7 year old just punched me in the face

[SomeonesRealName]

Forgot to hide his PS4 controllers this morning (he has to do learning first) and so took them off him when he got up. He went berserk yelling at me and hitting at me, saying he would smash our TV. I gave him a warning and tried to distract him but then he continued so I tried to put him in time out and that's when he punched me in the face with a closed fist. It really hurt. His timer finished but he was still giving me attitude and tbh I felt nowhere near ready to hug and make up. He's still on the step. Any advice?

I grew up without these devices and was fine. I have noticed how young children get addicted to them and get angry when they lose. Take the console away and sell it and your find your son becomes happier with finding other things to entertain him like drawing, nature, modeling kits, bike riding, swimming etc

That's totally unacceptable behaviour and the PS4 would be gone for me, no doubt about it.

At the very least I'd get it out of the house for a few months.

But I'm clear, my house, my electricity, my rules -you know where the door is.

Agree it’s me or you don’t deserve to live here?

*agree with.

I’d be taking the PS4 away completely.

I agree with the idea of punishing by removing console etc as suggested by other people. But also - I have a six year old with a "hot temper" and one thing thats worked (alongside punishing him for misbehaviour of course) is having a small punch bag hes allowed to hit if hes angry. The general rule is you're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to take out your anger by hitting the punchbag or lying down and punching a cushion or going to your room to cry. You are NOT allowed to take the anger out on other people by throwing stuff around the room or trying to hit etc. Might be worth considering since mine really does seem to need an outlet sometimes, especially during the past few months.

Putting him in his bedroom without his console for the day is just an advanced version of the naughty step. Naughty step for older children.

How many of us were told 'go to your room!' when we'd been badly behaved? There's nothing jail like about a bedroom, if it contains toys and books.

Sending them to their room, away from the area of conflict, to reflect on what they've done and keep them out of the way for a bit, is perfectly reasonable. Maybe not all day, but certainly for a large portion of it.

@stairgates

I have found that the consoles introduced a whole different level of angry reaction in my boys, what games does he play. The frustration of losing they carry around with them in general. Does he chat with other players?

This, with knobs on. And mine are now almost 30. Dh always says the worst thing we ever did was buy a PlayStation.

I agree that the PS needs to go away for a while, a week at least, he needs some serious consequences for hitting, he has to be made firmly aware that it's unacceptable. Hitting you - or anyone absolutely cannot become a habit so needs nipping in the bud ASAP, he sounds a bit like he has a bit of an addiction to his console (which is not in the slightest bit uncommon) so you need to look into how to manage that.

Take it away and hide the whole thing, do not do it in secret or try and fob him off with any excuses, explain to him clearly and concisely that the PlayStation is now out of bounds for a week, because he hit you. tell him exactly when he can have it back and say no more about it, but under no circumstances give it back until the agreed time, otherwise you;re giving him a green light to behave in this way in the future

I have found that the consoles introduced a whole different level of angry reaction in my boys

This scares me. My DCs are now adults and I am so grateful that this wasn't a thing for them growing up. I worry about my GCs.

I often look after my nephew who is the mildest boy ever. We were on holiday and he was refusing to put his tablet down to go to dinner. On third request being refused, I took it from him and placed it on top of a wardrobe. He went absolutely berserk - kicking, screaming, lashing out. There is just something about these games that get into their personalities.

so took them off him when he got up........so I tried to put him in time out

Did you physically grapple the controller from his hands and physically try to put him in timeout? If yes I can see how that could get out of control for both of you.

By the time kids are 7 instructions and punishments should be delivered verbally not physically, otherwise you are teaching him is it ok to be physical.

Bloody hell if I punched my mum when I was 7 my life would have been over, he needs more than putting on a step!

I was thinking that too, I think one time I answered my mum back and I never did it again!

OP If you come back to this thread, and I know its tough when you're getting a hard time, you need to start taking his behaviour very seriously, he needs real consequenses as he's at a pivotal stage in his development.

I know its tough as a lone parent but boys in particular need strong parenting, you need to set boundaries and expectations and he needs to know there will be consequenses for bad behaviour. I know its tough because boys can be relentless but there's a time for kindness and cooperation and there are times when only a hard line will work. It doesn't come easily to me either but sometimes you need to find your inner hard faced bitch and be resolute. Very soon he'll be bigger and stronger than you and if you're not careful he'll be running the house.

I know its not easy, but you've had some good advice here and hopefully some of it will be very helpful to you.

@OllyBJolly I think its because they are so addictive - I mean they are designed to be and a lot of (most?) adults are addicted/reliant to a certain extent (I probably spend to much time on mumsnet). Its crazy to think that small children, with less developed brains, can be immune to the effects. That said I really couldnt have managed working from home while the schools were shut without letting my son use my ipad so I dont know what the solution is...

The PS4 would be going in the loft.

7 is way too young to be on one anyway, imo.

@SomeonesRealName just bear in mind that if you don't step up now and take control of this in a few short years, you wont be dealing with a hot tempered angry 7 years, but you will be dealing with an angry 13/14 yrs. A teenager who is possibly going to taller/bigger than you.

What you do now is not just about now, but about the future you want.

minty
I am a teacher and I am well aware that kids have always been naughty.
However the games today encourage becomg addicted (esp fortnite) and they are often violence based.
My kids didn't have consoles and 7 year olds should be doing other stuff. I am tired of kids being tired/angry because of all this.

his room all day with no electronics that would be an absolute eternity for a 7 year old, have you really done that?

Yes do this....what he did was extreme and cannot happen again so room punishment with no electronics at the very least. No giving in or you'll regret it forever

Its so very easy to sit behind out keyboards and dispense advice isn't it?

This extreme distruption to everyday life is taking its toll on families. Who hasn't had a melt down, a fight ,anger?

My idea would be to try to look after yourself OP. Are you at the end of your tether? Can you get away for an hour, get a massage, go for a walk, see a friend? Can child care be shared out in a better way?

Having regained your equilibrium, consider your rules especially around consoles. Try to get the 7 year old out and active if possible.
It is wrong of him to assault his parent.

A poster would respond to being punched in the face by taking the puncher out for a forest walk and a little picnic . Wow.

What games are played on the PS, OP? Is it only or mainly concerning the Playstation that his 'hot temper' manifests?

At the risk of sounding like a silly oldie, these bloody games are a nightmare. Something about kids brains ( male?) and constant stimulation, fighting and so on. Pasty faced kids, their jaws dropped, slouching in a fuggy bedroom killing things on a screen. YUCK.

Sounds like my eldest (similar age) and the battles we had over home learning. Unpicking it with her - she could not deal with the line between school and home being so blurred and it was all linked to that (I strongly suspect ASD at play with her). The behaviour escalated from an initial lash out into regular ones and school came on board, saw what was happening, and took her back into one of her bubbles. Only you know what's going on with your child and their set of circumstances.

Once she could re-compartmentalise her life into school, home and the homework stuff sent by school it calmed down a lot. She still gets sanctioned for farting about when asked to get off a game console but it's back to being a lot more normal and manageable.

We do a lot of work on praising DD when she handles her temper (she gets it from me unfortunately) in appropriate ways - we've encouraged her to learn to walk away, given her a signal to pick up and take with her that she's moving away to cool off rather than flouncing - and before lockdown sent everything to shit - that was working really well.

So basically I come at it from multiple angles -
The physical violence and threats is a no-no - sanction how you feel for that - mine lose electronics as a result
The temper management - that's really building in a tool for the future to help him handle not blowing it (I actually used the Inside Out film a fair bit to start the discussion with DD)
The limits on electronics and when they can be used - I'll be honest, I've delayed that one a bit - the kids know that in September it'll be no consoles before school and before homework is done but for now I've left that one personally.

Agreed randomer

OP, our whole household loves video games, but if anything like that happened with either DS, it would be insta-ban for at least 1 month, possibly more.

Our youngest is 7 and has anger management issues, and he did use to throw a hissy fit whenever he lost, or whenever it was time to stop for dinner. Each time this happened, he got a video games ban for a proportionate period of time (depending on the scale of the outburst. Actual physical violence would be top of the scale). Guess what? He's a lot more graceful now. It's your job to enforce boundaries. And if your DS gets bored without VG, he can go and read a book, or pick a piece of paper and do some drawing/colouring, till he's learnt to control himself.
Seriousluy, it's your (and DH/DP if applicable) job to teach him the value of self-control, and that actions have consequences.

By the way, PS4 doesn't sound very age appropriate for a 7 year old. I would have thought a Nintendo console would have more kid-friendly games.