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No judgement please I already feel like the worse parent in the world right now

121 replies

Mumof2babies · 09/07/2020 08:49

This morning I was due to get paid from UC partner works full time so we just get the child element for 2 children as we cant claim child tax where we live it's been rolled over onto uc I checked the bank and there was literally 62p in my account I rang the bank and they said that it had been taken for bank charges because a few things had gone unpaid last month (car tax mainly) I wasnt aware that the car tax was trying to come out a few times because we had sold the car so informed the dvla that we didnt have the car anymore so I don't know why they still tried to take payments
Partner isn't due to get paid for another week so was relying on the money from uc to get some food shopping and nappies etc for the newborn as it currently stands we have literally 2 pizzas a few fish fingers and a few tins of beans in the house nothing else I'm out of bread milk etc also running very low on nappies and baby formula I probably have enough formula for 3 bottles and about 6 nappies left! I messaged my mum this morning explained the situation and asked if she could lend us £100 until payday because she has always said if we need help then to ask but she just replied with a straight no and she hasnt said anything to me since I really dont know what to do I dont have anyone else I can ask and partners family live in Ireland so we cant ask them either I just feel like a complete failure Sad there really isn't much point in the post I just need to vent somewhere or than to my partner because hes already worrying enough as it is

OP posts:
ForeverBubblegum · 09/07/2020 12:53

Fish fingers and beans for dinner and pizza for tea, not the healthiest but it gives you until tomorrow to sort something. Would you consider improvising cloth nappies for day time use (terry style) and saving the disposables you have for night? Lots of supermarkets will also supply nappies in there change area, I've seen either packets left out, or a sign saying to ask if needed. Won't solve things, but will buy you a bit more time.

Keep trying the health visitor, she will be best placed to signpost to other services. There will almost certainly be a food bank covering your area, even if the nearest location has closed for CV19, something will have been put in place. There may also be more spercific parent/baby charities who can help with formula/ nappies.

As pp have said, check any point cards you have (clubcard, boots, m&s, anything will help get you through). And anywhere you might have left money/spare change, it all adds up.

Do you have any friends with babies? Even if they can't lend money they might be able lo share nappies or formula. Or your mum if you can all go round for tea? She might be will to help by giving food, even if she won't/ can't give money.

How old is your older child? Is their school age (even if not attending right now) ring the school and ask if they can provide emergency school lunch (packlunch to collect).

Alfiemoon1 · 09/07/2020 13:11

I though foodbanks were still doing delivery
Do you have any loyalty points boots etc you could use
Anything you could sell on Facebook
Also look on Facebook local ads I see people all the time giving away nappies and formula

Blownaway1 · 09/07/2020 13:15

What have they said about the UC payment that was meant to have gone in this morning?

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mnahmnah · 09/07/2020 13:16

Have you got anything at all you can sell on Facebook marketplace? People will buy and pick up the same day often and it’s amazing what people will buy from you

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 09/07/2020 13:20

I have access to food bank info. If you pm me with your rough location I can check for a contact email address/phone number/opening times.

They are open. Many are still delivering rather than letting you come to them.

Wolfgirrl · 09/07/2020 13:26

If you are a regular in your corner shop, can you ask them to front you the basics? Just milk, bread, formula and nappies? Do you have a local fb group?

Wolfgirrl · 09/07/2020 13:28

Can you tell us which area you live in? If close to me I have formula and nappies you can have.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/07/2020 13:29

Our food banks are closed to people calling in but are delivering instead. Give them a ring.

Blingismything · 09/07/2020 13:30

Look in bags, coat pockets, down the back of the sofa for cash. Have the children got moneyboxes with cash in? Can you sell anything on facebook? Anything you can take back for a refund? Can you go to a supermarket to get yellow label reductions if you get any cash? Get a temporary overdraft? Regarding the foodbank the local church should know if there is one in operation.

Strawberrypancakes · 09/07/2020 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yankathebear · 09/07/2020 13:36

We sold a bike on marketplace earlier this week and got 8 people interested in 5 minutes. It sold for a good price as apparently people are desperate for bikes/exercise equipment at the moment.
Anything you can sell to keep you going until you get paid?

gamerchick · 09/07/2020 13:37

Give your bloke a bell. He has to finish work at some point and he can go and sort out a food parcel.

Nat6999 · 09/07/2020 13:38

Complain to your bank, if you don't regularly go overdrawn they should refund your charges. Once this is over, shop around for another bank account, I just have a no frills basic account that just gives me a debit card & allows DD & standing orders, no overdraft but it doesn't allow me to go overdrawn.

SquishySquirmy · 09/07/2020 13:47

Many food banks have switched to a delivery service during the pandemic as the usual drop in centres are closed. They can still help though!

There are smaller ones as well as the larger ones - often run by churches etc (but you don't have to be religious to be helped). If you Google you might find one local to you?

I volunteer with one and we try to meet requests for nappies, certain food items as much as possible (depends on our stocks). Deliveries are not every day though so best contact sooner rather than later.

Also, do you have a Boots card or similar? Might there be enough points for a small pack of nappies? They also do milk etc.

I know that wouldn't help with petrol but it would be something at least.

Do you keep coins in the car? I know it's a cliche to look "down the back of the sofa" but in our house change collects in weird places... near the washing machine (where pockets are emptied), in coat pockets, at the bottom of handbags etc... worth checking anyway to see if there's enough to buy something until the food bank can help.

Smithtylater · 09/07/2020 14:13

Call your local council...they are helping vulnerable people.
If you are in South London /Surrey i have 3 tins of aptamil unopened and several packs of nappies, also have baby food pouches and wipes i am happy to give you. Message me if this helps.

Mumof2babies · 09/07/2020 14:43

I've managed to get something sorted now ...thankyou for advice etc post can be closed now please

OP posts:
Yankathebear · 09/07/2020 14:55

@Mumof2babies glad it’s sorted. Report your post and ask them to remove it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/07/2020 15:20

Look into complain about the attempts to take payment that have caused you to have bank charges. It's definitely worth trying.

madmumofteens · 09/07/2020 16:15

So glad you got something sorted OP definitely complain about the bank charges take care and good luck 💐

ButteryPuffin · 09/07/2020 18:11

Why does it need to be closed or deleted? There are suggestions others might find helpful.

moveoverhogger · 09/07/2020 19:19

Call your bank, they have to allow you to withdraw benefits.

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