When do you get your evenings back?

[exhausted89]

My DS is 10 weeks old. He’s usually a good sleeper at night, either waking for just one feed between 11pm and 6am or sleeping through entirely.

The problem is, I can’t get him to sleep in his cot during the evenings (7pm to 11pm). He will sleep, but only in the sling with me or DH.

Can anyone suggest how I can get him to sleep in his cot for those four hours? I love DS to bits but am feeling so exhausted and am struggling with having so little time to myself.

Also, is it realistic to hope for my evenings back at this early age?

He's still really young. Once my daughter went in her own room at 7 months we got our evenings back. Although 90% of the time we go and sit in bed to watch telly anyway lol

My nearly 3yo has never gone to sleep before 11pm. Every single evening is spent reading stories and playing with cars or building blocks. I don’t remember the last time I was allowed to watch tv. If yours is like mine you don’t get your evenings back. That’s the reason why I won’t be having another child - parenting round the clock is too much to cope with.

We got ours in bed at 7 by about 2 months. Trade off was he got up at 5.45/6am. But we got our evening.

He's always been at the low end of the amount of sleep suggested. No he's 2 though and doesn't go to bed until 8.30/9pm and still gets up at 5,45. So we only get a few hours

Young babies absolutely do exist that sleep through off their own bat at a young age!!

Mine started doing longer stints around 7 hours without waking at 7 weeks.

Then one night at 11 weeks exactly he slept completely through until 8am! We thought oh what a lucky fluke that was a nice night but he then did it every night since!!

It was absolutely nothing we did, just luck.

We didn't put him to bed until around 9pm though.

Are you putting him to bed too early OP?

If it's any consolidation my son has always been such hard work during the day, it's his saving grace his nighttime sleeping!!

*consolation

Do people with seemingly insomniac teens wait until they're asleep before going to bed? My 12 year old DS doesn't seem to be able to sleep before midnight or later these days (no tech or screens, they all go away early eve) and I'm getting so tired lately going to bed so late.

I think about a year, maybe slightly younger.

OP are you really struggling? If so, ignore the dickheads on here and please take it seriously. As I mentioned upthread, please get all the support you can (getting more help might've prevented the dreadful mental health issues I developed at your stage)

If you teach them how to self settle and are consistent with bedtime routine then from when they're 4 or 5.

Not popular on here but I followed GF and our baby went to bed at 7pm every single night from the day we got home from hospital... I guess it was mainly luck but he self settled and I've always had 'evenings' to myself ... until he became a teenager .

My two are teens now but we had a bath, feed and bedtime routine around 6.30 or 7ish from a couple of months old. I was quite strict on this and really didn't deviate so it restricted us in hindsight and they never slept through the night but I loved those few hours especially if it was a tough day. I think routine is key and try to differentiate day feeding to night. Before bed and after bath time is was straight into a darkened quiet room which helped

If they are already sleeping for a good chunk of the night, there's hope OP! DS was more or less the same, wouldn't be put down from 7pm to 11pm, but after a feed and a change would sleep through. At about 4 months he started sleeping from 7pm to 7am in his cot, I'd often sit upstairs and read. He is 7 now, and bar the odd night he has carried on sleeping through. It really depends, and it's luck. If you are struggling when he is a bit older (but no reason that would be the case neccessarily), then there are gentle sleep methods if you're comfortable with those. Especially when he was a toddler having 7pm onwards to myself was invaluable.

get one of those cots you put on the side of the bed and then go to bed with him at that time.

There is so much martyrdom and criticism on this thread. No bloody wonder so many new mums find it hard to ask for help. It matters not one jot whether other people sat with their babies in their arms until they were 21, this isn’t what the OP wants.

OP I have no practical advice but keep on trying and it will come. I think someone up thread suggested you and your DH take separate nights, not ideal but it will give you some time.

It does get easier and of course you get some time back when they are older.

Mine were both reliably down around 7pm by 10 weeks... but neither slept through before 18 months (by which I mean from 7pm until I was happy to wake for the day). Ds2 did sleep from 10am to 5am occasionally around 3 months to 5 months but we ended up at sleep school when he was 11 months old as while he was in bed by 7pm he was waking twice between midnight and 6am! (I’m overseas and there are 4-day sleep schools here where you can go to do gentle sleep training with support from nurses... it’s great!). I think it’s rare to have a baby go to bed at 7 or 8 and have them sleep well through the whole night until they are close to 1 (or 2 in many of my friends’ dcs cases!).

What we did to get our dc to be reliably asleep around 7 was a solid routine from around 7 weeks (bath, feed, bed) and then either patting them on their tummy until the slept (they did cry a bit when put down but not hysterically and we stayed with them patting), playing white noise or feeding to sleep and transferring them over. For dc1 the feeding to sleep stopped for naps at 4 months and for bedtime at 8 months (he just stopped and started being able to doze off himself... still didn’t sleep through though!). Dc2 was more of a pat to sleep baby. It did take perseverance and didn’t happen overnight but we just stayed with them patting.

There seem to be a lot of women on this thread in competition for the mother of the year award. Id personally hate to be slept on for hours at a time. As I said up thread, find a routine that suits your baby and stick to it.

Is there a reason for the face?

@PatricksRum You honestly don’t have an inkling? Like seriously?

To all the posters who have left constructive and kind replies - thank you!

I have to say, I think “trend” is a strange word to use OP. Would you rather people being able to share their difficult experiences was just a passing fad, and that we all go back to keeping quiet and struggling in silence? If you don’t want to read any more about people finding it hard, then maybe just don’t click on those threads. Sorry for the rant - I just don’t want anyone who is finding it difficult to feel like they’re tiresome or a burden.

Oooops - wrong thread!

Haha. I know which thread you intended to reply to and I totally agree with you! :)