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Original poster

No judgement please I already feel like the worse parent in the world right now

121 replies

Mumof2babies · 09/07/2020 08:49

This morning I was due to get paid from UC partner works full time so we just get the child element for 2 children as we cant claim child tax where we live it's been rolled over onto uc I checked the bank and there was literally 62p in my account I rang the bank and they said that it had been taken for bank charges because a few things had gone unpaid last month (car tax mainly) I wasnt aware that the car tax was trying to come out a few times because we had sold the car so informed the dvla that we didnt have the car anymore so I don't know why they still tried to take payments
Partner isn't due to get paid for another week so was relying on the money from uc to get some food shopping and nappies etc for the newborn as it currently stands we have literally 2 pizzas a few fish fingers and a few tins of beans in the house nothing else I'm out of bread milk etc also running very low on nappies and baby formula I probably have enough formula for 3 bottles and about 6 nappies left! I messaged my mum this morning explained the situation and asked if she could lend us £100 until payday because she has always said if we need help then to ask but she just replied with a straight no and she hasnt said anything to me since I really dont know what to do I dont have anyone else I can ask and partners family live in Ireland so we cant ask them either I just feel like a complete failure Sad there really isn't much point in the post I just need to vent somewhere or than to my partner because hes already worrying enough as it is

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 09/07/2020 08:51

Ask for a referral to a food bank. If you only have 62p to feed a family of four you're obviously in a desparate situation

Finfintytint · 09/07/2020 08:51

Can you get a referral to the food bank?

Cheesecakejar · 09/07/2020 08:52

I'm sorry you are in this situation, it's utterly shit. Can you get a referral to a food bank? Phone the bank/go in and explain the situation, see if there is anything they can do? Reverse the charges until your partner gets paid? They have some flexibility but I have no personal experience.

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Isadora2007 · 09/07/2020 08:53

Food banks don’t need referrals now. Just go to one. Contact UC for an emergency payment.

Cheesecakejar · 09/07/2020 08:53

MAY* have some flexibility, key word missing there, sorry.

Livingoffcoffee · 09/07/2020 08:54

I'm sorry OP that must be really stressful. Get the car tax refunded. But in the meantime, can you ask your partner's family for a small loan? Just because they are in Ireland, they could transfer you some money to get you through?

But if not, get a referral to a food bank. There are charities set up to help people in your situation.

Bridecilla · 09/07/2020 08:54

Your partner's family can still send money from Ireland?

Doyouwantanothercuppa · 09/07/2020 08:54

Ring the bank again. They should clearly see its money from the DWP and they aren’t supposed to use benefit payments to pay bank charges.

LoisLittsLover · 09/07/2020 08:55

Ask on your local facebay/community groups. I have nappies that I'm stretching round dd to use up but would be happy to donate them.

Ohshitx · 09/07/2020 08:56

First have a cup of tea, and make a meal plan. Then phone UC and ask for a budgeting loan of whatever you need to buy the stuff you need, don’t ask for more than you need because you need to pay it back. Write it in your journal and your advisor can get back to you that way. Phone the bank as well and see if they can refund the charges until next week.

I’m sorry your in this situation 😫

hedgehogger1 · 09/07/2020 08:56

Get back on to the bank and explain the situation. Do you have unnecessary expenses you could reduce? I think you'd be better on the money saving expert forums

Tiny2018 · 09/07/2020 08:58

Food bank, request an advance from UC and call the DVLA, you should be entitled to the tax back from after the date the car was sold.

stairgates · 09/07/2020 08:58

I agree, do you have a local facebook group you can post on, I currently have nappies under the stairs which I would be happy to give somebody who needed them, mums and dads rally together when we are needed, plus I seem to have a bit of a stash of tomato soup?:)

MandosHatHair · 09/07/2020 08:59

Do you already claim healthy start vouchers? It will probably take a while to process your claim but in the future it can help towards the cost of formula www.healthystart.nhs.uk/healthy-start-vouchers/how-to-apply/online-application-form/

Peasbewithyou · 09/07/2020 08:59

Oh no OP that is awful! Defo get down to a food bank and explain. I would also call the bank and DVLA. If those charges were taken in error they should refund them ASAP!! Or maybe the bank can give you a temporary overdraft or something?!

Re the newborn. How hold is he or her? Would you consider giving breastfeeding a go so you don’t need to worry about buying formula or bottles? It is possible to get back to the breast even after you have stopped. Might be worth a try. There are lots of resources to help if you are interested (totally understand you might not want to).

Really hope you manage to get things sorted!!

Louise91417 · 09/07/2020 09:00

Banks will sometimes waive bank charges if you ask...worth ringing them back and see if they can do anything to help..

LovingLola · 09/07/2020 09:00

Can your dp ask his employer for an advance on his wages?

gamerchick · 09/07/2020 09:01

Ring the bank again. They should clearly see its money from the DWP and they aren’t supposed to use benefit payments to pay bank charges

Yeah, I thought that as well.

Definitely claim a refund for the car tax. Ask family on Ireland to transfer money or maybe you're bloke can. It's not all your responsibility and go to a food bank.

Original poster
Mumof2babies · 09/07/2020 09:03

We dont qualify for healthy start vouchers because partner earns too much... uc also deduct money from our child element for wages earned I've rang and asked for an advance payment but they're saying there isn't any available and theres nothing they can do about it I'm going to ring the bank again and seeing I can get the charges refunded but unsure if they will

OP posts:
ICouldBeTheOne · 09/07/2020 09:07

You can transfer money from banks in Ireland so ask his family.

Livingoffcoffee · 09/07/2020 09:07

Also second (and third) what others have said about posting on local Facebook groups. Especially now people are rallying to help. I'm sure there would be people happy to donate some nappies, wipes, formula.

Spam88 · 09/07/2020 09:07

Speak to your health visitor - they can sign post you towards resources than can help, and do a food back referral (if they're needed atm).

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/07/2020 09:10

Was the car tax taken via direct debit? If so you can dispute the payment and under the Direct Debit Guarantee the bank has to refund you the money while it investigates.

ResumetonormalASAP · 09/07/2020 09:23

I am so sorry you are finding it hard. I really hope things improve and you are not the worse parent in the world - far, far from it.

Follow the advice others have suggested.

Sandii · 09/07/2020 09:25

What area are you in ? Possibly a mum on here could help if they live nearby ? I would if l do !