Mother in laws guide to babies

[nervousnellyisnervous]

Looking for submissions for a mother in laws guide to parenting. Please post random things you didn't know about how to raise your baby.

Mine is - on a hot day I didn't put a vest under my baby's dress. And mother in law kindly said to my baby, are you poor, will mummy not allow you a vest?

Is this a thing? Am I supposed to have her in vests all the time? Even when hot?

Because I didn't know this... I would love parenting tips from everyone's mother in law, since they're the experts.

I don't have grandchildren btw

@Knittedfairies

When you are grandparents, just remember that the advice you give based on current thinking may well be viewed by your DILs as equally insane in future.

This is how I view it. Practically everything I was taught has been changed. My DILs are teaching me.

@PAND0RA 🙏 Amen! 🙏

If a baby makes a funny face when you feed it something you should ram loads of it down their throat for the laughs.

See beetroot, pickles and slices of lemon

@DancingKoala 😂😂😂😂😅

Look one day you will prob be mil and I you won’t be able to do anything right. Give advice and you’ll be ridiculed like on here, say nothing and you’re uninvolved. I’ve seen people on this site complain about mils buying too many toys (what a complaint!) , not enough toys, clothes they don’t like , no clothes (therefore they aren’t interested much ) . Numerous threads where the mother’s mother gets to meet the baby first , gets to visit sometimes and the mil either is kept at arms length or made to jump through hoops..
I honestly don’t think they can win and I can’t say I have an amazing relationship with my mil and I know some could be very difficult but it’s an incredible amount that seem to be awful on mn.
At the end of the day she is still the woman who gave birth to your oh who cuddles him and got up with him at night etc . I honestly believe that unless they are absolutely terrible/abusive etc ( in all honesty the op’s mil made a pretty harmless remark) that most (not all obvs) older humans deserve a bit of respect.
Good luck because one day it will be you who can’t see your own children that you are looking at right now or grandkids or you who won’t be able to do anything right.

My MIL is a lovely woman.

We got a baby paddling pool for my son for when it gets sunny again and I told my MIL who said, 'just make sure you don't leave him on his own in the pool' erm, yeah no shit MIL he is six months old you nutter 😂

On asking why my niece has to have socks and slippers on all the time in the house, even if it's a lovely sunny day or the house is cost and warm. Niece was frustrated and just wanted to walk around in her bare feet like my son was.
Well, this is because, as MIL said, because her and SIL look after their children.
That was me told then........
To their disgust I said Oh then laughed.

@Hercwasonaroll

I returned to find her eating boiled eggs, toast with butter and a sippy cup of milky tea - she had never had eggs, dairy or wheat before

Apart from the tea I'm struggling to see the problem here.

I would imagine the PP wasn't happy with the fact that 3 of the most common food allergens had been introduced simultaneously without discussion with her/the baby's father. Maybe their plan was to introduce allergenic foods one at a time then if there was any reaction they would know what had caused it? That's a pretty common approach after all.

I see this as a funny thread, I know most MIL mean well. My mother & father on the other hand constantly tell my children off over me - for incredibly small inconsequential things, drives me mad!

But since this is a funny MIL tread, mine insisted (after telling her not to) on covering tightly our 2 month old baby’s cot attachment on the pram with a muslin in 30deg heat, - because it was ‘breezy’ and taking them out for a walk, Q baby arriving back home after 20 mins bright red and screaming. Socks on at all times or they would get sick, & also singing really closely to their faces the minute they start whimpering, which then makes them howl - despite us telling her not to about 1000 times.

Love her though!

Numerous threads where the mother’s mother gets to meet the baby first , gets to visit sometimes and the mil either is kept at arms length or made to jump through hoops

This is normal and you need to get over yourself and stop whinging. Most women WHO HAVE JUST GIVEN BIRTH feel emotional and they are more likely to want to see their own mother. It’s entirely natural and how it’s been for most of human history.

Very few women are closer to their MIL than their own mother.

So Stop trying to make everything about you. It’s spurious demands for “equality “ and trying to make everything about you and your rights that alienate DILs.

Here’s MIL lesson #2.

If you want to see you GC soon after they are born then

• be very nice to your DIL BEFORE the baby is conceived
• give NO unsolicited advice on anything during the pregnancy
• even if asked for your opinion, be very tactful
• make zero demands “ well of course you must use my surname” etc
• after the birth ask when it’s best to visit and then button it. Do not ask when other visitors are coming.

In most normal healthy families, you reap what you sow in relation to your relationship with your DIL, son and GC. If you act like an arse they will avoid you as much as possible.

You can come on MN and rant . You can spam every thread about MIL with your complaints of unfairness. It won’t make one iota of difference.

Case and point above ..

This is such a horrible thread.... just full of vitriol and hate.......

The only vitriol and hate comes from the “MILs can do no wrong” brigade.

On Mumsnet you could report that your MIL had hired an assassin to kill you, and still be told that you’re unreasonable, hard work, controlling, obviously a MIL-basher, and that your MIL must bf okay because she raised a son who was good enough for you to marry.

The focus is on MIL's as it's easier to tell your own mum to shut up than your partners I assume.

Worst advice form PIL is to let my children cry if they hurt themselves. Fall over and cut their knee? Leave them to it. How bloody cruel to watch your child bleed and just stand there laughing and telling them they're fine or start chucking stuff at their head to 'distract' them.

My own thinks I should leave them in their rooms to cry at night to teach them to sleep. If mine cry for too long they vomit l, so I wouldn't leave them even if I thought that was a good idea.

It’s totally not a case of “mils can do no wrong” , if you have a genuinely awful one then that is crap and I feel for you. I think a lot of the comments re. advice that people are getting (obviously some of it ridiculous and unwarranted) are so scathing. I don’t get on amazingly with my mil, she says things I definitely don’t agree with but she’s also a mother and loves her son. I love her son too so I think that’s a good thing to have in common.
I just don’t agree that the advice some people got deserves the level of piss take tbh and I do think down the line when my children are grown up I could be the mil. Time moves on very quickly and you’ll be in their shoes before you know it..
Also “button it “ if you want to see your grandkids. It’s just horrible and says a lot about that person .

@WhatASadLittleLifeJane

My MIL is a lovely woman.

We got a baby paddling pool for my son for when it gets sunny again and I told my MIL who said, 'just make sure you don't leave him on his own in the pool' erm, yeah no shit MIL he is six months old you nutter 😂

The thing is, it's really hard not to say things when it comes to safety. Even when you're 99.9% certain that the mother will know these things. Because as a grandparent you're almost as terrified of anything happening to your grandchild add the mother is. And you know you'd never forgive yourself if something happened and you hadn't said anything.

I tie myself in knots trying not to say things like that to my daughter. Or finding ways to satisfy myself by bringing things into conversation without actually making it advice. Which I'm sure doesn't come across remotely as subtly as I hope!

@Spied

Mil constantly used to tell me DS (who at 9 weeks stopped breathing one evening) that he should be laid flat on his back ( no raised cot or anything) or he would have a curved spine. She also thought babies must be slathered in sudocreme after every change. Breastfeeding is a no in her opinion as it means she can't feed her grandchildren and take them to her house.

Sudocrem is a barrier cream so she's kind of right there. Not slathered though, just a very small amount where nappy rash can occur. I did this and my child never had nappy rash once

I just don’t agree that the advice some people got deserves the level of piss take tbh and I do think down the line when my children are grown up I could be the mil. Time moves on very quickly and you’ll be in their shoes before you know it..
Also “button it “ if you want to see your grandkids. It’s just horrible and says a lot about that person

Yes, that.
And actually your MIL does have some experience that's useful. Just as your mum does. Not everything to do with baby rearing has changed that much. Why assume that they know nothing just because they brought up your partner and not you?

What do you mean they aren't allowed solids until 6 months. That's child abuse. I might have to have a word with my dr. and see what he suggests...

Then when I weaned ds2 at 5.5 months... how dare you feed him solids before 6 months. That's not right. Its child abuse. I think you need some help...

You shouldn't make him eat what he's given. He's a child. If he doesn't like what you've made then you should make him something else...

Why do you cook a separate meal for ds1. He's a spoilt brat. (he's pescetarian so I make him alternative meals)

You can't let them play with dolls/have anything pink or purple. They'll end up gay...

She's totally batshit. I'm so glad she's an ex MIL.

My MIL is fantastic and does a lot for us, including some childcare. She thinks the world of our DC.

However our parenting style does differ from hers when she raised her children. She can be vocal about it and quite clear looks of disapproval.

She disapproves of any sugar whatsoever in their diet, along with white flour, many carbs etc. No white bread, white rice, white pasta. Definitely no chocolate/sweets/cakes.
Absolutely no screen time, etc.
Children shouldn't still be cuddled to sleep at the grand age of 2.
Children shouldn't be breastfed past 1.
Children certainly shouldn't be at nursery when you're at home - why have a cup of tea in the quiet after your shift when you can go and collect DC before afternoon snack time?
Children certainly shouldn't be fussed over if they fall and hurt themselves - brush it off. Nothing should be 'kissed better'.

She will certainly look disapproving and will often bring up things like the bedtime cuddles but as PP said above, it's easier to answer your own DM than your MIL. I deal with my DM, he deals with his. I will comfort my child as much as I see fit.

Most things just wash over me, apart from the disapproval of expressed breast milk in a bottle when I struggled to feed one of my children. That hurt.

In the interests of balance, my DM doesn't believe in demand feeding as they were taught to feed us to a schedule. or modern nappies ("there's nothing wrong with terries").

Different parenting styles.

@Boringnamechanging

My mother suggested I talk to my ds 3 about what he did in nursery when he came home.

Slightly perplexed as to why this is a strange thing to do?

@okiedokieme

Dm thought giving just a single purée was boring and they definitely needed a pudding too. After leaving dd for the night (first time) I returned to find her eating boiled eggs, toast with butter and a sippy cup of milky tea - she had never had eggs, dairy or wheat before (luckily she has no allergies and still loves tea). Apparently it's what I ate at 7 months

Sounds a reasonable tea for a 7 month old.

Admittedly the tea is a little unusual but toast and boiled eggs sounds fine.

My MIL is lovely, a bit strait laced for me but a lovely and caqring woman, great with my kids.

However her gem of advice was, for my 6 week old very chubby baby :

Leave her to cry, all that screaming and thrashing around might help her lose weight.

Unfortunately I ignored MIL and cuddled my daughter.

Although I get on with my mil she really grates on me at times! She has some very bizarre views which I usually take with a pinch of salt, however she has continually offended me over the past 8 years by insisting my brother is gay because my mum used air freshener!! (I know crazy! 😂)

Anyway, we have just had a baby girl who is 5 weeks old and she has again offered some strange advice which I have just let wash over me!

Baby needs to sleep in your bedroom until she is 5 years old! Just in case of sids.

I will pay for baby to have her jabs one at a time, rather than all together so it's less traumatic (we declined and explained we would rather have them in one go and her be grouchy once than serval times).

She bought some herbal medicine and insists we give it to baby daily to stop her getting poorly (she's 5 weeks old, so we will not use this)

What can I buy the baby? I said to choose some outfits or baby toys as we have everything big. She then asked if we would like a sheepskin rug and my dh said no we don't like them, one arrived in the post a week later!

We both wind baby too hard (she has colic) and should just move her arm up and down to bring up wind 😂

My husband shouldn't cuddle baby as his stubble will hurt baby!

I could go on... 🤣