7 year old just punched me in the face

[SomeonesRealName]

Forgot to hide his PS4 controllers this morning (he has to do learning first) and so took them off him when he got up. He went berserk yelling at me and hitting at me, saying he would smash our TV. I gave him a warning and tried to distract him but then he continued so I tried to put him in time out and that's when he punched me in the face with a closed fist. It really hurt. His timer finished but he was still giving me attitude and tbh I felt nowhere near ready to hug and make up. He's still on the step. Any advice?

I would recommend reading the Incredible Years book for his age group. He is old enough for there to be consequences for his behaviour, especially for extremely unacceptable behaviour like this. These consequences should mostly be "natural consequences " (so refuse to get off the playstation = loose a half hour of it the next day). Its certainly fine to remove his PS for a while for him hitting you.

Put the PlayStation in the bin.

Get rid of the PS4! If he is doing this to you at 7 years old, what is he going to be like when he is 12, 14, 16 ? He will be much bigger and able to do far more damage.
Be the parent and stick to your guns otherwise he is never going to learn.

I don’t agree with hitting children but If my child punched me in the face they’d get hit back. Hard. They need to understand how much it hurts and how horrible it makes that person feel.
Whaaat? How is that going to teach them that it's wrong if their own parent does it too?? That would be abuse.

@SomeonesRealName

In his room all day with no electronics that would be an absolute eternity for a 7 year old, have you really done that?

I have.. My eldest was an angry 8 and 9 year old, never hit me but did scream, shout etc. He spent many a day in his room without gaming. He did have his TV and everything else in there but it hurt him more with no gaming. He had 2 choices in the front room with me watching daytime TV or in his room with his TV and no gaming. It does sound harsh but if you don't nip his outbursts in the bud he will only get worse.

I’d certainly not confine him to his room, you’re not a jailer for gods sake and that’s bordering on abusive abusive? Jesus no wonder some kids are so rude. I wasn’t suggesting sticking him in a padded cell with nothing to do, but you don’t get to carry on as normal with someone after threatening and assaulting them.

When my son was in year 5 so perhaps a couple of years older, he was being really disrespectful to me in his attitude, arguing. Really not being nice (but didn't hit) and better with his dad. It made me cry. Looking back I think it was part of wanting to be more independent. My husband and I said thats it - until you treat us with respect the controllers go away. We will decide when we give them back. It took about 10 weeks (Feb to April) and he did not have access all that time, No arguments - it was all calm but it took that for him to realise we would not tolerate it. No issues since. We have never done it again. He manages to self study and split time between study/computer without our input even through exams. He chose to remove a game during GCSE revision time. Appreciate everyone is different but this worked for our family.

The dreaded games!! I feel your pain. Have you tried having a schedule for the day- mine is on his own too but older so a bit easier but I know how it is when you have to work at home all day as well as look after them. Mine still is too much screen time in my view but As soon as school finished we wrote a list of daily things to do together which includes reading and maths, music , sport . He spends a little time on things he's not keen on and more time on things he prefers depending on how he feels on the day. but also tidy his room etc - making lunch for us . I take him out for ball game after I finish work so he looks forward to it. I think maybe take a couple of hours out and try and plan a routine and fill his day with other things like art , and other things he likes - he will then have less time for online but will still have some time. When he has finished his other things . You could also make a list of films and add a daily daily film that he could watch on his own. Many on Mumsnet- will say forget the schedule - they've finished school give them a break! Take Them out for long walks , cycle rides cooking - kite flying etc etc! That's fine and a nice luxury if you have the time or other means of support that enables you to facilitate this but we don't So we rely on a schedule while not perfect it gives him a routine.

OP I have an 8 year old with a very hot temper. The only thing that works for him is loss of privileges. And not just for an hour or so. At seven he is old enough to understand his behaviour has consequences and for something as extreme as punching someone in the face it needs to be a serious consequence.

Get rid of the games console for three months. Get him out exercising.
Let him be bored and find other activities.

Put him in the garden for an hour after his schoolwork, with a garden patch to grow his own things and do weeding. Reward his weeding. Praise his vegetables or flowers.

Reward non console activity. Get him making things which give instant reward - sewing binca, baking, woodworking and craft. Give him real jobs to build responsibility.

The PlayStation would have the cord cut off and be in the bin for me.

@SomeonesRealName you really need to look at the whole picture. There’s only a sense of it coming from the posts.

But it seems like he’s allowed the PS4 when you’re working to give him social interaction - you need to find other ways to support him e.g phone calls, FaceTime, socially distanced walks

An eternity in the bedroom: he needs to spend time outside, walks, visits to places etc

There seems to be an element of excuse making- he’s doesn’t hit normally, has a hot temper, can’t put him in his room all day etc. Tokens but they’re like pocket money. You’re paying him to do the expected of normal behaviour?
You need to really look at you’re parenting and the boundaries you set.
Your child needs help to manage himself

And why do 7 year olds have consoles?

If I were you, that PS4 would be in the loft for the foreseeable, and I would be hardcore grounding for at least 3 days. No tv. No sweets. Nothing nice. I would go top level on this. That's one of the worst things a kid can do for a parent. At the very least he would spend the rest of the day in his room. He is 7. He is not a baby. He is perfectly capable of understanding his behaviour is beyond unacceptable. Naughty step is for little things. This is NOT little and if you dont stamp it out now you will have an abusive teenager on your hands.

I'm watching as my 6 yo has got quite a hot temper and often strops with his friends. I've bought an anger management workbook for kids that we're doing bit by bit. He's really energetic and that can swing into frustration/ aggression. Lockdown has been a disaster for him as he hasn't had enough exercise and even back at school he has to sit down for long periods to try to enforce distancing. It's very difficult, sending

Different people do different things.
What I might do -may not be judged "acceptable" as someone else.

I find a lot of people what they say they would do and what they would actually do are different things.

Me I'd do one of two things:

Take the batteries PS4 whatever -round to a neighbour / my car boot or whatever -it's gone for at least a week.

If you kick off I will add another week and so on.

Or I would take the whole things and just say "No" -and give it away perm. Charity shop or whatever. Or I would explain Option 2 will be invoked if they don't behave for the next week.

I'm a chill, pro-gaming easy going mum but if my child punched me in the face that console would be gone, in the loft for a few months and then I would probably sell it.

Is he playing violent games on there which involve a lot of adrenaline, fight or flight reactions etc? Like Fortnite?

And why do 7 year olds have consoles?
Spoken like a true parent of younger children. I have teens and the console is in a family area so I can keep an eye on what's going on and limit teenage time on it

I'd get rid of the PS4 too although I wouldn't have one in the first place.
Tell him if he was high school age you'd be calling the police and that's only 4 years away.
That's really shocking behaviour. If it's all tied in with his love of gaming then getting rid of that will be the best consequence.
Has he lashed out at school?

Bloody hell if I punched my mum when I was 7 my life would have been over, he needs more than putting on a step!

Make a show of putting PS4 in the bin and then sell it on Facebook marketplace as a starting point

He clearly cannot moderate his behaviour around the PS4. I'd be taking it away for around 6 months then doing a trial. If he still can't moderate, away for another 6 months. If he's like this at 7, what's he going to be like as a teenager/young adult?

@Bluntness100

I’d certainly not confine him to his room, you’re not a jailer for gods sake and that’s bordering on abusive.

But I agree no electronics for a few days, and I’d remove any other treats, I’d also explain to him calmly just how unacceptable his behaviour was.

I don’t think a naughty step is ok though at seven, that’s for toddlers.

Seriously -abuse putting a thug child who has hit in the face on their room?? -and he could have broken your nose etc for telling them or asking them to do work and games. FFS. No wonder men grow up and hit women and their partners.

I'm angry. I hit you. Violence is never acceptable.

She put him on the step -good. He is 7 -a time out is fine why she thinks and recovered from being hit about what SHE wants to do.

I'm raising teenagers and if one of them hit me -They know the consequences would be huge (if they survived it!).

No one my children have said the words "I hate you" to me. Raising them with dignity and explaining actions -yes. But I'm clear, my house, my electricity, my rules -you know where the door is.

I don’t agree with hitting children but If my child punched me in the face they’d get hit back. Hard. They need to understand how much it hurts and how horrible it makes that person feel.

That would be child abuse. Plus hitting a child is not an effective way to teach them violence is wrong.

Good luck OP!

OP, has said she is leaving the thread which is fair enough but just in case she comes back I’d like to know what games he is playing.

My kids have had games Consoles their whole lives and they have been a positive part of their childhood. When they were younger we stuck with Nintendo type games rather than PSP. We never had first person shooter games or Grand Theft type games in the house. We also mostly kept to the age ratings.

A lot of games are too intense for little kids.

Consoles yet again Wouldn't have them in the house.

Oh behave. Children have been badly behave for centuries, long before consoles were invented.

I don’t think the principle of a naughty step is necessarily too young for a 7 year old. The name ‘naughty step’ is babyish but the principle of taking some time out to calm down in a neutral spot is ok.