleep if they’re awoken like that or is it a lost cause? He’d been asleep for about an hour.

I sometimes try to get him back to sleep but it works like 20% of the time.

Same as PP, I try really hard but it rarely works!

I think if he slept really well after his extra afternoon naps I 100% think his issue is overtiredness. Carry on with the naps and try and figure out what his awake window is - every baby is different. Once you've got that figured out you'll be able to get him down for naps before he gets overtired.

Same as PP, I try really hard but it rarely works!

I think if he slept really well after his extra afternoon naps I 100% think his issue is overtiredness. Carry on with the naps and try and figure out what his awake window is - every baby is different. Once you've got that figured out you'll be able to get him down for naps before he gets overtired.

It sounds to me like he's moving towards an earlier bed time but with the same wake up time and morning naps. So that could work. I'd still be tempted to try putting him down tonight at around 6pm to see how that goes but I do know it's scary because you worry he'll be awake at 4 am....!

actually, thinking about it, this is quite similar to DD. She was a good sleeper from young but also had the big sleep from around d9:30 or so and it was a bit of a process to get it earlier until one day we realised that she was in happiest starting her night sleep at something ridiculous like 6:30! She's still wake in the night, but often just for a few seconds and a quick cuddle would sort her straight out.

[she's still a good sleeper now, it has to be said. Unlike her brother....]

Thanks so much everyone for the advice - it's much appreciated. Against all the odds I managed to get him back to sleep for another 45 minutes or so after the rubbish truck disappeared. He's just awoken now so time for a feed followed by playmat I think.

Hopefully I'll be able to get him down for another nap in about two hours time.

@daisy86 is your baby pooing ? My son is 6 weeks and we had this for a few nights crying inconsolable nothing would settle him but since realised he suffer from constipation. Also if you think your room isn't dark enough I brought the gro blackout blinds there fab they can work our expensive but I brought mine second hand on Shpock for £10

@goldenT yes, he’s going regularly (once every two days) although he is overdue today! That’s interesting about the blackouts, thanks. I’m thinking of getting some to help him sleep in the evenings. Are the Gro ones easy to take down or is it a pain to keep putting them up and down again?

This is his updated sleep pattern:

9pm: feed
9.30pm-5am: sleep (7 hours 30 minutes)
5.15am: feed
6am-9.15am: sleep (3 hours 15 minutes)
10.15am: feed
11.15am-11.45am: sleep (30 minutes)
2pm-2.30pm: sleep (30 minutes)
2.45pm: feed
4.15-4.45pm: sleep (30 minutes)
6pm: feed
8pm-6.15am: sleep (10 hours 15 minutes)
6.30am: feed
7.30am-8.45am: sleep (1 hour 15 minutes)
10am-12pm: sleep (2 hours)
12.30pm: feed

Looking at it, I should have snuck in a feed after that first morning nap I think. He has hopefully caught up on his sleep debt with those last three sleeps though.

I’m going to try and put him down again in about two hours time.

@daisy86 they are so easy as they have suction cups on that how they work really has made a difference to our room

I would suggest not getting too hung up on the routine. Babies and children are always changing and developing. Before you know it, your baby will be napping in the car or buggy. Live your life! Give your baby plenty of cuddles and remember to enjoy him.

Sounds like you’re doing great. Lots more sleep there. I hope baby is feeling happier for it.

@GFqueen that is the most useless advice ever. People always say "just enjoy them!" I enjoy my baby. I'd enjoy him more if I wasn't permanently exhausted. If you don't need a routine, great. Not everyone is the same.

Sounds like colic, my daughter was like that for a few weeks at that age

Give your baby plenty of cuddles and remember to enjoy him.

I started a thread on the phrase 'enjoy the cuddles' to say how utterly useless and actually quite damaging it is. Please dont say this to someone who has reached out for help. I can almost guarantee that they are not enjoying the cuddles or the baby, otherwise they wouldnt have reached out for help.

I managed to get DS down for a nap yesterday afternoon. He slept for about an hour and we didn't have any crying last night! So I think all the posters who suggested overtiredness were right - thanks for the advice.

He later went to bed at 8.45pm and slept until 6am this morning, then went back to sleep at 7am following his morning feed and is still sleeping now.

Yay! That’s great news, glad you’ve had a better day.

Ok, I know I probably sound crazy, but DS has been asleep for four hours (from 7-11am). Considering he slept from 8.45pm-6am last night, that's quite a lot of sleep! Should I be worried?

If it's not one thing it's the other!

Well done on the nap yesterday OP. It’s important to remember sleep breeds sleep- your LO is also a person and we aren’t always regular and patterned in our sleep. Please don’t overly obsess, I don’t think we got into a strong nap pattern until 10monthsish.