Mother in laws guide to babies

[nervousnellyisnervous]

Looking for submissions for a mother in laws guide to parenting. Please post random things you didn't know about how to raise your baby.

Mine is - on a hot day I didn't put a vest under my baby's dress. And mother in law kindly said to my baby, are you poor, will mummy not allow you a vest?

Is this a thing? Am I supposed to have her in vests all the time? Even when hot?

Because I didn't know this... I would love parenting tips from everyone's mother in law, since they're the experts.

Mines my Gran and my great Aunt, they're OBSESSED with my daughter being cold, its all they talk about. Last summer when she was a newborn and we were sat in the garden, my daughter was asleep in her pram it was around 25 degrees out and full sunshine, my gran kept trying to slide a blanket on her while I wasn't looking. I never challenged them I just kept taking it off....to the tune of lots of huffing, tutting and side glancing. Luckily my mum is very good at keeping them in line, and whilst i've noticed my mum visibly doesn't understand the 'current advice' she respects its how I've been told to do things so goes.

I don't think its done out of malice (in most cases, I know there will be exceptions) It purely down to the fact that, that was how they were advised and that was the 'current advice' at the time their children were babies, they also got a lot of input from older female members of their families, rather than NCT groups, and mum friends and medical professionals, and so think its their role, I don't get offended by it, but I don't placate them either

@Daisychain1987 completely agree, some people need a sounding board, and some solidarity. People who don't wish to be a part of that don't have to participate in the thread, certainly don't have to come on and repeatedly tell those who do need to sound off how nasty they are!

@InfiniteSheldon your MIL sounds lovely, and supportive. Not everyone is as lucky as you are.

MIL. You do feeds during the week. Phone me if DH doesn’t do them at the weekend.
She checked he was doing weekend night time feeds.
She bought me a beautifully soft, cosy and warm blanket for when I was breastfeeding at night.
My MIL had 18 MCs before DH and no support only criticism so she was amazing when DD was born. No judgement just support and I love her so much for sending me for a long hot soak in the bath whilst she washed and hoovered.
She always asked how DD liked to be rocked,cuddled and snuggled so ‘ I can get it just right and how she likes it’.

My exmil told me my 3 ds's should never be naked or they would get sexual feelings..
Explains why her ds was such a failure at having a sexual relationship..
And no she never was used as childcare..

Both my mother and mother-in-law offered the same advice when DD had conjunctivitis, which was to squirt some breast milk into her eye...
I thought this was madness, but it worked! I was embarrassed to tell my health visitor, but she agreed with them.

@nervousnellyisnervous my MIL hinted heavily at elocutions lessons for me, l said great and we could get a 2 for 1 deal for me and DP. She didn’t seem to like that . I have a northern accent and he has an Essex accent, just because she is used to his accent, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one

I should put some brandy in the last bottle of the night

Worked for me. I can still remember the taste. Mmmmmm.

@ladymalfoy. She sounds an amazing MIL and grandparent.

MIL almost fainted when she saw me, at 8 months pregnant, reaching to get something down from a high shelf. Apparently, stretching your arms up high can cause the umbilical cord to strangle the baby

OMG @DramaAlpaca my Nan used to tell me not to lift my arms above my head to peg washing on the line every time we spoke on the phone. It’s so funny isn’t it... the idea that stretching upwards causes the umbilical cord to thrash around in there

Why only MILs?

Do women somehow automatically transform into nasty, stupid or ignorant people by dint of becoming a paternal grandmother? Or could it possibly be that a mother's advice is taken as well-meant and kind (however wrong it may be) whereas a mother in law's advice is always seen as interfering and critical.

My MIL was from another culture and different times and gave me some pretty wacky advice. e.g. babies who don't wear socks (in searing heat) will get ill, also never let your child sit on the floor or they will become infertile.

But I know she was doing it because she loved our dc. She wanted to show she cared and to protect them. It wasn't because she was a bad or nasty person.

My mum gave some fairly unwise advice too - why wouldn't it be ok to leave a 2 year old playing unsupervised near a garden pond was one of her better moments.

This thread could have been one of many about crazy parenting advice you've been given, but no, it's just about Mother in laws because Mother in laws, by their existence, are wrong.

Some weird posts on this thread. (Toast and boiled eggs are great weaning food). I agree with pp that a wider ‘unsolicited baby advice’ thread might have felt less bitchy. I’ve never had wacky advice from my mil but have had it from random bin men, woman in gp waiting room, a street drinker and an old lady in the park.

It is never too early to get chicken pox out of the way. I was told this when I didn't want to go to a family event when all the grandchildren were mixing and chicken pox was going about in the family and my baby was only two weeks old.

Totally agree with @Haffdonga

If you are a MIL, that is because one of your children has got married. Therefore you are a mother to one of the new parents. Therefore all this allegedly batshit advice is also coming from........a mother.

You should give them boiled tap water from a teaspoon from birth (even if your EBF). And don’t breastfeed in front of people - fuck off to that!

And one from FIL: you mustn’t expose them to sunlight so that They develop super night vision powers.

Constantly asking “Is she still feeding from you?” “She can’t need to eat again”
“Stop mollycoddling her and let her touch things” Said in the middle of this pandemic
“She’s going to be a fatty when she’s 5”
“Oh did your bad mum leave you in stained clothes? She’s such a bad mum isn’t she” (I was working it was DP who had DD this day)

And my favourite was feeding my CMPA DD chicken basted in butter and said it was fine because she peeled the skin off (didn’t tell me this till her partner let slip near the end of the meal and I’d reiterated 4 times no dairy or seasoning containing dairy) 48 hours of crying, cramping and a sore tummy later and she still offers cheese crisps every time I visit because “never heard of CMPA so I’d not trust the Dr on that”
No MIL is not used for free childcare.

Lol do I use MIL for free child care? No. They live two hours away and am offered very little support, but you're damn right I'd take it, I'd consider it a fair trade for the "advice".

Breastfeed your baby for 6 months exclusively, then for another 18 + months if you feel like it.
Co sleep if you're happy with this and it's the only way you all get some sleep
Carry the baby in a sling if they are crabby.
Get a parent facing buggy and talk to the child when your out and about, not ignore them play with your phone
Don't 'shut them up' with too much screen time
Don't smack your children, there are better ways of encouraging good behaviour.
If you can, give your children some of your time. Jobs will always be there, your toddler won't. If you can't financially do this, don't feel guilty, they will still love you. Remember whatever you decide, it's right. Don't feel guilty. Ever.

See the world through their eyes and wonder at it!
Treasure every moment of their tiny lives. They grow up so quickly.

Not all MiLs are domineering hags.

If you can't breastfeed, or don't want to, then don't. Should have qualified that. 😀

If you can't breastfeed, or don't want to, then don't. Should have qualified that. 😀

Apparently as my mil could not bf I shouldn't have either.
It wasn't fair on her ds.
.

Don’t breastfeed, it’s depriving your DH and grandparents of the opportunity to bond with the baby, and there’s no reason to do it so it’s just selfish.

When I raised your DH, he was only allowed to say no to 2 vegetables, and he had to eat everything else (DH barely touches vegetables now! And was also about 10 when this bargain was made, not 2....)

Don’t be nervous about holding, feeding, or playing with my baby just because my sil ripped you apart for fairly minor mistakes. I love you and trust you.

My favourites from mil were:
'I didn't know babies moved so much! Aren't you worried she'll hurt herself? I swaddled mine for 6 months and only let them out to change or bath them'

And ' you're having how long off work?! I took a week and it was more than enough!' - she said as her son, my dh, just kind of shrugged... he was in NICU for 4 months and it turns out his mum visited once a week then basically left him swaddled in a pram for 6 months with very little interaction because 'babies need to know the world doesn't revolve around them' 😳 it explains so much about dhs family dynamics.

Very little contact for a few years now and that baby is 5 now, when dc was born o got a text from MIL: 'what day was he born?' And that was it. Clearly she has no more wisdom to pass on.

My mum said there was no goodness in baby milk it was too thin and I need to add a couple more scoops . I was fed on watered down carnation milk because my grandma said it would help me sleep