Mother in laws guide to babies

[nervousnellyisnervous]

Looking for submissions for a mother in laws guide to parenting. Please post random things you didn't know about how to raise your baby.

Mine is - on a hot day I didn't put a vest under my baby's dress. And mother in law kindly said to my baby, are you poor, will mummy not allow you a vest?

Is this a thing? Am I supposed to have her in vests all the time? Even when hot?

Because I didn't know this... I would love parenting tips from everyone's mother in law, since they're the experts.

'I've made sure she's eating well, she's eaten the same as me so it's all good stuff, all low fat and sugar free!'

-and I was wondering why my 18month old wasn't gaining much weight!

My MIL left my hungry bf son screaming and didn't give him the expressed milk I'd left because "It hadn't been four hours". They were trying to distract him with the ceiling lights instead until it was time.

I get some weird comments re breastfeeding ('don't you just feel like a cow?' being the front runner!) and some 'interesting' food advice (wean at 6 weeks, don't bother with veg as he won't like it, give him bottles and stick a rusk in) Oh and also from 6 weeks I should have put dh in his own room, left him to cry and should have been regularly leaving him with 'anyone who'll have him' and not doing this is making him clingy... We're 6 months in now and it has calmed down a little as she can see he is a big, healthy, happy baby, but I'm sure more gems will be thrown our way before too long!

Said by MIL to DH:

'Watch out, if you pick her up every time she cries you'll end up spoiling her and making a rod for your own back'

DD was 1.5 weeks old at the time.

When she was sleeping through the night at 4 months - "oh, maybe you could just wake her up in the night for a feed". No thanks, I've spent the last 4 months getting up every 2 f*cking minutes.

My mil mocked the new fangled toys we brought along when ds was a baby and insisted he loved her cork coasters much more. Every time he grabbed for a toy she replaced it with a manky coaster... Odd woman.

@DodgeRainClouds

“Surely that baby can’t be hungry AGAIN” Every single time I breastfed my baby.

Lol mine is the opposite.. apparently my formula fed baby was starved and hypothermic because he wasnt breastfed and I kept him on a feeding "schedule"..

@Fivebyfive2

I get some weird comments re breastfeeding ('don't you just feel like a cow?' being the front runner!) and some 'interesting' food advice (wean at 6 weeks, don't bother with veg as he won't like it, give him bottles and stick a rusk in) Oh and also from 6 weeks I should have put dh in his own room, left him to cry and should have been regularly leaving him with 'anyone who'll have him' and not doing this is making him clingy... We're 6 months in now and it has calmed down a little as she can see he is a big, healthy, happy baby, but I'm sure more gems will be thrown our way before too long!

My mum made these comments to me, as she never breastfed and so didn’t have a clue (but didn’t want to admit it).

The only advice mil gave me was not to give up too early as it can be difficult at the beginning - which encouraged me to keep going, strangely enough.

MIL- I do hope you will use Michaels cot and mattress!!!
Why do you need a baby monitor?
Weaning = 12lbs or 12 weeks!
... I could go on and on....

"Oh darling. Why aren't you sleeping" is it because you don't love mummy and want to be with grandma" Baby was 3 days old

"Oh darling. Why aren't you sleeping" is it because you don't love mummy and want to be with grandma" Baby was 3 days old

@Boringnamechanging

My mother suggested I talk to my ds 3 about what he did in nursery when he came home.

I ask my nearly two year old what he did at nursery on the way home every time he goes - is that not normal?!

No issues with MIL here, but from my stepmum:

It’s absolutely ridiculous that I might not want strangers to come up and touch my baby, and that I liked visitors to wash their hands before holding my newborn

It’s crazy to wait until 6m to wean

Put newborn in his own room from day one

It’s madness that blinds companies hand their cords up high to avoid kids strangling themselves, ‘just teach him not to go near them’

‘He can’t possibly be hungry again, he only ate an hour ago’ when I went to nurse my hungry baby

Many other things... actually culminated in a massive argument when baby was two months old as I didn’t feel comfortable having him passed around a room full of strangers at a family party, I ended up pretty much exploding and telling her I get that she has more experience parenting than us but we’re doing our best and to please stop with the rude unasked for criticism because we’re entitled to parent our own way without being got at constantly. She hasn’t said anything since.

My mother suggested I talk to my ds 3 about what he did in nursery when he came home.

This is bizarre, what’s wrong with talking to a 3yr old about their day?

he was in NICU for 4 months and it turns out his mum visited once a week then basically left him swaddled in a pram for 6 months with very little interaction because 'babies need to know the world doesn't revolve around them'

Dear god Makes me think of a parenting doc I watched yonks ago which looked at different parenting gurus from the past. One of them was called Truby-King. His methods were barbaric by today’s standards. Had MIL taken that on board by any chance?

The key to the Truby King method was to feed babies by the clock every four hours and preferably never at night - stoically ignoring demands for sustenance in between.
He recommended placing babies in their own rooms immediately and leaving them in the garden for long periods to toughen them up. He also imposed a 10-minute daily cap on cuddles.
Parenting was about routine and discipline. The formative months were for eating, sleeping and growing - not bonding.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22397457

Your birth was easier than mine. Let me tell you about my births...
We were told 20 minutes on each breast.
Are you sure she's hungry?
It's good for them to cry.

The posters asking about the advice to talk to them about nursery and commenting that it's normal, I think that that's the point.

I assume that the poster felt that the advice and the idea that she'd not thought to actually ask her child about it's day was patronising.

"Have you tried leaving him when he cries instead of picking him up?" when he was two days old.

"Aren't you going to feed him jars?" (Nothing wrong with jars/pouches, I used both, but this was genuine incredibility at any homemade food (mashed carrot).

"Well, SIL (MIL daughter) says that children have to read BOOKS ['books' said slowly and clearly as if I'm ancient or hard of hearing]. So she'll always buy him BOOKS."

@cptartapp

My MIL left my hungry bf son screaming and didn't give him the expressed milk I'd left because "It hadn't been four hours". They were trying to distract him with the ceiling lights instead until it was time.

I had this too with my mother, wouldn't feed him because the magic four hours hadn't passed.

@ladymalfoy How lovely!

Most of the advice MILs seem to be giving out is what they were told to do, and at least one of their dcs seems to have survived their parenting. Be kind, you might end up being a MIL one day.

I was breastfeeding little one and MIL looked at me and then said to DH (her son):

‘It’s funny isn’t it. You used to suck my breasts like that once. Now I suppose it’s Dancing’s breasts that you suck’

I mean WTF!

I know it’s not advice per-se... the advice isn’t much better tho!

This is the nastiest thread I've ever seen on mumsnet. And I presume some of you are mothers of boys. Good luck in the future.

I am a far better mother than I would ever have been without the example of my wonderful mother in law. She taught me (without ever giving me advice) about love, warmth, tolerance and acceptance. She loved me and adored her grandchildren. And I adored her too.

My DIL's first child, we were out for a walk, she said my God it's great to have a walk without the constant keep him warm, don't let him get cold, keep him out of the wind. Not from me, from her mum.
This is quite a nasty thread, I hope all you daughters-in-law and mothers of sons get the DILs you deserve.
Karma is lovely
My advice to my daughter-in-law is None, they are her babies not mine. If I'm asked I'll find a response but she's a brilliant mum, probably better than I was.
I love her and I will be eternally grateful that my son is married to her. I brought him up and I trust his judgment.
Single mum here too.

I've been reading through this like "oh, that's so my mum!". Haha.

@DancingKoala Loooooooooool 😂😂😂